I have a very hard time socially and in HS. Any advice?

reply to post by mossme89


In my opinion, and its just an opinion, the most important thing is to be yourself, whoever that may be. Most of the people in HS are all fake anyway, they pretend to be a certain way so people like them, but they are all just faking it, no one really knows who anyone is in HS. You dont want to be one of those fake people. Be yourself and be happy and confident in who you are. Life will follow i promise. You will never be happy in life until you are happy with who you are, who cares what anyone else thinks. Eventualy you will find your place in life. Lifes not easy for anyone, thats why so many pretend to be what ther are not, its easier, but those people are never truly happy.

hang in there kid life is tough in these years but your young and you have a life time to work out the personal weaknesses.We all have them. good luck

Hello! Here comes some MOM advice. Work on and focus on your grades. Sit at the front of the class. Take
advantage of your free opportunity to learn. It doesn't matter what anyone else says or does. I have moved around fourteen times nationally, and I look at the larger picture. When you are in your forties you won't remember anybody's last names or what they even looked like! Many people will even be dead. So focus on yourself, before you are a parent with many responsibilities and very little fun in life. Most high schoolers are very self absorbed and aren't thinking or paying attention to anyone else. The smartest/ hardworking rat wins. Beauty and popularity fade. Don't do drugs, don't drink, brush your teeth, wear your seat belt, and stop to smell the roses. You are healthy: everything works alright, no grey hair, no wrinkles, no fat, no huge responsibilitties...
no huge financial debits, you have got it made! A whole idealistic future awaits you! If all fails get self help books as you go through life at amazon.com. There are even books on how to make and have good friendships. Just remember we all go through phases and this too shall pass. My father used to say youth was wasted on the young...you have got it made. The rest requires work.

P.S. People come and go in your life for no particular reason, friends come and go. It just is this way.

reply to post by marinesniper0351


No shame, but caution no girl, especially in high school wants a boy with a dirty ding a ling

reply to post by mossme89

You sound like a genuine person. I hated high school for that same reason, luckily I did have a group of friends I found by the end. But just like everyone else is saying. Be yourself. Also don't worry about what other people think, just do what you feel is right. People will see you for a good person.

Also you have to understand that kids in high school are total dicks, they all do stupid crap to try to impress each other to fit in. Just be yourself and you will find friends that will like you for you.

I didn't have many friends the first two years of high school. I pretty much realized it was because I didn't like the kids I went to high school with. They were all as fake as you can be. Everyone trying to impress everyone else by putting on some kind of act. As George Carlin would say," It's a giant prick waving contest".

But if you want to take a short cut, do what I did. When your parents go out of town, tell everyone in your high school your parents went out of town and your having a party at your house. Get nice a drunk, smoke a little herb and just talk to people. Just make sure you lock up all the important things in your house to keep them safe. I'm not even kidding this for worked me, just don't make big deal about it either, just be yourself. But when you make friends, and you will, make sure you don't put on some kind of act like the rest of them. Just be yourself and the people around you will notice you don't have to have a fake attitude to fit in.
You don't want to fit in with the fake people anyway, some people get stuck in fakeness their whole life and end up being the worst type of people.

Anyway, don't even worry about high school. I had a group of people I called friends. A big group by the end. It's now been about 8 years since I graduated high school and I only consider about 4 of them really good friends.

Once you get out of high school life gets much much better in my experience. High school just seemed like jail, like a conditioning ground for a 9 to 5 consumer slave, like "the man" was trying to force you into something you know is wrong. I have made most of my best friends and had the best times after high school. So don't worry about what happened in high school just be yourself.

