My Friend Who Committed Suicide (Important Read)

reply to post by Naughty B0B


I watched that video too. It troubled me to the core. I cannot unwatch it. It has stayed with me.

Your comments were almost my own. i could have written those words. Thank you for sharing that experience.

Originally posted by Faiolthis website can be bad for your health if you cant distinguish theory from reality

+1 It's really recommendable you have your filter in condition when browsing these sites. You need to distinguish what is obvious bollocs, what is true, and what has bits and pieces of both.

Originally posted by CosmicEggHow do you explain his acute weight loss?

I mean I don't expect he started to 'only' eat superfoods and nothing else. I probably see a mental illness behind all this, not the other way around. Of course the biggest reason for his interest in conspiracy topics etc was his ability to think sharper than a regular person. But when you start to see a conspiracy everywhere, that's when something's wrong. Originally it had to be a mental illness that triggered him to act suspiciously by them. These two together maybe resulted in a collapse of his psychic levels. And the mental institution, where no-one listens to your "crazy" talk about cosmic energies was the final blow. He must have felt angry, knowing he can think so much deeper than these people, yet they think He should shut up. This is how I'd see it.

His acute weight loss.. could it be he started to feel uncomfortable being tied to a physical body, and subconsciously started punishing his body by not allowing it food any more than what was inevitable for living. Finally destroying his physical entity altogether.

[edit on 16-7-2010 by Jonas86]

[edit on 16-7-2010 by Jonas86]

[edit on 16-7-2010 by Jonas86]

Sorry for your loss, but maybe your friend was just simply done with this game.
Do not feel bad for him as he did what he wanted.
He finished the game.

Originally posted by Wertdagf
reply to post by Jonas86

 

soon enough everyone will have a story of freinds and relatives who chose to end their lives because it no longer allowed childish fantasies.

it is very sad.

yes it is indeed

it depends on the childish fantasies though if it literally is some of the ridiculous stuff that does pop up here from time to time on ATS i think some of that stuff could be damaging to someone if they are susceptible to that type of thing.

On the other hand, if you mean a childish fantasy as in an achievable ambition... i want to go into business, i want to be this or that... then if you work hard enough, and i mean really really devote effort to it, it will start to come together, but ONLY if you keep it realistic, THAT is the fine balancing act

I have seen people who have gone into severe depression though, because they ended up in a different field to where they wanted to be as a child looking to the future, but these are people who had the opportunity and failed, fair enough, but didn't pick themselves up and raise their game, self defeatist, and is it actually some of these people who got me into ATS

I was in a bad way myself several years ago and was very bitter and hated myself, perpetually depressed, bitter of those who had succeeded (:. the globalists etc) then something just CLICKED and i started to have self belief and everytime i was set back RAISED my game and there is only one way you can go from there, to better things.

On a side note I greatly respect the globalists these days because i firmly believe they have toiled hard to achieve greatness, and my goals are coming together. My advise to anyone here who is depressed and bitter and could do something stupid is to STOP, MAKE your goals happen, only YOU can do it!

Thank you for sharing this, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a friend who was a theology major. Brilliant, brilliant guy, but he also went too far in his quest for "all things metaphysical" and lost the line between reality and fantasy. After being involuntarily institutionalized for some time, he returned home to a quiet, bucolic life and an easy, menial job. (Nothing wrong with that at all by the way--not judging.)

I ran into him years later. He seemed to have his head on straight. 'Seemed happy. We began talking, and eventually the conversation drifted into areas such as God, the universe, purpose of life, etc. Big mistake on my part! His 'hidden side' re-emerged, and he ended up making death threats to me and saying all kinds of weird, horrid stuff. It was like (please pardon my metaphor) I had tapped into a deep well of seething toxicity.

The reason I'm relating this incident is just to say that you never know what's going on in someone's head. Sometimes, there are signs like the weight loss and quitting sports. Sometimes, there just aren't. Either way, I know you were a good friend to him, and I hope that you don't feel guilty. The loss is enough to deal with.

