Need Some Honesty from all you Single Men Out There

Maybe you shouldn't use an egoic based web medium to meet someone thats REAL or genuine. You will never find a REAL person using a service as such. The reason, We are already too consumed trying to make a difference and impact on our immediate surroundings. All the dating websites do is allow the user to use their egoic perspective of themselves to concentrate on a few traits to create an image of how they want to look to others. It creates a face image of falseness.

If you want to meet someone who you feel is the one. Go get involved in your community with hiking, waterfall excursions, wine and beer tasting events, some unique hobbies?

Cause "normal" people who do create that perfect balance in life. We like to exercise, we like to eat and drink good food and wine/beer, we like to explorer the outdoors.


you wont find love online, or in the club, or at a bar. but maybe a social gathering where intelligent people come together to share the best things in life.

join the conscious awakening movement. lots of older people who want love and to help there surroundings.

reply to post by MountainLaurel

Thanks so much, MountainLaurel. I know you speak from experience and I hope that you have been able to find some type of closure for yourself at this point. Your poignancy touches my heart.

While I am not single I am a guy. My wife and I met on a dating site so I will say there is hope out there. Reading this thread made me think, although I have forgotten what site we met on, I do not recall ever deleting my profile. For all I know its still there 9 years later.

Something I noticed and didn't see mentioned in responses. You mention the friend who found his profile being active is a happily married woman. Why was she on a dating site? Was she not technically doing the same thing this guy was doing? Does her husband know she has an account? (If I recall most barely let you browse without making a free one at least)

Him asking you to delete your account aside, if she was snooping for her friend, could he not have been doing the same? Or even showing a friend how great the site is. Showing off this wonderful woman he met in hopes they could do the same?

Men are dogs. Their brain is not the same as ours. Their societal conditioning is not the same as ours.

I once had a heart-to-heart with an ex who told me he couldn't commit because he was always afraid there might be someone better than me out there somewhere. Yikes, what a kick in the teeth....wonder why women have low self-esteem?

Years later, he is now fat, underemployed and still jumping around in unstable relationships.

My only advice to you is to never marry anyone until you've dated for at least 3 years and can honestly say to yourself that you are not ignoring any red flags. Let the bread rise properly.

reply to post by Gamma MO

Men are dogs. Their brain is not the same as ours. Their societal conditioning is not the same as ours.

Oddly enough most of this conditioning comes from their mothers.

reply to post by timidgal


there is always hope!, hang in there. we all will find the right person some day. i wish i could find the right person for me. I'm just afraid i won't live to see that day. i really do wish you luck and everyone in there search for happiness! i just wanna be cuddled,loved, and happy! and with just one person. i hate users!

i guess my problem with dating sites was all the women had someone they were seeing or talking with. like ALL so i really question who's worse or who's better..... women.... men..... there all the same really. there is only a few rare ones like us in this crazy world.

reply to post by grey580

And their mothers learned it in their upbringing...and on and on and on.

I'm not saying men are evil. I love men. They are awesome, funny, down to earth and really very sweet. They just don't expect or want the same things women do. Most of the time anyway.

It's just a fact. Men are different. Their emotions are different. Their perspective is different. Women shouldn't take it personally. They should just look at the reality.

reply to post by curiouscanadian777


thanks buddy. your words are like rivers of wisdom.

Thank you for being so kind and thoughtful of others. you truly are one of a kind. ty

may there be many more like you and us out there. take care you stranger (^_^)

reply to post by Gamma MO


i would have to disagree. i would agree some or most. but not all men. you put men like me in a tough spot lol. i just want to be happy and happy with someone that's happy with me. please though not all men are the same. just like all women are not the same. its like 90% of guys and girls are what you are saying lol. there is a 10% window i am in that window lol. please don't shut that window or push me out lol giggles to self lol. /poke

reply to post by UnknownEntity4U


Well that's the crunch. On both sides of the fence, if you find someone (of the 10%) who is really giving, willing and into you, you begin to ask yourself: What's wrong with this guy/girl???

Sort of like, I wouldn't join any club who would accept ME as a member.

You know finding a life partner is one of the hardest tasks we have. If you've got a good one, never let them go!

reply to post by Gamma MO

It's just a fact. Men are different. Their emotions are different. Their perspective is different. Women shouldn't take it personally. They should just look at the reality.

We are taught to never show emotion. Again usually by our mothers.
lol.

