I'll Never Get Past My Depression, Will I

Originally posted by smyleegrl

Originally posted by Youareallschizophrenic
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Sorry, Rosie the Riveter.. You need a different regimen of Psychotropics. I also suggest a different site for emotional help and not a conspiracy website.

May your life always be pleasant and happy, and I hope you never feel the need to ask for such help.

I will never have the need to ask for such help. I do not suffer from Divergent Mental Disorders

Originally posted by Youareallschizophrenic

Originally posted by smyleegrl

Originally posted by Youareallschizophrenic
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Sorry, Rosie the Riveter.. You need a different regimen of Psychotropics. I also suggest a different site for emotional help and not a conspiracy website.

May your life always be pleasant and happy, and I hope you never feel the need to ask for such help.

I will never have the need to ask for such help. I do not suffer from Divergent Mental Disorders

Stay on ATS long enough, and you just might....

Originally posted by smyleegrl

Originally posted by preludefanguy
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Tell me, how do you approach meditation and what is your routine when you do meditation. What is happening in your mind and in your body as you are meditating?

I need it quiet, which my son doesn't understand (he's only 6). I usually lay down on my side as that is my most comfortable position. I've tried with and without music or those self-hypnotic relaxation tapes. I find those help me the most. My favorite one has the ocean waves in the background and the speaker has you visualize a "relaxing" place in your mind. I have my place in my mind and can visit it when I have the opportunity to focus. Anyway, then the speaker has you step downward while he counts and when he reaches zero you're supposed to be totally relaxed.

I can get to that point fairly easy if there are no interruptions. But then my mind starts to dwell on all the things bothering me and there goes the session.

What are you supposed to think about when you get to your relaxed state? And please don't tell me "nothing" because when I try not to think of "nothing" I always think about it and it drives me nuts.

That's what I mean when I say I don't know how to meditate.

lol you are right, how can you think of nothing? can be quite impossible for the human mind

So what you are describing is a form of self hypnosis which brings about a relaxed state. I would say, keep doing this, for it is this relaxed state that allows meditation to come forth and flourish. The part it seems you are having trouble with, is keeping your mind quiet. You cannot think of nothing, in the sense of a complete void, everything has substance, even the immaterial.

Try this, next time you get into a relaxed state, allow yourself to see your thoughts as they pass through your head. So many times we are told, think of nothing! But your mind keeps going, and then the meditation turns into a Myself thinking of nothing vs. Thoughts coming into mind. It becomes a fight, and then the relaxation you built goes away, like you said, session over.

This time though, look at your thoughts, do not seek to shut them out, do not seek to pay them more attention, but just accept them as being there. Now the goal here, is to try to visualize the thoughts passing through your head as if they were on a steady stream, drifting. What you will notice is that the thoughts, as long as you dont hold on to them, will begin drifting down the stream, and the next thought comes in, and it too will drift away. Picture them coming and going, always moving, to and from your awareness.

In this practice, you will come to see that the thoughts you have are not you, for they arise, and then they leave on their own. Throughout the course of your meditation, ask yourself, was there any thought that stayed with me through the entirety of the meditation? Also, in the back of your mind, keep one pointed concentration, this could be keeping the thought of relaxation, or keeping your thought on just the breath of your body. So, you learn to anchor your mind with this one pointed concentration, and you learn to let your thoughts flow effortlessly.

This time though, look at your thoughts, do not seek to shut them out, do not seek to pay them more attention, but just accept them as being there. Now the goal here, is to try to visualize the thoughts passing through your head as if they were on a steady stream, drifting. What you will notice is that the thoughts, as long as you dont hold on to them, will begin drifting down the stream, and the next thought comes in, and it too will drift away. Picture them coming and going, always moving, to and from your awareness.

