Cheating 2.0: New Mobile Apps Make Adultery Easier

reply to post by severdsoul


Indeed a good point from yourself

Relationship views can have so many angles to them.

Originally posted by Jomina

Originally posted by Zosynspiracy


It's not that most people get married for the wrong reasons. It's that most people now have unrealistic expectations of marriage. You don't get married and all your problems go away. Just because you get married doesn't mean your sex life is going to be constant and exciting all the time. Quite the opposite. Just because you get married doesn't mean you're going to wake up with butterflies for your spouse every morning. But we as a society have been conditioned through Hollywood/movies, the media, etc. into thinking that way. Just like college kids feel they are entitled to a six figure salary right out college younger people feel that they are justified to a fairy tale relationship. Well if anyone thinks that ANY relationship is all roses and fairy tales they better not get married.

Interesting. I have a great relationship with my wife, and other than momentary (and i do mean momentary lol 1 hour at most) spats, our marriage IS filled with great and exciting sex, on a constant basis, with each other.. we DO wake up with butterflies for each other, every day. And we fall deeper into love every day. It's been that way since we met, years ago.

Our children are happy, stable, healthy and emotionally strong and secure.

We are open and honest with each other about everything we feel, everything we're going through, and we have never a boring moment in our household. She's the best friend I've ever had, the best lover I could wish for, and a great cook to boot

We have, in essense, the very "fairy-tale" relationship that you seem to think can't exist.

So where's the problem again?

Seriously, Z, in this thread you come across as someone who is extremely unhappy with themselves and everyone around them, and do nothing more than perpetuate the lies that society tells you. "No one can be happy all the time, life is pain, it's miserable, you're sick and disgusting if you do anything outside the 'norm' and you toe the line at every moment, in every aspect of your life."

That's seriously how you come across.

Super congratulations on being in such an amazing relationship!

That is something that I believe almost everyone reading this thread would love to have. I just want to say that reading this last post of yours gives me a little more hope for the future. I have been with women, and none of them have been the *one*. Sometimes I am quite on the fence with regards to the whole *one* premise. Honestly, it scares the absolute piss out of me because at times it seems that I would either have to settle or just be a bachelor with a dog and a cat for the rest of my life.

To comment on this application:

It is what it is. I don't see any problem with it from a business model stand point. I don't believe in its use, but there are many who do.

To comment on open relationships:

I have never had one, and I do not think I would ever be able to. I agree that sex can be just sex, but I prefer monogamy if I am in a relationship. I believe it is very possible to achieve happiness and healthiness in a relationship without swinging or things of that nature. Don't get me wrong, if it works for you great. However, there are always a myriad of ways to achieve happiness and healthiness because each of us are so incredibly different from one another.



[edit on 14-7-2009 by Eleutheria]

Originally posted by getreadyalready
reply to post by Bluebelle

 

Belle,
We don't have hard and fast ground rules. I would think any of their friends parents would be off-limits, or at least I would never initiate such a thing, but who knows, I guess it could come up.

In general, we don't do anything too wild where we live. We go out of town, we go on a cruise, we go to the beach, etc. I do have a close friend and we met our significant others at the same time, and we did a lot of partying together at first, so there is a lot of water under the bridge there.

It is no different than a single mother or father trying to date one of their kid's friends single parents or teachers. There are just too many pitfalls to make it an intelligent choice in most cases.

Dont you think that any ground rules should be set.. or would you just dicsuss it with eachother on a case-by-case basis?

I think it is a little bit different to if you were trying to date one of their parents or teachers, there's so many possible problems that could come up. A couple of examples -

1. Say you or your wife wanted to sleep with one of your childs friends parents or teachers, and the person you wanted to sleep with was also married. Would it be of any concern to you if they were going behind their partners back, and the problems that may arise if their partner found out?

2. Not every person would understand how and why sleeping with other people works for your relationship, so how would you deal with the things that parents, and other children would more than likely say to your children?

Sorry for the million and one questions by the way.

Originally posted by Zosynspiracy
They also loved to watch other human beings get mauled to death by Tigers and other human beings. There are lots of things past societies accepted that we now know to be detrimental to relationships let alone the human psyche.

Just to pick up on this point, most of those beings getting mauled to death by Tigers were criminals and enemies of the Roman Empire and it was entertainment at the time.

And truthfully nothing much has changed, people still enjoy reading/watching the misery of others thanks to gossip magazines and reality TV shows, not to mention those who like Horror films with plenty of realistic gore in them, it's no different to back then. Society hasn't changed much at all just most of what it enjoyed has become a private thing now instead of a public thing like the old days, at least people were more social back then!

