It's time my story needs to be heard

Originally posted by Andromedabound

Your life sounds like an amazing story. If you did ever want to elaborate on the finer detail I would be all ears (or eyes).

I don't really think I can show anybody the finer details of my life. How can I make anybody see through my own eyes? Instead, I would encourage others to pay close attention and appreciate the finer details in their own lives. By knowing ourselves intimately, we will begin to know each other.

I agree that the guru is essential to attain the fullest of spiritual wisdom. They also act a necessary mediator. For this lifetime, I have been put here in the western hemisphere. Perhaps some day, or in another lifetime, I will undergo study with a proper guru. Lord knows I'm just shuffling around here not doing much else.

reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha

I'm sorry, but could you be more specific about this inconsistency that you found? I don't see it. I see that I described my emotional state before AND after an event.

I don't wish to cause any ill feelings here.. just so we're clear. I'm quoting you in the order in which you told your story.

None of those doctors had faith that I would make it. The attending doctor in the ER who discovered the tumors estimated that I literally had days, if not hours before my organs would shut down. I’ve had a few physicians look at my medical reports and records and just become dumbfounded that I am alive and in as good a shape as I am).

I was also experiencing a lot of depression at this time. I felt abandoned by all my friends and my girlfriend—I had no support, understanding, or empathy from my family either. I never felt so alone and even let my depression lead me down the road to contemplated suicide. I couldn’t see a life for myself after what I’d been through. Cancer treatments left me with ...

It was when you said that you had no support........not even family [& this was during your cancer], then to say;

We had already developed a very strong bond during my cancer. She was the only one who cared for me during that time. She quit drinking and became the best mother I could have ever asked for. She was emotionally supportive every step of the way—went above and beyond the call of motherhood to see me through my cancer. Doctors had even attempted to prepare her for my eventual death because they could not stop internal bleeding or revive me on a few occasions. She even revealed to me that she once saw the “boxy Michelin Man” in a near-sleep state. This is how open and uncensored our discussions were growing.

Is this me being mistaken?

reply to post by RobinB022


Yes, actually. I re-read that page of my OP to make sure I understood your dilemma. I was checking to make sure the events I described flowed in a linear progression instead of jumping around in terms of chronology. (As I said, this section mostly deals with "before and after" changes in my mood and outlook. The chronology of events is linear so I'm not worried about that. And we're really talking about changes that occurred over 2 and a half years or so.

I believe I have given a satisfactory answer in my first reply; but I promised to clarify to the best of my ability.

When I say "family", I was referring to my older brother (and his wife, my sister-in-law), and my dad's parents (who more or less raised us in tandem with my mother.) I am referring to my mom as well, of course. I also have a cousin who is nearly the same age as me. In many ways, he is more like my brother than my actual brother. This is my family unit. I needed my family unit, not just my mom.

Being diagnosed did not change my relationship with my mother overnight either. We already had a poor relationship when I was a young teenager. The experience of her almost losing me and me relying on her built an incredibly strong bond between us that did not previously exist.

I do not see the discrepancy. My mom alone is not my entire family that I counted on and expected for support. But she was the only one who answered to my needs. She's a good mom

I'm sorry that this exercise in semantics ruined the entire posts for you, but that is your choice.

Thank you so much for your thread! I just happened to stumble upon it myself after several months of being away from ATS. I love to hear people's stories of "other-worldly" beings. I myself have never had what I'd call "alien encounters", but I definitely have had my fair share of contact with "others".
I grew up out in the middle of no-where in the North Georgia mountains. As a child my parents could not keep me inside. They will tell you that I had a very active imagination (and still do). I will tell you that I had experiences, even as a very very small child, that brought me to understand, and question, the world around me. I have never claimed to encounter aliens, though I would LOVE that opportunity. My experiences were always of the ethereal world. When I was young I would explain them as fairies, elves, and unicorns lol! But, as I've gotten older I have come to understand them as beings from another plane, or spirits, or guardian angels. I don't think "what" or "who" they are really matters. They would guide me into "magical" places in the woods, peek around the trees, and even speak into my ear if I listened. Now, I have no idea who they actually are/were, but I know they never intended harm, and have always been there if I needed them. I have never been comfortable in-doors, my special places are in the woods, and by waterfalls. I am only ever afraid when I am indoors. They don't come to me in man-made places, or where there is a large population.
I HAVE had a life-long fear of something under my bed though. I have no way to explain it. Even now, at 33, I cannot let my hand or foot reach the edge of the bed. I will immediately wake up terrified that something is going to grab me.
Thank you again for sharing your story. I truly believe that someday we will be able to understand who these "watchers" are, where they come from, and why they are here. Keep your head up. We're NOT crazy! lol

