I have a very hard time socially and in HS. Any advice?

reply to post by bhornbuckle75


Idk, I looked into it and a big part of aspergers is a lack of empathy. If anything, I have a surplus of empathy, so no fit there. A big part of my issues was that I spent most of my childhood not around my peers, but at home playing video games and on the computer. Because of that, I didn't have much social experience.

reply to post by mossme89

If anything, I have a surplus of empathy.

Bingo!

How much use do you think you'd be in an emergency, say if someone was in convulsions or bleeding heavily?

reply to post by Astyanax


I'd have to say I'd be pretty useful. I might be bored by the mundane stuff, but put me in a crisis situation and I'm totally focused on what i need to do.

I had something like this recently. While driving to the movies, a car spun out and crashed into a tree. As soon as i saw that, the 'gears' in my head starting going into overdrive. I started thinking of what i would need to do first, second, what situations could possibly arise, etc. The driver was okay (can't say the same for his car), and i wasn't needed, but it sort of proved my point to myself.

reply to post by mossme89



I went through a crappy four years of high school. I had a few friends here and there, but could have easily been picked on, laughed at, and disrespected in a multitude of ways. I'm 21 years old now. That's 3 years out of high school and I only figured out what the heck I was doing wrong in high school. I use to give a # about what other people thought of me. I cared so much that it made me think out everything i'd do. And when I did something stupid, I would think about it over and over again and wonder why I didn't do this instead of that. Main thing you gotta do is YOU. Accept who you are and people will accept you too. If you're a corny and geeky guy, then be that and if people wanna crack jokes, who gives a #? Have confidence in what you do. I may be on some hypocrite type stuff but I wish I could hop into a time machine and go back to HS and # some people up, because I was to pussy to do it back then.

The people that cast judgment and are openly ignorant and rude to you are 9 times out of 10 elevating themselves because deep down inside, they feel like # or are even more insecure then someone who outwardly shows it. Main thing bro ... you find your own happiness, don't let the thoughts or acceptance of others control that.

reply to post by mossme89


College is so much better than HS. I absolutely hated HS, teachers were dumb as rocks, the kids in my class are douches and always thought they were better than everyone else and not to mention the complete waste of time. If the kids in HS don't like you then f**k em, after you graduate you probly won't ever see them again anyway.

Have to say, you guys are right that college is much better than HS. I went for a college orientation today and the people were very friendly and open, even some i didn't know but who i just went up and talked to about the school. Plus, there wasn't much of the cliques. Most people were on their own or with 1 other person. And the environment was very open, unlike HS, where you get the feeling that you're in a prison. There were people hanging out all over the campus in between classes, some in groups, but i didn't get the exclusive clique feeling that i got from HS. After today, I'm starting to see high school for what it is, an immature, superficial environment that is meaningless in the real world.

Though the hard part is getting through the last 3 months. I like to listen to my iPod at lunch sometimes if i'm having a bad day because it helps me calm down, but i have to do it in the bathroom, otherwise I'd get my iPod confiscated. And sometimes i might be texting my dad for advice and such. It's such a pain to have to hide my phone while texting and being constantly worried that it'll be confiscated. I'm pretty territorial with my stuff, and the last time a teacher tried to confiscate my phone, i told her downright no. At the time, I didn't quite understand why it was such a big deal that i was texting in the hallway. Things got kind of messy, but i was able to get off with my phone and no punishment. Now what i do is carry an old phone in my backpack to hand over if they ask to confiscate my phone

reply to post by mossme89


I'm glad you had a positive experience. The thing with college is that everyone (especially freshmen) are in the same boat, they are all new, they all want to make friends.

Did I read that you were going to a community college? Really make an effort to meet people, in class, clubs, etc. it is especially true at c.c. that people tend to go there and go home or work. It is very easy to isolate yourself, but it is not necessary. I went to a c.c for a few years and made a lot friends, just open up. On the other hand my sis's bf has been at one for a year and only has one friend because he is an extremely reserved type of person.

Just put yourself out there and your bound to make a few friends. As for the girls, take it easy, just let things develop if a girl seems interested ask for her number, but don't come on too strong.

Actually, I dated a few people from study groups, hmmmmm I wonder if that's why I invited to join in any event it worked. You get to know the person a little bit and it isn't completely awkward.

reply to post by searching4truth


Yep, it's a community college, but not small by any means, with over 10,000 people. The campus is very nice and i thought the people would just come, go to class, then leave, but i was surprised to see many people sitting around just talking to friends or studying.

I'm going to have to steal your study group idea. Should be a good way to make friends.