Also I'm sure if some folk had their way, we'd have those Tigers back in the ring, still mauling criminals but added to those we'd have Gays, Swingers, and (insert whatever else people are intolerant about these days)

So don't think for a second that human nature has changed since the old days as it's still as prevalent today as it was back then, most would rather claim ignorance to the fact and pretend to be superior though!

reply to post by KSPigpen


I agree that people should be able to live however they may choose and if both parties consent to an open relationship and it works for them, then great! But you're right, the website is aimed at cheaters and since sex sells, its sad to see someone actually making a fortune ruining marriages. Even if someone cheats for just sex, that is indicitave of bigger problems in the relationship that need to be resolved. If the problems cannot be resolved, end the relationship and make it easier for you and your signifigant other. Its sad to see a day where when one supports marriage, and does not condone divorce (the problems can be solved if you are both willing) or cheating, that person is seen as the exception rather than the norm

reply to post by thecrow001


That they can... best you can do is try to do the best.
no one knows the answers in life, and things seem to get crazier and crazier every day.
You will find that someone some day, and when you do, you wont have to ask anyone if they are 'the' one, you will know.
Just remember to try to step out of the situation when things go wrong and look at the problem as a whole and look at the long term and you will be fine.

Its a lot of work, but worth it..

sitting there in your rocking chair in your mid 80's , hey honey, remember that time when.....

thats what makes it worth it.. someone to share life with. take the good, take the bad. In the end, its a friend you can put up with and enjoy being around still after all the years.

After all, the body is going to fail, sex is going to stop, memories are going to fade. But you will still have someone you can turn to and say "remember when"

reply to post by Jomina



First off your definition of marriage is obviously quite different than mine. We don't live in 4th century AD with Chinese concubines. We don't live in Roman times. And you may think there is nothing wrong with arranged marriages but I suggest you ask the people who are being arranged if they like it. I don't really see any point you are trying to make when it comes to historical analogies let alone cultural ones.

Originally posted by Zosynspiracy
reply to post by Jomina

 

You should also tell your daughter that people can be so open minded their brains will fall out!

Your points about past civilizations are moot. The Romans were very liberated sexually as one person noted. They also loved to watch other human beings get mauled to death by Tigers and other human beings. There are lots of things past societies accepted that we now know to be detrimental to relationships let alone the human psyche. You can justify your liberal viewpoints on relationships all you want. That's fine and that's what makes America great. But I don't want to raise my kids around "parents" that are swingers. Sorry. My moral compass is pointed in a different direction.

And society today is endlessly fascinated by wars, action movies, and explosions where multitudes die in screaming, flaming glory. YOUR point is moot.


I have said many times so far, and will say it again... EACH PERSON IS DIFFERENT. As is each relationship. What you feel is healthy for you, may not be for someone else.

By the way, your kids are raised around much worse than swingers. Take a look at the kids your kids go to school with sometime, and look into their parents. Fact is, you can't, and you won't, because as long as something isn't directly in your face, you'll pay no attention to it.

Meanwhile, society will keep programming them to be good little lemmings, and to do everything that is expected of them.


The subject of sex comes up rarely between my wife and I. As I said earlier, we have never even "been with" anyone else other than each other (well, not counting before our relationship began, that is), and probably never will. but the fact remains that if and when it DOES come up, we're not shy with each other about how we feel or what we're thinking. Where is the unhealthiness in that?

Is it more healthy to hide things from each other? To lie to each other? Really? that's an interesting take on psychology.

Personally, I'd rather we were honest with each other. If she finds someone attractive, I want to know. I'm interested in her as a person and what she thinks. I don't want her hiding it from me, and certainly don't want our relationship to be one where she feels she has to hide things from me.

I, in turn, am granted the same respect from her. She wants to know if i find someone attractive, or sexy, or interesting, and why.

So again I ask.. where is that unhealthy? Is it better to hide it? Or speak it?

reply to post by Jomina


But if its dependent on the situation, then ultimately you're asking permission arent you? What happens if your partner says no, but your 'animal needs' mean you still want to sleep with that other person.. maybe more so because you arent allowed?

reply to post by Zosynspiracy

That's fine and that's what makes America great. But I don't want to raise my kids around "parents" that are swingers. Sorry. My moral compass is pointed in a different direction.

But you will never know!

I'm sure you have come across a lot more than you know. It is not like they are wearing signs or trying to seduce everybody. I really wouldn't even consider myself a swinger, but I am using your terminology.

This isn't a hippie free-love lifestyle argument, I am not condoning that.

reply to post by BrainPower


Maybe we should make one for couples who need help too ?

I dont know how the apps work but if that many people are on it surely some would rather get help as easy as a App.

can people make Apps who own the iphone.

I think people use it because its easy and right there for them, lets do it for people who want to heal, improve their marraige

not that everyone needs help who uses the App

Originally posted by thecrow001
reply to post by BrainPower

 

Maybe we should make one for couples who need help too ?

I dont know how the apps work but if that many people are on it surely some would rather get help as easy as a App.

can people make Apps who own the iphone.

I think people use it because its easy and right there for them, lets do it for people who want to heal, improve their marraige

not that everyone needs help who uses the App

I think that is an awesome idea.

