My Friend Who Committed Suicide (Important Read)

Reading your post, feels like i was writing it. The same thing happened to me, the best friend I had, killed himself, and he was the only person that I could share my thought with no fear of judgement. He was the exactly same type of person that you described tour friend, amazed by the universe and the world, living each day filled with love and grace, wouldn´t hurt a fly. I really miss our conversations, about quantum physics and artificial inteligence, at the age 12 he told me that someday, we would build machines and send it to other planets, so this machines would harvest the minerals, and start building another civilization all by themselves, fully automated. At the time, nobody could believe him, but I was sharing the same ideas. We had so many incredible conversations about ufo, politics, meditation, reading your post made me remember how great my friend was an how I miss him. I wish I could go back in time and do anything possible to avoid what he did, but I always respected his choice. anyway, nice to see there is still people with heart on this website. I am really tired od reading same headlines over and over, i´m about to give up on this whit place, because people no longer want to discuss about eveything, they just pick a main subject and keep arguing over and over, no actions, no reflections, just a bunch of people with spare time doing nothing produtive. Instead of writing useless posts or making ridiculous comments, why don´t we gather up in order to solve problems, to really create real life actions. We keep this great of source of knowledge tied up to a few poor subjects, let´s talk more about meditation, about love, about comunity living, about friendship, I can clearly see we are loosing each day our humanity and becoming humanoids od the cospiracy. But not me. Anyway, I am really sorry that you lost your friend like I did. But let´s face it, they are vanguardists, they knew everything first, it´s no surprise they went to the death adventure before we Cheers, from Brazil

Sorry for your loss.


But, you know what I'm thinking. I think he didn't feel welcome here, because he thought differently than what maybe his parents may think, or other people around him. I know how it is to not have your ideas supported. To be looked at like you're from outer space because you think that supplements, diet, etc can cure disease. To be looked at as strange because you don't support the health care system. It's hard. But, I have my views now, and I really don't care if everyone agrees. I'm getting better at standing my ground. See, what I think, is he had connections, maybe family or friends that gave him a hard time for what he believed. He wanted to be heard, but having people give you crap about what you believe can be crushing to some people. It drags the person down. I bet he had people in his life that gave him crap for the ideas he had.

Think about it. You have this great idea for a business, then some "friend" calls you stupid, and says it won't work. That's hard for some people to deal with.

And the truth is, the worst thing you could have done to him is send him to get mental help with a Psychiatrist. One of the biggest conspiracies on planet earth is Psychiatry, and its drugs and its barbaric "help." I've seen too many people flushed down the crapper with this "help." Psychiatry doesn't allow you to think for yourself, they tell you what you are supposed to think, and chain you to lifelong drug use. You go into a Psychiatric clinic and mention UFOs and 911, and I'll bet you, you will likely be thought of as crazy. There is no room in those stinking hospitals for free thinkers and dreamers.

What he needed more than anything was supportive friends and family. And, I know you were a good friend to him. You allowed him to speak his mind. You are a very good person for that. Bless you.

Troy

Originally posted by aspx
what a sad story, it truly sounds like some emo has taken just to much drugs and decided to take his life by jumping from a bridge horrible ending.

Well, its clear that you did not get the message, or the reason why he actually ended his life. I am not singling you out, nor am I insulting you. I am just stating the obvious. It wasn't as simple as someone just taking too many drugs. It goes much deeper.

Namaste and Love

To the OP
First, my heart felt sympathy and to the best that I can my empathy.

Second - I want to offer you friendship.It sounded like he was the only friend you could talk to about the esoteric and "far out" ,but you have this site if you need and if you want maybe there's a way we can exchange emails and im sure there's others who will certainly feel the same. I know that a Virtual friend to talk to about this stuff doesnt come close to getting rid of the hurt - but maybe it can help. And you certainly dont have to feel like there's no one to talk to on these subjects.

