Are you a "targeted individual" or a paranoid schizophrenic?

Or, you could consider this song:



I think the bright, optimistic philosophy this song expresses is a proper response to an imperfect world.

Here is my version and it's quite real. My identity was outed a very long time ago, and I have been socially shunned. I have no friends, onlilne or otherwise. If they claim to be friends, they start telling me, on a daily basis, my own daily experience, down to a t……
like they're drinking coffee, at the moment, when they clearly have a soda and I'm the one with coffe. That detailed.

And in the middle of it, I'm not hiding, trying to get answers, for everyone claiming to suffer the same as me. That doesn't make me special, and doesn't even indicate i think I am. What is makes me, through logic, is someone who knows it won't stop for me if the truth of who ME is, is hidden behind whomever is close enough in proximity, to claim they are me, instead of me being me.

And then, if I'm ever identified as truly myself, those anyones close enough in proximity, right on cue, start blaming me for their lives and experiences. That's the only way I get to be me. And then they disappear, at least for me, become unreachable. Because they were only there to either claim the experience was happening to them, or to blame me for whatever happened to them, or because I show up to say, no, really, that's what happened to me.

What was the intent, one wonders, from the get-go. okay. I'm just crazy. See, I've done that many times. And sunk back into the shadows. But it's still going on. The meds don't make any difference. I just sleep more. okay. I'll sleep more. Okay. That's not really my daughter. That wasn't really my life.

I'm not friggin special, dude. Nor do I think I am. I just want it to STOP. You're claiming someone gets followed because I'm claiming I'm me? Really? No one is on my side, Wan, so how could that be? You see, if it's covered up that it's happened to me, then it can continue and does. makes no difference if I shut up and take meds, live in an asylum, etc. I don't understand at all what it is you think I should do, or why you think I think I'm special because I want it to stop for everyone, because I'm not willing to let someone else claim my entire life so i can be branded crazy, live a continual nightmare, and watch it happen to others and have a gun to my head both symbolically and literally? Because everything in my life I ever cared about turns into a weapon to hold me hostage to this perpetual,, awful crap, and I don't think that should happen to anyone.

If that makes me what you describe, then you have become another gun to my head.
tetra

a reply to: Bedlam
Sorry, Bedlam, and I enjoy your logical approach and the information you supply along those lines, too.
But this is about much more than an imperfect world and just changing one's cognitive approach to it.
Too bad those who throw out labels on other people's reactions don't stick around….
that's pretty unethical, to me, at least.
tetra

a reply to: tetra50

It wasn't my intent to sound callous, and I'm certainly not saying everyone does this - but I get a bit skeptical when people go on and on about their suffering and victimization at the hands of "others" without getting to actual examples....especially when it just starts reading like socialized fan fiction after a while. It discredits and further compromises the testimonies of Genuine Cases.

(prepare for the hard line rant to follow...)

I've also been around the block a few times out in the real world and worked with runaway teenagers struggling to survive on the streets, I've worked with substance abusers and tired to get them clean. I've seen kids die in back alleys with needles in their arms because they couldn't cut the habit and cope any other way. It tore me up. And I also know a scam artist when I smell one. But I'm an extremely patient woman. Give 'em enough rope, as they say.

I'm a member on a popular blog site elsewhere on the net - and the number of young people who claim outrageous and outlandish horror stories purely for attention is unreasonable. They never mention specifics incidents of actual abuse, but they sure as hell become insanely evasive, defensive and hostile when asked to share any sort of insight into the nature of their harassment.....and as much as I hate to admit it - in my line of experience and time observing people in this lifetime - those types of behaviors are usually the first telltale sign of a flat out liar.

Still, I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

But when consistent patterns of evasion arise from certain demographics, it's hard to take anything seriously when they can't even cite a specific personal incident or event that might give insight into HOW they're being abused.

