Need Some Honesty from all you Single Men Out There

Originally posted by timidgal
what is it that drives you to stray?

TG

I'll answer that for you...

In all of nature,
There is no greater need,
Than that of man,
To spread his seed.

As strong as he drive in woman is to have kids, that same drive exists in man as well except in man its there all the time, with woman they have that need until they have children and their drive dissipates with age.

Well thats my theory anyway

reply to post by Hefficide


Wow Heff! My ex really did get around.
She gave you the old car broke down routine too?
(couldn't resist)

OP - Between Greenglassdoors and Heffs first post I think they covered it pretty well.
Most guys are dogs and keep the door cracked either looking to upgrade or have a fallback relationship.
It doesn't mean the man you're dating now couldn't be the right guy for you - he may well be.
If you're happy just to be together doing nothing special then you're on the right track.
But you'll never really know until there's problems and see how those are resolved between you both.
Love is out there but don't count on it always being permanent.
Many have found that different people are the right choice for different stages in their lives.
Sometimes it's the conventional views of "love til death do us part" that end up keeping us from being happy.
Good luck and much happiness and love!

Well I'm not a man but I can tell you as a woman who's 40 herself, if he asked you months ago to give up a dating site membership and he's still on one, he's a player, good riddance, don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.

There is no innocent reason, no good reason for being a hypocrite and that's exactly what he is from what you've shared. Life is too short to waste on someone you cannot trust. And for all the gentleman who have deemed their entire gender devoid of the ability to counter the missing link "need to seed", speak for yourselves, not all men.

My father is a great faithful husband to my mom and has been for 49 years. All my aunts and uncles are happy married and many of my large family, cousins, second cousins, are as well. Good men do exist, but do me a favor will ya, if you find one, please clone him for me. Thanks!

Cyber hug and a glass of wine, cheers to better times, a better man and not letting anyone convince to settle for less than what you are willing to give yourself.

reply to post by timidgal


I gave up on dating sites. Had 5 five men who, after 3 dates wanted to jump into bed ( too many blue pills
out there me thinks ) or wanted me to move in with them.?? The last one told me that he was still living with
his long term girlfriend when we first connected 6 mon.previously.We had set up a meeting but something came
up and I had to cancel .6 months later we reconnect on the site , meet , and he tells me that . And he says he
was on the site trying to spy on her. Their relationship was going sour and he thought she was cheating on him.
No one likes to be the one that was left. I think he wanted a back-up. Anyway, the whole story didn t shine a very
positive light on him from my perspective. I found the men I met were too needy, and didnt really want to take the
time to get to know me. I am very independant though ! Some think toomuch If he spent 6 months with you
maybe it would be worth it to confront him ask why he did it. Don t know if you would get the truth though. I ve
become a little cynical

running with the wolves

reply to post by timidgal

Never punish yourself for the actions of another! In reality, that's what you will be doing if you give up on finding someone worthy of your love and trust because of him.

See ya,
Milt

Just flat out ask him. Have a print out of his profile. If he lies, you know what to do. The quicker you cut the fat the better for both of you.

reply to post by timidgal


The fact that you are willing to pass judgment on him and end things before even hearing his side of the story tells me that if he was, in fact, on a dating site looking for someone else.....it is probably warranted.

Probably not what you wanted to hear....

Not sure why my reply comes printed out like that . Sorry I m new here and haven t introduc ed myself yet.
Having some issues with that too Oh well, I ll get it all sorted out soon.

running with the wolves

reply to post by timidgal


Your feelings are very normal...this just hit you in the face and you reacted, feelings of regret or remorse can drive you insane. The fact that you are even second guessing your reaction tells me your a kind and fair person. I'm guessing after 6 mns of being a couple he knew full well the level of love, faith and trust you had invested in your relationship with him...he deserved to be "blasted"

Two things will probably happen, he will show up at your door begging for forgivness, lol, which is the "Danger Zone", funny how sometimes the only person that can fix a broken heart is the one who broke it to begin with, or he will dissapear...I hope when things are calmer you can get the "closure" you need one way or the other.

reply to post by timidgal

what is it that drives you to stray? Can someone please explain this insanity to me?

For me, it's the Darkside you women are infected with.
For many others, it's your Backside.

I should correct myself... I don't "stray" because of the Darkside, I don't stray period.
I withdraw emotionally.

In all fairness, the first thing that happens is an emotional withdrawal, if there's any emotional involvement to begin with. The next step for many talking monkeys, is straying toward other women.

