I have a very hard time socially and in HS. Any advice?

reply to post by potatorampage



right on!

judging from the number of posts on this page, i would have to say a geek asked reformed geeks for the path to normalcy. i would also say, that if he boils all this info down, he will do better than all of us combined!

our little nerd is growing up! (wipe the eyes, you know its true)

if only we had this kinda forum when we were in hs.

reply to post by exo87


i had to disagree with you. the pain of a broken heart is the second most beautiful thing in the world.

reply to post by stormson


Perhaps to onlookers, or those who read emo poetry. I personally thing it's more painful than being hit in the testes.

Im 21 and when I was in highschool I was friends with two cliques the jocks/ popular kids and the drug heads.the drugies were my main group of friends I hung out with them on a dialy basis but I was real cool with the jocks to( a lot of them were undercover drugies) but when the popular kids made fun of "the losers" I always would get real mad at them and actually beat one of my friends of about 8 years for bullying this little pip squeak of a kid. Most of the quote loser and defenless kids with no confidence and they really don't bother anyone or want any trouble so in a way I guess I had 3 cliques cause a lot of the losers looked up to me and I would actually talk to them and kno them as people

Im a Junior in HS, and so far, ive had a pretty good time. Im not popular, but ive never been outcasted or left out. Just be yourself man, dont be influenced by others. If your talking to an awesome girl then you find out she has a boy friend, try to be a good friend for her, some one she can turn to if she needs help. But overall, just try to do good academically. I used to hang out in the library ever day my freshman year. Whether i read, drew, did homework, or played some Chess, i enjoyed it and i didnt care what people thought. Now, i only really go to the library to get a book to read, which i read about 1-2 books a week. The easiest way to get a long with every one, is to be care-free. Just go with the flow, tell some jokes. If you cause an awkward moment, change the subject. Dont walk away, they will remember that.

Forget friends and all the social BS focus on yourself and get good grades and further your education with college. Friends come and go just like girl friends at that age. You don't need to be friends with everyone. Find a good friend or 2 and focus on being able to take care of yourslef and your family.

To many friends usually leads to, to many disappointments. Some friends could turn out to be your worst enemy down the road. Who needs thier problems you have your own to focus on.

Thier is no "SOCAIL NORM" cause every human being is messed up in thier own way. Its all pretend my friend so don't be fooled.

It all changes when you get older and trust me your friends won't be there when you need to put food on your own table, have a roof over your head, and bed to sleep in.

You should use this time to prepare for a better future and then when you can take care of yourself get a friend if your bored.

I had a hard time at school, was bullied a lot. Was 3-4 hard kids in the school class I was in. I thought it was normal to bully other kids, because I didnt have any friends outside the class. That class was hell for 4-5 years.

Luckily I learned about integrity and friendship later, and I had a normal life after school.

The advise must be to hang around more than one group of people, if you are young you will get too indoktrinated if you hang around only one group.

It's like only watching Fox news. You need to watch other channels to see other angels of how things are.


in 2009 I started a thread on a danish forum about 911. Bullies showed up. Grown up bullies. I could even show them the free fall collapse of building 7, the building that was not hit by a plane, and explain to them that no building can collapse on its own in free fall. It is impossible without an explosive to remove the part of the building beneath the falling part.

no matter what I showed them they would attack my person instead of the arguments. Grown ups acting like kids. Other grown ups would even come in and achknowledge the bullies. Its like they defend their whole world. A world based on lies. Sad, really.

What can we do. We go away from the group that is based on lies and people without integrity. We go to a better group.

reply to post by mossme89


College is a completely different ballgame. I would really suggest going to a university and staying out of the community colleges as they tend to be "less social" and not what college life is suppose to be about. One of the only regrets in life that I have is not going to a university/college for the experience. Instead I took the technical college route which turned out great for my career but not for my social life. You'll fit right in no matter where you go though. Chin up!

reply to post by intelinside451


Hmm.. What i'm planning on doing is starting at a community college, seeing how i like it, then transferring to a 4 year university Idk, either way, i end up at a university. But the CC route at first is cheaper and more convenient. I'm not even sure if i'm ready for dorm life. I need to get a lot of sleep (8-10 hours a night), which doesn't exactly go along well with dorm life.

reply to post by mossme89


If your sleep schedule doesn’t fit well with college life, then change your sleep schedule. Your body can adapt. Your body doesn’t NEED 10 hours of sleep, it really only needs about 8. You don’t NEED to go to sleep at 9 o’clock either. It’s just about habit. Habits can change. Indeed, if there was ever a time to break habits and start new ones, the beginning of college is that time.