In this practice, you will come to see that the thoughts you have are not you, for they arise, and then they leave on their own. Throughout the course of your meditation, ask yourself, was there any thought that stayed with me through the entirety of the meditation? Also, in the back of your mind, keep one pointed concentration, this could be keeping the thought of relaxation, or keeping your thought on just the breath of your body. So, you learn to anchor your mind with this one pointed concentration, and you learn to let your thoughts flow effortlessly.

reply to post by preludefanguy


Okay, thanks. I will try this tonight after a hot bath when kiddo is in bed. I'm assuming it will take awhile to actually get good at it, but I'm willing to give it a go.

Thanks again, I appreciate it.

I didn't click on this because i didn't want to read it... finally I decided to see who wrote it... it was you? Well there are pretty bad withdrawal symptoms from stopping anti-depressants.

If reincarnation is real, I must have been Hitler in my past life.

Probably not...

Locked myself in the bathroom and had a good cry trying not to scare my husband and son. They're downstairs laughing at a batman movie. Good I don't want my son to know me like this. He wouldn't understand that crying helps me regain some sort of control.

Maybe they should know?

reply to post by smyleegrl


of course, anything worth doing is worth doing poorly at first until you learn to do it well

and there are tricks for the mind to help ease yourself into this type of thing more readily

The way I try to start meditation is first I light some incense(think pavlov's dog, its conditioning really)
then I get my singing bowl singing for a little bit to 'tune' in

none of this is needed, but a ritual is formed, and doing things in ritual has a very powerful resonance to it

I wish you much success and love in your practice

reply to post by preludefanguy


This is a really effective process you have described

Meditation is a great. Smiley, instead of 'finding' time'. If you find you start to get results from meditating, make this your new habit. Set the boundaries with your family. And look forward to your developing mediation skills. Its Smileys time

reply to post by zazzafrazz


yes

unfortunately a lot of people beginning meditation practice see it as something to 'conquer.'

When there is something to subdue, there is friction, a non relaxed state, there is agitation.

Make friends with the breath, make friends with meditation, and it will be a powerful ally to seek refuge in when journeying through this life.

Originally posted by darkbake
I didn't click on this because i didn't want to read it... finally I decided to see who wrote it... it was you? Well there are pretty bad withdrawal symptoms from stopping anti-depressants.

If reincarnation is real, I must have been Hitler in my past life.

Probably not...

Locked myself in the bathroom and had a good cry trying not to scare my husband and son. They're downstairs laughing at a batman movie. Good I don't want my son to know me like this. He wouldn't understand that crying helps me regain some sort of control.

Maybe they should know?

My doctor knows I want off the Seroquel, she's been titrating me down slowly. It just so happened my last step down coincided with getting that stomach bug. Now that it's over I've restarted the antidepressant but not the Seroquel. The doc said I was at a low enough dose now to stop when I called Friday.

My family knows I struggle with depression. My husband is a saint; he understands and is beyond supportive. I don't think my son needs to know just how nuts his mother is, he's only six. I don't want him to worry about it, and he's a sensitive little fella. When he's older I will explain it to him.

My whole family knows about this, it's not a secret. Normally I can keep things together and function, yesterday was just a bad day for whatever reason. I regret making this thread now, no one likes to have their weaknesses on parade. But maybe someone else who's suffering from depression will stumble across it one day and it will help them.

Originally posted by smyleegrl
Hello, ATS,

It's summer, schools almost over for two months, and I'm laying in bed crying my eyes out.

You recently posted a thread on teaching? You were discouraged with the school where you taught?

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this. Why do I feel so damn sad all the time?

I've been on antidepressants since college. Been on anti-anxiety meds for three years. Been on Seroquel for almost three years. Guess what. It. Doesn't. Help. All I do is numbly go thru my day.

Perhaps antidepressants are not the answer for you. Never worked for me either.

Talk therapy helps more - cognitive therapy has tools to use - if you use them consistently.

We live in a society that tells us we can get all our needs met RIGHT NOW with the correct coctail (I use the work purposely) of money and meds.

There's no joy in life. Nothing to look forward too. Nothing I want, except to stop feeling at all. No, I'm not suicidal, although there are days when I do wish all of this was over. I'm tired of it. Tired. Tired. So damn tired.