Without any clear glimpses into their situations - how are people who want to help supposed to know what suggestions to offer them to combat their abuse and victimization? I wait for clear cut examples of alleged abuse in most of the MK-TI forums, but it never seems to get to the point....it's always sideline drama with buddies. No attempts whatsoever to communicate outside their chosen circles.

"You don't understand.....I've been abused and you have no right to judge me or say otherwise!" they wail. (as if to further emphasize that zomg I'm a victim...did you see what he/she said? they're abuuuuuuuuusing me and others like us!

"I have as well, I do understand...I've been there myself. I made it out alive somehow. There is help out there. When you feel ready and comfortable enough to discuss it, let me know, and I'll try to help as best I can." I respond.

"Ok, thanks." they say......and then i never hear from them again because they're out there trying to get more sympathy from whomever will give it to them, whenever it's convienent for them and in a manner that suits their own purposes....or just alievates their boredom because they've never left their bedrooms and live in self-made fantasy worlds online.

Most professional psychologists would classify that type of behavior as a form of Malingering... or in layman's terms LYING FOR ATTENTION.


Now please, before you flip out on what I just wrote - please, please, please read the next paragraph.

I have stated many times in MK threads here on site that improper MK techniques do nothing more than create an individual who is so fractured, so multi-layered, so fragmented internally and psychically that it is damn near impossible for many of them to hold themselves together enough to discuss their abuse in a clear and coherent manner.

The same holds true with some persons suffering from Schizophrenia....disorganized thoughts...I've had several posts removed onsite in the past because I flipped out and wrote incoherent and utter nonsense that disrupted threads because I got triggered unawares.

I understand it's not easy to relive prior traumas, I understand it's difficult putting things into perspective and insanely terrifying to reveal the extent of some abuses in a public forum for a number of extremely valid reasons....believe me, i have been there during my healing process and still go through it from time to time.

Maybe I'm just extremely lucky I have moments of clarity where I can get all this out...maybe it's been the twenty years of forcing myself to focus and read everything I could find on the subjects we're discussing - even though there are days I can barely keep my eyes from darting all over the page rendering reading impossible....I fought my weaknesses day in and day out....I practiced strengthening my strong points and refused to allow myself to be mentally victimized further by the intrusive thought insertions and mental interrogations....I never gave up, I refuse to quit fighting, and I am still willing to go to bat for people who can prove to me beyond a shadow of a doubt they aren't just narcissistic liars with a personal FETISH FOR DRAMA CENTERING AROUND WHATEVER SORT OF MALADY THAT HAPPENS TO GRAB THEIR FANCY AT THE MOMENT.

Those people troll for genuine cases and piece together interesting tidbits to add to their list of maladies later on.

Tetra, please don't take this the wrong way - but you have the uncanny ability to take things out of context and entirely too personally. I am imperfect. I have my own issues I am working through. I am not a White Knight.

I am merely someone who has been through more than I can explain here and who genuinely wants to help others.

But I will not allow myself to get pulled into another histrionic drama by anyone on the internet who wants all the attention but refuses to engage in direct discussion outside of their personal comfort zone.

Seen too much of it.
Been lured in too often.
Same story every time, different screen name.

AND AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT DIAGNOSIS ALTOGETHER.

So you tell me - are these people I have been referring to genuinely MK-TI-MENTALLY ILL or just lazy sociopathic manipulators lying their fool heads off trying to get a government check and refusing to be held accountable for their actions? Or maybe they're just Drama Queens screwing around and trolling on the internet? Kids who are bored and stuck in their rooms making things up for attention? Maybe it's just a learning disorder where they only read what they want to and disregard the rest.

Hell if I know.

But, quite frankly - I'm sick of it....both online and during inpatient treatment - it clutters the system and takes away resources from genuine cases and is just an intolerable nightmare to put up with in an already stressful environment.

So there it now sits for all to see.

