Addicted Again. God I'm Pathetic.

Originally posted by Destinyone
reply to post by satron

 

Then go start your own thread with your issues....stop trying to derail the OP's heartfelt reaching out for friends....in other words....you've already been told, multiple times. You are not welcome. The OP very kindly asked you to leave her thread alone. Take your AGENDA elsewhere. Please...

OP...I apologize for addressing this poster again. I'll not be doing that again. I just remembered...don't feed the trolls.

Des

edit on 18-4-2012 by Destinyone because: (no reason given)

I would have more advice for the OP, but it's against the T&C to talk about.

reply to post by Destinyone




Indeed.... let's all now remember...




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The way the human societies works sucks bigtime and most of the time im pissed of that there is no place where I can get away from the stupid influence of it. Depression is a sign that you are smart enought to figure our that something is wrong and sometimes a start for something more. It is a sign that something is wrong and you might be dulling the pain. You might be trying to find a way out of a prison of sorts. The answer lies whitin. There is inside all humans a wall that can be broken. Some run into it, Some run thru it and find realease. Some find god thru years of training faith and meditaion, some find it thru a fear induced maxed out amagydala.

You make your own choices. I would like to say hold on and that you will soon find release but I do not know what is going to happen. I hope I am right in beliveing that we all will be in a better more harmonious place one day. I hope you mentaly find your way home soon. Please guide her home soon.

Dearest OP. When you have some alone time....you may benefit from these two Self Worth videos.

The first one uses binurnal soothing beats in the background music. I've found having the sense of hearing in play, helps me with affirmations, and some I write down and post as a previous poster suggested.

Uploaded by kelita80 on Jan 10, 2012

Thoughts are an important part of our inner wisdom. When you hold a thought long enough and repeat it often it becomes a belief. These affirmations will touch every aspect of a woman's life...self esteem, relationships, career...Let go of the past, forgive and blast out any negativity! I recommend that you do these affirmations daily and the binural beats I included in this audio will also help you to easily concentrate as you affirm. I hope you enjoy these affirmations and the blissful scenes in my video! Many Blessings! ~Kelita

This one is by Louise Hay Affirmations for Self Esteem for Women



Des

I feel compelled to reply to this thread even though I usually don't talk about this. I too am a recovering addict, my DOC was xanax and pain pills. I've been sober now for some time and as time goes by it gets easier and easier. I threw away everything good in my life, I lost everything I loved. For 5 plus years I gave my life to drugs and there's not much I remember in all that time. I abandoned my wife and son who I loved more than life but hurt them so deeply. My son is now 7 and I've missed most of his life, I can't imagine the pain I've caused him. I've hurt my whole family many times over. I hurt myself physically and mentally, I've even overdosed 3 times (dying twice). I have nothing left, it's all gone and it may take more time than I have to fix it all or get it back.

I'm not going to tell you what's wrong with you, how to fix it, or that it will ever get better. What I will tell you is that it's possible to beat addiction. You have to find peace within yourself before you're able to handle to world outside of yourself. I used to try to get sober for everyone else but me but it never worked. Once I did it for me it all started to come together. You have to value yourself and believe you deserve better than what you are doing. I found spirituality and that doesn't mean finding God or Christianity but finding something you believe in. My salvation is in my avatar (my son), he is what I believe in.

I've lived a hard life, I grew up in an alcoholic family, no dad, and very poor. I'm not using that as an excuse for my actions but it certainly didn't help any. I've been able to get past that now that I'm older and except what life as given me. Maybe you have had something happen in your life that is deeply seeded in your psyche. If so, it would do you so good to bring it to light and address it.

So what I'm really getting at is, no matter what as happened or what you've done, you can change your life and make it so much better. Don't be like me and lose everything good in your life to drugs.

I truly wish you the best of luck and hope that something or someone touches you to inspire a change. You as a human being deserve more than what drugs have to offer!

Go to a meeting. They are your family. Stay after and talk to someone.

reply to post by Ops4Ops


you've got to want to be clean. i dont mean just thinking that you want to be clean, but really really getting that full on want inside you. its a hard road, recovery. its easier to stay addicted. if you're in that place where you feel like its a scary thought living without booze and tablets, remember this: theres always a better way. you have the strength to do it. i know you can do it. your family and friends do too. everyones rooting for you, even if you dont know it. dont be hard on yourself. no one's perfect.

reply to post by Ops4Ops


I rarely ever post, usually just lurk. But I logged in just to let you know that I am pulling for you. I don't have any advice or words of wisdom to offer and the "good" people of ATS have provided plenty. Nonetheless, I wanted you to know that I read your post, I do feel for you, and if I could send you strength I would do so. But then, you have showed quite a bit of strength by facing your addiction and posting. You are not pathetic. You are a human being with human frailties. Nothing pathetic about that at all.

The high is never worth how bad you feel after relapsing

You're not pathetic at all. Got into pain pills heavy as a teen then when they weren't doing the trick anymore, I used heroin several times everyday for over a year, and have used meth on and off for over three years now. Not touched heroin in almost a year, but occasionally use the latter. One things for sure, if you don't want to stop, no amount of rehab and/or counseling will help. I quit using heroin because I just got fed up with the lifestyle. A lot of people see benefits to use, even if the excuse is pathetic, which is my case. I wish you luck. Once you get totally sick of the #, it becomes easier to quit.

reply to post by Ops4Ops


Go to a meeting, get a sponsor and work the step. Im going to one tomorrow.