A lot of people with o negitive blood feel they don't belong or fit in.

reply to post by mossme89


I can safely say I had a pretty similar highschool experience as yours from the sounds of it. EVERYTHING changes after you leave highschool. Once you leave school you're no longer surrounded by the people who make you unfomfortable. My social group back then consisted of mostly 'outcasts' and 'weirdos', but I'd say we're all pretty normal now. I guess the best advice I can give is screw what other people say, just do you and if they think you're weird then their loss. Just stick around the people who make you happy, cuz after graduation you'll never have to deal with the other assholes again.

reply to post by RRJ58


Really?! Both my spouse and I are O negative and are both very social people, with great success. We are very able to morph easily given the our surrounding and the situation as is required.

As someone who also had difficulty in highschool and even well into adulthood, i can only advise you not to make such a big deal of it. This is first and foremost the most crucial thing i can tell you. Do not allow yourself to constantly nitpick on what youre doing. You speak bad? ok. That was one incident. Forget about it and move on. If you believe in G-d you should believe in your own ability to overcome with his infinite support.

It is COMPLETELY possible for you to become your true confident self and what this demonic feeling has over you is only temporary and it doesnt have to control you. It controls you only because it manages to get you afraid. If you no longer fear its power, or fear its manifestation, you no longer succumb to its ability to keep you in its grips.

I know. I dealt with a good decade of very low self esteem. It has taken a while and it has brought me many places. If it werent for lifes many problems i wouldnt have become what i am today. Have faith in yourself. Love yourself cause truly all people want you to love yourself. There are those strange, immature 'evil' types who just want to vaunt themselves on others, but dont worry about them. Just know that you have all the power. Dont give up!

I think America has gone soft. I had a #ty time growing up and felt terrible because everyone said if you try hard enough you can be president. The harsh reality is the more popular you are in life the further you get in modern society. Some people yearn for the need to fit in and wish they had it, some just do, others take it for themselves. I'm not saying what I said was right, but its true. Getting a job in this ruined economy is all about who you know or who's parents you know and getting promoted is often about licking boot. My father has worked hard his entire life and makes good money but has never been promoted because he's a social monster. He is an old school hard ass and everyone around him knows it so they dump all over him. The difference between him and me was he grew up in a foot in ass America so he could take it.

I remember when he yelled at me all the time I would cry, because my mother would coddle me. Now that I'm older and hard as nails I see why he did it. Personally I changed things and took what I could and add some social graces so I could play the game. It sucks to give up part of yourself for society but it sucks even more getting dirt kicked in your face everyday.

My grandfather grew up on an Indian reservation in Arizona, that had to suck so bad. He only made it to 3rd grade and still made something of himself. Instead of becoming emotional more people need to take that pain and make it into anger then turn the anger into fuel to make big moves. Maybe my formula is wrong or not right for everyone but my brother is an emo college grad working at Walmart and I am a successful individual working on early retirement.

reply to post by potatorampage


I disagree. I think its a combination of nature and effort. For instance, i had a difficult time in highschool and was 'soft' but ironically enough i have grown to become social and persuasive in settings that i usually had a difficult time in. To those who know me now i hardly seem like the same person.. It all has to do with self esteem. True, some people are better than others at certain things, and im not saying we can just force ourselves to become what we arent. But if were true to who we are, we can be likeable to all who know us, and to those who dislike us, we can ignore.

Paula deen (the fat loud woman on the food network) for instance had social anxiety disorder! Imagine that.

reply to post by SunSword


ABSOLUTELY EXCELLENT INPUT.

I persistently encourage students and used to counseling clients to do something similar. You have laid it out better.

Doing quality things is one of the most reliable ways to increase quality positive feelings.

Chaff and jerk people are not worth the time or emotions.

reply to post by mossme89


Got ya...Still though its hard to diagnose. I've seen doctors disagree quite strongly about the definition. I think often they are colored by their preconceived opinions. Aspergers is of course not something for which there is a definitive test for. Do you have any learning disabilities or contrarily special learning abilities? I have both, but could never understand growing up why most things in school I barely had to even try at, while there was a couple subjects I couldn't get no matter how hard I studied. Also don't discount the fact that having some Asperger's Symptoms means at the very least, that you may be on the Autistic Spectrum, even if the doctors are hesitant to label it as Aspergers. I only say these things, not to make you pity yourself, but on the contrary...for me it was enormously empowering. I had known there was something wrong my whole life, but without a name for it, I felt simply "wrong"...."damaged"....The only thing I can possibly think to compare it to, is to imagine someone who is gay, yet who has never heard the word before, nor realizes there are others out there with the same feelings....who then suddenly discovers that they are not alone. (hopefully That analogy does not offend anyone out there who is gay...It was simply the only scenario I can imagine that might be similiar)

oh so you found some little boys to play with... guess you dont need any advice

seriously tho... in a few months you will be out of high school and none of that will matter...

i just graded, had lots of friends all throughout school, but everyone breaks off and does their own thing when HS is all over anyways.. (except the morons that just keep that group of friends forever)

dont get me wrong i made a few gooood friends in HS, but the whole group/posse thing is a joke