Oh yeah, and i forgot to mention that there were a couple girls checking me out

reply to post by mossme89


Just to clarify, it is actually its a lack of demonstrated empathy, which is differs quite a bit from not feeling empathy at all. Its an easy mistake to make, but an actual lack of empathy would be someone who does not feel it....more like a psychopathic individual. Asperger's sufferers (although I don't think of it as suffering, at least in my case) simply have a hard time understanding the correct method for expressing empathy, or in some situations they may not feel the same emotions for the same reasons as others, and will be either confused as to why others are, or are not feeling the same about a given situation that they are. Sort of a mismatch of empathy in those situations. None the less, I don't want to push you into thinking you may have this. You should likely know better than anyone about your condition, and I wouldn't want you to think that I was recruiting for some Asperger's Militant Movement or anything! (we have senses of humor too...although sometimes its a bit off kilter)

Ugh... Any ideas on how to fight senioritis? After attending a college orientation, doing HS stuff seems harder than ever before. College is very open and HS is closed & like a jail.

I almost got my phone confiscated today when i was texting my dad on how immature the kids were compared to college. It's like you so much as look at a HS girl, and they get creeped out. No social awkwardness is acceptable. The college kids seemed much friendlier. I was friendly towards them and they were friendly towards me. If i tried to talk to a HS person i didn't know, they give off an aura of "why are you talking to me?", and often assume the worst.

reply to post by mossme89


senioritis only has one cure, graduation So, suck it up and make sure your behind doesn't wind up in summer school, bc that would be horrible.

read this for a perspective on high school life in China

# high school

pointless bullllll

Here is my personal opinion... those mean cliques will end up working in walmart and these high school years will be THEIR best years. Let them have their 3-4 years. YOU on the other hand will only become more and do better because you aren't a small-minded a-hole. It is truly a movie-making moment when about 3-4 years later you are going thru the walmart checkout and there is the cow who was driving you nuts for that time in highschool. That is when you count every LAST penny and root around for another 5 minutes in your pocket, purse, backpack, etc.. and just torture the living crap out of them... then as you walk away, smile and say,"isn't life soooo much better than high school?".

Yea, I went the low road... but it was funny.

You are awakening at a rate faster than your intellect can keep up with...relax, it eventually catches up.

So, that being said, for the time being just try to be tolerant and keep the ones you can connect with close.

The "dating" pool in HS is weak sauce and immature...be patient, amazing relationships are headed your way, and the more you find yourself, the less external "friends" you will have.

What that means specifically is that friends are attachments, and as you awaken more, you will find friends everywhere.

Read anything by Ramana Maharshi, and see how the words settle within your heart. This will clear up the loneliness better than anything.

Need anything, message me!

i hear you,bro. i did not really have a hard time in high school, but had all kinds of social problems from the get go. i was teased from my very first day in kindergarten until dropping out of my first year in junior high. it caused me to isolate myself, and i had such bad social anxiety, that i very nearly ran out of my first job orientation at a fast food place for fear of being ridiculed for any mistake i made. what was worse, i also have met awesome girls,who would flirt with me,only to find out that,yes,they had boyfriends.
if your parents are willing to listen and help,tell them. mine eventually let me get my ged, and start working,so that i didn't have to put up with all that bull.
one other thing that i've learned(the hard way) was to remember that people are frequently trying to joke and horse around,and may not be serious about what they're saying,and so i've learned to poke fun at myself,and that can frequently make one likeable. for example, i stopped at a job site one day,and a man came out and started saying "you make me sick"etc. to me. but knowing he was joking, i said stuff like, "i can't blame you",etc. and everything turned out allright. that's just what's helped me.
also realize: you can watch them screw up time and time again,because everybody does it, big shots included.
if they ridicule you,then they are the asses,not you,and that's their problem.
one final thought: look for your talents,and capitalize on them. find something you're good at, and be the best.
i was a really silim kid in high school,until i started, just to relieve stress, doing just 20 bench presses a day. i added 5 pounds each week, and ended up not so slim anymore. so, whatever you're good at get into it full bore, and you'll have something to back you up.
i'm just saying what helped me,and i hope it helps you out. i sympathize,and i have been there.

reply to post by Hendrix92TheUniverse


You are right. I have wanted to leave the USA for years but remain sort of stuck in the limbo of poverty and wage slavery. It's a sticky web to be in debt. I've been learning some Spanish and live right on the border so I could flee the country in case of a Nazi crackdown on anarchist punk conspiracy theorists like me. I don't want to wind up in some concentration camp. I'll head for South America.

reply to post by mossme89


Oh, there is so much stupidity in this thread, that it kind of Embarrasses me.

First off, mossme89, Don't listen to the people who tell you to just "Be yourself", because they are apparently assuming that you are not already being yourself.

It is a cliche, throwaway pseudo-wisdom line that people tell to others, when they haven't the foggiest Idea about what to say.

Honestly... it's embarrassing.

Secondly, You want social Interaction in High School?

You best learn to berate others to make yourself look more important than you actually are.

High School is essentially where humans are the most vicious and cruel, thanks to minimal parental and adult supervision during social interaction.

If you want to know what makes you seem "Better" socially, just study animals. Be Aggressive (Not Violent) Be Assertive, Assume that you are the best thing EVER, and Fake it ALL.

High Schoolers can't tell the difference between Real confidence, and Fake Confidence.