Lastly - I dont want to add to the same extreme "mental masturbation" that i myself am guilty of and that is inflicting us all at this time, but I really do believe there's an evolutionary shift happening and not necessarily human, alien or otherwise, but its physical. We are moving through the center plane of the galaxy right now and its documented the changes that have taken place to life forms on the earth everytime this happens. This is the first time its happening to are human form. As far as we know.
So I think this is a lot to handle for ALL of us and some of us are connecting wider, deeper and more quickly (space and time) than others and its testing the boundaries of our manipulated genetic make up that has been propagating itself in the actions of humanity for thousands of years.
In other words, a slave race learning to be free - it aint easy!

I hope this doesnt give you a headache and maybe a tinge of peace or something positive anyway.
Sorry again.

Drew

ps - there's no death - really - even though we see seperation and it kills us! - are souls are choosing everything

reply to post by Jonas86


I am very sorry for the loss of your friend.
The first thing that became evident to me was his change in behavior which is a clear indication of the onset of depression.

He had already exhibited compulsive behavior when you had described his study habits day in and day out.

Unfortunately this kid burnt himself out, people don't accept the deadly effects of stress on the human psyche.

He spiraled out of control when he threw himself out of balance upon having stopped relieving stress via outlets such as his interest in sports.

Just like the ancient chinese symbol the Yin Yang. Everything in our world has equal and opposites. Light and dark, solid and liquids,hot and cold,positive and negative. One is dependent upon the other creating symmetry and balance.

We need to maintain balance in our lives as well or else you will most likely become excessive compulsive ending up as your friend did. Conspiracy theories or not, it isn't necessarily the subject of the compulsion but the nature of compulsion itself.

Too bad his parents didn't see the problems manifesting when he stopped his studies and playing sports.
All he needed was a new outlet in which to vent such as music , the arts or even a girlfriend who shared his interests.

So take this as a very important lesson in life, and that is the importance and necessity of balance and symmetry in all of our lives

I'm sincerely sorry about your buddy. I can relate to him so much it's kinda scary. (not the good grades part but the cosmic truth seeking and depression part.) I've gone so far down the rabbit whole I feel lucky that, although I've had severe mental breaks from reality, I haven't suffered a full psychosis. Of course, by "reality" I mean the popular version of reality.

I think it is important to warn people who are on this path, because it takes a lot of mental strength to be able to absorb and process all this knowledge of TPTB and ET life without your world completely crumbling. At the same time I don't see it as a negative thing, he wanted to know the absolute truth and for some the only way to do that is to cross over. It's not easy to be calm and grounded when we're in the eye of the storm and everything around us seems to be getting worse, especially when we see or experience or believe in something that can't be explained or widely accepted and we get labeled "insane."

I believe it's crucial that when you start allowing your perception of the world to change that you balance it out with meditation or drawing or find someway of maintaining a peaceful mind amidst the perceived chaos. Another way to find peace is to simply change your perception of the chaos and realize it's all part of the process of awakening every single one of us.

there is no beginning and no end, we never cease to exist, we simply transform and trade this world for another. So there's nothing to fear, this is a great adventure we're all on, enjoy the ride.

Very sorry to hear about your friend Jonas - it seems to me that many people completely lose sight of things when they start this search in to the ufo field and related subjects - I myself became totally immersed in the subject to the point where your online almost all of the time and i can see how some people could cross over from reality into another zone ......you might find a balance !

reply to post by Jonas86


From where I sit, it looks to me then like he saw the truth and he reacted in the correct manner for him. There *are* conspiracies everywhere. Human society is rife with it - always has been. If he came from a place where he believed that humans are good and clever and oh-so-righteous, then yes, he would have lost the plot a bit. But he still saw the truth.

And who's to say that his solution wasn't the correct one? Perhaps he took his freedom rather than waiting for it. In any case, this was his time. Perhaps he didn't think he could adapt to the things that are coming. Death is not a closure. It's a temporary break from this game we play down here. He'll be back shortly and will probably be better equipt to deal with the new ways that will come into play within the next few years.

