Addicted Again. God I'm Pathetic.

I want to first say I know this isn't a Help website, but its the only one I am a member to, and I just need a friend right now. I am a recovering addict, but lately things have started coming back, and showing its ugly face. Nothing like I used to, but now it seems booze and xanex seem to be turning into a daily habit for me, and I just hate having to admit it to anyone.

Its embarrassing and I feel ashamed. I have admitted it to my boyfriend and parents, but they already new something was up. I think I might be on the right track now, telling myself and others that I have been using these things. I also called around and have an appt with a professional to talk to and help. I still feel like a Loser and a Let Down.

Why are things in this world so hard and stressful and expensive, and why am I so weak I let it all get me down and BAM Here I am back Addicted. Sorry I know you guys probably don't wanna hear this crap, I just felt like I needed someone today, and had things to say and found myself here on ATS. I will say I am struggling with my Faith Cause I feel like God doesn't hear my prayers and doesn't care. I am so confused.

reply to post by Ops4Ops


You need to get to a meeting...and quickly!

You need a sponsor...and you need to start working a program!

Everyday you don't do these things...you are going further down!

Right now...you need to put 24 hours together...and you might have to hit a meeting every couple hours to do it...but you need to get one day in...clean and sober!

reply to post by satron


Your right, and I agree with that. It was stupid of me to write it anyways

NO I AM GLAD I WROTE.. AND THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE WHO HAS REPLIED AND GIVEN ME ADVISE> THEY CAN CLOSE MY THREAD IF THEY WANT! I REALLY JUST NEED SOMEONE TO LISTEN IF ONLY FOR A MINUTE> THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE FOR YOUR ADVISE. I AM LISTENING

Just hang in there. Nobody is perfect, and each day is a new day to make new decisions.

Addiction is incredibly tough to deal with. I know from experience.

Set a goal, and take small steps everyday to achieve it. This will empower you to keep moving forward.

Don't forget that you have people who care about you. They are a source of strength for you if you let them in.

Good luck to you.

Its good to tell even if no one is caring, it gets it off from your heart.

Before your thread gets closed, because it very well may..And I'm sorry for that..

You're not a loser and there's nothing wrong with getting something off your chest. If people don't want to hear it, they can move along. It's good that you're being honest about it, and it's obvious you want to get past it..

I believe any person can do any thing they set their mind to (within reason, of course) and I'm sure you'll overcome your own challenges. Just admitting them is further than many people ever get. Keep talking to your friends and family and try to not be alone. If you have the means, relocate yourself for a little while. It really does help.

I wish you the best of luck, but you don't need it. Do what you know you have to.

reply to post by jerryznv


Thank you So much for your reply! I actually am gonna work this! I don't know why I didn't think of AA!

Originally posted by Ops4Ops
reply to post by jerryznv

 

Thank you So much for your reply! I actually am gonna work this! I don't know why I didn't think of AA!

HERE...is a good place to start...finding meetings in your area!

And seeing you are on the net this morning anyway...might be worth it to search one out...and have your morning coffee with a side of sobriety!

Good luck...and come back tomorrow and tell us all you have 24 hours...that would be awesome news!

reply to post by satron


Wow that was heartless dude. This person is clearly suffering and calling out for help and support and to have the first reply telling them that it is pointless and that the thread will be closed and nobody cares... are you completely without empathy?

To the OP: I don't have any particular knowledge that I can give you to help, but I will try. It seems that this has eroded your self-esteem. I want you to tell yourself that you CAN do this and that in the end it will be okay. Everybody has hidden strength of will deep down and I know you can find it and conquer this thing. I have faith in you

Dude the best way to get out of these drugs is to get bored with them. I was an opiate addict for a while, it was my choice most favorite drug. Not because I was depressed or a loser, because opiates caused this intense euphoria. I did it again so many times just to hit that euphoric state of being talkative, and happy, only to the point when I wasn't on it I was totally angry and upset. I couldn't get anymore because of certain reasons, opium just was not open to me anymore. And after a couple weeks, I got over it, with a craving every now and then, and now its been about 2 months and I don't really mind if I ever do it again, mostly because I cannot remember the feeling, so I can't really find anything to crave. All I remember is that it made me happy, I never think about the literal euphoria explosion of warmth in my head. When I do think about it im like, was it really that good or am I just being dramatic... ? Anyway the only reason im clean is because ive been off of it for so long I find no real memory of the feeling in my head to make me have to have opium again.

reply to post by satron

Sorry to tell you, but this place doesn't care too much about your problem. Not really that they don't care about it, they just don't want to hear about it. This thread is going to be closed

What an incredibly stupid post. There's absolutely nothing wrong with the OP writing what she wrote and there's absolutely no reason for this thread to be closed. You really should've kept all that to yourself you know. Someone is expressing something very personal and something that's undoubtedly tough to share and the first thing you can think to do is pretty much tell them to keep quiet about it because no one here wants to hear their problems. That's just such a terrible attitude to have and it does say a great deal about yourself. Have some empathy and remember you're talking to a real person out there.