Sounds like an alcoholic/addict throught. Don't have to be a substance abuser to have the mindset of one.

Told the doctor I wanted off the Seroquel, which she was giving me to help me sleep. I want off all these meds. Titrating down from Seroquel but it has to be slow or you risk long term damage. Or so I've heard.

Best thing I ever did for my sleep problems was going to bed, consistantly, at nine o'clock at night every night. If I had things to do - I GOT UP EARLY. Never felt better. Here, is where I'm struggling with consistancy LOL.

Had some kind of stomach bug for a week. Today was the first day I've kept food down since last Monday. Not been able to take any of my medicine all week...couldn't keep it down. I will not restart the Seroquel or the anxiety meds. I did take the antidepressant today.

Do you want to be dependant on pharmicuedicals for the rest of your life? Do you want to depend on drugs for your well-being? Do you believe they will help you - is your experience with them shown you any evidence that they work or will work? Important questions to ask yourself.....

My emotions are on overdrive.

Again, addict type thinking/questioning

Is this a result of the week with no meds? Is it withdrawal?

Could very well be. Had a boss that almost died, when he was overseas and couldn't get his meds. Never knew
how harmful they were.

[quote\

Am I just a damaged human being and this is all I will ever know in life.....fear, sadness, sadness, sadness?



Maybe so, we all are to some extent. But, and I repeat but, are you going to let that get in your way?

I feel so guilty even asking that, me who has so much more than so many others. A family, a job, a home, a wonderful child....who am I to complain? I'm an ungrateful POS. there are millions who would love to have this as their only problems.

Focus on what you are grateful for (not the bad ideas) and what you do enjoy. Remember - whatever you give attention to will happen - come into being - be true.

Locked myself in the bathroom and had a good cry trying not to scare my husband and son. They're downstairs laughing at a batman movie. Good I don't want my son to know me like this. He wouldn't understand that crying helps me regain some sort of control.

Other people especially chidlren will know rerespective of how you try to hide it. What is best for your son is to have a parent who models how to handle something difficult. Let him know you are in pain - that pain and tears are okay - but that you are doing whatever you can to get past this. He will feel good knowing and helping.

I was taught never to show or experience emotions - I didn't have any model for how to handle difficult emotions -
anger, grief, saddness, self-pity, etc and suspect you didn't either. Let your family in.

Will it always be like this? Traumatic triggers and crying in the bathroom? Medicine doesn't work. Therapy hasn't worked and I have to stop anyway. My son needs therapy for his autism and we can't afford both.

Not if you tell yourself that over and over. You can get lots of help for both of you for free - if you are willing to look and work at it. You've got some time off of work - use it - you're a teaher - educate yourself. How much are you spending on meds?

Is there anyone else out there struggling like this? How do you get through it, the endless days and fathomless nights, never looking forward to anything? How do you cope with feeling too much and yet not feeling at all? How do you live your life as a contradiction in terms?

Lots of people - you are comparing your insides to others outsides.

I have a very strong belief that we create our lives with our thoughts and our words. What thoughts are you having? What words are you saying? I was once depressed and on antidepressants- then one day I decided I did not want to be a depressed person and I willed myself not to be depressed. I did it by stopping negative thoughts and replacing them with positive thoughts. That went on for years. Then I started to work on the words I was saying- stopping myself from saying negative things and focusing on positive things. It worked for me. My life isn't perfect but its a lot better than when I was depressed and on meds. Good luck to you.

Sal

reply to post by FyreByrd


I like the way you think You are straight to the point and pull no punches.

A is A

I can honestly say I know exactly what you are feeling. I struggle with depression and it is the hardest thing I've had to deal with in my entire life. It is such a struggle just to get out of bed every day, and once I force myself to get up I spend the entire day wishing that the day was over and I was in bed. I am ashamed to admit it, but I have thought ahout suicide quite a bit, but it is not something I would do simply because I could not abandon my wife & children. If they were not in the picture, I'm sure I'd be gone by now.