Just watch and see what happens. Things will change beyond recognition.

reply to post by Jonas86


That was the most eloquent, yet humble, posting I have read on this website. And among the most riveting and thought-provoking the Internet has brought my way. Thank you for baring your soul to me/us. Your genuine nature shines through your words, as does your love for your friend and your heart-felt concern for your fellow man.

First of all, forgive yourself for not being omnipotent. You had no control over your friend's situation, including his state of mind. Everything you said and did was of best intention, and based on the information and beliefs you held as truth. We all second-guess that we could have prevented something, when we know in our hearts we did everything we possibly could with the knowledge at hand.

It is so hard to speculate as to why he took his own life. May I ask a question? Did anyone actually see him jump? Did the authorities rule out the possibility he may have fallen? Considering how emaciated he was, I just wondered if he may have passed out and fallen...?

There is more I would share with you, if you welcome it, about yourself and your grieving process: Shock/Denial, Anger, Depression, Fear, Bargaining, Guilt, Acceptance. There is no set order for these feelings, no specific time-table or duration. I do know this... you can't take a short cut. You must feel what you feel and accept it for what it is. It is not easy, but you will come through it, and you will have an even deeper appreciation for this life we all share than you do already.

I wish you peace and love.
Goodnight, friend.

All mammals are familial for a Reason.
ItIs. Why fight the river.....of life?

All humans are familial for a Reason.
It is necessary for their development to even understand or seA what I've just written. I know no mammal that can do the same, by design.

Many souls shed their shells without the pearl though the diamond Is and one day will be revealed for what Itis.

"I", In-vision, envision One human as a neuron unto the brain. The brain unto the cosmos that when collectively connected, will Shine full shakra (forlackofabetterword) with unity and purpose. That would be One powerful force In creation .....so powerful it becomes boundless.

This is in the future.
So "I" seA.
It is as a needle in one's furlow.
You know.

An animal will suffer enormous pain to remain alive; to B-E+N creation. Here BenG? Been G? If so, you have nothing to hide. If not, you hAve nOthing to hide. It's all 'out' there. I can fEEl it. U?

Some humans have been instructed to be otherwise, unto their own despair. A spiral of infinity is infinite for a Reason. It doesn't work in reverse. It always ends in destruction. Do U seA what I mean.

A human action is as a hydrogen bond.
A human collection is as a covalent bond.
The allegory works for me.
It may for U.
It may not.

So Be it.
U.....


[edit on 17-7-2010 by Perseus Apex]

OP, thanks for sharing your story on ATS. I know how hard it is. After my brother commited suicide I also wrote it down on these forums and it did give me some releave (the replies from others, the recognition, understanding...), I hope it did the same for you as well.

Suicide is the hardest way to loose someone, especially when the reasons are unknown or uncertain.
I know, you probably dwell on this for years to come and it will keep hurting, but eventually you'll find your way to accept it and forgive your friend for what he did. In the mean time I wish you all the best... don't forget that your life goes on

reply to post by GypsK


$uicide is an unnatural trait.
If one is unhappy.....
Move.....by your internal compass.
It's path may be rugged though True.
For this, it may be Right.
Only you will know.

Time is truly fleeting at this very moment.
I know what your feeling.
I've been there, though It Was not to be found.

What is true bears the light as a Soul/Spirit/Karma W?HAYou.....
Light truly exposes the shadows of (conformity) for what it is.
Creativity Is the spice of life.
Why spoil it for a few lost SOls?
There is always time to try again.
Work smart, then hard comes to mind.
Works for me when I can find it.
The only 'degree' that mattered came from the heart.
Your Mother's heart beat with your first spark.
Your 'spark' of creativity.
May UR Soul find it's way from whence it came.

This is what "I" have to say though I have found confirmation for what I seA. This is what matters. If you don't agree, then you don't agree. The Angle is always Right whether your compass works.....or not. ItIs.

Ok, nOw I rest.
A 'little' warmer than before.
'Good' night.....as a firefly in the Rite?
YOur choice.

