Over 30 years old with Aspergers Syndrome, How do you cope?

reply to post by bluemirage5

So someone doesn't choose to 'fit in', or doesn't 'get it', and that gets them a tattoo?

Who the f wants to 'fit in'? Have you really listened to small talk? It is insane. If I really wanted to be alone, I'd make sure I was surrounded by normal persons. How much smaller can the world become? I'd be alone if I weren't alone. This syndrome must have roots in the new healthcare package, I just know it.

reply to post by DaTroof


Pills are not prescribed for Asperger's syndrome per se. If the particular Aspie is having anxiety issues, sleep issues, depression or difficulty controlling their temper, the doc may prescribe something to address that, just like every other person.

There is no pill for Asperger's. Big Pharma makes nothing off of it. But if you don't want to believe an autism spectrum order exists, that is your right.

May you be blessed with an Aspie child in the future. You won't mind, since it's nothing, right?

reply to post by davidmann


It's not a choice issue, we don't just choose not to fit in.

Someone asked if there is a support group in my area.

No unfortunately there is not, I live in rural South Australia, Riverland.

Anyone else from there lol?

Well, one thing I did was join, the wrong planet forum, and WOW, I felt like I was finally home..

My son is also an aspie, and my boyfriend.....

Having 3 of us in one house is a blessing and a curse, as we ALL isolate ourselves and need sooooo much alone time, but when we do want company, we can be out of sinc sometimes if that makes sense.

I find it is also easier to not have to feel bad for not living up to the egoic and selfish expectations of others anymore...

i see myself as "different" than them, not "less than"....

In fact I think a lot of what would be labeled as "wrong" with me are things that I find "right" with me...

Accept yourself and dont try to fit in, just be YOU, and you would be surprised how many people are actually attracted to your "realness"....

Many will try to change you, but just let it go in one ear and out the other.

I spent a good year on wrong planet and then weened myself.... I was in tears with relief sooo many times, just realizing that there were others, and they totally "got it".

Peace!

Them folks just don't get it, and until you've walked a mile in our shoes you never will

This isn't something you "fix"
We Cannot just snap out of it and be like them.. those.. silly ants and their silly games
It woul'd be Great if it was just some myth, fallacy perpetrated by big Phama.. but its NOT

It is Very real and the OP (and that cat guy) show alot of strength to even bring & continuing this
"discussion" here on this site knowing what would become of set discussion *applauds*

Me.. I was pegged with it a few years back, I told the .. hmm.. lady to shove it.. im 34 now and a bit wiser
but i feel she was right, I can tick all those boxes, given up trying to "explain" how i see things, i no longer even bother trying to "socialize" .. no point.. it always ends up with me feeling like i should have just shut up or not even be there. Alone is an understatement, I've been alone since i was 14.. heaps of friends, great family.. totally alone in my head.

I function though.. barley, Enough to "fake it" at the time i was "diagnosed" i could barley step out of the house it had gotten so bad, i wasn't afraid to be out.. I just couldn't handle the "clatter".I'm not known for my affection either.. and my whole life is Black/white.. no reason for grey area's. I think WAY to much.

You cannot Possibly even begin to fathom this syndrome, If you haven't dealt with it in some form

I find some of comments in this thread to be outright Inhumane, Disgraceful and Disgusting. It sickens me to think we breath the same air

reply to post by mellisamouse


Wrong Planet is a fantastic site. I also have an account with them, except I have not used it for several years. It was a good place to discuss issues with people who were the same. But my wife who was a girl friend back then decided that she would start an account there so that she could read what I was posting.

That went down really badly with me because I used to talk about relationships and she saw some of those posts, then I lost my privacy and felt like I had my personal space invaded. I must be crazy because I married the woman.

She will probably join ATS next and read all of my posts. I feel like I do need somewhere to talk about all of my issues with someone else besides my wife as it gives me a wider source of information.

Sorry rambling again.

Back on topic,
I've been through many stages of giving up on trying to fit in and just be by myself and then what happens is the first time I do something that goes against what people would normally do or say, I get completely grilled for it by guess who? My wife and family, that's who, the same people who always say just be yourself.

So then I go back to acting again and that is very very tiring. When I get too tired of acting I go back to being me again like a cycle.

just read through the rest of the thread, and holy, lmao at the "pill" trolls!

Not sure why it struck me as so funny, but I guess because it has nothing to do with health at all, the whole "pill" conspiracy looked a lil ridiculous??



Also, as for the abandoning your family thing.... well..... I never abandoned mine, I just stopped trying to sell my soul to be the person they wanted, and then they finally abandoned me.....

It really is a relief unfortunately.... soooo nice not having to sit for 4-5 days every christmas watching the phony one-up-man show!