Man up. If you want anything bad enough you will do it. Truth is (and you need some truth not some pandering advice), you need to man up, get up and stop.

Tye key is you do not 'want' to stop. Not really. How do I know. I've been there. You do not 'want' to stop yet. When you do, you will.

A strong faith can carry you through all that. So second probelm is you don't have a strong faith either. Go andsee the strongest person you know, (not physical), and not be appearances, but by fruit, and get them to mentor you.

If they are not hard on you, find someone else, you do not need anyone pandering to you or councelling you, you need someone who will be honest with you.

Originally posted by Ops4Ops
I want to first say I know this isn't a Help website, but its the only one I am a member to, and I just need a friend right now. I am a recovering addict, but lately things have started coming back, and showing its ugly face. Nothing like I used to, but now it seems booze and xanex seem to be turning into a daily habit for me, and I just hate having to admit it to anyone.

Its embarrassing and I feel ashamed. I have admitted it to my boyfriend and parents, but they already new something was up. I think I might be on the right track now, telling myself and others that I have been using these things. I also called around and have an appt with a professional to talk to and help. I still feel like a Loser and a Let Down.

Why are things in this world so hard and stressful and expensive, and why am I so weak I let it all get me down and BAM Here I am back Addicted. Sorry I know you guys probably don't wanna hear this crap, I just felt like I needed someone today, and had things to say and found myself here on ATS. I will say I am struggling with my Faith Cause I feel like God doesn't hear my prayers and doesn't care. I am so confused.

You seem to have forgotten something really important...

EVERYONE IS ADDICTED TO SOMETHING!!!

And who says that addiction is bad?!?

It's just another life choice.

Just another way to experience life.

I can guarantee you that anybody who would have you feel bad about your addictions has a dirty, dark and perverted habit in their own closet that they just can't kick.

If you want to move forward stop fighting your addictions. Before you can change you need to hit rock bottom. Then you can identify and deal with the root causes of your addictions...

reply to post by Ops4Ops


I realize that my post was made several hours after you initially shared, which is a cyclical eternity when we battle addictions; nonetheless, I hope this finds you in a better place.

There’s no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed about suffering from any of the idiosyncrasies that come with the territory of being human; besides, to coin your vernacular, “losers” & “let downs” typically do not display the courage to recognize or discuss their hurdles.

Relapses accompany the condition of us self-medicators—just chalk it up to another one that’s out of the way. Rough estimates place initial recovery statistics at ~10%. With that in mind, some of us had to keep at it until the odds were with us! Sure it sucks, but don’t let it get you down because it’s just 1-less you have to go thru to get where you’re going.

Your self-awareness is a sure-fire indicator that you’ve already started down the path less traveled & a good counselor will help you along the way. I pray that they are empathetic, as well as, suited to help you help yourself. If not, don’t give up on them either & don’t be afraid to out-grow their therapeutic modalities (i.e., CBT to psychodynamic).

Please keep in mind that it’s not who you were, but who you become that matters. Take care & know that the hearts & best wishes from myself, as well as, countless silent others are with you. Above all, don’t ever stop stopping.

atleast you know it's a problem and admit it to yourself

I firstly want to commend you OP for having the courage it takes to openly admit and discuss something like this, and trust me i know it does take real courage (even more so to speak about it with what are basically strangers).

Also whilst I know the majority of replies have been very thoughtful and caring (I expected no less here), I want to apologize for the total lack of humility and common decency shown by some, you certainly don't deserve a response like that after your brave opening post.

I really do empathize with your situation and can even relate to it in more ways than one. I hope you find the willpower and strength you need to get through this, though I do feel the strength you have shown already holds great promise.

You got this

I am a recovering addict myself, but you should know that you didn't become addicted again.. you are always an addict, you are either actively using or you are not. It's important to remember that. You don't stop being an addict when you stop taking drugs. Your mind will still try the same tricks to get you to use again, it just gets easier to ignore them or not have using thoughts at all the longer you go without using.

reply to post by satron


satron shut up you mindless fool. OP came here for help and you troll about thinking about nobody but yourself, trying to rack up stars and be clever. Loser

Op there are plenty here who care and some who are going through what you are going through.

I have my own vices that Im trying to deal with and all I can say is take it one day at a time, be strong and keep positive. Also maybe consider staying away from ats for a while, it tends to make everything look a little bit darker than it actually is.

I really hope all this support helps and I hope you get through it.

dd

The reason you feel as if God does not hear your prayers is not because God is turning his back on you! God never abandons!!! You are hiding YOURSELF from God! I don't mean that in a bad way. I too am struggling with an addiction but I realize that God is there for me. I just need to cope with being ashamed. My guilt is what keeps me from seeing God's exquisite Mercy. He is there, He hears you and He will help you if you let him into your heart. Pray for God's Grace and know that myself and others like me will do the same for you!

Now, there will be those that do not believe and they will try to quash the very core of faith. Thats ok, thats what free will is all about but do not allow them to sway you as you seek God's guidance.

Peace be with you!