With the Right electromagnetic current, they're weightless. Imagine that.....

MJ12 isn't necessary.
How can one create without knowledge of itself?
Without a foundation of Reason and Truth, where one can find it, there is no foundation for One's pyramid of being, their inner fractal of beeing as only 'they' can be.....

What Was the frequency of UR?
Atlantis Blue?
It's the frequency.

Do U believe there's A
That's what "I" thought?
Or did one ever fathom the idea.
Yet it radiates In the dawn of a new day +>+ to the tune of a spiders web at just the right gravityAForce to 'do' the job. We are all currently flying through that web so to speak. This is as "I" seA it. Are you 'grounded'.

I will be away for a while.
'Good' for U

Regardless, the cosmos iSWas Right on time.....
This is Truth.
Be Warm.
Please?


[edit on 17-7-2010 by Perseus Apex]

reply to post by Jonas86


it is very sad that people choose this way in life and for their death, i do however feel it is one of the most inconsiderate and selfish things to do with absolutely no regarrd for anybody elses feelings than your own, and that evryone has the right to be angry at this person for what he has put his family and friends through, they are the the ones left behind who have to pick up the pieces and spend all of their time wondering if they could of done something to prevent that event, no parent should ever have to bury their child, and a child should remember that, and carry the burden of depression if only just to save the torture that suicide would bestow on their loved ones

I have a book to recommend, it's free online:

www.ascentofhumanity.com...

The real danger lies when the program of control succeeds in clamping down on our creative life-energy. When internalized coercive mechanisms and external addictions overpower the soul in its struggle to break free, the soul can still play its one remaining trump card. If an escalating series of crises is not enough to dislodge us from the wrong life, then death is the natural choice. Sometimes the rut is just too deep, the labyrinth of self too bewildering, for a person ever to emerge. (I am not speaking here of deliberate suicide, which is usually just another means of avoiding the pain, a futile last-ditch attempt at control.) When hope fails that we may transcend the diminished selves of the world under control, then our true selves engineer the final escape from the illusion of separation.

[edit on 17-7-2010 by pai mei]

Originally posted by Jonas86
If you have comments about this, I would be interested to hear. I would also be interested to hear from you why you think this happened to my friend (other than being raised as not being allowed to express emotions probably as much as people normally do, which left his mind vulnerable to the world of conspiracy, and made him thrive for the universal love.)

Your friend knew what he was talking about, and it makes me sad to read that you, supposedly his friend, actually felt he was kind of crazy. He must have felt very alone.

Just wait a few years and Ill promise you that you will realize that he was right about everything he said. The consciousness of humans is changing rapidly, weather you are open to it or not at your current stage.



[edit on 17-7-2010 by Copernicus]

reply to post by Jonas86


NIU could/should take a walk in nature. Holistic medicine and modern medicine is the future. The Creator did not make mistakes. Mas fresca fruitas y vegetables por favor.

Know what U mean.....as a Golden Mean of Justice unto the pillars of Truth.

All that may come to my knowledge in the exercise of my profession or in daily commerce with men, which ought not to be spread abroad, I will keep secret and will never reveal.

The following phrases were later appended.
For No Good Reason.
"Change wE All can believe In?
One will find out either way, sOmedAy.....


[edit on 17-7-2010 by Perseus Apex]

First of all, I am sorry for your loss and I am really sad we have lost a good man.
Secondly I don't think your friend was mentally ill. Actually, I am happy that he opened himself to nature and opened his eyes on this unjust and cruel world we are living in. That may have been too much for him to handle.

Moreover he believed, like me, in a collective consciousness and 'life aftre death'. That certainly pushed him to commit such act, being tired of life on Earth.

Unfortunately, suicide is a dangerous thing to do. We have been granted life for a purpose. If anybody feels the same way he did andnot knowing anymore if life is worth it, please message me. I can explain a few things to why a premature death is the worst thing you can do to yourself.