From an early age we are conditioned to be strong and not emotional.
And then women want us to be sensitive.

reply to post by timidgal


If you think that there are no honest men out there, then, no offense intended, but you have been going for the wrong guys. The fact of the matter is honest guys don't have six-packs, and for the most part, do not look at all like the image that is portrayed on TV of what guys should be. If you want an honest guy, stop going for looks and learn to spot dishonesty so you can nip it in the bud early on so you don't end up in a volatile relationship that is doomed to end in misery. Just my 2 cents. Sorry if I came off as self-righteous, but I myself have been single for far too long simply because women don't give guys like me the time of day because I don't fit the stereotypical images of what we're "supposed to be." It's like guys are expected to be dishonest, as honesty never got me a damn thing but rejection.

reply to post by timidgal


I've been in a relationship for 6.5 years and I love my girl with all my heart, but I am always curious to see what's out there. I never act on it, but I'm just curious nevertheless. It's a strange thing being with JUST 1 person for the rest of your lives, as a species we're very sexual and we like to know that others are interested in us.

Let me ask you, if he was flirting with another lady but not acting on it, would it bother you?

reply to post by timidgal


Love is a two way street. He may of professed his love for you but did you ever profess your love for him? Think about that carefully as if he really does love you and is behaving this way then it means he doesnt think you care about him.

Originally posted by timidgal
reply to post by Hefficide

 

She's happily married and very much in love with her husband. She was also the one who talked me into giving this one a chance in the first place and is ALMOST as devastated by this as I am. She truly wanted me to find the same type of happiness she found with her own significant other.

Ok, so I had to quote this from page 2 of the thread. Im not sure if it has been brought up yet, but your saying that this happily married and very much in love with her husband friend of yours is on a dating site herself? You mentioned checking out this guys profile by logging in using her account in an earlier comment.

So, am I missing something here? Are they swingers? In an open relationship? Why does this supposedly devouted wife of a man have an account on a dating site? Can you trust her since she is doing that while married to that man? You know them, so ill leave the explaining to you here.

On topic: I would say he is being dishonest in his commitment to you. Especially after requesting that you take down your account, and stating that he would do the same. My girlfriend and I met online. We decided to take our accounts down together and it was actually quite fun to do so in one anothers presence. No way in hell I would join another, or go back on the one on which we found one another. All of our friends from our past dating life are still our friends and supportive that we both found a match.

As far as trust is concerned... At our age (myself upper 30's and her early 30's), we have all most likely encountered some sort of betrayal whether in a relationship, friendship or through an acquaintence. Its not always easy... But when one or the other has an insecurity based on past experience and expresses it to their partner, I feel the right thing to do is at least respect it, even if we don't quite understand why they would question us when we believe they should have a solid trust in us.... In fact it's better for me to realize that, even if directed at me... Its not about me but rather someone else.

We have been through a few tough times based on trust. If one doesn't ask for clarification or speak out their reasons, then something greater can be overlooked. I can tell you... Our relationship has gained so much strength through the power of understanding and forgiveness. We have told one another to eff off and both checked out... But in the end, we talked it out and it only led to our better understanding of one another. We are deeply in love and respect because of that. It never hurts to hurt and learn from it.... Well it hurts... But you know what I mean . Pain constitutes growth!

reply to post by grey580

You're right. But most women don't want a man to be "sensitive". That's not really it at all.

I think the OP is just looking for honesty. She's just looking for someone who she can trust. Someone who isn't going to use her and hurt her.

A couple of pointers: Look at how other men see your guy. Men have a great insight into who has integrity. If other men don't have too many good things to say about him, watch out.

Also, really watch how he treats waitresses and people in low service jobs. True measure of character. It is a mirror into his soul.

All "Men" are Dogs?

I find this deeply offensive. I have never been unfaithful.

Are we wired different...Yes.

Dogs?....That is an awful broad brush.

reply to post by timidgal


Finding a woman for a guy is EXTREMELY difficult.
He's probably on that website to maximize his gain,
in case you end up, like all the others, a hopeful dream that was never meant to be.
A guy can message 100 girls and get ZERO reply.
Girls that do reply are messed up somehow and it usually NEVER works out.
This is why guys need contingency plans. Stop thinking you're somehow special ok?

I don't do the dating website garbage,
for the fact that I have self respect. Yes I tried it in the past.

I gave up on dating for now. I'm 25, I'm focusing on building stability in my future.
I'm getting a business degree in a year. Once that's done I'll give dating websites a chance,
however I'll look at it through a distanced lense, I disslike being treated like a piece of meat.
Or the all too common "what can you do for me?" attitude.

Originally posted by Gamma MO
reply to post by grey580

 

I think the OP is just looking for honesty. She's just looking for someone who she can trust. Someone who isn't going to use her and hurt her.

In America?
Good luck with that.
She's better off with a christian man who believes in sex after marriage then.
Kinda late on that, given her age.

reply to post by whyamIhere
My apologies. I hate it when people generalize and I just did.

Let's just say in most interactions between men and women (before they form permanent attachments), MOST men are dogs. Women need to open up their eyes wide BEFORE they open up their hearts.