Over 30 years old with Aspergers Syndrome, How do you cope?

Hello to all,
I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in 2006 when I was 36 years old and I am now 42. The so called experts usually say that getting a diagnosis that late in life, is life changing and like a blessing. A lot of those that were diagnosed later in life have come out saying that they now understand; why they were, the way they were, when they were younger. I can totally understand that part of it easily but as for a later diagnosis being a blessing to me, I wish I could say that was true but its not.

I know that everyone with Aspergers has different symptoms of varying degrees but we all know that Aspergers people use their brains differently to neurotypicals. I think we tend to think things more simply than people without the disorder do. Therefore when I am nearly always spending every minute of my life around neurotypical people who don't have the same way of thinking as I do and I hardly ever see or speak to anyone like myself. It makes me feel trapped, scared, overloaded, outnumbered and lost.

I simply find that being around people without the disorder is like everything is being made ten times more complicated than it has to be in my reasoning. I still cannot feel happy about myself for having been diagnosed because I cannot celebrate the fact that I am different, others simply don't understand that a party is no fun if you are all alone by yourself.

I grow more and more tired every day because of having to try and fit in all the time, when inside I am just dying to burst out and be me. I fear if I do try to be me and follow my heart that I will just have to break free from all of the neurotypicals in my life around me, which include my wife and my family as well. I am scared because I don't really belong with any of them, but I do have some degree of emotional attachment to them. So for me to break free from them would cause even more pain and I am completely torn and in emotional agony all the time.

Once again I know that everyone is different, I am just putting forward the way I feel about having the disorder in my life. If anyone else has had a later diagnosis and is turning middle ageish, could you please tell me how you feel as this point in your life.

So aspergers is basically a disorder that prevents you from socializing?

I'm kinda not buying this disorder.

I hear ya, I have it myself. I'm now thirty and was diagnosed a year ago. It's not easy, but at least I know why I lived my social life so abstractly different then most. I thought I was abnormal, and in a way, I was. But at least I know it's not because of *me* but because of something that affects me.

Most of my friends are *normal*. I have a hard time relating to a lot of the things they do. They're very social and outgoing, and while I may be outgoing, I'm not very social. Mainly because people don't get me. Like you, I tried fitting in so many times. Every day was a challenge. Every day was a test of my will strength. It got the better of me and led me down the road of deep depression several times.

However, I learned not to care. I'm no longer going to try to fit in. I have just been me now for over a year and yes, I've lost some friends and yes, I've been more then awkward in social get together's. But I'm at least HAPPY. My true friends have learned to understand me. I've learned that even though I hate 99% of the things they love, that we can still hang out and find a middle ground.

I'm not sure if you are the same way (personality type) but I prefer being alone. I'm equally, if not more so, happy to be on my own doing what I like then in a group doing something. This has helped me a lot to overcome a lot of the issues I had with myself.

Not sure if everything I wrote makes sense, but it's 6am here and I haven't slept much. The bottom line I'm trying to get through though is this:

Be YOURSELF. If you're "not quite like everyone else" so what? People will like you for who you are, not who you pretend to be. If they don't like you, their loss. Don't feel bad because you want to be alone, accept it. Do something you like, you may find it rejuvenates you mentally like it does me.

Good night.

reply to post by R6A6W6


What are the symptoms of this? Could you share?

Hi...I'm also 42 and my husbands 41 and was officially diagnosed with aspergers about 2 years ago. I can tell you that from my perspective, he made more sense to me, and the emotional distance I sometimes felt, after the diagnosis because im neurotypical. I'm naturally very empathetic and that seems to help us. I have found that I need to be explicit in what I need emotionally from him, like, "I've had a bad day at work please just sit and let me vent." it forces me to be honest with my needs. I know he struggles in social settings, but I'm able to help him bridge the gap. He's a brilliant man, very giving and loves us very much, and tha family just know that he can be a bit odd.
I hope you're able to make peace with the diagnosis. This is just the the way you are. I also hope you give your family a chance to know you and all your uniqueness.

reply to post by Frankenchrist


What exactly are you not buying into? If you mean the labeling of it as a disorder then I kind of understand as ther is little proof to tell what causes it.

However it doesn't really matter what you call (not being able to socialize appropriately), there are people around the place that can't and I'm one of them.