There are a lot of sites available for help, but nothing that just slaps you in the face every day when you pick up your phone.

But heck, I guess if I needed my phone to remind me to work on my relationship with my wife, I'd have a lot more problems. (She's usually right on top of letting me know, in her own way that I'm being a jerk. )

Originally posted by BrainPower
its sad to see someone actually making a fortune ruining marriages.

The company providing the App isn't ruining the marriages though are they ? It's the people cheating who ruin the marriage, why shouldn't the company make money in a market where money is there to be made ? It's good business sense and morals do not come into the equation where business and money are concerned unfortunately.

Perhaps you should boycott coca cola products also (if you don't already) as they made money from Nazi's during WW2 ?

reply to post by Zosynspiracy


Truly, Zo, I do understand your points, and I am not trying to flame bait you, despite what you may think. You've made this discussion quite interesting

I just wanted to speak my mind here, which is a rare chance to do, on the psychology involved in "open relationships", at least, the true ones.


again, i am speaking of the true ones, not the pseudo ones where one person convinces the other to "try" it, just so they can have a free chance to do someone else


Would I want my wife to cheat on me? no! That would be hurtful to all parties involved, including our kiddos. I would not do the same to her.

But that's where the psychology in an open relationship differs from a closed marriage. The subject of what constitutes "cheating" is not the same. To a closed marriage, even THINKING of someone else can be taboo, whereas with one that's more open, it's not.

Why? Because both parties have talked about, agreed with, and condoned that kind of action... TOGETHER... with no lies or deceit involved.

That's the difference.

SOME marriages can do that. SOME cannot. What you're in depends on both parties involved. And if one of the parties does not agree to it, it's not done. Period. Why? Because we don't want harm, to anyone.

Do you see the distinction?

reply to post by Jomina


so have you fooled around with anyone, or do the both of you just sit around and talk about how so and so makes you randy or what not?

traditional relationships just don't work anymore, in fact maybe they never did.

Everyone knows marriage is superficial. Everyone knows relationships become mundane. Everyone knows sex with the same person forever is really unappealing.

Know if you were all like liquidmsoke and just had the cajones to admit to it, the world would probably be a better place, but no, ironically you'll all sit back and call the cheaters spineless.

You won't see me gettin hitched, I've met very few happily married men in my lifetime.

reply to post by KSPigpen


thanks it was about time i had some decent imput to this thread lol

Yeah right in your face is right people use their phones for alot of things onw

Indeed that would be my view, if i needed my phone for help i would not be pleased but hell it could help people

Originally posted by Bluebelle
reply to post by Jomina

 

But if its dependent on the situation, then ultimately you're asking permission arent you? What happens if your partner says no, but your 'animal needs' mean you still want to sleep with that other person.. maybe more so because you arent allowed?

In my case, it was discussed and participated in before we decided to get married. I am not asking for permission, I am making my intention known, and asking if she wishes to participate. Now, I have never done anything without her, that is kind of the unwritten agreement, but theoretically, if she started saying no a whole lot, I probably would start branching out on my own. I hope it never comes to that, as I made my position very clear before we entered the marriage.

Im actually checking out that ashleymadison site now..Slight problem with it though, if you wanted to check up to see if your other half was on the site you can search for people who are in the same postal/zip code.. so if you had a day free you could catch them out!

I also really like that in the FAQ section, they claim not to be encouraging infidelity.. yet the tagline for the website is 'Life is short, have an affair'. And they say that they dont make infidelity easier.

10/10 for truthfullness, well done ashleymadison.com

[edit on 14-7-2009 by Bluebelle]

Originally posted by liquidsmoke206
traditional relationships just don't work anymore, in fact maybe they never did.

Everyone knows marriage is superficial. Everyone knows relationships become mundane. Everyone knows sex with the same person forever is really unappealing.

Know if you were all like liquidmsoke and just had the cajones to admit to it, the world would probably be a better place, but no, ironically you'll all sit back and call the cheaters spineless.

You won't see me gettin hitched, I've met very few happily married men in my lifetime.

Thanks man.

I didn't really see anyone calling anyone else 'spineless.'

You may be correct that there are some inherent problems with the 'formal' or 'traditional' relationship that so many of us have adopted. That is undeniable. Boredom is certainly a possibility. Of course, so are a lot of things.

I think that if you choose, with your partner, or 'lay' or whatever they might be (that even hurt to type) that you will have other partners, and that works for you, that's awesome. Good for you. If you think your partner is being monogamous with you, and they are not, that is where the issue comes in.

Life's what you make it. So are your relationships. There are days I am happy, and days I am not. One thing I have learned is that it's not the responsibility of any other person, or relationship to make me happy.

If my happiness is based on sex with as many women as I can play, I'm probably going to be pretty miserable once I get too much older.

I appreciate you reminding me of what my attitudes used to be. Not that they are wrong, or bad, or less important than mine are today, just different.