Cheating 2.0: New Mobile Apps Make Adultery Easier

OK, my fingers are tired from starring posts now. This is a very heated subject and I wasn't going to post at first, mostly because my personal life is personal. In this case, though, I have a unique perspective to add. I am female, happily married to my best friend for ten years, have 3 teen aged children, and in a swinger/open relationship. I am not going to try to make a cohesive paragraph, but address several issues that were brought up in the preceding pages.

1. When we married we were completely straight laced and monogamous. We intended to be each other's only partner for the rest of our lives. For both of us complete trust=complete honesty. It wasn't until a few years later that our honesty with each other led to us exploring an alternate lifestyle.

2. Our children (14, 16, and 18) are aware of our lifestyle now and do not see anything wrong with it. They also see their friends parents that can't stand to be around each other, take vacations separately, or drink their troubles away. So if either my husband or myself were interested in someone they knew (which has happened), they would not be wounded by it.

3. Prostitution should be legalized completely. It provides a service and a good living for many men and women. Legalization would lead to regulation and give back to the community while making the profession safer.

4. The institution of marriage is what you and your partner believe it to be while you are married. It should never be what society believes it to be, because you are not married to society, you are married to your partner. Therefore, I am upholding what I believe to be the truest institution of marriage: to be with the one you love above all others for the rest of our lives and never have either of us regret the choice.

5. For us, sex has very little to do with love. The only time the two cross is when one of us wants to have the other enjoy something sexually because they love them. It's like giving a gift to your partner every time.

6. There are "ground rules", but what that really means is that we were both honest enough with each other to state up front what would/would not make us uncomfortable. For us it is simply this: Out of respect for each other we will ALWAYS talk about our desires first and get permission from our partner. There have been times when permission was not granted by one or the other of us, but out of love and respect it was fine. We also NEVER do anything with out the other partner present. This relates back to our experiences being for each other. "Swinging" would not appeal to either of us if the one we loved was not getting enjoyment from it as well.

Now with all of that said, I think that each person is different. A monogamous relationship might be the very best thing for the couple next door or every other couple on Earth. We have found the balance in our relationship that fits us perfectly and we couldn't be happier. Every one that knows us think we have the "fairy tale" relationship, but what's better is that we think that, too.

ETA: Just wanted to give kuddos to all of those in this thread that are willing to speak the truth about such a personal matter, no matter which "side" they are on.

[edit on 14-7-2009 by Cameoii]

reply to post by liquidsmoke206



hahah i had to star you for your responses there, Smoke. Hilarious


It's so true, so many men get married out of a sense of duty, and then are stuck in unhappy, unhealthy relationships.

My first marriage was that way, and it's been that way for most of my friends as well.


I know I didn't have to get married again, and probably would have just skipped it entirely and just be together with her, but it's more "convenient" to have the paper and the perks.

What you said regarding codependancy is absolutely true, and i think gets right to the heart of why most people feel a sense of "ownership" of their partner. My wife and I are both people of free will, who happen to agree on the topics discussed here, and in almost all other ways. I know I am lucky to have found that, because it's pretty dang rare

(reference the idea of "fairy-tale" in previous posts lol)

i think this should simplify the matter....

open relationship...choice

cheating= wrong

here is why. in the first, both partners agree and consent. in the second, there is an expectation of monogomy from both parties. one party breaks said expectation. If cheating (meaning here that there is an expectation of monogomy and one party, or both break it) wasnt wrong, then why is there a need to HIDE it.

problem solved....now if only we can crash those servers

As much as I hate to admit it, you might be on to something.

reply to post by KSPigpen

see? why can't you guys just listen to me form the start...

But what about the couples that have stayed together for 50 years and don't even HAVE sex anymore?

Exactly my point!! Why you wanna have sex with the same person for 50 years!!!!! Are you kidding me!!!!? Also I'd say after that long they either can't do it, or have very little sex drive at an old age. They stay together just cuz they always have been. It's easier...they're out of the game. I know a couple, who seems very happily married(and likely are) and have been one of those couples that have been married for 20+ years. The wife once said, yeah we could never get divorced it would just be too much or an ordeal, meaning to much to split up having built a life together personal and business wise...sometimes people just stay together because it's, good enough...

Do you plan on getting old, smoke? I know I didn't.... but surely you don't believe that there is no more to a relationship than sex....surely.

I believe theres more but def the sex, if you are going to be "going steady" with someone it's gotta be there.

Doesn't that strike you as kind of shallow? What would happen if, heaven forbid, something happened to you and you couldn't perform any more? What would life be worth to you then?

Sex isn't my life, but yeah it would be devastating to not be able to perform, I suspect I'd get over it by spending even more time on ATS....


And yes it is shallow, but look around dude, look at the cars we drive, the clothes we wear, the cliques we're into, the pettiness, the consumerism, we're a shallow/superficial society....exactly why marriage is not something that works here....

You know it's true...you can lie to me, but you can't lie to yourself...

reply to post by Cameoii


I'm so glad you posted all of that, it's great to have a woman's perspective on this issue, from "our side" so to speak haha

Your marriage sounds a great amount like the one I have with my wife. It's been the best aspect of my life, and I would not trade it for the world.

Funny enough, like yours, everyone who knows us thinks we are "living the fairy-tale".

Anyhow... thanks for your perspective, Cameoii It's appreciated

Originally posted by BrainPower
i think this should simplify the matter....

open relationship...choice

cheating= wrong

here is why. in the first, both partners agree and consent. in the second, there is an expectation of monogomy from both parties. one party breaks said expectation. If cheating (meaning here that there is an expectation of monogomy and one party, or both break it) wasnt wrong, then why is there a need to HIDE it.

problem solved....now if only we can crash those servers

Thank you, Brain, you totally "get it".

