I'll Never Get Past My Depression, Will I

reply to post by smyleegrl


I believe depression is the absence of love in one's life. We can get so caught up in survival mode we don't do things that bring love into our life.

I don't believe that medication can truly help depression, because love is the only escape and there is no love pill. It is possible that certain medications can lower one's anxiety and thus make it easier to calm down enough to relax. But even being more relaxed is still depressing apart from love.

I recommend creating your own self-help playlist. Music that inspires your spiritual need for love. Love songs can bring you into love, simply listening to the spirit of love in someone else can bring the Spirit of Love to you.

What do you and your son enjoy doing together, or simply what does your son like to do? What are some things that are cheap or free that you haven't done in a while?

Pursue love for the sake of finding love. When you find it, remember where and how and repeat whenever possible. Even if what you are doing doesn't bring you love directly, if you pursue love by doing for others, you will be rewarded with love even greater than the love you receive for loving yourself.

Loving others is free, go and do it. Love is an action word, you must pursue love to find love.

I do not mean to make this sound simple. My mom has lived with depression and meds for 24 years. I do wish she would have stayed away from the meds. She used to be alive and lively and now she just sits around in a fog. So I understand your issues.

I pray the spirit of love comes to you and lifts you up through the tough times. I pray that you have the courage to love for the sake of love and that in so doing so you will receive the love you seek.

-You already have much love from your brothers and sisters on ATS-

Remember love is an action word, go and have some fun.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Hi, Depression is a very real thing and can have causes other than your career such as environment and diet, I suffered it for a long time after head injury's and it is actually a form of suppressed brain activity which can be seen on an EEG, please buck up and don't stay in bed, you have a people whom need you but they need you to try to be well and not give in to depression, try to avoid any medication as it is both addictive and can actually aggravate the condition to become worse especially when suffering withdrawal.

Listen smiley girl as no one actually knows who I really am I will tell you I tried to kill myself through it and realised AFTERWARD what an absolute prick I was for doing so, I swallowed 5 packet's of Pain killers about 300 tablets then walked up the local hill in driving hail and rain and tried to go to sleep, I went home after 4 hours of sitting there like a true mad man insane and depressed, that night I puked up bile for ages but nothing but clear fluid came out and for about a week I was shaky, I am certain it should of killed me, on another occasion I downed a months supply of strong anti depressant's and went to bed, there I went to sleep and awoke feeling like the room was spinning and my skin was itching and on fire, I somehow got myself into the bath and ran the cold tap over myself and went to sleep were I was found by a family member whom thinking me drunk (I don't drink) told me to go to bed and I apparently crawled up the stairs to the bedroom were I slept for 3 and a half day's.
Thank god I failed, We are sometimes challenged by thing's that tear our world apart, breakups, job loss, debt's, family tragedy's or just plain depression but there is much we must do in our lives else why are we here.

Please try to cheer up and go and have some fun, and never consider doing the idiotic stupid thing's I did, I won't mention the third attempt but thankfully they were all twenty years ago for me now and I have had many joyful moments I would of missed out on while I was rotting away in a mouldy old box so I may be mad as the Hatter from Alice in wonderland but I still get a good laugh at the perversity of my situation.

Your a great person and valuable to more people than you know so please remember the love your family has for you, there need of you to get well and for there sake choose to change your state of mind and consider a new approach to the same old thing's, when you go to work take a different (but safe) route, and never blame yourself for the action's, opinions or behaviour of others as no matter what you do they will always be locked in the world in there head's behind there own eye's with only your closest family being more than that.



Smileygirl ignore the above except were is may help in some very small way and as I only read the second post after ward I have put what I should have said here.