Hello NB I congratulate you on coming forward with your experience.I too have had similar experiences my entire life.
This attention from our extraterrestrial visitors isnt isolated to myself and it brings me to ask you if your parents or brother have ever had the same sort of experience.
It has been extended throughout my entire family for several generations and it continues to this day.
I also had the doorway being experience although, my visitor was just an outline of twinkling tiny lights ,it moved into my bedroom and I knew was staring at me .I panicked and woke the whole house hold .
My sons were both taken many times my eldest hurt himself one night trying to"go back through the wall" after a visit,and my youngest saw them racing across his bedroom .
There have been balls of light hovering in the house which then hit one of us on the forhead .My youngest and I had numerous missing time from one hour to two during the daytime.
The list goes on and on .Most of the visitations have been ok and I have received plenty of positive interactions from many different races humanoid and greys who are like little children at times curious and playful .I know about the black blobs as my son used to refer to them and they are scarey but there are a lot of different races out there watching the planet and there are more good than bad .
I have kept a diary of all the events that have happened to me ,this also is a good way of personal therapy as re-reading about an experience can throw a different light on it and I feel helps me cope with the bizarre reality of it all.
Unfortunately the support we get isnt always there and we can often find ourselves alone ,but we never are really because there are milliions on the planet who are having the same thing happen to them but like us find it very difficult to speak out and take the derision that comes from doing so.
I did do something about it and got some excellent help which helped with the fear.I also associated myself with people who were also dealing with the stress of not being able to open up to those closest to them.
I wish you well and hope your experiences will have enriched you (as it seems they have helped in your spirituality).
What they give us is stored in the mind until it is required ,be assured you will know what it is they have given when the time is right to use it.
Blessings and Peace
Namaste

Originally posted by Caspian234
Hello NB I congratulate you on coming forward with your experience.I too have had similar experiences my entire life.
This attention from our extraterrestrial visitors isnt isolated to myself and it brings me to ask you if your parents or brother have ever had the same sort of experience.

Not that I know of. If my brother has ever had any experiences, he has never told us. If my mom or I have, we do not remember. This makes me believe that no abductions actually took place.

I did mention in a previous thread about a dream I had where I was talking with my father. I was watching TV and it woke him up or something. I told him "I couldn't sleep."

He said something along the lines of "Yeah, I have trouble sleeping too. The 'little people' are always waking me up."

The dream continued wherein we discussed our experiences with being visited by these "little" alien "people."

I'm sorry I couldn't refer you directly to that post as it has been lost somewhere in these pages of text on the thread. I'm sure the above is a more hackneyed version than when I spoke of it earlier. The content is the same though.

Also, I think it was just a dream--dreams are not enough for me to make such a claim as being abducted. It is interesting to consider, but I don't know the missing details. For now, I do not claim to have been abducted..only visited by a few things that I can't explain.

I strongly encourage you to go to the site alienresistance.org
I have been abducted and I have rebuffed abduction.......on multiple occasions.

Originally posted by geobro
reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha

 

i remember 4 hours vanishing one saturday as a kid one second it was 10 am the next it was 2 pm .even 30 odd years later it still bugs the hell out of me half way across a field near my home so tell me more

I have mentioned a similar amount of time loss ( 3 hours in my case ) in the thread " what I saw in the darkness " - page 11 - I have never knowingly had such a long lapse, it is usually about 1 hour at a time, mine was between leaving my bedroom and walking downstairs to the kitchen, similar to yours because neither of us was asleep at the time.

I also have M.S. and have had it for approx 15yrs now. I know it's devastating to find out you have an incurable disease but you will become stronger than ever before. I chose not to take any of the interferon drugs. The most important thing I can share with you is to make your life as stress free as possible, Stress triggers the body to begin attacking itself causing more lesions-brain and spinal. I take 1 zoloft a day and 2 prenatal vitamins, CoEnzyme 10, and fish oil. Overall I am healthy as long as I stay calm. I truly believe staying calm is the biggest factor in avoiding flare-ups. MS changed my life in a positive way. I am a better person. I see things differently because I was forced to slow down. I help others any chance I get.