Try to keep your distance from a talking monkey if you want a long lasting, faithful & honest relationship. You know who I'm talking about, the meat & potatoes, sports fan, shaved head, Budweiser "can" drinking mongoloids. I'm not apologizing for that statement, I just described parts of my father.

Outside the box opinion.... these "bodies" are just vehicles for a unique consciousness.
The body does not necessarily represent the individual consciousness inside of it.
Don't always judge a book by it's cover, judge it by it's reputation.

Originally posted by eyeinoz
reply to post by timidgal

 

its the beast in us

Yep, been married 25 years... and yep still like to look, sometimes more... most of the time it’s because just a little something is missing from a relationship. Communication is key... find out what’s missing and move on if it can't be worked out.

Originally posted by DIDtm
reply to post by timidgal

 

The fact that you are willing to pass judgment on him and end things before even hearing his side of the story tells me that if he was, in fact, on a dating site looking for someone else.....it is probably warranted.

Probably not what you wanted to hear....

What a horrible things to say to her, talk about kicking someone when thier down. The guy made a NEW profile while they were a couple.........she had a knee jerk reaction to the shock of that awful reality, give her a break !

"It takes a lie to defend a lie" kinda says it all.....

Originally posted by DIDtm
reply to post by timidgal

 

The fact that you are willing to pass judgment on him and end things before even hearing his side of the story tells me that if he was, in fact, on a dating site looking for someone else.....it is probably warranted.

Probably not what you wanted to hear....

Wow seriously dude? Aren't you doing exactly what you are accusing her of doing?

Explain to me how it's okay for him to be on a dating site? And why you think that's okay? Something tells me you've been in his postion before.

reply to post by DIDtm


What an interesting vantage point. So if she is flawed enough to warrant finding somebody else he is warranted to sneak around behind her back? That sounds cowardly, to be honest with you.

Why shouldn't he have the intestinal fortitude to man-up, tell her he's done, and move on in solitude?

I am guessing you were burned by some woman in your past, or maybe in a crappy relationship now. For some reason you locked yourself into a bad situation, so rather than direct confrontation you opted to skirt the issues.
Maybe find something in secret, only to betray your true colors later on

You must be very lonely.

This may sound harsh but it seems like you're happy to discuss this with the whole world so far except the one person you should.

You cannot expect honesty and openness unless you can give it yourself. Ask him about this now and tell us what he says afterwards.

Don`t even bother asking him why he is still on the dating site he will just lie to you. He has already lied by saying he isn`t on the dating site anymore, now that you have caught him on the site he will absolutely lie about why he is still on it.

reply to post by timidgal


I have a few pointers. For one thing, try to assess the situation realistically instead of idealistically. It can help you if you fall for someone and get too emotional. I used this to help myself out today, in fact.

Another good point - you can be tactful and honest about something, this is much more useful with girls, to just ask them what is going on, or tell them - with guys, you might actually have to be more assertive.

I would recommend in the future asking questions with an open mind (in other words, don't expect a certain answer, and listen only to be more informed on your decision making).

Also, I have an internet addiction, so I will frequent dating sites and Facebook and Gmail and ATS *way* too often, it is like crack.

It is definitely good you decided to be exclusive, this is an important step. There. Any other questions I can help you with?

One more thing - in my age group (20's), girls stray and guys are looking for an exclusive relationship. In the younger age group, girls are even starting to pursue guys.

I´m not middleaged, but I´m single Maybe he really was looking for a healthy loving relationship and felt that you two wasn´t on the same level, maybe he wanted more, maybe he wanted less. Who knows. The key is to talk to each other, I mean, did you ask him why he was on the dating site? Be straight with him, talk, and be grown up about it. If you really love each other then a little thing like this wouldn´t come in your way.

I would have been scared away just by the thought of that my partner was "spying" on me. That is not how you build a healty relationship. And so what if he was on a dating site, just because you are on a diet it doesn´t mean you can´t still look at the menu.


So you know, if you do like him, don´t let him go so easily.

Woman's fault! Lol.. No but really, I remember when I was little, and I see little kids today. When little bobby comes home he says "I like this girl so and so, she is my gf" But every single little girl I see, when parents ask "little suzy, who is your bf?" "tom jim jason mike" We start innocent and you all screw us up. This guy of yours is just doing what he has been taught.


Gs

reply to post by timidgal


From a guy who has been married for over 20 years, I will say this to you. If you don't have trust, you have nothing worth saving. Show dude the door and find someone else. And don't shut down the guy who you think is "too nice" without giving him a chance.