Peace and god's love be with you girl and chin up and always remember you are stronger than him because you are a good person and you are not responsible, I have added this now as I only read your initial post but have read the other one now, Beat him by being happy and though you are hurt know you are not alone and never will be, that 'thing' that did that to you is not worth your time and you are a good person always remember that and never forget it. What happened was an evil act by a bad person and you survived, another may not have, it is not karma (as the next one say's - I think they must of read only the first post as well) that this happened to you as that makes no sense at all, it was the evil of one Bad person against a good person and that 'thing' will answer to god in time, I am so very sorry kid and wish I could make it go away but you have to be strong and put it behind you make it something that makes you stronger and stop blaming yourself for something you could not have stopped, we always look back at the bad thing's and think what if I had done such or if only I had done that but you are here now and alive and loved and with purpose so beat him and even more beat what he did to you by fulfilling your life and be happy, leave him to god or his karma for surely he will have to answer for what he did.

And if Hitler came back he would be a slug at the very most not an intelligent beautiful kind hearted person so remember that you are wonderful and you are a mother and a wife and most of all you are yourself so god bless you and my prayers are with you tonight.

You ended your post with "I must have been Hitler in a past life".

I think you have your own answer for what is making you unhappy but don't realize it. Your past lives are encroaching into your subconscious. I had a feeling all my life of worthlessness, despair, anger, sadness, a feeling as if I should not exist or be here. I didn't understand it until recently when I was able to recall my past lives through meditation. Then it all made sense. In my past lives I had been very bad people, but I also got the feeling I was only being shown these pasts because I was changing and becoming the antithesis of the past lives. I have felt much better about myself and my place in the world since these revelations.

The medications try to control this breach of subconscious by dosing your brain with chemicals and metals. The problem is this change the realization of our full selves the culmination of all experiences is what we are supposed to become. You are fighting a predetermined destiny for humanity. They will try to medicate, brain wash, chem-trail us, dose our food etc to control it. Our destiny is to awaken though and fighting it or allowing big pharma to try to control it will only increase the sadness and despair because you are meant to be enlightened not to the left of it.

reply to post by sacgamer25


I wish it were as simple as not having. Love in ones life to cure depression. It is a real disease and must be treated accordingly.

Try telling someone with diabetes to live with only love and not insulin, and see just where it gets them.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Smyleegrl, My heart reaches out to you. I agree with others who suggest counseling - someone to talk to; a professional. I also think writing down rants help - there is something about expressing strong emotions in writing that helps remove them, kinda like the emotions themselves are transferred to the paper (venting on ATS might help, but it's not paper and pen). And then you burn it. Seriously - light it on fire. Do it again and again until you feel relief.

I also want to suggest that the kind of stress you're feeling puts extra stress on your body. You need extra nourishment. A balanced B vitamin can help provide extra nutrition to your nerves, at a minimum (try MegaFoods Balanced B Complex).

Another idea: If you've never visited Earth Clinic, please take some time to review this amazing website of natural remedies (www.earthclinic.com). Click the tab for "Ailments" and scroll to "Depression" and "Sexual Abuse." Take some time to review the posts in these sections and consider trying the recommendations offered. The vitamin B suggestion, in fact, comes from this website and helped me tremendously when I was experiencing anxiety and panic attacks.

What you suffered is horrific. I commend you for your strength and the love you show for surely your willingness to shield your family from your deepest pain is a heroic sign of Love.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Smyleegrl,

Sometimes you just can't help how you feel.

If I had a time machine, I'd go back and stop what happened to you.

I'm sorry that I don't.




It sounds like you have post traumatic stress disorder.

Hopefully you're treatment is already coming at it from that angle.



Take care of yourself, first.


If you were on an airplane with your family, and there was a loss of cabin pressure, you are instructed to put on the oxygen mask first, and then help your child.

If you aren't well, how can you help your son?



After what you went through, it might be hard to trust people.




A general may show strength, when he is actually weak, to his ENEMIES.

If he does the same to his allies, how can they know what help he may need?



Your family should know how you feel.


Reincarnation is not real.

Hitler deserves to feel like you do.