Best wishes go out to you and your family

reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha


TL DL
DEny IGnoRance

reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha


Well for you both to have scabs in the same place on the same day I think is a bit strange.

Really sad to hear you and your bro, the one who looked after you so much when you were kids, is now not really on speaking terms. All the sadder since he is your only sibling (as far as I can gather). I hope the day comes in the not too distant future where you can both put your differences behind you and become friends again ((((many hugs))).

A fascinating story, S&F. Well-written and succinct. I am not sure I can help except to relate my personal experiences and impressions on the sleep paralysis that you mention.

I have had many instances of this paralysis and as I understand it from a physical aspect, your brain causes this during a sleep state to prevent injury. However, on occasion, our brain activity causes consciousness during it, very similar to a meditative state. However we cannot move which can be frightening and send you down various "rabbit holes" within your mind, whether dreams, OBE's or just slipping out of the conscious awareness (i.e. sleep).

To illustrate, the actual sensations that I have personally experienced during this sleep paralysis state are lucid dreaming, false awakenings, internal "muscling", deep fear, OBE's, and gentle recovery. I will explain each individually.

Lucid dreaming: The most wonderful state that I have ever experienced where everyone and everything is under conscious control. It is like having your own Star Trek Holodeck. Too bad that I never learned how to make it last more than a few minutes (I think).

False Awakenings: In the room, I can see most things. I get up, talk to my wife, walk across the room then find myself back in my paralysis to often do it again and again. Once it got so bad, I woke up, picked up an ashtray from my bedside stand and put on my chest to see if it was real. I woke up for real and it was not there. Yes, I can wake up fully and go back to sleep and have it start all over again. And it can be almost impossible to tell which awakening is "real"...I have to perform a few tests to convince myself that I am actually awake and even then, I am still asleep to my amazement.

Internal Muscling: No other way to describe it. I can't move but every muscle in my body is sent a signal to tighten and move. I have "powered" my way through paralysis this way but its really not worth the effort.

Deep Fear: I'm stuck, I cannot move, I want to cry out to my wife to help. I feel like I'm dying yet by just letting it go, I will drift to sleep.

OBE's: Lucid dreams that involve a spinning feeling like my body is rolling in a vertical motion. Then to literally explode out and upward through the roof and into the night sky. Stars there for the thought and the feeling like you are flying at enormous speed to reach them or at least the thought that you could. I have gone "into space" like this although it is again only a few minutes, no extended stays.

Gentle Recovery: Realizing that I am in sleep paralysis and then allowing it to run its course. The worst thing that has ever happened is my own fear and I now refuse to experience that so I just relax and let it take me where it may with no concerns.

I doubt any of this will aid you in understanding but I have experienced sleep paralysis for 50 years and it comes and goes. But I no longer fear it as unnatural, just a mechanism of the brain that can often be guided into something deeply personal, profound and enlightening.

Originally posted by followingpythagoras

I have thought and thought about it over the years. I have to concede that just because we have emotions, it certainly does not mean that they have them like we do. Maybe they do have emotions, but it is only for each other or something. The way one of our scientists may feel very strongly about something happening to their own child, but not relating that to how an animal might feel about what is being done to them. I feel it comes down to what each being feels the other being is "worth", in a way.

I guess I equate "superior" to mean that they are superior in every way, when obviously they are not. Maybe I am expecting too much from them - I don't know. I just know I didn't ask for any of this crap, and if I had the chance to communicate with another being, I sure as heck wouldn't try and be so mysterious and weird about it. I'd try to go out of my way to let them know I was not there to hurt or scare them. I would try and take a little time to communicate with them - and perhaps even learn something from them.

I think they are jerks. I am jealous whenever I hear about someone who has had friendly, or even unfriendly, communication with them. Not fair.

I have been wondering also if perhaps they are jealous of us. Maybe since we have emotions and if they don't, perhaps they are trying to figure out what they are and how can they get them. Also fear being a really strong emotion which would be easier to produce than say 'love' when in connection with them, maybe is why they are mostly being scary to us.
Perhaps all the dna retrieval and from what I have read on other threads/articles, inter breeding and genetic modifications are to 'upgrade' their own species to have emotional ability.
Of course they might just be sadistic gits who don't give a toss about us and get some sort of revitalising energy/pleaser from the fear/stress emotions we produce. Not like we don't have humans like that is it?

I really hope that one day you have a nice encounter that is friendly and explanatory.

thanks for sharing your story, you're a good writer!