Sorry for the rant, once again, nothing personal - but there are more people bucking the system right now and manipulating sympathies than I care to get into. It's a MASSIVE TRIGGER FOR ME and I apologize in advance if I have offended anyone...I don't lose my temper very often, but good news is, I didn't even break a sweat on this one.

Just remember if the shoe fits....grab those shoestrings, and lace up.
Kansas just went bye-bye.


In the interest of all involved in the original discussion I'd like to apologize profusely for that little rant.


God Bless and Goodnight.

originally posted by: tetra50
a reply to: Bedlam
Sorry, Bedlam, and I enjoy your logical approach and the information you supply along those lines, too.
But this is about much more than an imperfect world and just changing one's cognitive approach to it.

Maybe it's a lot of it though. To paraphrase an old movie - "Tetra looks at a situation and sees stalkers. He looks and he sees hate and fear. You have to look with better eyes than that"

Cognitive approach is probably one key to the thing. If you want to perceive that people in the street are stalkers, I've no doubt you can do it, and it won't be helpful.

eta: OTOH, I'm often accused by my co-workers of being repulsively happy and up-beat. A lot of it, no doubt, is that I constantly keep in mind that working inside in air conditioning and going home to eat food take hot showers and sleep in a bed is infinitely better than sleeping on poncho liners in the cold and being shot at. YMMV.

a reply to: GENERAL EYES

I hope you won't leave before I have a chance to respond. I'll post this first to let you know I'm in the middle of responding.
tetra

originally posted by: Bedlam
...Why wouldn't the clerk just lose his job? It seems unlikely in the extreme that the company would then expend tens of thousands a day to have groups of trained people (where did they get them from?) follow you to "stare at you". Not to mention you have to have another ton of support personnel moving these guys around, coordinating the pursuit etc.

...It gets back to the old question - why spend ten thousand bucks a day and deploy the secret mind reading torture beam on the street, when you can just shoot the bastid for about 2 cents?

...

...
... ...There's also the possibility that the clerk had other information...having sat in said desk for many moons...and trusted with many other 'delicate' assignments...and
...if said clerk was willing to talk about it...now... ...had they been planning this, all along?
Most clerk's in said position...don't care for anything but their paycheck, vacation, sick & personal days...accrued...and - when am I due my next Performance Review?...
If the clerk already possesses the knowledge of said shenanigans...it is also possible that said clerk has 'records' of said shenanigans... And - while doing the clerk up right would be the typical Good Ole' Boys way of dealing with the situation (with or without white robes and cone-shaped hoods)...there are now possibilities of flash drives, and CDs/DVDs and...what has already been passed...and ------ WHO PUT THEM UP TO THIS?...kinds of questions.
And - BTW - as stated...that was a fictionalization of another reality --- My history includes EE and Physics, as yours...not to mention a few more disciplines.
Lastly - 10's of thousands per day is an everyday kinda thing for these companies...to waste...
When millions, to tens and/or hundreds of millions...might be at stake.

a reply to: tetra50

Nah, I'm up for a bit. No worries. Just hated posting what I did because it's been something that has bothered me for a long time after twenty years of inpatient treatment and having to suffer fools and being treated as one by the caretakers.

Life ain't perfect - but the last thing we need to do is fight over trivial things on the internet.

So it goes.

originally posted by: WanDash
Lastly - 10's of thousands per day is an everyday kinda thing for these companies...to waste...
When millions, to tens and/or hundreds of millions...might be at stake.

If that much was at stake, how much more simple and effective just for the guy to go away.

Rather than chase them around staring at them, which not only seems singularly ineffective, but might provoke the clerk to spill the beans in anger.

