Rape? It's the fault of the victims, say 50 per cent of women

I agree. They should stop dressing so racy.

Originally posted by Dock9
reply to post by MarlboroRedCowgirl

 

So you don't believe a woman's behaviour or dress is partially responsible, in terms of the message she may be perceived as sending out ?

No, NEVER. What YOU choose to do, is your choice, never another person's. Are you too childish to take responsibility for what you choose to do? Are you still going to say it was someone else who made a choice for you?

I chose to answer your question, you did not force me to. You asked the question, I chose to answer. Same with rape, a woman may wear a short skirt, but it is the perpetrators CHOICE to rape. Quite often they then blame the victim for wearing a short skirt etc.

Some day, "society" will "grow up". At least I sure hope so.

As a rape victim, I can see two sides to this:

Side A: It was my fault. I let my guard down. I should have known better, I could have fought harder, I was weak when I know I could have done more.

Side B: It wasn't my fault. I dressed very modestly and never led this man on. He was a perverse, sick man who chose to drug my drink. He was going to have his way with me no matter what I did.

The truth is that I took this man to court. It hurt. I was humiliated. My family blamed me for the rape. (My mother and Grandmother included.) I thought this person was a friend. I was close to him for nearly three years before this happened.

Did I ever hit on him? Certainly. He was a friend- and just as I laugh and joke with all of my other male friends, I laughed and joked with him. "You're cute" I'd say, or "Girls would be silly not to want to go on a date with you."

The same way I tell my girlfriends that the last man that dumped them wasn't aware of what a good thing he had.

But I never flashed my breasts or my ass in his direction. I wasn't prepared for a relationship. I was always dressed modestly because I was ashamed of my body. That's just how I was raised.



The fact is that there are women in the world who are.. Perhaps not "asking for it" but certainly "flaunting" their sexuality. but for every woman who is out there shoving her breasts in some guys' face in the bar, there is another woman who is (as I was) dressed in jeans and a loose t-shirt. the same number of women on each side get raped every year.

There are some women who seem to 'want' to be raped. but I don't think that anyone deserves or asks for it.

My opinion; Ladies, if you're raped, remember that you're only at fault if you don't take care of it. (Take him to the authorties!)

reply to post by Dock9


Women are "trained" to believe they have some mysterious power over men and their simple presence sets off some testosterone crazed reaction which men cannot help. Everybody Loves Raymond calls this "the launch sequence" which I think is so funny.
Most women fall hook line and sinker for the blue b-alls story which tells them now they have to complete the act or the man is going to self-destruct or something. Women are brainwashed from infancy. So are men for that matter...with things like it is shameful to cry and you must be tough. We just don't have a chance with parenting trends as they are.

Personally, i dont think provocative dressing or behaviour enters into it. Even if a woman was dancing around naked, even inviting me to have relations with her, as a sane male, i cant think of anything that would turn me off as quickly or instantly as unwillingness on her part. Point being, sure dressing and acting provocatively is gonna turn guys on no end, and give rise to fantasies in their minds, its not going to make them want to RAPE the woman. Only a rapist can rape, no sane male could go through with such an act nomatter how horny. The idea of rape would put that fire out like an ice cold shower.

That being said, rapist are always going to exist, and until the day they dont, nobody can dispute that women should be wary at all times. Men too.

Originally posted by rusethorcain
reply to post by Dock9

 

Most women fall hook line and sinker for the blue b-alls story which tells them now they have to complete the act or the man is going to self-destruct or something.

You mean it's not true? I need a time machine so i can go back to 1973 and have a do-over.

Point blank guys, a man knows when it is proper to "do the nasty" with a girl. The simple fact is, when men get in certain situations that bring them to a moral fork in the road...well, that very decision is what separates the men from the boys.