This is especially trippy to me, as I feel your description of your friend is me - without the psychosis part.

But, everything from being good scholastically, heavily social and into sports, but somewhat consumed by all the strange # that goes on in the world with limitless time/access to 'study' all things ATS.

It can get a little overbearing sometimes.

He should've spent some time on here - in the midst of all the turmoil and debate, there is a kind of family/community feeling, here.

Sorry for your loss.



[edit on 7/17/2010 by SquirrelNutz]

Hi,

Your thread is a warning message for those that is researching for hours after hours in their mission in finding the truth in all aspect, to take their research with moderation and to understand that is their limit in terms of taking and processing too much information and when ever you feel that you sanity is about to be lost, take a break, maybe 1 week without visiting sites like ATS and not doing any further research until you start to feel back into balance again.

Well, in my case, I have years of researching and trying to find out what is the truth, in fact, thanks to my research I have left the religion of Catholicism and I have prevented my self from joining other religions such as "The Orthodox Church", "The Church of God", and "The Seven Day Adventists".

When I left the Catholic church My main focus was joining the Orthodox church, but as I kept on researching I found that the orthodox church were also not in perfect line with the bible, so I researched The Church of God, they were more fundamentalist than the orthodox, but then I kept of researching and came across "Ellen G. White" which is a messenger/prophet for 7day adventist, so I purchased her book read it, found it interesting, downloaded the MP3 version of it, heard it while meditating almost at bed time to ensure full grasp, even visited a local congregation to see how they are (in person) and to even ask questions. Then, more controversy came in, the bible having numerous contradictions, and moral conflicts (the slave trade, etc, etc), then about Jesus Christ, and its pre savious clones such as Chrisna, Horus, and 10's other that has a story line so similar to Christ that it even looks like if the Jesus Story could have been a direct rip off of previous saviours stories from more ancient religions. With that said, I made my next (and current) move of not following any world's religions, I came with the conclusion that all religions were created to control people and/or to make a few select (eg. the founders, etc) rich/kings, etc... So, I dont follow religions, the bible, but I do think that the Bible might have encoded secrets that may lead to understanding how to enter the spiritual world, immortality, etc I just dont take everything that is written in the bible literally, its more like a message than any thing else.

I currently seek knowledge, I am of a"Scientist" type of individual, that have been exploring things since I was little, I have been born with certain gifts, for example, I successfully fixed a tape radio when I was like 8 years old, it took me about 2 hours of thinking, but I did it using common sense in the mechanics of the things, so people say that I have a good "mechanical" know how. Currently I am a professional computer tech, again, nobody taught me this but my self, same with the installation of CCTV (Closed Circuit TV) surveillance cameras, all through the good use of "Common Sense" I am able to achieve things that otherwise would require years and years of study for other people without my gift to achieve.

So, I frequent ATS alot, mainly in search of new information that I can process and leave my conclusion to me (whether I think its real, or horse bull *** fake/hoax,) I try to use absolute discernment with everything I read, I try to locate source to validate certain information.

As for spirituality, such as Angels and Demons, here is my take:
Demon, comes from the Greek word "Daemon", which in turn translate to English to "Beings of Genius", so in essence, when the Catholics says "We are against All Demons", they are saying "We are against All Geniuses", hey it makes sense, they try to keep every one as ignorant as possible, while rejecting every once of "Geniuses" (Demons). When the Greek came up with "Daemon"(Demon) it was originally understood that there were good Demons (Geniuses) and bad Demons (Geniuses), it was later that word, Demon, morphed to mean absolute 100% evil, possible to keep the masses suppresed.

reply to post by pai mei

The real danger lies from the illusion of separation.

It's a Germanic 'twist'?
What Was before Germanic?
Who knows?
Got It.
Absolutely!

I have 'hope' on this board.
Glowing and wishing my wife was next to me.
The Son will come out "someday soon".
How would one take notice?
I Do.
U?

"For the record"
OutOear



[edit on 17-7-2010 by Perseus Apex]