Also, people like to laugh, if you can make people laugh they will like you.

reply to post by mossme89


Ummm..... When I was in HS, and JHS and grade school, I was picked on unmercifully, bullied and beaten by that type that smirk as they cause torment, degradation and pain. I had no understanding then, I couldn't comprehend the why? You see, I was a wonderful, fragile, trusting and compassionate soul who was cursed with physical beauty. When your a boy, you shouldn't be the best looking in class, you shouldn't be "prettier" than all the girls. There are years of memories that I buried so deep that I can't find them still. Remembering and half remembering the other, larger, stronger, boys, my "friends" forcing me to the ground as they unzipped, held my head and forced their penises into my mouth.
Withdrawing into a shell so deep that in my seventh year I refused to come back from the anesthesia while having my tonsils out. Flash forward to JHS, still the "prettiest", thin, frail and innocently compassionate boy, the bloody noses the feet planted up the backside, the bruises, the humiliation. A classmate tells me that "they wouldn't pound you so much, if you only fought back."
That was a turning point of sorts...
The smallest boy in class, had, had enough, a monster was born. I chose the biggest of the big, I chose the place and the time, I chose to stand.
One of the school bullies was picking on another victim and I stopped it, I remember sitting on his chest, raining every injustice, every filthy, evil, sadistic episode, down upon his face.
He never had a chance, and from then on, until I moved away from that school the traditional poundees had protection, in the form of a small, thin, beautiful, demon.
I loved to fight, it was my drug of choice, until one day I beat another bully so incredibly senseless that he almost died.
I Then sought to understand the......why.......I studied self and human nature, connection and interaction, action and reaction.......I came full circle....I understand what makes a child a bully or prey, what makes an adult a saint or sadist....I found compassion, along with comprehension and I forgave them all, because they truly knew not what they did, or how they grew to be what they were.
I won't tell you that my path, was right.....it only.....was
I won't tell you to sacrifice your core, as I did.
I will tell you that every life, every moment, every particle and participant is unique, is amazing, that it even.......is

YouSir

OP: It seems like the best years of your life are on the horizon. What you need to do now is study. Try to go to the best university possible. If you go to an a good university, you'll find it easier to get along with people because people at quality universities aren't there to bully anyone; they're there to learn, and you're all in it together. Forget the bullies. Don't let them have any space in your head. This time will pass. Life will be good.

Oh crap, I remember how that felt. Thanks for reminding me (NOT).

It happens my friend, it hurts, and that's just the way it is. I'm not going to tell you that if you do x,y, and z that it's not going to hurt anymore. It is. But you do get through it, and you're stronger for it. My only advise is - give yourself a break.

reply to post by mossme89

Do more listing and dont talk so much.

None of the following is meant in a mean way, and I'm betting people will say don't listen to this but fuk it this is for you dude. Most people have given you the standard your better than that, soon you'll forget about school and be your own person. But I see you want tip so here is the key points

MEAN=COOL Mainly because you don't give a crap or take crap, so people will always stand behind a stronger presents.
NEVER EXPLAIN NEVER COMPLAIN. If you are always explaining you look weak if your always complaining your annoying.
BE ENTERTAINING This is the most important thing you can master if you are always entertaining people flock to you. I naturally love seeing the funny side of things(the best way is to be mean pick on things that are wack and say it as honestly and raw as you can) there is nothing better to do than chill with the lads and chat #.

If you are physically being bullied never leave that situation 1 having entertained them 2 making it as difficult as possible for them the actually bully you. I know you might not be able to stop them but if you make it difficult and boring. They will not bother any more.

The key thing your doing wrong is pointing the finger at yourself too much and not other people. You cant focus on your comebacks if they have you thinking something's wrong with you, so always gloss over what comment has been made about you and attack(there is where respect will build). People always say oh people can sense confidence that's bull people can see it though. And looking confident is piss, just keep a mind set like carefree and a tint of mean.

Don't be hanging around younger kids, I guarantee it will turn to oh here comes the old weirdo with no friends his own age. Plus people your own age will notice.

Over thinking is a massive no no. when you mess up Its because you visualised a negative pattern and followed it(you become what you think).

And to help you do this I have a simple method that always works when applied. In getting to any goal there is always a bit you visualise before hand and say something like oh I don't think I could handle the reply or what if my face gets red when I'm talking to her. But the key is gloss over the point play it down with a carefree attitude.Keep in your mind this moment will only last like 30secs . And you never have to worry can I gloss over a point as long as you are saying something not related its working and your going in the right direction to the bigger goal.

