My Friend Who Committed Suicide (Important Read)

Thank you for this read.

Hi Jonas-

First my condolences, I feel really bad for your loss considering how close you shared this mental and emotional bond. I also at one point of my life had to deal with the fact of an ex-girlfriend taking her life, not relevant at this moment.

Thank you for sharing a glimpse of this consciousness and how he explored life. As you know by sharing this his spark lives on in a way. I can relate to your friend a lot, I have been very withdrawn the past few years and have an almost "what's the point?" attitude for just living. Some can become so emotionally withdrawn that no matter how much help the receive it will not be enough. It is up to that person within themselves to make the change ultimately. I am still struggling to make that change, but do the best I can. Some days are better than others. I am sure your friend is still there, his energy around you. In a way it is great he got to experience a great friend like you who is open-minded and would listen to the stories and ideas he would have, no matter how far fetched some of them seem. What better way indeed then to share his story on ATS and keep passing his flame so to speak, by continuing to investigate the mysteries and phenomenon's that exist in the universe.

Cheers to you and your mate.

ha, I actually went thru a "conspiracy crazy" phase like 6 months ago when I had nothing to do, for a whole month I read lots of conspiracies, saw lots of videos, and I felt I was losing my mind and I felt I was "illuminated" and that everyone else were idiots for not knowing what I knew.

Then I realized it was too much and I stopped completely, got a job and stopped thinking/worrying about the NWO, TPTB trying to kill me with chemtrails, poisoned food, etc, I realized "what can I do, nothing, just try to avoid the bad things as much as I can". And that was it.

[edit on 16-7-2010 by spartan1337]

And Jonas,i know people don't like to hear this on here,but pray for your friend.its the best way to help your friend now.

Originally posted by AceWombat04
You alluded to the possibility that he was using his obsession with this subject to compensate for a lack of emotional communication and connection, and you may very well be right.

+

Originally posted by AceWombat04
it is precisely because of their fantastic and amorphous nature that they so easily and handily take the shapes we need them to in order to make up for what we may be lacking psychologically.

Great post. I quess it's very well possible the whole process of drowning into a search for cosmic love can be the result of dissatisfaction and inability in human transactions, and traumas that led to this may have deep roots.

As for 'making up for something we may be lacking psychologically' being the possible reason for the over-enthusiasm on a subject may well be a thirst of filling up a need obsessively. I've heard a theory that the reason some people "want" the UFO scenario to be true is we're looking for some higher form of entity that looks over us - that might be for example a lost father in childhood. (Psychology and science departed... as ufology should be scientific and nothing else.)

The potential we contain within ourselves can be scary.

let me be one of many, who sympathize and do feel your loss. though i've lost many friends(none through your friends exit point) and that was hard, very. on that note of losing a friend, i truly feel you.

on the note of not falling too far into the rabbit hole, i understand that and i've personally with the advent of questions i've had with the goings on in this world, that have been answered, be it in confirmation of my questions, or a negative to them, the one thing we all must do, is maintain our bearings, and pull away from time to time for processing and mental vacation.

everything in life is about balance, everything. yes, we are seeking answers to the questions of our existence, and things surrounding that very same existence, but from time to time, we have to pull away from our searching, to deal with what we see in front of us, be it friends, families spouses and children for some, so that we can give them the attention they need. and in a closer sense, give ourselves as people, a needed break as well.

once again, thank you for the warning. some need it more than others, but it's a well received one none the less. and on the loss of a friend, some, feel that loss more personally than others, but it's still pains us to know someone is going thru such loss. and we issue our condolences.

now dont you get any ideas now ok? you will find out what's behind the curtain when its time. dont rush it.

hello....
I have to wonder if the social situation isnt totally schitzoid to start with....
Look at how people never say what they mean...how much hypocracy exists even in our own existances.....you dont have to look far beyong yourself....
Meantime the mystery deepens as one ages and nothing ever gets simpler with the years...
We do not even know if we are something real, or merely gods imagined dream.
How from this end of life the universe looks like a web of tangled electromagnetic fields far more than something solid...
When one finds out how badly theyve been duped by the ptb and the bankers never mind the patriotic gibberish which has sucked good people to their deaths and spawned more lies than one could ever count...
When it dawns on you that youll be the last to ever enjoy any of the promised new technology, and that mostly itll be used against you anyways...the future looses a bit of its lustre alright.
In all of history, if there ever was an age of darkness this is the epitomy of it.
The bulk of the world is composed of the poor the disenfranchised and the disbled.
Few indeed enjoy the riches a welfare family enjoys here...
How pitiful existance must be...
the world turns like a festering carcass beneath a pitiless sun...the universe is so vast compared to the individual consciousness yet it seems that consciousness can contain the universe....what a strange and wierd place to find oneself unbidden....
The only balm for the soul is the search for wisdom,
the only torment finding it........
Yet we are starngely compelled to do so....
perhaps this then is the meaning of existance....for now.