You Smyleegrl, do not deserve to feel this way........

Suddenly stopping your meds (from being sick in your case) is very bad. Not only are there very bad physical symptoms, there also very bad mental symptoms. It can increase your depression until your body regains equilibrium which can take a long time. All this makes you feel worse, on top of feeling bad in the first place. It's better to wean off slowly to lessen the problems.

My theory of depression is that the conscious and subconscious part of the brain are fighting each other. The subconscious tells the conscious that it wants something, and the conscious says no or just ignores the demand. The subconscious ups the pressure but still gets no satisfaction. The trick is to figure out what the subconcious wants!

Sorry I'm not able to help. I hope you feel better soon!

reply to post by Magister


That is an interesting theory!

I could see how in some circumstances that could be the case for sure.
A lot of people don't understand the power of the subconscious mind and how it can effect your thinking in ways you wouldn't suspect!
Ha ha ho ho he he!!

SG

One of my favourite gals

The term "suffering" depression is so apt, as it is true suffering. Everyone has a different experience of it, and different triggers, and different ways to heal.

I suppose the first thing is you have been so brave with all you have been through, courageous in starting a family, and I admire you for acknowledging it.

Finding a way to not let your rape define who you are today, is something you yearn for.

No one can tell you take meds, or not take meds.

You can do the little things like eating well and exercise which take the edge off.

Your depression, is your story. No one miraculously is cured of it, this does not mean hopelessness, as I can assure you that those who dont "suffer" it, don't live in a blissful and euphoric state. Some are lucky in their battle what we call to life to not have wonky chemicals. But they face hardships and suffer sadness too.

It is a mixture of:
Psychology
Chemical
Fear

Certainly no post here can move you out of a depression. All I can offer is from my heart, that if you need to talk, I (and others will listen) and maybe help trigger something for you (that only you can do yourself) to understand that you fear your depression. That being in the grip of one of those god awful gut wrenching slumps you may just be reliving fear, and grief. You grieve all that happened to you in your traumatic past, and you grieve that woman you didn't turn out to be that you thought would be.

Be kind to yourself. Understand yourself, and try not to judge yourself. Be OK with grieving. If someones partner dies they are expected to grieve, when a part of ourselves dies, we should afford ourselves that same honour and kindness.

Professional medical care.
Natural health
Force yourself a simple smile
Come hear and cry and scream if you have to...heck people do it in the politics and aliens forums all the time!

All I can offer is support, I learnt a few years ago that this is a self journey and no matter how my heart hurts when someone you care for slumps, I cannot change it, only support and help guide when you need to be heard.

Having suffered it once a couple of years ago after a particularly traumatic loss, I know that grief can be healed by honouring yourself. My heart is OK now, but it is scarred, scars stay for a reason we just hope we can heal the open wounds. And we do.

Much Love, Zazz

Hey There, oh yes you will )

Check your u2u

Smile coz when you come out of it its like a bullet out of a gun.

Originally posted by smyleegrl

It's summer, schools almost over for two months, and I'm laying in bed crying my eyes out.

I've been on antidepressants since college. Been on anti-anxiety meds for three years. Been on Seroquel for almost three years. Guess what. It. Doesn't. Help. All I do is numbly go thru my day.

Told the doctor I wanted off the Seroquel, which she was giving me to help me sleep. I want off all these meds. Titrating down from Seroquel but it has to be slow or you risk long term damage. Or so I've heard.

Will it always be like this? Traumatic triggers and crying in the bathroom? Medicine doesn't work. Therapy hasn't worked and I have to stop anyway. My son needs therapy for his autism and we can't afford both.

If reincarnation is real, I must have been Hitler in my past life.

Respectfully even Hitler wouldn't be feeling sorry for himself.

There is actually not a pill to make more money, which is an immediate worry in your list of problems. There isn't a pill to cure self-image problems. Here is a sign that your therapist is an idiot; when they lie to you about what Seroquel is for. It's an antipsychotic, not a sleeping pill. To help you sleep is one of those condescending things doctors say to push more drugs, and it's practically malpractice in my opinion.