Peace to you.

reply to post by Jonas86


Obsessive and compulsive comes to my mind when i read your story. I think the mind can be overwhelmed with things,when it comes to drawing a conclusion on many topics,especially here. People just need to take things with a grain of salt. As far as UFO's are concerned,i would recommend everyone here to avoid it like the plague. These beings will do us no good.and there is no use in getting your hopes up. Just forget about it,and find something better to do. They seem to like to toy with the human mind,so don't fall for their mind games,i did and i am done with them!

Thanks people for human understanding and consolidance.

Originally posted by CASH69
As far as UFO's are concerned,i would recommend everyone here to avoid it like the plague. These beings will do us no good.and there is no use in getting your hopes up. Just forget about it,and find something better to do. They seem to like to toy with the human mind,so don't fall for their mind games,i did and i am done with them!

The thought of beings from another dimension of intelligence toying with us in a twisted evil manner sounds downright scary. I hope your interpretation of alien life holds no ground.. but I'd be interested to know how you came to this conclusion?

(Sorry, bit off topic)

Thank you for your thread, it has struck a cord within me and I offer you all my positive energies.

The first thing I would like to share with you is the fact that I too have lost a good friend through suicide. We were 19 and he was brought up by his mum and step-dad while enduring a strained relationship with his real father. 3 months after his Grandad died, my friend threw himself in front of a tube. He had sent letters in the post the day before to his family saying goodbye. He was always highly strung which made him a very energetic character, the life and soul but there seemed to always be a self destruct button which he would press occasionally. When he died he had coc aine in his blood so it tarnished people’s opinions on whether he would have seen it through with a clear mind. I will never know. In his letters he spoke deeply about his Grandad’s death and how it had drained him from wanting to live. Me and my friends were upset our friend felt he couldn’t speak to any of us about how he was feeling. We will always wonder if we could have had an effect on his decision making if we had a inkling on how he was thinking.

I also lost another friend, my close friend from school a couple of years later. He was murdered. He worked as a DJ and one night while working he had bouncers remove trouble makers from the club he was in (they had started giving his girlfriend hassle as he DJ’d). They waited for him outside until he left, chased him for approx 30mins caught him and stabbed him in the leg. It caught a main artery and he bled to death on his own in a dark street corner. I hadn’t seen him for about 2 years, but once a friend you stay friends. I’ll never forget the pain when I found out. I never forget seeing his dad in tears when I went to his funeral.

Anyway I wonder how things would have turned out if there had been spirituality introduced to elements of both tales I have shared. This kind of implies that I am not against alternative topics which provoke alternative thinking.

After my Dad died 2 years ago, he was 55. I found myself searching hard for sense and meaning to this world. I got very deep and also started eating “super foods” I tried to become more spiritual and became engrossed with left field thinking. I too lost weight and people showed concern towards me. I felt like I snapped back into reality when me and my girlfriend split up. I realised I didn’t want to lose her and found myself getting back into the norm. I started enjoying a beer again and stopped waiting for Armageddon or aliens to arrive and show us what this life was all about. (although, I still look ‘up’ and have recently been seeing an unfamiliar star/light lol!)

I’m back with my girlfriend now and feeling good. I believe there is so much more to our consciousness then most understand but the journey of self discovery is one that can leave you isolated from our current society. Finding a happy medium seems key on journeys of self discovery.

Another friend at work, who I have shared ideas with regarding topics that ATS would enjoy and have enjoyed, has changed recently. I know he joined a survival group and he spoke about impending Armageddon in a jokey way. His eating habits have changed and I have noticed that he is now eating a lot of fish and fruit. The weight has dropped off him in the last couple of months. And personality wise, I would say he has become deeper. I don’t know where this will lead.

Anyway I agree with your stance that people should be careful when exploring certain ways of living and thinking… the warnings in this thread should be heeded.

Peace to all and in particular the OP who has written words that I can relate to.

