Cheating 2.0: New Mobile Apps Make Adultery Easier

reply to post by jjkenobi


I have never had an STD. I am fully aware of the risks, but it's not like I am picking up girls at the truckstop, or sleeping with every female I meet. So, yes your concern is duly noted.

reply to post by Zosynspiracy

For all you guys out there that have no problems with another man f'ing your wife. You're a pathetic excuse for a man.

Are you afraid they might do it better than you? Jealousy comes from fear of losing something you are fond of. It does not make me jealous in the least bit to see or imagine my wife with another man. It is actually quite a turn on. However, it does make me insanely jealous to think about her lying to me and sneaking off with another man that I don't know about, even if they haven't slept together yet.

These new apps are ok in my opinion people can do what we want but looks like people will just have try harder to keep your wife or husband happy.

I am up for that challenge as i treat any girl i am with like a princess No Apps for me

reply to post by getreadyalready


That was exactly my point, GetReady, and I appreciate you saying the obvious about the "open relationship" part


That's what i was trying to get to previously. Open means, acknowledging that thoughts and feelings are there, and WORKING WITH YOUR PARTNER to a solution.

If your relationship can handle "taking care of it" with the other person, then do so. If it is a matter of acting out the fantasy with your partner, then do so. But in either of those cases, it is an AGREEMENT WITH YOU AND YOUR PARTNER, and there is NO secrecy and NO lies to it. If at any time your partner is uncomfortable, STOP. Why? Because the emotional impact is something you do not want.


Sheesh people, again, common sense. If you HAVE to lie and be secretive about your feelings, then WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP do you HAVE? Certainly not a strong one, and certainly not one I would want.

Sanctity of marriage? What the heck is that? A marriage is ONLY as sacred as both parties allow it to be, and "sacred" and "sanctified" have different levels, just as everything else in life does. Including sex.

Is it actually fidelity in the marriage that is important? Or is it the feeling of control over your spouse; in fact a type of ownership of another person both physically and emotionally. That's sick.

reply to post by getreadyalready


1) I highly doubt it

2) It's not hard considering our porn obsessed society. And MOST guys have seen the average hardcore porn. Nowadays those fetishes I talk about are mainstream. However, to your point MOST women have not. Regardless I've grown up since my single, horny days of watching porn. I've come to realize how silly and stupid it is but most of all how degrading it is to women. Especially nowadays. Mainstream porn is more hardcore than it's ever been. The days of Debbie Does Dallas or even DeepThroat pale in comparison to what's out there. As I approach the though of having kids and possibly daughters it reinforces my beliefs about sex and porn and monogamy even more! You have no problem watching your daughter take a load on her chin? So much for your sex is just sex liberating beliefs! Why do I have knowledge about porn? Why would I try to talk to my kids about drugs without knowing anything about them? You have to have a realistic assessment of what goes on in the world to be able to teach your kids from right and wrong.

3) Maybe people should try to find a spouse in which they can talk openly about their sexual desires and wants and needs. I mean afterall isn't that what a relationship is all about?

reply to post by Bluebelle

I think for the vast majority of people, having an 'open marriage' wouldnt work, we might be built to go 'spread our seed' or whatever.. but we're also built to need reassurance and security. Plus, if your allowing your partner to sleep with other people... does it not occur to you that its alot easier to start to become emotionally attached to someone if you're already sleeping with them?

I agree that it would be a difficult transition for the majority of people. I remember when I was your age and I used to get very jealous. We do have a need for reassurance and security, and that is why I think open works better. My wife is completely assured that I will not leave her for another woman, because she knows me so well. She knows what kind of woman I am attracted to, because we can discuss it. She knows what disgusts me about many people. She knows that our relationship is very special and unique, and that she is 50% of the reason for that! I cannot think of any situation that would ever make me want to leave our relationship, and when we talk about it, she says the same thing!!!

So, no. It would not be easy for her or I to become emotionally attached to any other person. Not when we are sharing so much with one another. It would be extremely difficult and apparent if someone started trying to drive a wedge there, and they would quickly be removed from our lives.