Yes Seroquel like all the big psych drugs is a pill that basically picks the lock of your brain chemicals. Rip it out and you risk stripping the lock. Be over-prescribed and risk the same thing. It doesn't actually rid the emotional responses but certainly has the ability to delay an emotional response. Personally I don't think you should tell the cyberverse what pills you take or skip, to avoid criticism and prejudice. Yeah they could be so prejudiced as to threaten you with loss of personal freedom for the thought crimes, so don't feed the psych-trolls.

So you have a house, and a husband, and a son, and a bathroom, and college, and three pills a day. It's interesting that you discovered those magic beans the doctor gave you don't actually solve that thing that makes you have emotions, I think it's called a brain.

Self identity goes far here. When you say "I am depressed" you become the sickness. When you say "it's my depression" it becomes yours. Sometimes it's not yours, but that you are only wearing it for someone else who might be projecting it onto you really well, as you play the family scapegoat. Try to think of it as it takes a lot of attention to detail to get into a happy-making lifestyle.

Look, you cry because you want something that isn't happening. I don't know maybe you expect to be Betty Crocker at home and it's not happening. Maybe you want to outdo the Joneses next door. Maybe you just found out you were a puny mortal.

Try a couple other doctors before you get psych-dependence. Try an endocrinologist and try an allergy test. Hey, your son has autism and could benefit from an allergy test too.

And at another level of advice, maybe you're an empath catching sadness from another being somewhere. Some days I will cry like I just lost someone important then read the news that some city on the other side of Earth got bombed. The Force, you might feel it. Like I said, it might not be your depression.

reply to post by smyleegrl


1. Your brain has probably rewired itself over the years. You may need to change and move the neural connections. A good book by a genius might help to make this happen. Joe Dispenza - Evolve Your Brain, The Science of Changing Your Mind.

2. I believe anti-depressants are incredibly dangerous and unhealthy. There is a lot of evidence to back this up. You can search for some shows on Coast to Coast AM, download the archived shows from people with masters degrees and phd's to support living a life without these dangerous drugs. I tried Lexipro for a week several years ago. Never again. I've been using supplements in place of pharma drugs. Simple things like amino acids, omega 3's, good multivitamin(Alive is a good one), good quality b-complex is important, acetyl L-tyrosine, and even lithium orotate. Lithium orotate is the active ingredient in most anti-depressants but is more natural when taken alone. Google 'lithium orotate and john grey'. The guy that wrote the book 'women from venus men from mars'. He's a smart guy. Protein helps. Get some whey protein with an amino acid profile built in. Most have this anyway if you go to a sports nutrition or vitamin shoppe store. L-tryptophan might help. Sam-E may help. 5htp may help. Just research them.

3. There are some profound things about this existence you can use to give yourself a good reason to live and start learning things. There are good reasons to never give up on this lifetime. There is a lot of evidence to support that consciousness survives the physical body. There is also a lot of evidence to support this universe is a place for physical experiences that can't be experienced in a non physical existence, which is where we are all truly from. You don't have to be in the least bit religious either to accept these things. I've only relied on science. I am neither athiest nor religious. I am also not new agey in the least. It's just science. I think there is a lot of info to support that we only play a character in this physical universe and we will play other roles in the future. Reincarnation. This body you have isn't the real you, but it's a very important experience because the lessons you fail to experience here now, you will eventually have to in a future life. Don't rob yourself of not getting them done now. One experience might be to know what it's like to experience severe depression. Another may be to experience seeing the grand canyon, or developing an awareness that your true self is outside of all of this just waiting to wake up and realize what you have or haven't learned during the role you play here. Don't let your greater consciousness be disappointed by waking up on the other side and havinng to think, #.. i failed to get through it and have to do it again. You can find out more about the science behind true reality by first reading a book called Journey's Out of Body by Robert Monroe. Then, the science behind those experiences written and tested by scientist Thomas Campbell - My Big T.O.E.(theory of everything). Tom is the absolute genius. Greater than Hawking or Einstein. Why? Because he knows the reality outside of this one by experience and has included this reality (consciousness) into his equation/theory. Something that no one else really does at his scale. He WILL explain everything you need to know about this reality, why you are here, why you need to stay and experience it, the motivations to enjoy it and be happy with it, and probably most importantly, crushing all the fears that come with living in a physical universe. After all, once you realize there is no such thing is death, only shedding a body and moving on to new experiences, what IS there left to fear? You can even learn to experience the other side. I'm working on it now.