OTOH, a knife to the supraclavicular fossa and 30 seconds later said clerk is no more, and the clean up team can strip down his living space. End of problem, how unfortunate crime is on the uptick in town. No doubt a drug deal gone sour.

a reply to: tetra50
tetra50 - in response to the three posts directed in some fashion my way...
Nothing was intended to belittle or demean you.
Any notion that I stole/plagiarized 'your story' is off base...
That was a fictionalized (in many ways) rendition of my own.
I really cannot address the remainder of your beef with me...except to say - "if the shoe does not fit - don't wear it" ...but, guess what...?... "that shoe fits a lot of people" (and, I'm sure that I was one of them).
Ultimately - it's only my opinion.
Regards

a reply to: Bedlam

I haven't said anyone is a stalker. Perhaps you have me confused with someone else.

I have participated here minimallly.
I wrote a similar thread. It got similar things being said and going on. I'm not clear as to why my name has come up in a fill in the blank, hypothetical situation, and such a judgement was passed on me. Not clear at all. It seems to do to my response to one individual, and then garnered a response from someone else, altogether.

That makes it clear there is some background, private communication going on. In that context, I am certainly not willing to reply, nor continue to be judged, while claiming not to be, but then things are written with my name included, and a judgement label attached.

I guess the appropriate thing for me to do now is shut up. And whatever happens to me, let happen to others, and myself, and not talk about it.

As for cognitively, if I'm being punched in real life, Bedlam, meaning it's really happening to me, I'll just pretend I need to change my way of looking at it. LOL
As for detailing, not hypothetically, but really what's happening to me, and then watch someone else say it's happened to them, and speak about it then to get help, and then have everyone turn around and point at me, and say I'm thinking I'm special, or selfish to demand help, just let everyone say it's them, instead, and not complain about being punched….

I can't any longer handle it, clearly. So, I just imagined it all because I'm clearly hallucinating and paranoid. I'll seek meds and professional help tomorrow. Then the counselor/psychiatrist can show me how the light on the wall is burning, literally….

Tetra

a reply to: Bedlam
Good for you, Bedlam
If I was in any way prepared to tell you the real story...everyone of your questions would be answered.
I, however, am not...and will not.
I will, rather, encourage you to think/believe that your inquiries have dwarfed my ability to respond...and wish you on your 'merry' way.
Thanks for the conversation.

a reply to: tetra50

Don't know if it's of any help....but voluntary commitments are a bit nicer than involuntary ones.

It's no picnic or walk in the park in most places, but I'll be sending good energies your way.

Hopefully you'll get on the "good floor". It's nicer there and not as stressful and dull as dirt.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Stay strong out there and don't give up....it gets better.

I promise!

originally posted by: WanDash
I will, rather, encourage you to think/believe that your inquiries have dwarfed my ability to respond...and wish you on your 'merry' way.

Not sure what you think I've said would "dwarf your ability to respond". Or how that would happen.

I am usually merry, though.

originally posted by: WanDash
a reply to: tetra50
tetra50 - in response to the three posts directed in some fashion my way...
Nothing was intended to belittle or demean you.
Any notion that I stole/plagiarized 'your story' is off base...
That was a fictionalized (in many ways) rendition of my own.
I really cannot address the remainder of your beef with me...except to say - "if the shoe does not fit - don't wear it" ...but, guess what...?... "that shoe fits a lot of people" (and, I'm sure that I was one of them).
Ultimately - it's only my opinion.
Regards

Hard to respond to a hypothetical accusation, Wan. So, that shoe, I'm afraid isn't in my size.
I'll let you play princess, instead, and maybe the guy on the white horse will show up for you.

As to the rest of your hypothetical accusation, I don't think I'm special. I've intended to speak for all of us who have suffered what they claim, and what I have detailed in many pages, and so far, at a hefty price. You see, in the midst of detailing, I've gotten shingles, and suffered a great deal of pain, real pain. So, if I've offended by holding my true experience, and willingness to speak so others don't continue to suffer, well, then, by all means, I DO think I'm special. Specially reviled. Specially under someone's microscope, who is macrominded. If that hypothetically offends you, but during the night, somehow, all those voices and crap stops for you, well, I've achieved something. If you hypothetically see me as demanding to be special, I can do nothing about that. But there is certainly a limit, and this is to you and GE, of what I will discuss on an open forum, online. And if I perceive that others then relive that same experience, I certainly won't detail mine.