I've been bullied and have been an outcast my entire life. I struggle with social norms with what to do and what not to do. I've gotten a lot better, but still mess up a lot. Whether it's saying the wrong think, doing the wrong thing, hanging around too long, etc.

Yes, the bullying is a show of dominance, just like in the animal kingdom.... If you BULLY, you are seen as "Alpha" by a psychological mechanism known as "Social Proof" (also, "Information Cascades"), and if you are BEING BULLIED, you are seen as Weak, less attractive, less Socially "High Class"

High Schoolers are basically like animals man... Animals.

en.wikipedia.org...
en.wikipedia.org...

If I do something socially awkward and the person seems offended/weirded out, it makes me feel terrible because oftentimes, I lose a possible friendship, and quite frankly, I could use all the friends I can get.

Often times, it is your feelings of guilt or awkwardness that causes them to GET weirded out.

If you say something, Say it with conviction, and confidence... it doesn't matter *WHAT* you say, because High Schoolers do not LISTEN to what you say, they only pay attention to HOW you say it...

Because they are ANIMALS.

I'm usually pretty confident, but then I have times like this where I did something socially awkward with good intentions (I went up to someone I know during her lacrosse game when she was on the bench to give her a high five, and she snapped and got mad at me for coming over.)

That happened, because you are seen as low on the Social Ladder, and that person did not want to have their Social position lowered by associating with you.

Don't believe me?

Talk to them when no-one else is around, and see if they still get angry with you.

and I feel terrible. And I just feel sort of invisible sometimes, like I don't matter.

Listen... and Listen Good.

Do not judge yourself by how well you WIN or LOSE at stupid Games that DO NOT MATTER.

These people are, for lack of a better word, DIRT.

Anyone who would judge you, based on the prior judgments of others, or your self confidence, or whatever... is not deserving of the most basic human sympathy.

YOU matter to *YOU*

IF they think you don't matter, it is because they judge people on the most superficial criteria (Get USED to it, it happens everywhere in America, and No, High school does not end after senior year, it just gets more subtle)

Another part of this is that I feel I'm not good enough sometimes. It hurts to meet an awesome girl with a great personality only to find out she has a bf.

Girls are attracted to Social Status, and Dominance... they do not become women until they evolve past this High School Mentality.

Again, Get Used to it.

There are all different of groups and personalities. I'm sort of eccentric and unique and am unlike anyone else.

And that's the problem.... you *ARE* unique... you are "Different" you don't fit into the "Social Group"

And that is something that the Animals don't like.... things that are Different.

Have you ever noticed that the most popular people are usually the most plastic, homogeneous people there?

Yes, Conformity is Popularity.

If you do not conform to the "Status Quo" you will not be popular at all.

I really care about people and it just hurts when I'm treated like a stalker in return, makes me really doubt myself, you know?

Look, how you behave around other people does not matter.

You are not being labeled a "Stalker" because of how you act.

You are being labeled a "Stalker" because you are not popular.

I wish there was an easy way to break this to you... but they look down on you, because you don't act how everyone ELSE acts... you don't think how everyone ELSE thinks, and they see you as a threat.

They might even be spreading rumors about you behind your back... this is how they think, this is how the keep their dominant position in the social hierarchy.

Please don't say to focus on my grades.

Yeah, that one went over pretty well, eh?

That seems to be one of the primary cookie cutter responses, don't it?

LOL!

People don't seem to understand how important a social life is to me.

It's not that they don't understand, it's that they don't CARE.

If they CARED, they would be giving you Real Advice, and the Truth, instead of sugar coated platitudes not fit for the unwashed proles.

Don't get me wrong, i still go through the motions of "learning" (if you can call it that) in school, keep my grades up, but it feels empty and doesn't make me happy.

IT is empty, it is designed to make you conform, so that you will never question authority.

Those who submit their minds to the authority of the hierarchical structure get rewarded with social interaction.

Those who are still able to use their minds, and don't just regurgitate the latest fads and Televised popular lines, are outcast from the society because they don't CONFORM.

I focused on my grades for 11 years and it got me nowhere except alone in my room and miserable.

Let me give you some Reading material that will help you out:

The Red Queen, by Matt Ridley
The Evolution of Desire, by David M Buss
The Selfish Gene, by Richard Dawkins

That should get you started on human psychology, and group social interactions and their hierarchies.

Good Luck, young one.

Total "Be Yourself" advice on this thread:

page 1: 9
page 2: 5
page 3: 2
page 4: 3
page 5: 2
page 6: 6
page 7: 2
page 8: 4
page 9: 9
page 10: 3
page 11: 1

Do you see what I mean about the Conformity now?

I look at these figures, and I would think the Irony is quite stifling, if it weren't so hilariously tragic.

reply to post by ErtaiNaGia


In highschool some of my friends would take turns making fun of each other in witty ways in front of others. They also acted gay. Sometimes making fun of yourself in a confident way can work well.

Of course, Being yourself isn't the most direct way to increase your social interaction, but you really need to think about how fake you want to become, and weigh the options of being popular compared to liking who you actually are.

Popularity is nothing but a self esteem thing anyway.