[edit on 16-7-2010 by stirling]

Originally posted by DrEyebrows
Thank you for sharing a glimpse of this consciousness and how he explored life. As you know by sharing this his spark lives on in a way. I can relate to your friend a lot, I have been very withdrawn the past few years and have an almost "what's the point?" attitude for just living. Some can become so emotionally withdrawn that no matter how much help the receive it will not be enough. It is up to that person within themselves to make the change ultimately. I am still struggling to make that change, but do the best I can. Some days are better than others. I am sure your friend is still there, his energy around you. In a way it is great he got to experience a great friend like you who is open-minded and would listen to the stories and ideas he would have, no matter how far fetched some of them seem. What better way indeed then to share his story on ATS and keep passing his flame so to speak, by continuing to investigate the mysteries and phenomenon's that exist in the universe.

Great post. I can definitely "feel" his energy around and am proud to carry that torch and investigate the mysteries of this universe, I just have to do it without him. And I'm sure passing that story here may one day prove gravely important for someone.

About your personal situation of feeling withdrawn. Maybe you've lost something that held so much value to you you've found it difficult to enjoy the earthly 'little' excitements and joys. Maybe that's something to overcome with a session of a few beers and some entertainment with friends, to understand little things are actually not trivial at all! I wish you well buddy.

Originally posted by The ?
The two things that immediatley spring to mind are

"If you stare long enough into the Abyss, the Abyss stares also into you."

and

“The most merciful thing in the world... is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.”

The first is a quote by Nietzsche,the second by H.P. Lovecraft. I went through a similar thing in my early 20's when I finally opened my eyes and took a long hard look at the world around me. The truth is a horrible,ugly,horrifying thing but everything else is just a lie. I'm sorry you lost your friend.

These two quotations are very good. I like esspecially the first and I think that there is much truth in it.

I think it's really harmful to see the truth mainly in the very bad things without seeing the good things of the world. Our mind and mentality is hugely influenced by the fear of bad things, incidents or of love and joy. If people concentrate on the negativity it's likely that they become insane and I also believe that in such a state we can also become obsessed or atleast hugely influenced of negative beeings.
It's important to concentrate rather on the positive truths and feelings than on the negatives IMO.





[edit on 16-7-2010 by Fenrin]

OP thank you for taking the time and reminding people of how "precious" this world we live really is... and your appreciation for it as much as your friend had.

I personally have been close to the edge, as I'm getting older I feel more in tuned with my inner self and the universe and what I see (hate, anger, war, suffering, killings...) which are all done by our own hand just breaks my heart... I've shed so many tears... saying "why do we do this to each other and our planet... it's a choice and we're making the wrong ones"

I can understand why your friend chose to go, clinically there is always a name for the cause, it's easier to just label something, but truly to understand it, it requires more then just hammer and nail, it requires understanding HUMANITY. Personally I would never end my life, as I believe it is my souls journey that brings me here to this planet and so I must go through it "naturally" to fully understand it's lessons.

I believe your friend found the source within him, but unfortunately he refused to live in this world because of so much deception, a pure heart can not cope with all this anger and hate... I also think he needed a "purpose" in this life and since he could not find that, he had no reason to stick around....

the only reason why I never jumped over the edge, is because of my loved ones.... even though I invite the next life with both arms open (firm believer of the other side), it would be too selfish of me to leave them with more pain. I know this place is not for me, but maybe I'm here to show the light to there like minded souls, and helping ONE person just like your friend has helped you is in it's own a reward on it's own.

Life is what you make of it, let it be hateful and dark or full of light and love.... we can't control the world on the outside, but we can control our "perception" of it inside and so I choose to stick around (until my lease is expired) and try to see life's beauty and explore it to fullest I can.... even in the darkest place you can find a bit of light.

Thank you again for reminding people how precious life truly is.... my suggestion is to MAKE the BEST out of it... while you're here and do good for others, I know your friend could have used some of that love....

Hi Jonas,

I am sorry for your loss but it was a good decision that you post this story.

My best friend killed himself as well due to great separation from "gross" world of ours, he didn't want to "merge" with it again and saw death as best thing to do. He didn't have anything remotely close to a cozy life though, it was very difficult in material sense.

