I'll Never Get Past My Depression, Will I

Originally posted by LastStarfighter

Originally posted by rickymouse
Your a teacher, stuck in a room full of kids all day....I'd be suicidal

Its worse now because she's on summer break with more time on her hands to think

This is true, actually. Which is why I wouldn't let my doctor take me out of work for disability.

Luckily, my mother-in-law has my husband, son, and I drive her across the country to visit distant relatives. I think I'll actually only be home maybe three weeks this summer in total...and a lot of those days I have workshops and seminars to attend.

Summer is usually fun but stressful in a different way. By the time August rolls around, I'm ready to resume the routine of school.

Originally posted by rickymouse
Your a teacher, stuck in a room full of kids all day....I'd be suicidal

Try a molybdenum supplement but ask your doctor if it will interfere with your meds first. 150 percent RDA may help. Some multivitamins have this much.

edit on 28-5-2013 by rickymouse because: (no reason given)

I'll ask when I go back next week.

I'm still really, really angry about the Seroquel. I feel tricked. May be time to find a new doctor, again. I just hate doing that when I have, or had, a good rapport with this one. A new doc requires explaining everything all over again...and that's painful in its own way.

I've been taking the liposomal vitamin c. I've also tried to follow some of your advice from earlier, it's slow going but I'm determined. Medicine isn't helping me, maybe a different diet will. So thank you for all the advice you gave.

Originally posted by Pinke
It's called depression. Not ungrateful-moron-syndrome.

Best post on the thread - IMHO.

There are differences between clinical depression .. PTSD ... and just being sad or stuck in a mood .. and general unhappiness. I'm seeing a lot of bad advice on this thread. Well meaning. But bad advice. To the OP .. be careful.

Hi Smylee, I haven't read through all of the replies but I know a couple people have touched on this. Have you tried some sort of exercise program? There's so many benefits...and not just on a superficial level.

For example, the practice of Yoga teaches us to live in the present moment without being judgemental of ourselves or others. Martial Arts teaches us discipline and focus. Even an hour training session at the gym or taking a Zumba class can lead to a lifestyle change.

At worst it's a distraction from the norm...get your mind off of things for a while. At best it's an immersion into a new way of thinking, a new way of life and a change for the better. The potential is there in all of us. All we have to do is find the will to unlock it.

I wish all you the best.

Roma Sempre

reply to post by smyleegrl


Oh sweetheart, It does get better! You have such a big heart, and a beautiful mind.
I too have suffered some severe depression, and pulled myself out with the help of my family. It sounds like you have their love and support from many of your other posts. Let them love you, because you are lovable!!

There are always good days and bad, sometimes the bad seems like a bottomless pit, but it really isn't. Now that school is out enjoy your time with your son. I have found for me personally that my babies, my gardens and the great outdoors have always been a balm on a weary soul. Find somewhere to reconnect, something that makes your heart sing, if even just for a moment.

We need more people like you in this world!!! You seem to have such a passion for the little ones, and such a huge heart. Don't let the crazy world we live in steal that from you!!

Sending you smiles, hugs and rainbows from Alaska!!! You are loved!!!
Be well Smyleegirl!!!

Originally posted by RomaSempre
Hi Smylee, I haven't read through all of the replies but I know a couple people have touched on this. Have you tried some sort of exercise program? There's so many benefits...and not just on a superficial level.

For example, the practice of Yoga teaches us to live in the present moment without being judgemental of ourselves or others. Martial Arts teaches us discipline and focus. Even an hour training session at the gym or taking a Zumba class can lead to a lifestyle change.

At worst it's a distraction from the norm...get your mind off of things for a while. At best it's an immersion into a new way of thinking, a new way of life and a change for the better. The potential is there in all of us. All we have to do is find the will to unlock it.

I wish all you the best.

Roma Sempre

I swear I read somewhere that one hour of strenuous exercise had the same effect on the brain as a standard dose of anti-depressant -- without all the bad side effects. It certainly can't hurt.

reply to post by RomaSempre


Right now my exercise is walking with my family after dinner, in the evening. It's not enough though. I've got a cardio/strength training video set I've used before that I really like called The Firm. And with summer here my family will be outside a lot more hiking, swimming, and the like.

I tried yoga once and loved it. Unfortunately, the instructor teaches classes an hour away (the school paid for her to give the teachers a workout on one of our workdays). I've thought about getting a DVD or using YouTube but would that be as effective?

It would be awesome if I could find a family yoga where my son and I could do it together. I think he'd enjoy it. My husband? I can hear him now...he'd wait in the car.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Seek refuge in meditation.

Meditation is the key to learning happiness in this life.

I used to be on antipsychotics, antidepressants, anxiety medication. I used to cry for no reason, feel the pain of the entire earth for no reason. My body and soul grew heavy, and it became too much to bear, that even the idea of suicide felt like it was the only way to relieve the pain permanently.

Through meditation I have been born anew. I no longer know of suffering as I used to. I am happy, I am in love with all things.