Just for you belle: If that is your picture, you are extremely cute. Do not think that a man won't cheat on you with an uglier woman. A lot of women make the mistake that their man will only cheat with someone prettier than them, or someone he likes better than them. This is not true, men cheat out of sheer biology and opportunity.

The old adage a 2 at 10, but a 10 at 2 says it all. When the bars are closing up, everyone starts to look good!

Click here for more information.

Actually most dating sites are used by quite a few married spouses.

Cheating has always been there. While it makes it easier, it also makes it easier to get caught, and leaves quite a trail as proof.

Cheating is just a symptom, not a direct problem. In order for spouses to cheat(excluding addiction, mental illness, or sex addiction) there has to be a breakdown in teh marriage.

Usually when both spouses check out of the relationship, is when things go south.

And despite popular belief, about 90% of couples work it out. Many people use it as a means to make the relationship end.


Men actually tend to cheat more as a means of escape. Becasue a new person who doesn't have any baggage associated with them makes them feel new and loved and is like a drug to escape. Which is why if you marry a a partner you cheated with, the chances of success are slim. Because when the usual marriage baggage comes it, it is not so exciting anymore. But when people cheat as a means of escape, it is often to job loss, grief,money problems, and actually doesn't have much to do witht he marriage or spouse.
IN fact, psychologists came and told many of the wives of 9/11 firefighters to prepare that their spouses have a pretty good chance of having an affair as a result of dealing with the trauma and grief.
Firefighters and police officers have a pretty high rate of infidelity just for that reason.

Many report they are actually happy in their marriages, which leaves the wife floundering in despair over why, and often times don't see it happening.

Women do tend to affair more over the marriage, they seek to have needs filled that are not being filled.

The first surprise to many couples is that they have to learn what they both did wrong in teh marriage, even though only one cheated. And work on teh reasons that made the marriage vulnerable.

If couples manage to work on this successfully, then end up reporting a happier, stronger, more secure marriage afterwards.

Originally posted by whaaa
Is it actually fidelity in the marriage that is important? Or is it the feeling of control over your spouse; in fact a type of ownership of another person both physically and emotionally. That's sick.

I agree completely, and I think that is the true heart of this issue, and what most of the posters here are not realizing about themselves.

My wife and I do not own each other. We are together because we love each other, and enjoy being together as much as is physically possible.

But I do not own her. I respect her as much as it's possible to do so. It is her body, and she can choose to do what she wants to with it. I am not her father, nor is she my slave.

I also am mature enough to know that sometimes people have thoughts or fantasies that they cannot help, just as you cannot help what you dream about. If let run out of control, they can take over your life, and you WILL do anything you can to take care of it. That's where the secrecy and lies and affairs come in to play.

If she has a fantasy about someone, or a scenario, I'll play right along with it. Why? Because not only will it help to alleviate that fantasy, she'll get a great amount of pleasure out of it, AND thinks me more of a "man" to be strong enough to allow it to happen. Not quite how I'm wanting to put it, but i am sure the point is coming through.



Despite what others here obviously think, people who feel this way about their relationships are not sex starved freaks of nature who rape and pillage every available maiden, nor are the women getting together with 30 men at a time and boffing their way through all of them. Sure that kind of thing happens here and there, but you usually only find it in porn

In fact, we're usually found in relationships that are stronger, happier, and more fulfilled than anyone else around, and the subject of being with someone else comes up rarely. But when it DOES, as it does with EVERY HUMAN BEING, we know we have someone to talk to about it, and work things out HEALTHILY, TOGETHER.


Maybe part of the issue some of you have is that your relationship with your SO is not like that of ours? For me, my wife is my best friend in the world, and we are friends first, before anything else.

Is it that way with you guys? Can you say the same?

Do you own your "other"? Or are you together with someone who is an equal to you, body, mind and soul?

Originally posted by Zosynspiracy
reply to post by getreadyalready

 

You're an idiot. Obviously you know nothing about relationships.

Come on now. We all have different opinions, as is very evident here. But no need for name calling please.

