Cheating 2.0: New Mobile Apps Make Adultery Easier

reply to post by getreadyalready


So if you are so fond of and believe wholeheartedly in an open marriage as being as healthy as it's monogamous counterpart why would you not embrace that mentality with your children? I mean you're probably willing to talk about the birds and the bees at some point with your kids. Would you not talk about swinging with them in the same conversation? Kids aren't stupid. Chances are they'll know something is up a lot sooner than you'll realize it. I think it would be detrimental to any child to realize their mother is out having sex with other men. It's not weird to think about your own mother and father..........in fact thinking about how you would have reacted is more to the point.

Originally posted by Zosynspiracy
When I took my vows (yes I'm happily married after years of sowing my wild oats) it wasn't about a tax break, or convenience. It was about love and respect and honor and most importantly COMMITMENT! Through good times and bad........nobody ever said it was going to be all good times. There are times when my wife doesn't want to have sex and there are days when I'm not particularly attracted to her. I guess I should talk her into being a swinger right?

Just because you got married for the right reasons does not mean everybody else who gets married does and alot unfortunately don't as statistics prove (what is it ? 2/3rds of marriage end up in divorce ?)

And most men cheat for sex sure and other reasons, mostly for things that their wife is not providing them with that they feel they need.

It's all well and good to assume about other people but the fact is each person is different and we simply don't know without living their life and pretty much being them why they do what they do!

As I've said, I hate cheats most are spineless and don't have the balls to end an unhappy relationship and would rather lie and sneak around and cause more harm than simply talking to their spouse and possibly ending the relationship. But I believe it's upto each individual the choices they make and it's upto them to deal with the consequences afterwards and I do not pry into other peoples business because I'm not interested what other people are doing as long as it doesn't not infringe on my life.

reply to post by getreadyalready


Out of interest what would happen if your children were a bit older and maybe you wanted to sleep with one of their friends mothers, or if your wife wanted to sleep with one of their fathers, because that would have implications for your children wouldnt it? Or do you already have some ground rules for who & in what situation it would be appropriate to sleep with someone?

reply to post by Zosynspiracy


First off, let's be clear about the point you're trying to make here... Are you saying "most men cheat"? or "most men, who cheat,"?

Important distinction, because "most men" do not cheat. That's a lie perpetuated by the mass media in our society. Just as "most women" do not cheat.

One important distinction to make as well is, to people who HAVE open relationships, getting together with someone is not "cheating" unless it has been hidden.


To be fair, as well, you're talking about western society in this day and age.

Throughout history "marriage" has taken many forms, and totally dependent on which rung of society you were born into. Look into biblical times and see how many people had multiple wives, concubines, etc, and no one blinks an eye at it.. then or now. Why?


it's "norm" nowadays to do things a certain way, but if society was ANY different, THAT would be considered the "norm". Just as it was then. That doesn't make things "right" or "wrong", only different.


Those are all important distinctions to be made.

As well as the profit margins of those who form what we consider "normal society". How big of an industry is the divorce industry again? The magazines which perpetuate the myths of "most men cheat" and "oh you poor subjected women"?

there's a LOT more to the story than just sex, my friend. A LOT more. We ARE on ATS after all haha

[edit on 14-7-2009 by Jomina]

just my $.02

I have been married 2x now, not by choice, but things happen.
I have never cheated on my wife, or g/f depending on the case.

I think this goes deeper than feel good, but more to the commitment you make when you decide to to become a couple.

And the vows you take when you get married, after all it is a binding contract you are saying.. not just words..

I have a adorable little 15 month old little boy who i would not trade for the world, but if dna test was performed i would not have a leg to stand on. Although i would fight tooth and nail to let the jerk have any form of custody.
I have seen it , been though it, and still dont fully understand it.. but from my point of view on this lil globe we are on. When you commit yourself to someone, you are doing just that, no mater what. You make a concious decision when you get married that this is the person, 'till death do us part'
and one should take the words seriously, or not take them at all.

reply to post by severdsoul


As long as people try their best to keep to the words said " Till Death ........" thats all good.

Would you rather your husband thinks thats your the one hes committed till to death or the one he loves at the moment ?

Not the best feelings i'd imagine

reply to post by Bluebelle


reply to post by Zosynspiracy


I think I stated earlier that it is not 'age appropriate' for my children, but I will be as honest as possible when the time comes. I do wholeheartedly believe that honesty is important, especially with my children. When the topic of sex comes up, we won't talk in specifics of what my wife and I do, because that is none of their business, but we will try to teach them to be open and self-confident, and that jealousy is destructive, and that respecting their partner's wishes is important, and that being up-front and honest about their own expectations, etc., etc.