Continue labelling yourself, if you're happy basing your whole identity around that, as some people do. But be yourself and try for whatever lifestyle you desire.

reply to post by sonofonehunlo


These are some of the symptoms of Adults with Aspergers Syndrome:

Asperger syndrome in adults has some common characteristics such as:

• Lack of managing appropriate social conduct

• High intelligence

• Anger management problems

• Controlling feelings such as depression, fear or anxiety

• Lack of empathy

• Inability to listen to others

• Inflexible thinking

• Repetitive routines provides feelings of security

• Stress when their routine suddenly changes

• Inability to think in abstract ways

• Specialised fields of interest

• Visual thinking

There are many more symptoms so I suggest if you really want to know about the disorder you should google it.

Originally posted by R6A6W6
Hello to all,
I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome in 2006 when I was 36 years old and I am now 42. The so called experts usually say that getting a diagnosis that late in life, is life changing and like a blessing. A lot of those that were diagnosed later in life have come out saying that they now understand; why they were, the way they were, when they were younger. I can totally understand that part of it easily but as for a later diagnosis being a blessing to me, I wish I could say that was true but its not.

I know that everyone with Aspergers has different symptoms of varying degrees but we all know that Aspergers people use their brains differently to neurotypicals. I think we tend to think things more simply than people without the disorder do. Therefore when I am nearly always spending every minute of my life around neurotypical people who don't have the same way of thinking as I do and I hardly ever see or speak to anyone like myself. It makes me feel trapped, scared, overloaded, outnumbered and lost.

I simply find that being around people without the disorder is like everything is being made ten times more complicated than it has to be in my reasoning. I still cannot feel happy about myself for having been diagnosed because I cannot celebrate the fact that I am different, others simply don't understand that a party is no fun if you are all alone by yourself.

I grow more and more tired every day because of having to try and fit in all the time, when inside I am just dying to burst out and be me. I fear if I do try to be me and follow my heart that I will just have to break free from all of the neurotypicals in my life around me, which include my wife and my family as well. I am scared because I don't really belong with any of them, but I do have some degree of emotional attachment to them. So for me to break free from them would cause even more pain and I am completely torn and in emotional agony all the time.

Once again I know that everyone is different, I am just putting forward the way I feel about having the disorder in my life. If anyone else has had a later diagnosis and is turning middle ageish, could you please tell me how you feel as this point in your life.

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU...

This might come as a shock to you...

But you've been lied to!!! The truth is your a perfectly fine adult in perfect health. You're just like everyone else. Everyone lives with fears, insecurities, confusion and other issues that plague everyone on the planet. It's part of being human. You're NO DIFFERENT than anyone else.

So here's my advice to you. Stop believing there lie. Get off any pills there trying to get you hooked on. And tell them to go foock themselves. They're a bunch of liars. They'll say anything to get you to believe them and then anything else to get you on some pills you don't need. Be careful my friend. Again your fine, you've just been lied to that's all.

reply to post by R6A6W6


Do you have to be on medication for aspergers?

If so.

I think it's an excuse for pharma companies to sell you drugs.

Sure, we all at one time or another "feel" like we don't fit in.

And some of us "feel" like that all the time.

It just means you are kinda weird.

Weird is cool though.

People just don't get you.

Originally posted by R6A6W6
reply to post by sonofonehunlo

 

These are some of the symptoms of Adults with Aspergers Syndrome:

Asperger syndrome in adults has some common characteristics such as:

• Lack of managing appropriate social conduct

• High intelligence

• Anger management problems

• Controlling feelings such as depression, fear or anxiety

• Lack of empathy

• Inability to listen to others

• Inflexible thinking

• Repetitive routines provides feelings of security

• Stress when their routine suddenly changes

• Inability to think in abstract ways

• Specialised fields of interest

• Visual thinking

There are many more symptoms so I suggest if you really want to know about the disorder you should google it.

This is all of us!

This is what being human is.

reply to post by r2d246


I'm not on any kind of PILLS.

reply to post by R6A6W6

I think I would have been diagnosed with some autism-disorder if I had been born later than I was. I had a rough childhood and didn't get along with classmates. Not sure what caused it.

Personality tests on the internet consistently tell me I'm INTP.

I don't relate to people very well.

I'm not sure why.

I love to think and when I bring up what I'm thinking nobody wants to hear it. I mostly understand this since I'm kind of stupid and don't always speak clearly about what I'm thinking. My IQ is average. But saying the right things at the right moment is hard for me. I find that I think much better alone than I do in groups. Group class assignments were always much much harder and never fun.