I find it extremely interesting how galvanizing this topic is. Like so many things I come across on here, there doesn't seem to be a lot of 'middle of the road' stuff.

I want my wife's attention, physically, emotionally, the whole enchilada. I would expect the same from her. To be honest with you, I don't know if that stems from a need to control or not. After what I have learned so far on this board, I know that my ego probably has something to do with it. I know that we are both free to make whatever decisions we will, and we will individually, be responsible for the consequences, however mild, or extreme they may be.

My wife and I discussed this issue prior to our marriage and we re-visit it every now and then. I think we're on the same page. I think that is probably the most important part about it. We have communicated our expectations to each other and we have an understanding.

Again, it's just really wild how the opinions are so opposed. Even then though, I think a lot of us can just agree to disagree.

[edit on 14-7-2009 by KSPigpen]

Originally posted by Zosynspiracy
getreadyalready is your prototypical swinger. He tries to pretend how much more open and englightened his "marriage" is because he's comfortable watching another man bang his wife. Everyone else in his eyes is closed minded and a prude when it comes to sex.

Why stop with watching your wife with another man.......... Are you not man enough to watch her take on 10 guys at a time?

And you are the prototypical troll, bringing subjects into the discussion that have no place when it comes to the heart of the issues discussed, simply to enflame the conversation into hate filled and ignorant diatribes.

GetReadyAlready comes across to me as someone who has a healthy relationship with their S/O, and his wife sounds like someone who is equally healthy and secure in her relationship with him.

Originally posted by getreadyalready

Stop bastardizing it and making it dirty. Enjoy it, be honest with your spouse, explore a little.

That is it, why are people so freaky about possesing their partners sexuality. Honesty is the ticket!

Just curious, why did you feel the need to marry?

reply to post by nixie_nox


And a high percentage of cops are **SNIP** narcissists. Does the fact that their a cop give them any more of a reason to cheat than anyone else? I guess we should prepare all the men and women in the armed services that due to their jobs and stress they'll probably end up cheating as well?

And 90% of people might work through an affair for whatever reason. However, the marriage or relationship is NEVER the same. Just ask anyone who's been through it. And no I haven't.


Admin edit: language

[edit on 14-7-2009 by Crakeur]

reply to post by nixie_nox


Excellent points, Nixie.

It's definitely true that a woman will tend to seek after an affair because of things that she is lacking "outside of the bedroom", whereas a man will tend to seek after things lacking "in the bedroom".

Interesting psychology in that, I think

reply to post by Zosynspiracy

Why stop with watching your wife with another man.......... Are you not man enough to watch her take on 10 guys at a time?

As stated before...disease. Plus, she has no desire for that, but if she did, we could probably work something out. And I never just watch. That is not enjoyable for me. Some men like that, but not me.

And, you probably don't know what a prototypical swinger is. You probably think it is the type you see in movies, or magazines.

I probably am the prototypical swinger type, but I don't know any others, so it is hard to say. I work for the state. I have two beautiful kids. My friends and family don't know very much about our sex life. Nobody would call me a swinger. But, when my wife and I decide to have some fun, we do it, without guilt. We have also agreed to always include one another. I don't do stuff without her and vice versa. We have never "wife swapped" or been with another couple, although we have discussed it. We have never been to any sex parties. We are very normal.

I guess it is very difficult for you to comprehend. You say you have watched porn over the years. You say you have kids. Why is it so difficult to imagine venturing out a little in real life?

Originally posted by Daz3d-n-Confus3d
Divorce is a big problem in this country, costing tons of money in legal fees, unpaid debt, and single mothers that we end up paying taxes on. The list goes on and on. So that is why it bothers me personally. I can't speak for everyone else though.

So you'd rather people stay together forever in an unhappy relationship and suffer than get divorced ?

It's a person individual choice if they wish to cheat, personally I hate them for being spineless to avoid getting out of the relationship, if they're not happy they should talk about it and if they can't fix it they should get out. It's better to be happy out of a relationship than to stay in an unhappy one, no matter what responsibilities one has, it's also better for a child to have 2 separated happy parents than be in the middle of 2 unhappy parents who think they are forced to stay together.