You said maybe a "lost father" or something similar may be a cause. But one single cause is impossible to blame unless of course people are fine with accepting it.
A down-to-earth explanation would be that we're striving to conceive the inconceivable, to explain the unexplainable and fundamentally understand simplest things such as meaning of life. We look up to God in hopes he will gift us with understanding, or science or even space aliens.
In this process of (not) finding answers, one has three options:
# Lose sanity.
# Die.
# Find that which he is looking for.
Most "searchers" chose the first option. If you are one of few lucky ones, you actually create a somewhat decent life, accepting the fact that you can only do so much and try not to go completely insane. But in most cases, people end up on medications, frustrated, angry, with all kinds of incredible phobias and other mental issues, living their days in bitter anguish. Hopefully our ATS friend unityemissions will post here as he has a lot of experience with, well "head chemistry" if you will.
So that would be my down to earth simplest possible theory. There is a lot more into it, both religion and science delve on this "phenomena". But must probable cause is having so many questions, seeking so much love while all you ever receive is a greasy chicken burger as if that's all life is about.

reply to post by Jonas86


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All these well meaning posts and somewhat insightful posts, don't seem to be to have the experience to address the most important issue the writer described.

This guy got on an anorexic death roll. Protein is a critical key to keeping the brain functioning in the material world. Purification taken to extremes can leave us spiritually aware to the point of too much sanity all at once. It feels really good to be skinny also.

If they escape a mental institution full of prozac, etc...and on an anorexic death roll, at the same time, suicide is what they are likely do.

Getting off that anorexic death roll is so hard it's unbelievable. They have conquered hunger and down to the bones, so they are good to go. They will probably die. It's okay for the old, everyone accepts it, for the young that's not okay. That hurts. If you want to save any young anorexic friends, some pot, and even shoving cottage cheese down their throat...high protein, however you can accomplish it, can save their life. They keep old people alive on canned protein like Ensure this way. Some of them will fight back, resist...it's so hard, when it's on the death roll, most people give into the institutions for help. One method is to give up everything and handle it before the weight drops to it's first case of skin and bones. If it get's that far, and they are bones, it's harder....They are simply not hungry. The issues they face with someone in their lives is deeply wrong and not going to work.

Being surrounded by people at all times, is critical, people have answers to share. They may need for forgive people in this world and not try and get back at everyone by killing themselves. Something is wrong, often lack of forgiveness at people for this messed up world. Often there is lack of knowing they have unharnessed ambition. Such as get all that truth out to the sheeple.

They succeed at this forced feeding in jails and some mental institutions don't get it. They use drugs to trick the brain into being hungry on mental patients, it's easier, and has the appearance of being humane and makes the patient cooperative. It's a brain trick, and to tell you the truth I would consider knocking them out and feeding them while asleep til their weight was up to par. I'm not in charge so...I can't say what to do, but it all works if they eat or get nourished and on a track somewhere, with someone, doing something that makes them happy.

It's too expensive at mental hospitals for most people, and hard to get a bed and escape is easier at some of those places from what I've seen. I've seen the drugs may make someone hungry but I've seen uncontrollable hunger just from being bored and locked up and dumbed down. There are many people who get fat in jail all the time with no drugs.

One sure thing is if you have a person drugged up on psyche meds, anorexic, on a death roll with no hunger, don't let them be alone. They are probably control freaks and will enslave you to no end, and yet if you want them to have time to change...it takes getting their trust and forgiveness and they may be spoiled rotten or think they are better than everybody else (arrogant) or more important than everybody else (pride).....just plain stuck up (better off than other's, know more, have talent or assets)....

In Los Angeles, CA, I noticed they get far less anorexia among the young poor.

If your old, nobody worries or cares in general, they let you go. They should extend people's lifespans... but it's not that way in this society.

The young come first and the old don't want their children to die first in any society.

Why is this above top secret? Does anyone here think they can change another person and not just themselves?

I also am sorry for the loss of your friend. Though there is no relationship between waking up and seeing through the matrix around you and your state of mental health. It is far more healthy to see the truth around you. You mentioned things in a progressive order as if, it started with 9/11, progressed onto general conspiracy videos and then there was talk of sirians and blue skin, ie, bringing in the ET things, and new age sounding at that, then in addition, he started eating healthy, concerned with health food. I just want to point out now, that while this is very sad, and if it happened as said, then he sounds like he had Bi Polar disaorder almost,though there are so many that have similar conditions, no one can diagnose. I know those with it however, and they were similar, one committed suicide, possibly in his case, it was due to moving to an area where his family was no longer around and he had no support system. Biochemical inbalances can cause a number of things.

While I say that, if another came on with the same story and going down the same list of conspiracy theories starting from an awakening of 9/11, and then blaming this awareness, or linking it to mental disorder, I would be very concerned that this was a FBI attempt (they are often the ones hired on computers to surf the net and also to control public opinion I have been told), or some other operative, to spread a this idea.

There is nothing unhealthy in health food. Its the best stuff for your body, and its not a sign of impending mental collapse, leading to suicide. Alien abductions/experiences happen to many, and many of them are seekers and really learning alot, about the world, to make sense of things, and very healthy too. The least healthy ones are the ones dealing with Vrill, or black op/greys coalition stuff. Basically black op stuff is the worse to deal with.