A man will do the right thing, and a boy...well, a boy will do what he sees on the internet. There is no excuse. I have been in the situation, I have been to that fork in the road many time and I am proud to say I am a man, and not a boy. never mind the chick had to much to drink or whatever, each time I am glad I was the one that was able to keep her from doing something that would have haunted her (and possible ruined some guy's life who lacked the disicpline to prevent himself form being branded a sexual offender for one drunken night, etc)

I'd say it's 99% the man's fault.

Dressing provocatively does not make the woman a whore. It's confusing, but you have to respect them.

I'm reading a lot of posts about women "inviting" rape by being drunk, dancing or behaving laviciously, etc.

Here's my opinion, black and white.

You go to a bar and see some woman, drunk, doing a strip tease?

CALL THE POLICE. She's breaking the law. They can arrest her for disorderly conduct, being drunk in public, etc.

Why doesn't that happen? Probably because a majority of the viewers are encouraging the behavior.

Women shouldn't be able to act like idiots and provoke men.....agreed. But guys, next time that happens act appropriately. You don't rape the woman, or hope to take advantage of her intoxicated state. Instead, report it to the authorities.

As for women who file false rape claims.....they deserve the maxim penalty, as far as I'm concerned. Throw the book at them. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is it okay to claim rape when anything but rape happened.

As to lack of evidence....with my rape, I never reported it to the authorities. Why? Shame, embarassment, all those things. Heck, my parents still don't know what happened. If I was to report it now, well, statue of limitations is up and there would be no prosecution.

A lack of evidence doesn't necessarily mean a rape didn't occurr.

reply to post by yeahright


Nope. At least I hope I wouldn't.

The crime is the fault of the perpetrator. Period.

Was the victim being stupid? Yes, but stupidity does not give carte blanche abuse priviliges to all the criminals out there.

Stupidity increases your chance of encountering crime. Doesn't mean you are responsible for that crime.

Originally posted by hotbakedtater
RAPE IS NEVER THE WOMANS FAULT.

There is NOTHING ELSE TO SAY

Yeah there is. That statement is NOT TRUE.

Rape is ALMOST NEVER the woman's fault. But in some cases the woman MUST share responsibility for the situation at hand.

Was she:

* teasing someone
* using sexually-explicit body language
* encouraging sexual advances toward her

If the above is true and such a woman is raped, you CANNOT say that the woman doesn't share any of the blame. You CANNOT give her a free pass for her actions when she encouraged such behavior.

Sorry, but you're just wrong on that one.

reply to post by rcwj1975


I totally agree with you.

There is a "wrong" factor with women today. They fight so hard for their rights, and all the sudden it seems that they are falling flat on their faces.

I honestly believe in justice, but justice to me isn't "equal". Justice to me is when people belong where they DO belong. Not higher, not lower.

In 90% of the situations, a women should be on the same step as a men. And it should be also protected MORE than a men, in some cases (for example, pregnancy).

And I also do think that women should be raised a bit in some cases. Women have features in their brain that work differently from men, and they should be praised by that.

Like George Carlin once said, "God IS a man. Just because there is no way a women would f*** up the world like this.".

They have the magic, "power" and capabilities of a mother. And that is a great thing.

BUT, having that said, and showed that I respect women, I do think that they need to tweak a thing or two.

First of all, like others have said, it's not about "I don't have nothing to do with what's on other peoples head". Well, yes you do.

You see, we are not completely different from animals, and our brains work (even that we aren't aware of it) in some primitive ways.

For example, in several subjects, you learn how to evaluate a target/threat just by looking into his body language (subliminar messages). There are messages that show you that he is strong, or weak.

A study was made using different walking styles. You could only see a little CGI animated sticks with humanoid shape, walking around (no other clues, like height or weight).

90% of the people choose the guy that walked with less confidence.

Putting that into the perspective of a rapist, there are a LOT of women who are (I'm sorry for using this cliché, but it's true) asking for it.

It's not about a bad choice after drinking too much. It's not about those times when a normal guy looses his head.

It's about predators, people that are out there on the street and are looking for certain profiles.

Are women to blame for their own rape? Absolutely not, a victim is a victim. Could they have avoid it, in MANY cases? YES! But still, they refuse to act like that.

