Addicted Again. God I'm Pathetic.

Ops4Ops, hope you are having a good day. Hugs and peace to you darlin. What kind of day have you had? Let us know if you need support.
I am so glad you made it through the first day. When I saw you posted you did, I let out a hoot!

But you know what....even if you didn't make it through a second day, thats ok as long as you want to resolve this situation, and want to start another day clean and sober and try again. Just remember we CARE!!!! And only want you to feel better about yourself and how you see the world. We can help you cope. Seeing the world in a different perspective, is sharing your ideas of things and then asking for others input. Puts things in a different light. Just remember what opinions are like....lol, so everyone has a different take on any situation. Keep what you can use that works in a positive direction for you, and disregard the rest.

(Puts pillows and 2x4s around you to help shore you up!) figuratively speaking. Lifts you up in prayer for healing grace. LOVE YA.

Originally posted by Ops4Ops
I want to first say I know this isn't a Help website, but its the only one I am a member to, and I just need a friend right now. I am a recovering addict, but lately things have started coming back, and showing its ugly face. Nothing like I used to, but now it seems booze and xanex seem to be turning into a daily habit for me, and I just hate having to admit it to anyone.

Its embarrassing and I feel ashamed. I have admitted it to my boyfriend and parents, but they already new something was up. I think I might be on the right track now, telling myself and others that I have been using these things. I also called around and have an appt with a professional to talk to and help. I still feel like a Loser and a Let Down.

Why are things in this world so hard and stressful and expensive, and why am I so weak I let it all get me down and BAM Here I am back Addicted. Sorry I know you guys probably don't wanna hear this crap, I just felt like I needed someone today, and had things to say and found myself here on ATS. I will say I am struggling with my Faith Cause I feel like God doesn't hear my prayers and doesn't care. I am so confused.

As a recovering alchoholic myself I know exactly what you mean.There's know reason to feel embarrassed.Or ashamed.A lot of addicts relapse.I was one of the lucky ones who haven't though there's been many times where I was close.I chose to call a friend everytime I felt the urge to drink.It worked wonders,they'd come by and keep me occupied so I wouldn't.Find a support system to help you get through it.Also,rehab may be a possibility if you feel it's beyond your control.Never be ashamed to admit you need help.You took the first step already,now the rest is up to you. Good luck

Hello! i want to thank you for posting your story. You, along with the replies from others, have touched my heart. I cried several times. It got me to thinking about how hard I am on myself when I shouldn't be. I will torch myself over things that I easily forgive others for. We really do need to love ourselves more and stop thinking we are selfish or self centered for loving and caring for ourselves.

I have an addictive personality (self-diagnosed ) so I have to really be careful about what I start because it may be awhile before I stop, if ever. I'm beginning to think I will die with a cigarette still blazing in my mouth and a mountain dew in my hand. I have had my rounds with different addictions: alcohol, Mary Jane and was even addicted to antidepressants at one point in time. I got rid of those by moving to a different state for a couple years. The difference in me when I'd come home to visit blew people's minds. I was a changed woman just by a change of environment and the love of my dad (I moved to his city). Now I struggle with the cigarette issue, sugar addiction and caffeine. It's a never ending cycle but I believe I've done good by switching to less damaging addictions (any progress is progress right?). I had alot of panic attacks, anxiety, no appetite, headaches etc. when I was coming off the alcohol. I stayed in the house for about a week. When I would feel the panic attack etc. coming on I'd take one Tylenol PM and lay down to watch TV. Before I knew it I was waking up and 8 hours of sobriety had passed lol. After about 3 days of this I felt so much better. I pretty much slept through the withdrawal. Then I started picking up any hours of work I could find to keep myself busy. After a few weeks, you couldn't get me to touch a drink, I had no desire at all. We need to believe in ourselves more. We are stronger than we think we are and each downfall only serves to make us that much stronger. God is helping us by giving us these challenges to overcome so we can learn and grow. He is not ignoring us and has never left our sides. It's time for us to show him what we are really made of. Show him that we accept his challenge and will ace it with flying colors. You've inspired me to try to quit cigarettes, not another bs effort but for real this time. I'm going to use electronic cigs and nicorette gum and see how far I can go! Thanks again!

reply to post by Leigh3


A well deserved applause for your heartfelt post....Something we can all learn from...



Des

You can beat it but it only happens one minute at a time, an hour , a day......It IS a struggle that you can win. God hears your prayers but already gave you the tools to beat it. God cannot remove the intense feelings for you. You have the patience, the will, the determination all within you.
Join AA or NA, make sure you have no down time or access to what you are trying to escape and if you fail, start over.

You've already won the first round by admitting you have a problem.
Just keep walking one step at a time and you will get there.