Ask yourself this, has medication, or any treatment offered by 'experts' have been really effective in undoing the torment of your mind?

Meditation is not only documented throughout the ages as being a way to bring peace and happiness to ones life, but recently, it has shown that it actually changes the configuration of your brain. It effects the areas that are responsible for happiness and well being. It grows them out. Someone who is depressed or psychotic always has these same areas decreased in their capacity.

It wont be easy though, and it will take dedication. But so does living in a tormented state. So in a way, it does not take any more dedication than you have right now, but it will bear sweet fruits instead of rotten ones.

I had to create an account finally after all my years here because of your thread.

I was in the depression/suicidal tendencies pit for years and felt every bit of what you have conveyed here, just add in many suicide attempts. I refused to take the so called depression Rx's and was so done with life that I had nothing to lose in trying even absurd things to try to save myself. The child I raised did some serious researching online and sent me some information. I have been dealing with multiple chemical sensitivities for decades, so what he found by researching was a non-toxic possibility. And I am not exaggerating when I say " I found a real miracle" and within 2 weeks I was feeling less battles in my head and the suicidal thoughts stopped. And that was 3 years ago and I've never had to deal with the horrible disease of depression again, nor one single thought that plagued me for numerous years dealing with depression.

What was it that totally cured my major depression...colloidal gold. Cheaper than most prescriptions and has been around since the Egyptians. What it does is repair synapses in your brain. And depression kills positive thoughts and ramps up the negative depressive thought supply.

Ever since my "miracle" happened, I've felt an importance to at least try to help somebody, anybody, who is in that living HELL of depression to just give this a try, as I know used properly it is a guaranteed result. I had tried numerous different colloidal golds when I started it, and I will say there are some better than others and one that was by far superior. I used 100ppm colloidal gold. I wish I could tell you which place I got the best colloidal gold at, but I am pretty sure that's a no-no.

Please, just research this product. And if you, like me, feel like you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain, give it a shot. Your family would love to have the real you back, and this brought me back to mine.

FYI I've not had to take one sip of the colloidal gold for almost 2 years now. It is a remedy that you taper off. I took 3 gulps a day when first taking it and eventually 2, then 1 gulp/ Eventually I took a swig every other day, eventually one sip a month,then once every three months until I didn't need it any more. Fixed synapses was my cure.

Good Luck and I'll be hoping for your climb out of the darkness.

reply to post by preludefanguy


I've been meditating for awhile now. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. Any advice?

reply to post by smyleegrl


Walking is good...especially with your family. If you want to change it up try walking some hills or racing your son for 40 yards a few times while you're out. Who cares who wins. The idea is to make it more of an interval workout. Also, don't worry if you think it's not enough. Some exercise is always better than no exercise.

As far as the Yoga thing goes, I've never heard of a family studio but with it becoming more mainstream I'm sure there's places around that will allow children. Another thing to look into is if you liked that particular instructor maybe he/she could be contracted out to teach a class for you. For example, if you and four other teachers at your school pool together $10 per person that would be $50 a class for the instructor. That's not a bad rate. All you would need is a few participants and a place to practice.

Good luck!

I didn't read all the thread because I read enough of the usual rubbish on the 1st page in the normal "snap out of it" mould...

I'm suffering badly too at the moment, I think a lot of people underestimate the effects of depression. Depression is as much a physical illness as it is mental. Sometimes I'm that depressed I can barely lift my arms so all this nonsense about "exercise" is about as useful as a chocolate fireguard.

I've been suffering for years with depression, I think mine was triggered intially by a kind of P.T.S.D and then later reinforced by a bad experience, followed by another and another...

I've no hopes, no dreams, nothing has colour any more and I look forward to nothing.

It's interesting what you said about "feeling too much and yet feeling so little". It's so very true, I feel like a zombie and feel nothing and yet, I feel so down... I guess a feeling of being in prison in my own body, it's frustrating.

I ended up eventually in hospital on 15 minute suicide watch, meaning that a nurse would check me every 15 minutes to basically see if I was still breathing.

So, the best advice I can give you is this... roll with it, don't let the bad days upset you, if you feel down ALLOW yourself the time to feel that way, don't beat yourself up over it. If you feel you need to lock yourself away and hibernate, do so. Understand that you are ill and allow your brain to heal itself in the way it feels is best.. if that means crying, cry.. if it means screaming, scream, if it means staying in bed all day, do it.

In short, don't punish yourself for feeling depressed.

Thankfully I'm stubborn as hell, I wont give in however painful it seems to be.

Originally posted by Mister_Bit
I didn't read all the thread because I read enough of the usual rubbish on the 1st page in the normal "snap out of it" mould...

I'm suffering badly too at the moment, I think a lot of people underestimate the effects of depression. Depression is as much a physical illness as it is mental. Sometimes I'm that depressed I can barely lift my arms so all this nonsense about "exercise" is about as useful as a chocolate fireguard.