I won't tell them they should sleep with as many women as possible, but I won't lie to them and tell them monogamy is the only way either.

Belle,
We don't have hard and fast ground rules. I would think any of their friends parents would be off-limits, or at least I would never initiate such a thing, but who knows, I guess it could come up.

In general, we don't do anything too wild where we live. We go out of town, we go on a cruise, we go to the beach, etc. I do have a close friend and we met our significant others at the same time, and we did a lot of partying together at first, so there is a lot of water under the bridge there.

It is no different than a single mother or father trying to date one of their kid's friends single parents or teachers. There are just too many pitfalls to make it an intelligent choice in most cases.

Originally posted by Bluebelle
reply to post by getreadyalready

 

Out of interest what would happen if your children were a bit older and maybe you wanted to sleep with one of their friends mothers, or if your wife wanted to sleep with one of their fathers, because that would have implications for your children wouldnt it? Or do you already have some ground rules for who & in what situation it would be appropriate to sleep with someone?

Totally situation dependent, isn't it?

Think about it this way... To those who have true open relationships (i.e. the ones who discuss, together, each aspect of everything going on, and always keeping the feelings of the other person at the forefront), there's no call to hurt someone in any way. That includes who you sleep with, talk to, go out for coffee with, etc

Think about things this way, as well : How many people out there even consider going out for COFFEE with someone to be cheating on them? There's no sex involved and probably never would be, yet the reaction of their partner is that they went out, had an affair, then killed 20 children in some ritual sacrifice. Why is that?

I'd contend that it gets right back into the point being made earlier, that it comes down to ownership of the other person. Somehow we get into our minds that they are our "property" and must cater to our every whim, at every moment, no matter what the circumstance.

That's not a relationship. Thats slavery.


The subject about talking to the children about these things has come up often by Z in this thread. I'll answer that from a personal standpoint here...

I have an 18 year old daughter, as well as a 5 and 8 year old children.

I've talked to the 18 year old about sex, of course. It's needed desperately in this day and age to be open and honest with your kids about things.

So what did I tell her?

I told her, essentially, that her body is hers. It's the only one she gets. What she does with it is her business, but it IS the only one she gets, and there's risks to everything we do in life. Including, but not limited to, sex.

She knows that it's perfectly fine to fantasize, and that if she wants to be with someone in the future, she must find the right match for herself, and to never, ever, control or be controlled by someone. Each person has their own free will. It's a matter of doing what you need to be happy, BUT CAUSE NO HARM to anyone.

That's the major point. Cause no harm to ANYONE.. That's including your partner. If they do not wish to have any kind of openness, then do not. That would cause harm.

Of course there was a lot more to the talks than this, but you get the point, I am sure. She knows it's her body, she is a big girl and can make her own choices, and she's smart about those choices. She also knows I will not condemn her for her choices, because I love her, and that's all there needs to be.


She's healthy, she's stable, and she's stronger and more mature than I could have ever wished for. So I guess I didn't do too bad in my choices in life, hmm?



[edit on 14-7-2009 by Jomina]

downright disgusting, this site propegates nothing but deciept. There is no such thing as an "open marriage" sorry, you want that arrangement, DONT get married, it's OBVIOUSLY not for you. Really, i don't care about the conspiracy side, or undermining the family unit or whatever...the simple fact that something like this exists is an embodyment of a lot of what is wrong with society. *ANGER*

Originally posted by Discotech

Just because you got married for the right reasons does not mean everybody else who gets married does and alot unfortunately don't as statistics prove (what is it ? 2/3rds of marriage end up in divorce ?)

And most men cheat for sex sure and other reasons, mostly for things that their wife is not providing them with that they feel they need.

It's not that most people get married for the wrong reasons. It's that most people now have unrealistic expectations of marriage. You don't get married and all your problems go away. Just because you get married doesn't mean your sex life is going to be constant and exciting all the time. Quite the opposite. Just because you get married doesn't mean you're going to wake up with butterflies for your spouse every morning. But we as a society have been conditioned through Hollywood/movies, the media, etc. into thinking that way. Just like college kids feel they are entitled to a six figure salary right out college younger people feel that they are justified to a fairy tale relationship. Well if anyone thinks that ANY relationship is all roses and fairy tales they better not get married.