Man, I am sorry for the loss and I am sure many of us here have experienced similar frustration and disenchantment, but it is a shame when it consumes one to the point of no return.

This is a reminder of the importance of pulling away and taking a break from so much "truth" we increasingly find here on the internet. Sometimes connecting so many dots leaves one trapped and entangled in the darker side of reality. Granted, we have a responsibility,imo, to stay aware and criticize what we feel is wrong, but don't forget to fill your time with some thing positive.

Again, my condolences to you and your friend's family/friends, and thank you for posting. May you find some peace somehow...

spec

[edit on 16-7-2010 by speculativeoptimist]

Good story. I've been depressed before and worried about the future, even thought about what would happen if I died and I realized the whole world would not know about me if I died. 20 years from now I would not be remembered at all. Never liked the idea of suicide though. That's just retarded. And I mean that with absolutely no offense towards your friend. I know enough to draw a crowed when I talk about it and make people wonder about what is beyond. I've driven some into hatred by accident and I feel sorry for that. I've driven others into better life and happiness and I cherish that. But in the end, I've definably been on the cusp of sanity and seen across the wall. I did not like it. So I just felt I'd go explorin' in the land of insanity with a grasp of sanity, if that makes sense. I have no doubt I am in deep in the jungle of insanity, but I know what is insane and what is not. I can see that line and what is obviously wrong and right. Of course we're all a bit insane in the end. Some of us on the far side just don't know how to handle it. I thank God every day I can.

reply to post by Jonas86


Plenty of research and first hand experience. Me and most of my family have had contact with intelligent Orb craft. After years of Orb contact,you can only draw one conclusion, They enjoy toying with our minds! Otherwise they would verbally communicate or try another method,besides a game of outdoor peek a boo. Anyone who has had contact with Orbs will tell you the same thing. Its a hard thing to believe unless you actually experience this.

SUICIDE is a strange thing. I would never do it myself, but I see it going on, all around me. My neighbour, and friend, has attempted it often. Obviously I am not advising her to go through with it. However, anyone wanting it, should know what poison to take. There are various poisons, but the "Queen of Poison" is a plant extract called Wolfbane or Aconitum. The plant is just a flower that grows in the garden commonly called "Monks Hood". It is common in Europe and might also grow in North America ? Suicide is a psychosis, that creeps in on a person, and before you know it, it becomes such a strong obsession. It is simply a "demonic possession" according to the Church. My comprehension is that Multiple Personality Disorder MPD might be the cause of it. Different ways by which to talk about the same thing. Like a thing from hell that is invisibly stalking you from behind. You can feel it, but when you turn around, there is nothing there. In this context and as a way by which you might begin to understand what it was affecting your friend, I recommend that you see the movie THE FOURTH KIND. In the movie, based on reality, there were and still are, too many suicides in the state of Alaska. Some like to put it down to the northern climate or the wilderness. But there were and still are, other factors at work. It is interesting that your friend was so interested in the UFO subject.

Is it possible that there is a specific type of fungus causing persons to suffer insanity and to commit suicide ? Is there such a thing as a HUMAN CORDYCEPS FUNGUS ? The brain and nervous system, of any animal life form, is basically nothing more than a sophisticated type of fungus. We must eat fungus and moulds as part of a healthy diet. They are generally labelled as "B" vitamins. Some of them are very invigorating. Others are hallucinogenic. They are never addictive and there is no such a thing as an overdose. But each species of animal, whether insect, or animal, or human, has a specific CORDYCEPS FUNGUS that will kill its host, and mind control that host, into dying in a particular location, ideal for the reproduction of that specific fungus. Therefore, generally fungus and toadstools and mushrooms are perfectly safe as a food, and are often medicine. Chinese use fungus very extensively in their traditional medicines. In the human species there must be a HUMAN CORDYCEPS FUNGUS that would cause all the symptoms people describe. It would explain the behaviour of your friend, and millions of others just like him. Since we removed a "black mould" that infested my neighbour's bedroom, her suicidal psychosis has stopped being a problem. Keep your house well ventilated and clean. Personal hygiene is paramount. There exists a sexually transmitted disease called SYPHILIS [psy-philum][brain-disease] which has all the characteristics of being a HUMAN CORDYCEPS FUNGUS.