I've been depressed for many years. Realizing some profound things about life though is bringing me out of it without dangerous drugs. Open the mind and the true reasons for living will fall into place and teach you how to be happy.

reply to post by smyleegrl


That's what I used to think, that I'd never get out of it. You must practice equanimity (non-judgement) to return to a baseline emotional state, if you're that far down. It helped me a lot to study natural law. The links in my sig lead to a lot of that. It's more philosophy and metaphysics than anything. That is, I sought a metaphysical reason for being here, and chose one out of the multitude of unprovable ideas; one that sounded like what I wanted. The universe is orderly and inherently benevolent, and existence is by agreement. I am empowered by this. I also recognize that I am not in control of my life directly. I am experiencing a pre-recorded message, so to speak. In essence, I am what you are, and that is god. You are meant to learn a very difficult lesson, and pain is one of the best motivators for the acceptance of changes in one's thinking.

I used to be depressed all the time, and frequently I'd have several-hour-to-several-day bouts of deep hopelessness and apathy. I just wanted to die. I had lost all reason (so I thought) to keep drawing breath. It was inexplicable and uncanny, because there was no objective cause I could ever point to that made me feel that way. It was just a way of feeling that I had failed so utterly in my life, that it was hardly worth it anymore. Knowing my place has brought me tremendous peace. My practice of non-judgement is not perfect yet, but I don't live with constant regret like I used to.

Originally posted by smyleegrl
Hello, ATS,

It's summer, schools almost over for two months, and I'm laying in bed crying my eyes out.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. Why do I feel so damn sad all the time?

I've been on antidepressants since college. Been on anti-anxiety meds for three years. Been on Seroquel for almost three years. Guess what. It. Doesn't. Help. All I do is numbly go thru my day.

There's no joy in life. Nothing to look forward too. Nothing I want, except to stop feeling at all. No, I'm not suicidal, although there are days when I do wish all of this was over. I'm tired of it. Tired. Tired. So damn tired.

Told the doctor I wanted off the Seroquel, which she was giving me to help me sleep. I want off all these meds. Titrating down from Seroquel but it has to be slow or you risk long term damage. Or so I've heard.

Had some kind of stomach bug for a week. Today was the first day I've kept food down since last Monday. Not been able to take any of my medicine all week...couldn't keep it down. I will not restart the Seroquel or the anxiety meds. I did take the antidepressant today.

My emotions are on overdrive. Is this a result of the week with no meds? Is it withdrawal? Am I just a damaged human being and this is all I will ever know in life.....fear, sadness, sadness, sadness? I feel so guilty even asking that, me who has so much more than so many others. A family, a job, a home, a wonderful child....who am I to complain? I'm an ungrateful POS. there are millions who would love to have this as their only problems.

Locked myself in the bathroom and had a good cry trying not to scare my husband and son. They're downstairs laughing at a batman movie. Good I don't want my son to know me like this. He wouldn't understand that crying helps me regain some sort of control.

Will it always be like this? Traumatic triggers and crying in the bathroom? Medicine doesn't work. Therapy hasn't worked and I have to stop anyway. My son needs therapy for his autism and we can't afford both.