I think guys are a little nicer to womens who have been raped, just because every guy, at least once in his life, will think about a "what if" about his girl/wife when she is going home alone, and you can't go with her.

That's why we feel sorry for these poor girls. Because (at least for me, and many of my friends) it saddens us how that could happen to the very women that we love, and how we would face the pain (not shame. Pain for the suffering we are seeing in our loved ones).


But, may I ad, regarding your post, that I was in the military, Spec Ops.

And there was a girl there. While we were eating from the ground, she had to eat from plates in the kitchen. While we pushed our bodies and minds to the limit, she was sensitive...And so on...

And some stuff triggers me off, and actually pisses me off.

To give you an example, being a male, if you are hungry in the Spec Ops, and you actually ask for food, you're asking for a "warmup" beating.

If you try to give up, you are either expelled from the course, or you're receive some beating UNTIL you can actually drop out.

Now, we endure that, so that we can grow stronger. If we live through the training, there isn't anything in the world that could make us weak.

BUT, it does get annoying when they build showers just for girls. When they have softer training exercises, when they have more time to accomplish stuff.

As a military, while on duty, I can't see any reason in that.

In those situations, equal doesn't mean nicer. It means that you MUST be able to carry your "brothers" body on your back, and all of them must believe they can count on you to do it, if necessary, like many other demanding tasks.

If we are training people with different standards, it's no surprise that in the field they are outkast's, and that people stay "away" from them.

There are situations were equal is equal. Not "equal for the good stuff, but we are girls in the demanding stuff".

And women must realize that there are things out there that a women can't do. I can accept that I don't breast feed my kid, or that I could give birth to a human being.

Why can't women understand some limitations (although, many are cultural, but still on the womens mind) that they have.

And, most of all, a salute to the women who actually understand that and become great professionals, in any area that they pursuit, with EQUAL challenges.

The effect of our "best" behaviour is zero if our intentions are "not loving and caring". But only having good intentions and never doing anything is also worth nothing and is of no value.

I look at the snake and the snake looks at me.

We see each other.

We recognise and acknowledge that we both come from the same Source of Power and that is why we are not enemies.

- We also acknowledge that we differ in shape and form.

That is why we are not friends.

reply to post by sos37

No, you are wrong. When a woman says 'No', in no uncertain terms, and you proceed, it is rape! Why is that so hard to understand? No one DESERVES to be raped. Period.

reply to post by sos37

* teasing someone
* using sexually-explicit body language
* encouraging sexual advances toward her

Who decides what those are? Her? Him? Those watching from the sidelines?

All the excuses and/or concessions mean nothing when at the moment of "no" things don't stop.






[edit on 15-2-2010 by LadySkadi]

Sorry, but I agree with Sos37 and Tifozi

and I'm a woman -- and I've been raped

I think that woman being at fault for their rape is kind of an absurd statement.

Though, there are circumstances in which the woman get off much easier than the guy for being equally at fault.

I had a friend during my undergrad who was nearly convicted of rape for having sex with a girl at a party. They were both drunk (obviously) and she (and he) were completely consensual. Then, in the morning, the woman reported him for rape.

This type of situation really trips my trigger. Now, in defense of the girl and as a general statement, never have sex with someone who's drunk. You can avoid situations like this all together.

But really, to put all the blame on the man for being just as drunk as the woman and having consensual sex is ridiculous. Luckily, the jury saw that, and this man wasn't registered as a sex offender for the rest of his life.

Whether this woman felt guilty for what she did, or whether she actually felt "raped" when she awoke in the morning. She definitely deserves a chunk of the blame, in my opinion.

Drink responsibly, folks

reply to post by ProUSA


Do you realise you contradicted yourself ?

You began by stating you believe it ridiculous for women to accept blame (I'm assuming you meant that across the board .... blank statement ?)

Then you concluded by stating you do believe women should sometimes accept some blame (I'm guessing you meant in certain circumstances)