I wish I had some advice for you. Nobody deserves to go through such hell. Good luck to you. I hope you find a way out!

I lived in the darkness of depression most of my life. I never took any medication and it has only been the last six or so years that my state of mind has gotten better. For me I always believed that I had the power within myself to overcome my demons. I basically had to reprogram my mind, if that makes any sense. I was always one to look at the negative things in life, let all of the worlds problems affect me personally. I had to learn to appreciate the small things in life again. I had to learn to be a glass half full kind of guy instead of the glass half empty guy I was. Go outside, look at the trees, listen to the birds smell the flowers. Life is beautiful. Take a break from this site because It can be a huge downer sometimes. It definitely doesn't help with depression.

It will take time to overcome your depression but it will get better as long as you believe it will. Whenever you notice your thoughts being negative make a conscious effort to at least try to see the beauty of life. it all starts there.

Am I just a damaged human being and this is all I will ever know in life.....fear, sadness, sadness, sadness?

reply to post by smyleegrl


No you are not

What you are is a human being with the capability to feel and be in tune with your emotions.
These feelings may seem to be daunting at times but your capability to recognize them shows that your are in tune with your emotions and mind.

Obviously physical interactions can play a big role in the way you perceive your existence and although anti-depressants may seem to help sometimes they just mask the unresolved issues within your own self awareness.

I speak with allot of experience, being male and around strong-minded people was a soul sucking experience when I was depressed. The lack of concentration and willingness to interact made it feel like a bottomless pit of isolation and constant lack of motivation. I went on anti deps and they made things worse, so much that I became dumb and careless about the world around me, I made poor decisions by acting on irrational impulses that would of normally been avoided with a grounded sense of emotional recognition.

That was the past though and now I feel stronger than ever both physically and mentally. Although my circumstances are still not the most favorable of all I remain positive and grounded. Things can always turn around its just a matter of how hard you are willing to work towards those beneficial desires.

I started to exercise regularly but pacing myself until my fitness was quadrupled . That coupled with a healthy diet avoiding as much processed and preservative infested food as possible was the first step. I invested in a quality juicer and started blending my own concoctions of fruit juices that I consumed on a daily basis.

That was the start, as soon as I became physically healthier my mind began to ''heal'' so to speak, better control over thought patterns and a better sense of moral ensued with my regular exercising. I still get my off days but that happens to all of us and of course a chocolate here and a treat there is fine as long as it can be balanced with a healthy lifestyle. So I challenge you to pursue a similar path, you have 2months off so now is perfect. Good luck and keep strong lots of unconditional love from one stranger to another.

Ps, it has been 3years since Ive been off anti-depressants

Take liposomal vitamin C, get off the meds and walk 5 miles every day. In 3 weeks you'll be a new woman.

reply to post by FyreByrd


I have an addictive personality. I know it, and this is why I never drink alcohol and I've never smoked a cigarette. Nor will I.

Thank you for your post. It's given me a lot of hard questions to answer for myself, but that's good.

reply to post by FyreByrd


Cognitive therapy is incredibly beneficial

member Woodwardjnr posted this a few pages back.
mbct.co.uk...

reply to post by smyleegrl


Have you travelled much? Tried going to somewhere where there is less "noise"? Tried new things and spent time with people you haven't seen in a while?

Trust me going out, spending time amongst nature can really heal the wounds. The act of travelling to new places is uplifting because every experience is essentially new for your brain so you are getting massive reward signals firing off.

Staying familiar places becomes stale after a while, cold and lifeless at times allowing depression to creep in (the monotony of life).

Smile, it could be charity for someone!

this is a very positive thread

Thank you for posting it

the reason so many have responded, is because you're not alone

one of the main conditions afflicting humanity is the state of suffering

but there is a way out, and fyrebyrd asked some very good questions

change yourself from within, and the world will change in front of your very own eyes

medications are meant for physical ailments, which most of depression, is not really a physical ailment, as it is a psychological and spiritual one