"well, I was in the paper for this.. I got this promotion" So and so has the best car", His girlfriend has the best job" Look at all my diamonds"...... BARF!

It sadly is a real relief.....

reply to post by R6A6W6


All i can offer is this film .This is a very good look at Aspergers.

Mary and Max
www.youtube.com...

reply to post by R6A6W6



After reading the comments, I don't believe you have Asperger's . I believe you have Generation X aka "Latch Key" Disease.

We're used to being alone and like being alone because we practically raised ourselves as both parents were out of the home when we were growing up. That's why we are described as Latch Keys because many of us had the keys to the house to let ourselves in and fix our own meals while parents were still at work. It's a GENERATIONAL, CULTURAL and SOCIOLOGICAL thing going on with you. It's not a mental disease.

Let me guess who diagnosed you.... A Baby Boomer ?

Originally posted by skepticconwatcher
reply to post by R6A6W6

 

I'm confused.

Do you mind telling me how you got diagnosed with this so late in your life ?

Yes sure,
I was always different, in school I was very intelligent but not interested and I was bullied constantly. But back then when I was in school not much was known about Aspergers and I was put aside in the category of (problem child) as no one knew how to deal with me. I was a destructive, in-attentive, thief.

Anyway when my son was about 2 years old we had him diagnosed by a Flinders University psychologist as being Autistic. When I was with the psychologist and my son she noticed that I had poor eye contact when speaking to her and also noted that I found it hard to describe what I was trying to say and I speak in a monotone way. She suggested I might have some form of Autism so I began to read books on Autism spectrum disorders and when I read about Aspergers it really sounded like me.

So I went to Autism S.A paid $60 and got tested, after which they gave me their report that I did indeed have Aspergers syndrome.

I was a destructive, in-attentive, thief.

I also had no respect for authority whatsoever. The only reason why I'm different now is because I am trying not to revert to my old ways, even though its very tempting sometimes. But its like I'm a bit of a time bomb in that regard.

Life is full of contradiction and when your trying to see the right path for yourself in your eyes, it may well be the wrong path in someone else's eyes. Right or wrong, who really knows?

If you get scolded often enough for doing what you think is right, you might start to think its actually wrong and then wrong becomes right.

Does that make sense?

Originally posted by r2d246

Originally posted by R6A6W6
Hello to all,
I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in 2006 when I was 36 years old and I am now 42. The so called experts usually say that getting a diagnosis that late in life, is life changing and like a blessing. A lot of those that were diagnosed later in life have come out saying that they now understand; why they were, the way they were, when they were younger. I can totally understand that part of it easily but as for a later diagnosis being a blessing to me, I wish I could say that was true but its not.

I know that everyone with Aspergers has different symptoms of varying degrees but we all know that Aspergers people use their brains differently to neurotypicals. I think we tend to think things more simply than people without the disorder do. Therefore when I am nearly always spending every minute of my life around neurotypical people who don't have the same way of thinking as I do and I hardly ever see or speak to anyone like myself. It makes me feel trapped, scared, overloaded, outnumbered and lost.


I simply find that being around people without the disorder is like everything is being made ten times more complicated than it has to be in my reasoning. I still cannot feel happy about myself for having been diagnosed because I cannot celebrate the fact that I am different, others simply don't understand that a party is no fun if you are all alone by yourself.

I grow more and more tired every day because of having to try and fit in all the time, when inside I am just dying to burst out and be me. I fear if I do try to be me and follow my heart that I will just have to break free from all of the neurotypicals in my life around me, which include my wife and my family as well. I am scared because I don't really belong with any of them, but I do have some degree of emotional attachment to them. So for me to break free from them would cause even more pain and I am completely torn and in emotional agony all the time.

Once again I know that everyone is different, I am just putting forward the way I feel about having the disorder in my life. If anyone else has had a later diagnosis and is turning middle ageish, could you please tell me how you feel as this point in your life.

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU...

This might come as a shock to you...

But you've been lied to!!! The truth is your a perfectly fine adult in perfect health. You're just like everyone else. Everyone lives with fears, insecurities, confusion and other issues that plague everyone on the planet. It's part of being human. You're NO DIFFERENT than anyone else.

So here's my advice to you. Stop believing there lie. Get off any pills there trying to get you hooked on. And tell them to go foock themselves. They're a bunch of liars. They'll say anything to get you to believe them and then anything else to get you on some pills you don't need. Be careful my friend. Again your fine, you've just been lied to that's all.