I've been suffering for years with depression, I think mine was triggered intially by a kind of P.T.S.D and then later reinforced by a bad experience, followed by another and another...

I've no hopes, no dreams, nothing has colour any more and I look forward to nothing.

It's interesting what you said about "feeling too much and yet feeling so little". It's so very true, I feel like a zombie and feel nothing and yet, I feel so down... I guess a feeling of being in prison in my own body, it's frustrating.

I ended up eventually in hospital on 15 minute suicide watch, meaning that a nurse would check me every 15 minutes to basically see if I was still breathing.

So, the best advice I can give you is this... roll with it, don't let the bad days upset you, if you feel down ALLOW yourself the time to feel that way, don't beat yourself up over it. If you feel you need to lock yourself away and hibernate, do so. Understand that you are ill and allow your brain to heal itself in the way it feels is best.. if that means crying, cry.. if it means screaming, scream, if it means staying in bed all day, do it.

In short, don't punish yourself for feeling depressed.

Thankfully I'm stubborn as hell, I wont give in however painful it seems to be.

edit on 28-5-2013 by Mister_Bit because: spelling

Yesterday was rough and I posted this thread during that moment of emotional turmoil. I regret it now, but maybe it was meant to be.

I completely understand what you wrote. It resonated very deeply with me because its exactly how I feel, too. Maybe the numbness is a defense mechanism of some sort. Perhaps the real emotions are simply too painful and the numbness is a countermeasure? I don't know, but it's horrible. Like existing in a dark void with no light anywhere.

If you ever want to talk or need to vent, just message me. Sometimes just knowing the other person truly understands is amazingly helpful.

reply to post by smyleegrl


It appears that you're compounding the issue by over-analyzing your feelings with "why do I feel this way" and "why can I not stop myself from feeling this way" and so forth. You may never just allow yourself to feel, let it be a moment, and move on. Too many layers of reactionary emotions get in the way of the original, pure (and necessary) emotion.

I can give you an idea of how to combat this if you gave me a specific example.

reply to post by smyleegrl


I know exactly what your going through & want you ti know it will get better, "Promise". With the seroquel, you want to Taper off slowly. You will not be able to sleep for a little while and the nightmares, vivid dreams will be there for a short while. When I came off my anxiety meds I went through a Ton of emotions, I was on xanax so the withdrawals were a Big Hill to climb, but Soo worth it. Everything comes back to life, you notice things that weren't there when you were drugged up. Simple stuff like clouds & sounds of the world around you.

My Advice is to try and get off as much meds as possible, unless you have to be on them, or are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else. I wanted a miracle Pill 4 everything & doctors were glad to oblige. The truth is there is no Miracle Pill. We as humans have dealt with Emotions, Sadness, Hurt, disconnection ect. 4 al long time before all these pills became popular. Most of them don't work for a large portion of people & it comes down to they are a Billion dollar industry for some people. ... but Crutches & Addiction for everyone else. Ie Me and you, Please try to realize you will get through this and as you get older the things that bother you know, will seem pointless & a waste of your time

reply to post by smyleegrl


Sorry, Rosie the Riveter.. You need a different regimen of Psychotropics. I also suggest a different site for emotional help and not a conspiracy website.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Tell me, how do you approach meditation and what is your routine when you do meditation. What is happening in your mind and in your body as you are meditating?

Originally posted by hamiter2045
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

It appears that you're compounding the issue by over-analyzing your feelings with "why do I feel this way" and "why can I not stop myself from feeling this way" and so forth. You may never just allow yourself to feel, let it be a moment, and move on. Too many layers of reactionary emotions get in the way of the original, pure (and necessary) emotion.

I can give you an idea of how to combat this if you gave me a specific example.

You could be right. I do over analyze myself. Not sure what you mean by a specific example, though. Just second guessing every feeling?

Originally posted by preludefanguy
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Tell me, how do you approach meditation and what is your routine when you do meditation. What is happening in your mind and in your body as you are meditating?

I need it quiet, which my son doesn't understand (he's only 6). I usually lay down on my side as that is my most comfortable position. I've tried with and without music or those self-hypnotic relaxation tapes. I find those help me the most. My favorite one has the ocean waves in the background and the speaker has you visualize a "relaxing" place in your mind. I have my place in my mind and can visit it when I have the opportunity to focus. Anyway, then the speaker has you step downward while he counts and when he reaches zero you're supposed to be totally relaxed.

I can get to that point fairly easy if there are no interruptions. But then my mind starts to dwell on all the things bothering me and there goes the session.

What are you supposed to think about when you get to your relaxed state? And please don't tell me "nothing" because when I try not to think of "nothing" I always think about it and it drives me nuts.

That's what I mean when I say I don't know how to meditate.

Originally posted by Youareallschizophrenic
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Sorry, Rosie the Riveter.. You need a different regimen of Psychotropics. I also suggest a different site for emotional help and not a conspiracy website.

May your life always be pleasant and happy, and I hope you never feel the need to ask for such help.