There is nothing unhealthy about knowing the world you're living in and realizing like the Matrix, there is No Spoon, it fits into Quantum Physics nicely, and in addition, makes reality not as depressing at all. Its actually far more depressing and unhealthy to live in this world, trapped in an illusion, fed lies, and feeling helpless like there is nothing you can do, billions are dying and you cant help them, than to understand how this world is run, and by whom. This is freedom.

Its like the curtains were pulled wide open and the sun is shining in enlightening and illuminating. Now you can do something. You can right, read, write into politiicians and denounce them and their mismanagement. You realize that the Double Slit Experiement means, your positive thoughts change the world, and in the very least free you, and really encourage others. Very healthy. Truth always is. Lies are really depressing.

Your friend had a medical condition, and it was a tragic loss, but it wasnt his interest in the way the world was that led to his demise. I've known others and its tragic, each of their circumstances was different, the ones I knew didn't have a clue about the world and how its being run. They lived in different ways, were holding down jobs. One near famil and one apart. Both seemed OK to everyone who had checked on them, however, so they were keeping their depression to themselves up to that moment, and took their families by surprise.

Light & Love to you and to everyone involved, and to your friend whereever he might be now. He is in my prayers.

Well what more can I say but that I feel for your loss. He is at peace now and holds all the secrets to the universe.

I feel for you and I actually got a little bit of a chill while reading your post. But let me add a few points if i may. You talk about hime not being able to draw a the line with what is real and what is fake. To that I say you could ask 10 different people about 10 different subjects on this site and you would get 10 different responses as to what is real. Also, if you want to know what is real then you should read some Robert Anton Wilson(Prometheus Rising is my recommendation). Something he tries to teach is that we all live in our own reality tunnels and you have to realize we draw the lines. So to say that your friend didnt know where to draw the line doesnt really make sense. His reality is his and maybe he knew something that we all dont. For sure he's in a better place now than he was the last few days of his life(where ever or what ever that place is).

Keep your head up and just think about how much good you learned from his life and death. Peace

Originally posted by Jonas86

The discussion very soon went into the UFO topic. He was trying to convince me about the subject, and I really thought there was something mentally not right with him. At the end, I realized the subject is indeed very interesting and there seemed to be an awesome amount of interesting evidence of alien visitations and flying alien craft. His knowledge of the subject intriqued me. I myself became very interested in the topic and still am, but I realize there just "can't be certainty," at least to me.

The study of UFOs is really the study of demons, and anyone approaching it from any other perspective ["aliens", "ETs"] can easily come to such a bad end as your friend.

Alien Abductions and the Orthodox Christian

reply to post by Jonas86


I'm sorry about your friend, to be honest it sounds like he started to get enlightened about the 'one consciousness' part of our spirituality (which I believe in) and he probably thought he learned what he needed too in this lifetime and that the next life would be a new beginning (which is true, but I believe you need to live your life to it's fullest to learn everything you need too in this lifetime).

I myself have tried to commit suicide multiple times... over the years I realized that all the things I believed/figured out when I was a child all added up - it was like the information about the universe was always in my mind except I didn't realize what I was tapping into.

Now that I have done a lot of research, and figured out even more information for myself via my own thought process and through spirituality, I know now that killing myself is not the way to go no matter what. I'd only ever do it if I had too (i.e. stuck in a burning building and could jump out the window rather than die painfully in a fire). I'd also protect another persons life with my own, but that is much different then suicide - that's self sacrifice. A young child for example is worth more than my life because they would have more time on this earth.

We're all here for a purpose, maybe your friend thought his was done with or he couldn't achieve it and ended his life. At one point that was my problem. I thought that I would never be happy so there is no point in living anymore. I actually told my family/friends and cried with them as I told them I would not be alive much longer because I needed to kill myself to change the outcome over things to come. Obviously I was not in the right mind so to speak, I have bipolar and the chemical imbalances I have screwed my serotonin up immensely which altered my perception of life.

Anyway, my condolences to you, let this be a lesson - I have lost my best friend it's been a couple years now and I am able to understand now that it's all apart of life. Of course you never get over someones death but you do learn to life with it and you learn from it.

What a sad story and I am sorry about your friend. I can relate to him somewhat as finding out the truth of things can be depressing. Realizing how the elites control everything and have all the money while the working man gets screwed. It's not that people can't become rich from hard work and good business tactics, but the way the dollar keeps being thrown to sh%t doesn't make life any easier. It's only a matter of time before TSHTF and I worry about what will happen to all of us. Stay strong my brother...

reply to post by Jonas86


Could it be that he was under psychic attack by negative entities wanting to put out his 'light'. As he wanted to help people and spread that light.