Is there anyone else out there struggling like this? How do you get through it, the endless days and fathomless nights, never looking forward to anything? How do you cope with feeling too much and yet not feeling at all? How do you live your life as a contradiction in terms?

If reincarnation is real, I must have been Hitler in my past life.

Without going into too much info/detail here, I had read a couple of your posts. I don't think depression is your only problem, it's just one, one of the symptoms...I say this, because I can relate, but again, without getting into details here.

I will tell you, that depression can be symptomatic of suppressed rage, from trauma and injustice done to us, and Platitudes DON'T CUT IT, neither do drugs, nor time, or all the other hogwash, though people have good intentions, but Some things, you didn't just "get over". But you Can learn to live Over them, what I mean by that is, it's like wound that may heal to some degree but you'll walk with a limp...that sort of thing,

Why that is? I don't know, and No it's not fair, it sucks. many wont get what some of us have to deal with, because they haven't walked through that valley of death yet...they mean well, but, there are some things you just dont bounce back through. That being said,

What Does help, at least with the knowing it's not just you type of thing, is getting with others who Understand what you are experiencing, and who know, formulas are that, formulas, theyre great for math, not so great for healing wounds...I would like to encourage you to check out a page on FB, called "Healing From Complex Trauma and Ptsd/cptsd. reason for,

Is its one of the better daily dose of aid type of pages, written by A woman who is going through healing and therapy (both medical and EDMR, etc) and who has struggled with for years, now her situ is different and not Everyone who posts there has PTSD, etc., many are struggling with depression,

But they all do have a few things in common, one being they've had something traumatic happened in their life that has been partially or the root cause of their depression, anxiety, etc., and have had to learn to LIVE With, for a very long time. They have good days, they have bad, everyone has a different story, REASON I recommend this to you,

Is so that you can see that depression, especially when you're dealing with Triggers, etc., is a bit more complex than just your usual depression, know what I'm saying? and this is where people can get into some serious trouble if pretty much they just medicating to deal...because those other issues, eg triggers, you can't medicate those things away...and sad to say, too many docs are just lazy and dont want to Deal with the needed care, and so it's easier to prescribe. OR they pathogize, but anyway...anger, is often underneath depression, we as women are told (construct) to internalize it. Cont

Cont, if over time that's not Faced and dealt with In TRUTH, it will begin to eat away, making triggers worse, etc. it's a cycle, and a hard One to claw out of, so to speak. But it's way harder too to try and claw out alone, or among others who don't GET that place where you are coming from,

So yea, my suggestion is to get with a support system, that you feel safe in for one, you Know what I mean, and that you are allowed to go at YOUR own pace and what's Comfortable for you, without the pressure and all that. Why I recommended this one group on FB, at least you can post anon and/ or just read, and know, it's not just you.