I'm sorry, but you are very wrong and uneducated about Asperger's. My 16 year old son has Aspergers and he is very different than your average 16 year old. He is intelligent, loving, and at first glance most people would'nt think anything was wrong with him but if you spend 5 minutes talking with him, it becomes clear on how different he is. Not a day goes by where I don't worry about what his future will be like. His Dad, (my husband) has Asperger's too but not as severe a case. Medication helps my son with the OCD aspect of Asperger's...before meds, he had to tap with his foot on tiles before he could even enter a room. I think big Pharma does push alot of crap on people but some meds really do help.
I know you were just trying to be positive in your reply to the OP but at the same time, don't deny someone is what they are...just accept them
Peace!

Originally posted by FissionSurplus
reply to post by DaTroof

 

May you be blessed with an Aspie child in the future. You won't mind, since it's nothing, right?

As a mother of a 16 year old Aspie sonI applaud your above comment

And I agree with what you said about medication for Asperger's....there is no one pill for Asperger's alone....only meds to help treat w/ the different issues behind Asperger's.

There was a movie released in 2009, called "Adam". It's about a guy living with severe Asperger's. It's an emotional movie but if you're interested in seeing the world through their eyes, it's a good one.
Doubters, get to know someone in real life like the character in that movie, and then come and tell everyone that's it's a made up diagnosis.

I get that people are cynical because big pharma wants to label everyone, but that doesn't mean that a difficult to understand (for some) neurological or biological differences are all invented.

Do you know what group is known for shunning all forms of psychological diagnosis? Scientologists.

Anyway,

Thank you very much OP for posting. I assumed that it was rare for adults to be diagnosed with Aspergerger's. It's good to see you were able to allow others to open up about it here.
I've never been officially diagnosed but I'd bet a nickel or two I'm on the same range of the autism spectrum. My wife just told me tonight that I make funny faces sometimes (I have little awareness of my facial expressions). I may not get subtlety, but I can recognize a look of shock when my mind makes a wild association with the topic at hand and I open my mouth.
At least with a diagnosis, hopefully it helps those around you to better understand. That could be a blessing.

Your post struck a chord with me. I have had the same thoughts.

In the very off chance that you were able to cut all ties in order to surround yourself with other, similar people, are you certain that you would then have a greater ability to be yourself? Do you think that possibly it would be the same situation eventually, but with different people? Maybe you belong where you're at more so than you belong anywhere else. Consider the questions rhetorical, but also consider that in a world full of different people, if you can't fit in anywhere, at least you can be next to the people you care about.

I just realized that it sounds kind of harsh to say you can't fit in anywhere. I'm really talking about myself here, trying to relate. If you find an answer that helps, please share. :-)

reply to post by Hope4peace


I agree with you 100%. I have a son who is now 10 yo and he is high functioning Autistic. If anyone had a 2 minute conversation with him they would know that something about him was very different. I love him to bits and I call him mini me because the things he does and says are just like the things I would do or say.

But at the same time I feel sorry for him because I know that his symptoms will not get much better and he will be in high school in a few years, where he could get bullied. Even now he hardly cracks a smile and well, he looks depressed to be honest.

He just wants to be in his own little world where everything is safe and I can understand that totally. Its hard because I want him to develop some social skills in order to get by in life and have a few friends at least. I try to tell him the right times for appropriate social behavior and the right times to play games and use his imagination.

reply to post by R6A6W6


Yes, it's hard being a parent to an Aspie child. My son so desperately wants to fit in and have friends but he just has a really hard time putting on those filters. He tends to say the wrong thing on accident and then his feelings get hurt when the other kids don't want to be around him. He has no friends really and all he seems to want to do is sit on his computer all day. I'll try to encourage him to get out of the house and do something fun but he never wants to. My husband is 46 and is Asperger's but he's stubborn and doesn't want to accept the diagnosis lol....that's good that you're understanding to your son's needs

Originally posted by R6A6W6
reply to post by Hope4peace

 

I agree with you 100%. I have a son who is now 10 yo and he is high functioning Autistic. If anyone had a 2 minute conversation with him they would know that something about him was very different. I love him to bits and I call him mini me because the things he does and says are just like the things I would do or say.

But at the same time I feel sorry for him because I know that his symptoms will not get much better and he will be in high school in a few years, where he could get bullied. Even now he hardly cracks a smile and well, he looks depressed to be honest.

He just wants to be in his own little world where everything is safe and I can understand that totally. Its hard because I want him to develop some social skills in order to get by in life and have a few friends at least. I try to tell him the right times for appropriate social behavior and the right times to play games and use his imagination.

Wow, sounds like you're cursing your own son, that's too bad.

You know the symptoms will not get much better....yes hold him to your standards, by all means.

reply to post by davidmann


You arrogant pig, you know nothing about Autism spectrum disorders do you? My son is actually worse off than me as he didn't even talk until he was about 4 and sentences didn't form until about 5 or 6.

The main reason why I am concerned for his future is that he might meet idiots like you who seem to think nothings wrong.