> SHIMONO <

[edit on 16/7/2010 by CAELENIUM]

3 weeks ago my girlfriend told me she had a dream where she was sitting in a room with people she knew. Then all of the sudden she could stop time, and travel through it. A few days later she told me that she had the same dream again, except when she stopped time, she could see, what she described as demons, or reptile looking things. In the last 2 weeks she has ad several dreams where these things have attacked her, and a few where she was saved by "Angelic looking men". Now, a handful of people on this site may have had similar things happen to them, I'm one of them. I can tell you that my girlfriend knows nothing about the whole reptilian conspiracy. And that this is in fact happening to her and me. I have had my guitars knocked over when she is here, and the welcome sign above my door, which was held by a leather strap, break and fall to the floor. I'm sorry about what happened to your friend. Did he ever tell you that he heard voices in his head?

I can say that while do share some of those beliefs, I find myself to be more rational than he ended up being, and I enjoy my life as it is right now.

and I am very sorry about your friend.

keep your head up

[edit on 16-7-2010 by free_form]

So sorry for your loss. But understand this. It is not your fault, nor could you have stopped this.

It sounds like your friend had slight schizophrenia and possibly OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, maybe just a highly addictive personality.

It seems everything you said he did, he did to the fullest. No moderation. All in when your friend got "into something".

This with sounds like underlying depression and poor health, all so fast, very sad.

It does sound like your friend was a fantastic person that could have gone on to do wonderful things.

Hang in there it gets better. I've had quite a few friends die young (not from suicide) but from crazy accidents and drug overdoses.

I recently had a friend of over 15 years die this past April on the operating table haveing routine eye surgery done due to his lifelong bout with diabetes. It came as such a shock an he was only 33. We were very close to, we were in a band together, listenedto the same music, read the same books..., so I'm still reminded of him everyday by something. But yea it does get better, slowly. But you have to deal with it, VERY important your grieve, and let out your feelings, talk to someone (possibly this post will be helpful for you). Cause bottling stuff up, everyone knows is just no good.

Thank you for sharing, and I do believe like your friend believed. That we are all one.

Again, terribly sorry for your loss.

I definitely feel for you and your loss. I have relatives who I take care of who are mentally ill and it can take on all types of facades. One thing I learned was that I should discern when I am reflecting my desires for them to be well upon them.
Most of us here are pretty grounded but who knows when psychosis can strike? Also learning when someone is good at a topic and not just obsessed with it is difficult as well. I had a friend who also took her life because she just couldn't get it out of her head that we wouldn't love her just the same if she wasn't straight. She held that in until it took her away. We who didn't know, were blown away! It took me years to realize that even if I knew her thoughts it was very possible that I would not have been able to change her fate.
I know you are looking for answers, but in this big, bright, beautiful but deadly world, sometimes there just aren't any - just life lessons.
Love your friends and family unconditionally and with eyes wide open.
My best to you.
dawhiz
PS: had to add "Biggest part of me" by Ambrosia came on just as I clicked post. Yes, somewhere we are all one. A shout out to my friend! Blessings!


[edit on 16-7-2010 by DaWhiz]

reply to post by Jonas86


Hello Jonas,

Thank you for sharing your story. It may help others in realizing that sometimes truths and lies may become overwhelming.

Sorry for your loss. Do not feel guilty, he, and only he, decided. Even if you would have been given a chance to talk to him, if he had "opened", his mind was probably already set. Suicide is not an overnight decision.

Peace to you friend.

~S.

The two things that immediatley spring to mind are

"If you stare long enough into the Abyss, the Abyss stares also into you."

and

“The most merciful thing in the world... is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents.”