As for what else to do, etc., I go day by day, been years, ok., now my situ way different and like everyone else, so much weighs on and varies, etc., and what Works for one doesn't necessarily work for another...why a support system that Hears where or what you are dealing with, is really the best. But those systems aren't always there, granted, and sometimes groups can make things worse, with triggers, etc., have had that happen too. But one thing I learned, ESP when you're dealing with depression or anxiety that is a result of other complex situs, etc., is giving your self room and time to heal or function in the way that YOU can, and not be guilted in some time frame box...because ONLY YOU, have lived your experiences, Know what I'm saying??? No one can advise you, unless they've walked and breathed in YOUR skin. So, no boxes, no time frame, I can tell you, from what Very little I know, from a few things you've said, what you are going through, is VERY NORMAL, considering, ok. No you weren't Hitler, and nothing wrong with how you feel, it's all quite normal I can assure you. What does worry me a bit is the Meds, all I Kniw about Meds is do not quit cold turkey, I've read horror stories there. But as to all the other, yea, it's not u usual at all, and why I suggest the support systems, that would understand a lot, what you're going through. If not the FB one, then look for another, just be sure it's a safe place, and one you feel comfortable with and not pressured or any of that, you don't need the negativity. Peace. P.s. Another reason I suggested this group or daily devotion type of page to you is that the woman who writes there, talks a lot about her depression, etc and her family and how it often conflicts, etc., because hers, due to type of trauma related she's dealing with, it's no quick fix either and she has sine toxic family members who deny her experiences and then some who are like, well why aren't you Over it yet, that type of thing, and so she goes into a bit of story telling with what has worked and what not, for her, she's very honest about her bad days, good days, and most who post there going through similar things...so it's just a good validation place that isn't a cure all, OK but it IS a little something, that is a lift up, especially being that, they aren't coming from an oh were fine place what's wrong with you snap out of it type thing, no, but a hey, we're hearing ya and yep that's normal and yep struggle with that, etc., and it's just good because Then you don't feel so alone and isolated. She also puts a lot of good reading materials, from therapies, etc., of numerous types and recent studies, that type of thing, so yea she does really great work, just being real and sharing from her place. So I highly recommend her page. There are a few others, but that one is a good Ine for All types of depression/or trauma related anxiety for women. And men but it's more leaning to women...so, again, it's not a cure all, just an aid, a balm. Sometimes it's just little steps, but yea, with Triggers, etc., it's not uncommon to feel like that, not at all, ESP when you're having to give from a depleted internal cup, to others, etc., that in of itself can be Really draining and depressing in its own right...

"what treasure is greater than a good wife? ..she is more valuable than rubies"

I'd say ease off of the meds and start fresh by fixing your diet. Eat for your blood type.

Not saying this is a sure cure, I've just noticed that people tend to overlook a diet that doesn't agree with their makeup as a cause for depression

OK, sorry but reading over some of these comments, and a few mentioned trauma sex abuse, etc., and Some reply with

Valuable than rubies, yea cuzz being a Commodity in a rape culture, yea Gee THAT helps,

Could we Get more Insensitive here,

A d this Crap about Heroic love,

B.S.

No Wonder she's depressed, heck some of these comme ts deserve to be Lynched, seriously,

Heroic love, are you Serious? What husband can't Deal with the TRUTH that his wife yes, feels Pain and Pain that is Highly justified, so she must Fake and put a smile on her face because GOD forbid of ole hubby or family have to deal with TRUTH here???

What a crock of bull.

A LOVING family is Patient and Walks WITH someone in pain, not saying that her family doesn't but,

It's not HER responsibility to just SMILE through Pain and Trauma like that Caused by some CRIMINAL assjerk,

Jesus you treat rape like its some simple Slap. I'd like to Slap some of you, seriously. (maybe ill be banned for this, oh well, SHE deserves some TRUTH, not stoic garbage that is just FEEDING this LIE, that Aids the Rape culture rather than Support for a Victim OF that rape culture,

Got news for you folks. You don't just "get over" rape, or sexual abuse

It is a LIFELONG walk, and if that Makes many uncomfortable, well then Maybe you need an Education.

maybe the problem here is everyone around her just expects her to be All ruby commodity like, all smiling and Perfectly fine when inside she's screaming and there's no justice or relief,

Gee Ya think??? Oh yea she's just Supposed to bounce back and be all Doris Day like and willing right guys? And boy oh boy she had just Better not be angry (because THAT right is Only for Humans, women need not apply, yea WE get the subtle hints folks) and she had better put that smile on and be all sweet as apple pie and. Ever let Anyone around her knw that she's a real Human Being

And not some advertising character doll, because oh my that might Upset the Delusions now huh?

The truth is, what she is expected to do as not to make OTHERS feel uncomfortable, is downright

CRUEL.

Heroic love my ass,

Yea that's probably why she said, she cries in the bathroom as its SOME kind of Control

That right there, says A lot,

Her need to regain some CONTROL out if the hands of Others,

Which is very NORMAL for Anyone who's ever been VIOLATED intimate space by some JERK in the VIOLENCE of Rape or similar VIOLENT crime.