Great post OP. Your writing was very easy to read, and it was very interesting. All of my experiences with strange beings have been in my dreams, and they have all been very enjoyable. From what you posted, it seems like you are already doing everything I would suggest in terms of understanding your experiences. You have quite the "hero's journey" going on.

reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha


i my self have had 5 different dreams were there is a entity standing in my doorway no features just a figure of a person it has happened 5 times through out my life starting at 5 again at 8 then 12 and again at 18 then the last one was 3 days after my 21st birthday.i am now 22.any insight? after reading your long but amazing post i think maybe a shadow person but i dont know.

Originally posted by NarcolepticBuddha
reply to post by Apleness

 

I have considered it, but I encourage sleep medicine to develop itself in this area because there are still too many unanswered questions.

Really, like what ? Its scientifically proved, they are replicated in controlled ambient. You have thousands of people with the same disease reporting the same visions, what else do you need ?

It looks like you really want to make this something that it's not.. Maybe so you can feel somehow special ?
I know must be disappointing this so vidid manifestations to be just a "normal" side affect of your disease that don't make you any more special than any one else with their boring lifes.

reply to post by NarcolepticBuddha


Thank you so much for your story. I have a simular story to tell and it takes a lot of courage to go public with it. I have alot of questions to you but I think this is not the proper place to ask them. They are pretty much private. If I would tell my story I think it will also be on ATS but first I need to sort out some things. Maybe there's another way to contact you?
Take care and thanks again!

Great story and well written. Thanks for your bravery in sharing such a bizarre tale as well as your triumph over illness. I only gleamed through the pages of posts but one thing I saw is when you described the shamanic view of extreme illness or disease as an initiation and a process for or a burning up karma or something to that effect... very true. I have had a few experiences myself as a child and early adulthood so I definitely believe you've seen what you've seen and it's not some figment of a psychological disorder. Good or bad it's a wise practice to view these visitations as messengers.. in fact something in your life at the time they were coming to you early on was what gave you the sickness and they were warning you. Also your mother's alcoholism unfortunately opens you as her son directly to her karma - any kind of addiction is an open invitation to these energies.

I myself have studied meditation (zazen) for over 10 years now and it's probably the single thing that has given me immediate and direct contact with a solid center that keeps everything else in check. If anything helps with this I'd say it's connecting to your "higher self" and allowing love for self.

First of all, many thanks for posting your story - a great read. It seems you have been through a lot and I hope you are gradually able to make sense of all that happened to you. Sometimes, what appears to be unrelated incidents in fact share deep connections. It is not until we come into possession of new information, however, that these connections appear to us. Perhaps in your case, the disclosure you made here on ATS will help you become aware of key information to untangle this rich and sometimes frightening forest of a life you've had.

I would also like to say that it is so similar to my own experiences that it compelled me to become a member of ATS. This is, indeed, my first reply to a thread. As I've explained in the "Introductions" section, I had been reading and using ATS for several years, but it is not until I read your story that I decided to become a member.

What are the similarities between the story you told and my own experiences? First, we both seem to have a weird but lovable mother with an interest in the paranormal - nothing too unusual so far!

Secondly, it also seems we were both "visited" and that we both kept, as children, a "log" of these visitations in the form of drawings (I have a great one where, at age 5, I picture myself hovering into a cone of light, under a saucer shaped disk, with my helpless parents left behind in a field...:puz. These continued all my life as well - although they manifested in a different way from you - no sleep paralysis or hooded entities, but recurring marks on the body. Still, up to that stage, it seems rather coincidental and I believe many people could recognize themselves in this picture, even if it's hard for them to talk about it.

Where it gets freaky is when I read about you cancer (I assume it was in your early teenage years?). I also suffered the same ill fate. A freak, huge brain tumor, suddenly detected at the age of 12 and, according to all the doctors, detected too late...except that, after several surgeries over three years and multiple brushes with death, the tumor "miraculously" disappeared...

I know what you mean when you say you forged a "deep bond" with your mum during this period, having also had a more or less estranged father during his period. And I further recognize what I experienced in your account of your teenage years and early adulthood, when you had to battle depression - again, I same thing for me...

As you see, there are more than a few similarities here...Perhaps it is just a coincidence, of course. But I cannot help but wonder: does it have a particular meaning? How come our experiences are so similar, down to some freaky details (which I have spared the reader)? And why do you think have these visitations occurred to you specifically?

Many thanks for starting this thread!