Best wishes for a full recovery,
ATA

Hey everyone, I am so sorry it has taken me a few days to get back on here. I have to report that I am going strong and have taken so many of your advice given to me and am using it! I just read some others that were recently posted and again I am truly touched from the bottom of my heart. Also the people that have checked in on me, you just don't know how much that means. I worked all week, some days were harder than others, and now on my day off, I am drinking coffee and am gonna take my dog on a long hike. I am taking this day by day, Its hard, but I'm pulling my strength from within, and from my ATS Angels whom have taken the time to care, and help! (That's you guys)

Loved that you gave me a Woot! Give me a few more and I am hanging in there!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR STORY!! I don't feel so alone anymore from all the support I am getting here on ATS, and its because of people like you. I am looking up and I can do this!

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,

I'm so happy to see that you are doing great.I knew you could do it.

This song is for you



Much love

((((((((((Ops4Ops))))))))))

I also just want to add, I have added many of you that have taken the time to help me as friends.I hope ya'll don't mind. I look forward to getting healthy and reading your threads. Think I'll start today, just having a place to belong can be the greatest strength.

Woot, WOOT, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!

That's great news! I am proud of you and am humbled by your success. Hang in there, and keep us in the loop. We are here for you in good times and in bad.

I'm so proud of you!

You're on the right path. Remember that we're here for you anytime you need us

Do not beat yourself up, OP. Addiction is stimulus/response.

I just came back to live with my mother for two months again, before going back to Nimbin on Monday. While being back down here, my cola addiction (not as bad as booze and xanax, I know; but I've actually had adventures with those two in the past) has come back with an uncontrollable vengeance.

Yet while I was in Nimbin, for the most part I hardly drank Coke at all. The reason why is because socially and nutritionally, I was in a much more supportive environment. At my mother's place, on the other hand, I'm alone. I don't interact with anyone outside the immediate family.

You need to identify the things that are wrong with your life. The things which are causing you stress, and the needs you have that aren't getting met. Resolve those issues, and the addiction will go away more or less on its' own. I've been on Xanax, as mentioned. Alprazolam (the chemical name) is a heavy neurorelaxant, sedative and antipsychotic; it is one of the most delicious drugs I've ever had, speaking quite honestly; so I'm not going to view you as anything other than human for getting hooked on it. It's also a fairly safe one, as far as Big Pharma's synthetic nasties go.

If you want to get off it, then that is commendable; just look for the resources you will need in order to live without it, without trying to go cold turkey, if you are using it to compensate for something else that you aren't getting, that you need. Once again, I've been there...so no judgement, sweetheart.

Originally posted by Ops4Ops
I want to first say I know this isn't a Help website, but its the only one I am a member to, and I just need a friend right now. I am a recovering addict, but lately things have started coming back, and showing its ugly face. Nothing like I used to, but now it seems booze and xanex seem to be turning into a daily habit for me, and I just hate having to admit it to anyone.

Its embarrassing and I feel ashamed. I have admitted it to my boyfriend and parents, but they already new something was up. I think I might be on the right track now, telling myself and others that I have been using these things. I also called around and have an appt with a professional to talk to and help. I still feel like a Loser and a Let Down.

Why are things in this world so hard and stressful and expensive, and why am I so weak I let it all get me down and BAM Here I am back Addicted. Sorry I know you guys probably don't wanna hear this crap, I just felt like I needed someone today, and had things to say and found myself here on ATS. I will say I am struggling with my Faith Cause I feel like God doesn't hear my prayers and doesn't care. I am so confused.

A crutch is easy to pick up.
Back in the late 80's early 90's, some of my friends were doing mass amounts of coke. They offered, but I would never try it. I had friends trippin' acid, sheets at a time, and they offered, but I would never try it. I had a few friends doing meth. They offered, but I would never try it. I had a few friends smoking oxy's. They offered, but I would never try it. I had one friend who was inhaling nitrous oxide cartridges. He offered, but I wouldn't do it. Why, you ask? Because I knew it was all addictive and bad. I seen the change in them--the ones who weren't dead, that is. All I done was drink. Then later, knowing that it's non addictive and non destructive, I smoked some pot. I loved it. I still smoke to this day, but only after all the work is done and I am away from my house---like fishing or something because I have kids and my wife doesn't like it around.

I've got out of control with drinking a bunch of times over the years and it got worse as I got older, but you know what I did? I stopped. I won't get drunk no more. And I haven't been drunk since three and a half years ago. I stopped. End of story. Xanax will rob you of your ambition and your soul. Now will you stop?

reply to post by petrus4


Thank you!

reply to post by Fylgje


Thank you for your story and advise. I really believe that it does rob you of your soul as well.

Just wanna let everyone in on my progress! Still doing good, but its not to the point where its easy. If anything I swear its gotten a bit harder this week. I didn't sleep well last night and have had a headache for 2 days now. But hanging in there!

reply to post by Ops4Ops


I'm so happy that you are doing better. I was really worried about you and saw myself in you. You can do it. You can be the person you have always wanted to be. I am working on that too. Some people never try and better themselves. They die thinking about what they should have done. We will not let that happen to us. We will try and jump over any obstacle thrown in our path. We are warriors. I'm with you every step of the way. Shawna

reply to post by Leigh3


That means alot to me! We are warriors and we will not lay down and die, we will stand up and fight!