Should I call out my wife?

one last update...while i was at work today i save the whole convo to file on my work computer, so if # hits the fan i have a copy and can make further copies

Quite the situation you find yourself in...
One thought.. do you think that maybe she KNOWS this guy is shady, and THAT'S the reason why her cousin is going with her? You know.. the whole strength in numbers thing?

op..try and relax and take a deep breathe before you do anything you may regret..

Maybe just asking her calmly if she would ever meet up with an old friend that she used to date , and not tell you about it.. and what would her feelings be if you decided to do that?

Did her cousin know him as well.. they could have all just hung as kids.

I suggest just asking her this sincerely,and see what she says.. a good way to bring up a very important topic in a relationship..

I wish you the best.. in dealing with it maturely and honestly.

Don't say anything to her. Don't ask to go. Get someone you can trust to go. Preferably someone she knows so it won't seem odd that they might come up to her and say, "Hi.. fancy meeting you here" or something like that. Maybe even someone that could "invite" themselves to go with them afterwords. Get creative. Maybe get a group of friends together or another couple. Just having a fun night out and lo and behold...

You can take from there

I won't offer advice about what you *should do (go with your gut) but I will go so far as to say that in my opinion, this "meet" at the skating rink (btw, at almost 30 years old, who does that?) is suspect for a number of reasons and she is most definitely acting behind your back; whether it's innocent or not is beside the point ... It does sound like it's time for a heart-to-heart, before something happens you will both regret. G'luck.

reply to post by sinfall


Call her out.
Take her out.
Put her out.

I will tell you this now, nothing done in secrecy and in the shadows is usually good, and its usually done in secrecy for a verity of reason's, and I think you know what reasons those are. Most females like to wonder around when they don't get what they want, or get a little bit nostalgic about the good ole days and boys. Don't trust sneaky people, especially females bro.

And she probably wont run of with the guy because from your description he is a loser, but a little bumping and grinding would not surprise me if it happened. I don't know man, but I think you do...right?

I would either confront her especially since she don't know that you know, and her reaction will tell you everything you need to know. Or you can go the route of that show "cheaters" and trail her, to see what happens and what is actually going on. But that way leads to much drama, and lots of talking and yada yada, and talking sucks.

Either way it sounds like trouble is a brewing, my advice.

Try to be sane about this no matter what happens, and you can always remind her of why she is with you in the first place, that's right take her out for romantic stuff and junk. Then take her home and then proceed to smack that ass, and give her a night she wont soon forget, ie # the # out of her till she has a hard time remembering her name much less this other guy. Because females are not only very materialistic but very much so sexual in there nature.

Do I need to get more descriptive about it? Because I can do that.

And if that don't work, oh wellz, pass the bear on, and whatever happens, happens. Plenty of fish in the sea and yada yada bla bla bla. Really the more I see and read about relationships, the better being alone starts to sound. So much drama in relationships, you would have to be crazy insane to want be in one.

But whatever, remember my advice.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


I like this guy he thinks just like me

Dude I asked my girl and even she says it's not right. She says to totally call her out, print the evidence, make copies of the Facebook page and then lay it down on her. And at the very least if you end up divorcing her then you have evidence of infidelity therefore giving you the upper hand in the proceedings. Trust me the courts always side with the woman/mother in these cases. EVIDENCE is your friend! I feel for ya man.

reply to post by michaelmcclen

Thanks =) but iv known my missus since I was 10, been going out since we where 15 and after 9 years still together, not married and no kids. Never cheated on her, never broke up with her and I tell her about every girl that has asked me to sleep with them (2 in the last 3 months must be the summer) also she has all my passwords to everything and I leave my phone lying around so if she wants she can read my messages. We have ZERO trust issues, I can go to Russia for a week and she wouldent care, but some people are lucky. Also sex is the key to keeping a woman happy every chance you get make sure your tapping it!

Sounds like a great relationship with a lot of trust.. I'm happy to hear that.

Different things make different women happy.... and if sex is what keeps your relationship happy.. all the more power to you.

My 2 cents: Date her again, just as you did before you two married. That ought to solve the issues of uncertainty.

reply to post by sinfall


Well, what can happen?

Either she leaves you for this turd, and you are better off......
Or, she meets him, realizes he is a big turd and she comes home and realizes she has a good thing going on with you.

Anyway, I find it creepy that you are hacking your wife's facebook.

Originally posted by kyred
reply to post by sinfall

 

Well, what can happen?

Either she leaves you for this turd, and you are better off......
Or, she meets him, realizes he is a big turd and she comes home and realizes she has a good thing going on with you.