The first is a quote by Nietzsche,the second by H.P. Lovecraft. I went through a similar thing in my early 20's when I finally opened my eyes and took a long hard look at the world around me. The truth is a horrible,ugly,horrifying thing but everything else is just a lie. I'm sorry you lost your friend.

reply to post by seanizle


I believe the Orbs and Saucer craft are their Military craft. They have cloaking ability,advanced weapons,unbelievable maneuverability and ability to escape radar. I also believe these beings have the ability to cloak themselves. On the Bio channel there will be a video of what looks like a cloaked alien. I'm not sure when that one will premiere,but it is call My Ghost Stories on Bio channel. Cloaked beings could explain some paranormal activity.

Jonas, I'm very sorry you lost such a close friend. Kindred spirits are hard to come by, and I know from experience that losing them in any way, let alone tragically like this, can be incredibly painful and traumatic.

I think, as your story - which you have my respect and appreciation for sharing with us - illustrates, it is vital to carefully discern the difference between having a strong interest in a particular subject matter, and becoming obsessed with that subject matter in order to compensate for some other kind of psychological deficiency. You alluded to the possibility that he was using his obsession with this subject to compensate for a lack of emotional communication and connection, and you may very well be right.

As someone who suffers from social anxiety disorder and clinical depression, I know from experience how easy it can be to lose yourself in these sorts of subjects. They seem fantastic, liberating, enlightening - and they are, or can be, to a great extent; they can in fact enrich one's life if handled in a healthy and constructive manner - but it is precisely because of their fantastic and amorphous nature that they so easily and handily take the shapes we need them to in order to make up for what we may be lacking psychologically.

My advice to anyone in a scenario similar to that of your friend would be this:

Take a step back and look carefully at your behavior, thoughts, feelings, and choices. Open your mind to the possibility that you are using the investigation into the unknown, ephemeral, and amorphous mysteries of our universe and their easily shaped and broadly interpretable natures to fill holes that may otherwise exist in your life. Don't get me wrong. That isn't necessarily the case. It's entirely possible to study these things, and even to develop a robust spirituality based on them, without doing that. But it can happen without you realizing it, if you don't periodically step back, and use cognitive awareness and reason to analyze what you're doing and why, particularly as it relates to how you feel.

If you discover through such introspection and self-analysis that you frequently feel depressed, anxious, paranoid, afraid, helpless, and powerless, and in particular if you discover that these feelings and patterns of thought and behavior seem to be inhibiting your ability to live a happy, healthy, productive life (by your standards,) or if you find yourself justifying behavior that leads to these feelings by insisting on beliefs which you cannot rationally prove, then I strongly urge anyone reading this who finds that to be the case to seek psychological assistance.

Psychologists and psychiatrists are not all the societal-convention-imposing, rigid, controlling, agenda-pushing, pharma-pushing money-pigs many seem to feel they are. Nor are psychiatric medications necessarily a means of muting or numbing your natural emotions, creativity, or personality. I would never say that such people and effects don't exist or never occur, but the belief that it is inevitable or universal is in my opinion and in my direct personal experience a symptom of the sort of paranoia one needs treatment for in the first place. I ask that people at least consider getting help, and posit that the refusal to be open-minded enough to at least consider it should be seen as a personal red flag. I have been there.

There is no weakness or shame in needing help, and not everyone who says they are trying to help you is disingenuous. I would like to become a psychologist someday when I've dealt with my own issues sufficiently, and that tells me that there have to be some out there with good intentions. My own psychiatrist is one of them.

At the same time, therapy and medication aren't effective for some people. You have to find what works for you. But if you are having issues, delaying addressing them can only lead to their insidious growth. They are insidious because they can grow and intensify before you're even aware that it's happening. When you rely on the mind to tell you when something is wrong, but something is wrong in the mind, then your own perceptions and convictions may not be sufficient to assure your mental health. And there is no danger in at least considering that, or in entertaining the possibility of needing help. Some will find that they don't. Some may surprise themselves by deciding that they do. Either way, it's preferable to flying blind and insisting that nothing is wrong or that you are fine.