Not sure if it matters, but all throughout school and college I always seemed to finish my tests last or next to last. I rarely finished first. I always either moved slow or went over my answers a few times. I got good grades, but always procrastinated and crammed for exams and stressed.

I don't really have aptitudes. I just do ok at math, writing and science, but ok sucks. I love the full range of science and philosophy, but my mind is less concrete and more abstract, I think. And I don't think I could ever enjoy these things professionally. But they're the closest thing I have to interests. Ofc, science would include computer programming. And that's one of my more serious interests too.

And lastly, that bit about repetitive behaviors sounds bad to me.

Look here:
www.nytimes.com ...

........
Reporting earlier this summer in the journal Science, Nuno Sousa of the Life and Health Sciences Research Institute at the University of Minho in Portugal and his colleagues described experiments in which chronically stressed rats lost their elastic rat cunning and instead fell back on familiar routines and rote responses, like compulsively pressing a bar for food pellets they had no intention of eating.

Moreover, the rats’ behavioral perturbations were reflected by a pair of complementary changes in their underlying neural circuitry. On the one hand, regions of the brain associated with executive decision-making and goal-directed behaviors had shriveled, while, conversely, brain sectors linked to habit formation had bloomed.
.........

I've had deja vu a couple times in my life. Ooh, look at this:
medicalxpress.com ...

.......
The team observed how small structures in the brain's medial temporal lobes, in which memory and recollections originate, were considerably smaller in individuals with the occurrence of déjà vu than in individuals who have not experienced déjà vu. Their findings also showed that the more often the examined individuals experience déjà vu, the smaller the brain structures are.
.........

Smaller!!! Ack. My brain is small!! Oh, well I kind of already knew that.

Originally posted by sonofonehunlo
reply to post by R6A6W6

 

What are the symptoms of this? Could you share?

Asperger’s Syndrome is the mildest and highest functioning end of the Autism Spectrum. Individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome experience problems in social interaction and often have restricted, repetitive, and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities. These difficulties may include eye contact, facial expressions, and social gestures; poor peer relationships; lack of spontaneous sharing with others; lack of social or emotional give-and-take; preoccupation with certain interests and subjects; inflexible routines or rituals; repetitive movements.

To Frankenchrist: I assure you it is a very real disorder. I work with children and it is most often diagnosed in early childhood.

I couldn't imagine being diagnosed with Asperger's as an adult! I believe it would probably make the person being diagnosed be extremely relieved and may even do damage control on already damaged self-esteem from all the social discomfort and feelings of being different. Are there any Asperger's support groups in your area, OP?

reply to post by Frankenchrist


No you don't have to be on any medication although they do prescribe anti depressants and anti anxiety medications to people who suffer from that as a side effect of the disorder.

I have been on many kinds of those before, but none of them actually work on me so I stopped taking them. In fact most of those drugs make me feel more suicidal.

Let's just rename Aspergers.

Let's now call it Adult Indigo Child Syndrome.

reply to post by Frankenchrist


I'm with you on this one.Except the part about it being a ploy for the big companies to sell pills.

It isn't their fault that people think they need a pill for everything. Doctors are not always right folks.

reply to post by Frankenchrist


Its a real thing and goes past just being weird. It can be very debillitating for some. Knew a few people with it in school, one of my friends has it. Normally things like this sound like BS to me but if you meet someone with it there is an obvious problem. Its pretty sad to see in more severe cases. The person may want desperately to fit in but just cant get the social norms. My buddy is actually very good at striking up and maintaining friendships, but he has really serious issues with it at times. Ive known him since birth and guarantee hes not faking anything. Love the guy.

Originally posted by Frankenchrist
Let's just rename Aspergers.

Let's now call it Adult Indigo Child Syndrome.

Actually, a lot of people with ADHD or Asperger's do fit the description for Indigo Children quite well. I notice that too.

What people forget is that not all diagnoses are negative.

Wow, I didn't know there were so many doctors on this site who could give you a second opinion.
Im constantly amazed by the lack of sympathy and civility on this site. I mean, I know we all see conspiracy everywhere, which is why we're on the site, but give the guy a break.
I, for one, am happy to see you opening up to people. We have found that when people know about my husbands challenges, they understand him better. As hard as it can be to expose your perceived weaknesses, the people close to you will appreciate the attempt your making to be understood. Good job!