Just how, in what I've outlined here is happening, do you think I should behave, when all I'm attempting to do is get some help for this problem? I could care less whether someone has assessed my assertions and wishes to pin me sutbly to a wall. Figuratively speaking, in practice, what is obvious is that when I insist, I will be attacked, somehow, labeled, even in a thread I hardly participated in, and told that I am either not believed, and if I am, and it's repeated, then that's my fault. wow. There is no way, here, to continue. Maybe that's the point, and effort. Shut up, Tetra.

So, the outcome is: I'm a liar, I'm certifiably crazy (bc, btw, schizophrenic isn't exactly a DSM diagnosis): Borderline and/or Bipolar:
and/or it's all my fault because I think I'm special and what I do because of that.

Regards to you, as well.
tetra50

originally posted by: GENERAL EYES
a reply to: tetra50

Don't know if it's of any help....but voluntary commitments are a bit nicer than involuntary ones.

It's no picnic or walk in the park in most places, but I'll be sending good energies your way.

Hopefully you'll get on the "good floor". It's nicer there and not as stressful and dull as dirt.

Wishing you the best of luck.

Stay strong out there and don't give up....it gets better.

I promise!

LOLOLOL. You may be subtle, but you are extremely forceful. I hope everyone reading sees the quality of what "friendship" on ATS means, as note these people have recently "friended" me, on my profile. These are the ethics at work. Subtlety, but keeping the pressure on. Be warned. This is what it looks, feel, smells and acts like, this quality of friendship, here.

Voluntary committment. This person is telling me to commit myself. For what, exactly, GE?
And thanks for your "friendship." Little red flag to me, your behavior, as well.
tetra

Dear, I was simply responding to your post above:

originally posted by: tetra50

I can't any longer handle it, clearly. So, I just imagined it all because I'm clearly hallucinating and paranoid. I'll seek meds and professional help tomorrow. Then the counselor/psychiatrist can show me how the light on the wall is burning, literally….

Tetra

If you don't mean it, please do us a favor and don't say it.

You're not the only person on this thread going through things.

If you choose to see my comments as personal attacks, I can't stop you from doing that....but they aren't, and I can only hope that you eventually find your personal peace in this world.

You eventually have to realize that the only person who can genuinely help you in the way you need most.....is YOU.

originally posted by: Bedlam
...Not sure what you think I've said would "dwarf your ability to respond". Or how that would happen.

Me either!

I am usually merry, though.

And - I am still pleased to consider your thoughts!

I mean everything I say here. I'm not a liar.
And you have publicly informed me about committing myself, and let me know what I could expect there. I think it's obvious what you are saying by doing that.
I would appreciate you cease and desist attempting to put me in a box I described to you privately…..and let's see: I haven't "gone on and on about my experience." And I've barely participated in this thread at all.
I'm interested to see people claiming to be experiencing what the thread details attacking others, subtly or not. And especially others who haven't participated in the thread. Wow.

As for choosing "another reality" other than the really, real one, but the ATS one or whatever this is getting at @WanDash….I am blown away. So, I'm choosing an alternate reality to not be crazy, so I'll be special, instead, but the reality is …..what, this only happened to you, and you have your experiences detailed and dated and logged, and that means what, exactly? Geeeez. I woke up to third grade after being asleep for 24 hours. And suddenly those that friended me, are attacking me that I need professional help. Hmmmm.
They supposedly are suffering something like this, but when I don't want to talk about it, in detail, I should commit myself. Wow. Where the F____ am I?
What'd I do to the two of you?
Sincerely,
Tetra50

a reply to: tetra50

Your wish is my command.

All personal communications between us will cease from this point forward.