Anyway, I find it creepy that you are hacking your wife's facebook.

nothing creepy about it, he already has the password, and who wouldnt if they suspected infidelity?

preservation of ones self and sanity is a number one priority, thats why we do the things we do, to assure ourselves that we will not get in trouble, or hurt, or be in pain, nothing harder than reality hitting us smack on and what we are all after, all the time, is seeking the truth in everything.

Hence this forum.

Originally posted by RenauddeMontauban
This isn't the first time she's went behind your back dude, sorry to say. This is the first time you caught her. Regardless of him being unemployed/drama/teeth like a british sailor/ect. she still has feeling of nostalgia to say the least. If it was me, i wouldn't say a word to her about it, when she got home her # would be on the lawn. Maybe i just had a bad experience with my ex, but it sounds eerily similar to yours. oh, and yes she was banging her ex.

10-4 here - All this "if you love her, let her go free" tripe is for overthinking chumps - loyalty matters, and I would want my wife to tell the old flame to kiss off because she has a man that has stood behind her no matter what. Now, whether that would happen or not.....

Wow....This is easy.

Be "Honest" about everything including this thread.

No matter what happens....Tell the truth.

You looked at her FB cause you love her and don't want to lose her.

You posted this thread because you love her and don't want to lose her.

Your honesty here will show her you love her and don't want to lose her.

Even if you end up losing her...You can walk away with your dignity.

It will all work out......Insert herbal supplement here....

People don't seem to know a good thing while they currently have it in their hands or grasp. Unfortunately it's not until it's gone that they feel that what they had wasn't all that bad, and that the "grass isn't greener". I haven't experienced this kind of thing and have my own dislike about Facebook in the general area of my mind most of the time... so the fact that she's creeping via the site and your hacking her face-space.... It's stalker-friendly though, i'll give you that. Even if you didn't have her password, it's still scary stalker-friendly.

Delicate situation guy! I feel for you, and wish you the best. I've been on both sides of that fence, so I know that it is a personal matter, and my advice would be out of place. Get some rest...

Originally posted by camaro68ss
reply to post by mblahnikluver

 

i dont know, i would go mad to find out that my GF was reading my e-mails. she should know to trust me.

He was suspicious and has every right to look at them at this point. They are also married and have a child. She was hiding it for some reason. Hello female here i know how we think! Also I read my exes email and put a key logger on his computer. I'm glad I did cause I caught him cheating. MY suspicious were right. Not saying that is the case with the OP but there comes a point when you have to make a decision and know. I am glad I found out . I didn't want to be with idiot who couldn't keep it in his pants.

OP, you dont want her to know you read her E-mails, she will go mad, you got to play this cool. Im good with these mind games. trust me. you want her to be the one in the wrong if anything is going down. you dont want her to pin anything on you that you might have done wrong

Mind games?! You are telling him to play mind games?! WOW that is what is wrong with relationships today, people play too many mind games! Games are not needed, it's called communication!

Yea she will get pissed but she also kept this from him. Why? There is no need to keep it from him. She would tell him if she were going out with her gf's yet she can neglect to tell him this? Not cool, she is being sneaky. I KNOW how sneaky women can be.

Also this:

you dont want her to pin anything on you that you might have done wrong

And so far he hasn't done anything wrong from what i see. I mean I don't know him but based on his post, she is the one who has done something wrong. They have been together 12yrs, she should be able to tell him this.

your going to have big trust problems down the line if she finds out!

edit on 29-9-2011 by camaro68ss because: (no reason given)

WHAT!!! You can't be serious! He is gonna have trust issues even if she doesn't!

Have you ever been in a relationship?

Don't call her out, Find the guy and knock his rotten teeth out.....Honestly, It'll be worth it. Tell him to stay away from you and your family.

Then ask your wife later on and don't tell her you smashed his face in...Or you will end up looking like the 'bad guy'.

I don't get it with women.....Some guy tries to break up your family, You smash his face in (instinct) and all of a sudden everyone gets mad at you? I would break dudes jaw. It's also pretty obvious for guys to tell who's trying to get with their woman, But the woman just sees them as being friendly! Honestly wtf???????

I hate facebook and mobile phones, without them we could all go about our extra-corricular relationship business in total secret and everyone would be happy, ignorence is bliss.....wait whats ATS's motto???

Seriously if she know you hacked her she will hate you, women are weird about that, pretend a friend saw her there with him and call her out or when she gets back or see him from your car droppin her off. Either way if you're guna lie be good at it, if she finds out you're snoopin about she'll suspect you of also having something to hide.

reply to post by kyred


Not every guy is a big turd though, what happens if someone else meets her down the line? If you love someone you wouldn't swap them for anyone or anything