And to pop off with, oh you're worth more than rubies, what she's a Commodity too?

How DARE you?

Do people Ever think?

Smylee I don't know you or your situation but I can tell you, as a Survivor, that apart from the Meds (that's an added issue) that What you are feeling and struggling with is Normal and what it sounds like, is that Maybe, you Should stop smiling,

And be truthful about what you are feeling and that your family, the Adults that is, need to Acceot that Yes, recovery is a LONG PROCESS, and when you LOVE SOMEONE, you LOVE them in Truth, not just

How much they can STUFF what they are feeling so that you can go on like la to da, well how Convenient for them eh,

NO it's not their fault, got that get that, but when you Sign up for relationships, you Sign up for ALL of it, good AND bad, WOUNDS AND ALL,

And if one is having to PRETEND for some b.s. Disney fake world that hey all is OK when Realy they are DYING Inside

Then you've got some REAL problems

And you can only DENY those for so long.

Maybe one if the Reasons for depression is the whole LYING thing and the Pretense, to appease others who

Might be, just a tad on the SELFISH SIDE. Just Maybe???

No Smylee girl, what you need seriously, is One to be HONEST with yourself, and with your Family, child yea that's understandable but even then, you can say mommy under the weather a bit today but I love you and so forth,

But with our Spouse, needing a feeling of Control, that MIGHT BE some of your Triggers right there,

Maybe it's NOT just the MEDS, maybe there is clearly some other things going in and Maybe your Brai is telling you

IM TIRED IF FAKING HAPPINESS TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY.

Forget all that Polly Anna patriarchal bunk...it's NOT Truth, it KILLS women, literally,

And Get with a Support group that Understands and Supports YOU

Not some ROLE you are trying to play.

I'm sorry mods but when it's IN the comments that there is other trauma conducive to depression (ESP sexual Violence) and the there's this added chauvinist garbage,

Damn straight, I'm going to jump in it.

Smylee it's Normal, to feel anger, rage, sadness, all of it, loss if control for Years, anyone who tells you different, is Full of it,

You didn't OWE them anything, you Owe YOURSELF

To get well, as humanly possible, to be healed as much as you can, to GET JUSTICE by golly and to be Able

To Have your feelings, good and bad, WITHOUT people GUILTING you because they feel uncomfortable

And Never having to Apologize for them, Ever.

I know your pain! and I also know how alone and isolated it can make you feel, how even the closest person to you still cannot fully get what you go through day to day, as much as they may try to.

I have suffered since my teenage years, mostly masked behind a smile, which I still use to this day. I'm 27 now, and this thing has crippled my life, and it continues to cripple any future I may have, and the person with whom I wish to share it!

I have been on meds, off meds, now back on them again, and to me they don't really take the bad stuff away, it's always there, I'm not saying they are useless, but they are not a cure. One of my fears is having to rely on medicine for the rest of my life, I don't want that, but If they dumb down the feelings and anxiety a little, it's better than nothing at all, I guess? time will tell.

Anyway, keep battling on, hanging in there and hoping tomorrow is a better day, it's all we can do!

reply to post by smyleegrl


mood swings?
mood swings!

i have dealt (dealing) with almost every single mental issue possible,,,
the more serious and the mundane,,,,
my advice is to consult your doctor if it would be okay to try for example passiflora natural remedy,, its sold in those natural shops, valeriana is also an amazing plant, they both sooth the nerves and help to sleep,, but its hasnt any nasty side effects,,,, it was used to treat people who have been in wars, back int the day.

i am currently trying a mixture of passiflora and humulus lupulus, it has worked pretty well,

these herbs allows serotonin to stay longer in the brain,,, among other things,,,

hope you find a way to chill.

with kindest regards --solve--