It amazes me how during the times of the Romans sex was not a taboo (you can see this from the artwork of the period) and then somehow society has managed to make it a taboo and something bad.

reply to post by KSPigpen


This is a terrible thing. Capitalizing off peoples pain is what America is good at though, I suppose. Look at health care for instance. Cheating should never be used as a way to fix or break a marriage. The problem is that most people in this country marry young and have no clue what they really wanted at the time. If people would slow down for a few seconds per day and THINK about what they want, people like the CEO of AshleyMadison wouldn't get rich off of YOUR pain.

This is the direction or country has taken, and it will be the downfall of us all. AshleyMadison is only one company among the hundreds upon thousands of others who profit on the same principals.

Originally posted by Daz3d-n-Confus3d
Yep. Tear down the family base and destroy society. This is evident in TV, magazines, movies, etc... They glamorize cheating and weak minded people fall for it.
I have been married to the same girl for going on 14 years. Although there were times she made me really upset I wouldn't trade her for anyone in the world.
There has to be a foundation to a marriage and the family. I won't go into that now because I will be accused of getting religious, but most know what I mean. It sickens me to hear co-workers talk about who they are sleeping with behind their wives backs.
For a a little bit of physical pleasure they are willing to sacrifice their family's happiness.

Sad isn't it?

I really appreciate your input. I really think that this is just a part of a way bigger issue. Divide and conquer. I think we're easier to defeat when we have been isolated.

Originally posted by getreadyalready

I agree that it would be a difficult transition for the majority of people. I remember when I was your age and I used to get very jealous. We do have a need for reassurance and security, and that is why I think open works better. My wife is completely assured that I will not leave her for another woman, because she knows me so well. She knows what kind of woman I am attracted to, because we can discuss it. She knows what disgusts me about many people. She knows that our relationship is very special and unique, and that she is 50% of the reason for that! I cannot think of any situation that would ever make me want to leave our relationship, and when we talk about it, she says the same thing!!!

So, no. It would not be easy for her or I to become emotionally attached to any other person. Not when we are sharing so much with one another. It would be extremely difficult and apparent if someone started trying to drive a wedge there, and they would quickly be removed from our lives.

Just for you belle: If that is your picture, you are extremely cute. Do not think that a man won't cheat on you with an uglier woman. A lot of women make the mistake that their man will only cheat with someone prettier than them, or someone he likes better than them. This is not true, men cheat out of sheer biology and opportunity.

The old adage a 2 at 10, but a 10 at 2 says it all. When the bars are closing up, everyone starts to look good!

'When I was your age'

I do see what you mean about how being open with your partner is better. But dont you think there's point where there's too much honesty?
And aside from that, you arent ever going to be inside your partners head, you wont ever know for sure that their being completely honest with you. Being open in terms of being allowed to sleep with other people doesnt mean that the other person *will* be honest with you, especially if the sleeping with another person leads to something more on an emotional level.

This might sound really dodgy, but I think its healthy to not trust the other person 110%. Not as in you distrust them so you worry about what their upto & check up on them etc... but I think its good to keep in mind that no matter how well you know someone, they can still act in ways which you would never think they would... even if they have no reason for it!
I think thats one of the other reasons people cheat as well.. they get too comfortable in the relationship and think they know what to expect from the other person.

reply to post by Jomina



Hate filled? Please


I get sick of swingers and those in the alternative lifestyle always claiming to be better informed and more enlightened when it comes to sex and relationships. You two might very well be but you represent such a small and tiny minority your arguments are moot.

So to belabor the point why woudl you get married? Seriously what's the point of being committed to one person emotionally as you put it yet not sexually? Doesn't make any sense. Why have a family? Why not let the community raise our kids or better yet why not let the grandparents raise the kids so the parents go off and have sex with whoever they want. Swingers and people that have open relationships live in a bubble failing to realize the broader consequences of their actions not only on themselves or their children but for society in general. That's my problem with it. If you want to stay single or whatever and have sex with whoever you want so be it. But please don't try to expand the realm and definition of marriage because you expect others to accept your lifestyle