In summing up people like other mean,cocky,rude bad people. The trick is not to mean the things you say but still say them. Its up to you if you wanna change this way. This is the real way to fit in, I know it works. Though people will talk trash but iv giving you the actual answer you wanted not that sympathy crap.

reply to post by RANDOMguess


What he said

Dude, I can relate to what you're feeling. High School wasn't bad for me, it was Junior High that I really had a hard time. Especially because I grew up in Europe and then had to go to Junior High School and High School in the U.S. So on top of me being really socially awkward and a little shy, I was also going through culture shock a little bit. Even some of my teachers would treat me like garbage because there was a little bit of a language barrier that I had to break through.

I think I just got lucky in High School and met a couple guys that were also socially awkward so we hung out all the time.

College was different. Better. I was able to make friends that I wouldn't normally have made. But being in College also made me feel different. So that may have something to do with it.

Some things that I did (you don't necessarily have to take this to heart), I got into lots of weightlifting. Getting buff gave me a huge amount of new confidence. Girls started noticing me more and guys would be intimidated by me sometimes. It certainly DID NOT fix everything, but it definitely helped.

I'm going to reiterate what everyone else has been saying, though. Stick in there, man. It DOES get better. YOUR way of getting out of this will be the best way. Its different for everybody.

Katerna

bravo ATSers reading this thread makes me proud to be part of this site the advice and help given to this kid has been top notch .HS can be a a social mine field but it does not define who you are or will be come it is after all about learning and getting a good education to propel yourself into the career you want .maybe its a blessing in disguise that you aint being distracted from your studies ,so what if you aint one of the "cool kids" just be yourself and forget about it dont let it bother you just stand up for yourself dont appear weak and hold your head high.probably 90 percent of the kids at your school feel like you do at some time or another they just hide it alot better . its all about confidence in your own self and bigging up your own self esteem keep writing and dont lose love for others no matter how shallow they may appear in years to come they will look back and cringe at how they acted

How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships - Leil Lowndes
The Friendship Factor: How to Get Closer to the People You Care for - Alan Loy McGinnis
Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't - John Townsend

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Sri Oracle

I agree exercising getting in shape will help your confidence.

MY only advice is stop creating images about yourself. Because images get hurt - NOT YOU!!! ♥
YOU ARE unique and awesome being. There is only ONE example of you that ever existed and will exist.
STOP depending on other people approval or judgment.

P.S. Start asking questions to people you like and want to make friends - they are unique as well. Do not bother them with your stories unless they are funny as hell.

reply to post by mossme89


i know how you feel ,i went through the same thing at HS...be it a very long time ago all i can add is ...you are born an orginal................dont die a copy

reply to post by mossme89


I have some advice for you. Screw em! Once you are in college, none of these people are going to be around. Right now, just focus on getting good grades. Your grades and studies now are the most important thing. Everything changes so much after high school. Work on your studies, don't worry about these jokers at your school. Focus on your future, and stay strong. In a few years you won't have to deal with any of them. College, even community, is a whole different world. Good luck, and u2u me if you need =)

Much love

You have probably read/heard this 100 times by now...Just Be Yourself!! Reading your story reminds me of my husband, I didn't know him in hs but from what he tells me he had many experiences similar to yours. When he started college he joined a fraternity (not one all about partying) and it changed his life. As far as finding a girlfriend, you will. It seems that girls in hs feel the need to have relationships full of drama with bf's that treat them like crap...speaking from personal experience. I think it takes girls/ women a while to figure out that we really want a man that is going to treat us right...I am willing to bet you are that type of man:-)) Hang in there buddy!!

when i was young i had a morbid fear of EVERYTHING!!! crowds, strange people, gatherings..my god i was a mess!!! my freshman year in high school i joined drama class. this one move changed my life..my fears all went away over a very short time. not saying this would help you but it cured me.