In reply to Ops4Ops - I really hope you don't listen to people like that, just seriously don't bother, it's not worth it. One of the great thing's about ATS is people actually do care about other people and their problems, or the vast majority of members do anyway. There's very few websites out there which have such a close community as this one.

And on that note you know you can always PM me if ever you wanna chat about stuff.

work out every day. for 2 hours a day, do cardio and get a trainer to learn how to lift properly.

you will be too tired to think of doing anything stupid, AND the endorphins will be pumping so you will not feel the need to get wasted.

i work out everyday, and its changed my life.

reply to post by Ops4Ops


I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. I have quite a few family members and friends that struggle with these issues and it is very painful to see.

I would like to introduce you to a non AA program, since I've seen AA fail miserably for so many people. They are actually doing a study which reimburses you for your time and you can attend online meetings and participate in online forum if there are no local meetings. It is a cognitive therapy program that gives you tools to reevaluate the way you see "substances" ...(one of my relatives went to AA to pick up substance buddies)


SMART RECOVERY

Blessings !
sorry here is the site for the program , you don't have to participate in the study . But I did contact them before and they said everything is completely confidential and is used to determine the effectiveness of the program. They are completely professional. SMART RECOVERY PROGRAM

reply to post by Ops4Ops


I wanted to let you know that that member that says ATS doesn't care about your problem doesn't speak for all of us. I care and you know you can PM me anytime you want

While I have no experience in what you're going through specifically, I certainly know what it's like to feel the world comes crashing down and being overwhelmed by it all and asking for help.

You WANT to do something about what's going on, that's a great start. Take a deep breath and start thinking about little things that you can do to improve your situation. Don't go "I want this to be over so I can go back to a normal life tomorrow" because things like this take time.

But, instead, think: "Today I'm going to look for a support group", or "make a doctor's appointment", or "go to church", etc. Start taking control of it, because it you let it drag you down, it won't help. Even if it's just making a list of what you want to accomplish, that's a good thing, because you're making an effort to fight this.

Also, don't feel like a loser. Nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes and have things in our past and present that we're not proud of. You want to change and that's what matters.

Originally posted by Mkoll
reply to post by satron

 

Wow that was heartless dude. This person is clearly suffering and calling out for help and support and to have the first reply telling them that it is pointless and that the thread will be closed and nobody cares... are you completely without empathy?

You don't think this thread is going to be closed? I sympathies with them, but they need to be aware that this place doesn't like. I'm also pointing it out to people that don't know about ATS's policy on threads about drugs, because they might never see them because, oh, I don't know, THEY CEASE TO EXIST AFTER A COUPLE MINUTES!

Just try and think about it OK? I didn't demonize them for their use, and I'm not going to.

Originally posted by satron
Sorry to tell you, but this place doesn't care too much about your problem. Not really that they don't care about it, they just don't want to hear about it. This thread is going to be closed

S n F!

edit on 18-4-2012 by satron because: (no reason given)

Im having trouble understanding why you would write this.

If you werent being a complete insensitive ass you could have perhaps clarified what you meant instead of making it sound like other members wouldnt care and she should take her problems elsewhere.

To the OP
I assure you many of us care and sympathise, we may not be able to help in any real tangible way but as someone else said actually telling people and hearing a few words of encouragement can make a difference.
I spent 6 years addicted to weed, addicted to the point where I had trouble functioning without it.
Youve taken the first step to becoming sober and Im rootin for ya

Life is good, try to remember that

reply to post by Rising Against


Thank you Rising Against. And I am sorry I haven't written you lately. As you can see I have been preoccupied. I need to get myself together and back to ATS, a place I really enjoyed until I let myself go down hill. I will PM ya, and Thanks again from my heart.

reply to post by Ops4Ops


It's fine, I don't expect you to. Just whenever you need it.

But I just wanted to let you know though that really we're not all like the first person who replied to this thread.. most of us genuinely do care about other people and most of us do like to try and help others. So seriously, don't feel bad about making this thread at all. It's good that you did in my opinion.