Monogamy is not for everyone, just as being vegan isn't for everyone.

So you'd rather people stay together forever in an unhappy relationship and suffer than get divorced ? It's a person individual choice if they wish to cheat, personally I hate them for being spineless to avoid getting out of the relationship, if they're not happy they should talk about it and if they can't fix it they should get out. It's better to be happy out of a relationship than to stay in an unhappy one, no matter what responsibilities one has, it's also better for a child to have 2 separated happy parents than be in the middle of 2 unhappy parents who think they are forced to stay together. It amazes me how during the times of the Romans sex was not a taboo (you can see this from the artwork of the period) and then somehow society has managed to make it a taboo and something bad.

What I think is that people need to grow up, and honor their vows. No one said it would be easy. Problem is everyone thinks they have to be happy in their little perfect world without concern for anyone else.

I agree that it is their choice, but they vowed to be loyal. There is no perfect marriage. In life you make choices. Too many people just say to heck with it when it gets tough.

We all know what happened to Rome in the end. Their society broke down, did it not?




[edit on 14-7-2009 by Daz3d-n-Confus3d]

reply to post by Discotech

Yet most people in a relationship call their partners their best friends. Why do you think that is smoke ?

I think because if they said, "yeah he/she isn't really my best friend, but I'm sorta locked into this thing and have been for years and there's no easy feasible way out so I guess this is my lot in life, oh well", then they'd sound totally pathetic, yeah "best friend" is the way to go.

Because they put out and their normal friends don't ? Or do you think that maybe there's more to it than that ?

The "more to it" part is explained above. I wonder if 2/3 of relationships with "normal friends" go to crap in the first five years? I doubt it because sex, jealousy, and insecurity aren't involved.

reply to post by liquidsmoke206


You're too funny man.

I admire your bravado. I hope your life is as rewarding as it sounds.

Believe me, I don't have any reason to make stuff up to try and convince you of anything.

My car is old, my pants were on sale and my shirt was from wally world. Three nights a week is the schedule for my wife and I and it seems to be working out very well.

I enjoy being married, it's a pain the tookus sometimes, usually when my old ways want to be exercised, but in the long run, it has been a lot better to me than the playa lifestyle was.

I do know a couple things. I WAS young, and now I'm old. I used to sleep around a lot, and now I don't.

Life is good. Thanks for stoppin' by smoke.

Question for everyone who is for open relationships, or is in one...

What would you do if one day your other half became uncomfortable with the idea of an open relationship? Would you end the relationship.. or just try to supress whatever feelings you had?
Just wondering, because deciding to have an open relationship must be a pretty big deal... but then it would seem silly to end a relationship because your partner is uncomfortable with you sleeping with other people.

Who cares, the service exists because there is huge market for this. I used to think the same as you but now i am starting to realize it myself.

Bottom line is people are getting sick of being tied down to one person forever but many dont have the guts, or the convenience of leaving that person. Especially in these times where just about every aspect of our society has some form of sexuality embedded into it. Who can resist? Everyone is having lots of sex with alot of people.

Some of us are getting sick of being with these partners who withhold sex or have become sexually lazy because they think because they are in it for the long haul that they dont have to work hard at it anymore. On the same note we still care about the person and rely on them to help out with finances or with child raising. Doesnt mean we want to end the relationship with them, just looking for something a little extra from time to time. You think some weekend floozy is going to pay your bills and raise your kids? Probably not but they can take care of the things that your current wife may not be up for the job to do anymore.

reply to post by Bluebelle


I am perfectly comfortable with the idea of an open relationship. Most people these days just cant handle sleeping with the same person anymore. It doesnt mean you dont love the person, and you may not want to break up your family unit either.

I think more people need to finally accept that this may be the key to ending the destruction of the family unit. Families could still be together and everyones needs satisfied.

reply to post by liquidsmoke206


So you think people are lying when they say they are happy in their long lasting relationship ?

And I notice you avoided the question on if you've had a long lasting relationship ?

If you enjoy the endeavours of a playa then fair play, but others have different opinions on what they deem a happy relationship, it's not all doom & gloom staying together with someone for a long time you know

Originally posted by Bluebelle
And this is the reason that Im considering being a crazy old cat lady as a viable option!

Either that or I just wont get involved with someone who has an iphone

Honey... if you're the girl in the picture, I'm not attached, I do not own an iphone AND I have cats (so you can still be an old cat lady)... Wont cheat - promise! I'm cute, green eyes and have good sense of humor. I'm also european so kinda helps ya to "change a bit" also lol

As for the site... oh well... the whole world goes nuts... why not in that issue also?

Originally posted by metaldemon2000

Bottom line is people are getting sick of being tied down to one person forever but many dont have the guts, or the convenience of leaving that person. Especially in these times where just about every aspect of our society has some form of sexuality embedded into it. Who can resist? Everyone is having lots of sex with alot of people.

haha you just made me have a thought in regards to history relating to this subject...

when you said people are getting sick of being tied down to one person forever... it just makes me think... ya know up til just recently, life expectancy was to the 20s and 30s and it was rare to go above 40...


So even in the past where monogamy was prevalent, they STILL didn't have to do it for long


Just had to toss that out there.. You're right, though, in quite a bit of what you said.

reply to post by Bluebelle


In that VERY unlikely scenario, I would discuss with my partner why his feelings had changed. If the root of the problem could be found we would work on it together. If not then I would completely abide by his wishes. I wouldn't be depriving myself, because he is already a fantastic lover. The swinging is "icing on the cake."

reply to post by Jomina


Its so very true.

But seriously though, you see all this sexuality around you like we have never been before, now all of a sudden lets say your wife has gained weight or stopped dressing sexy or even stopped having sex or trying new things. Now you are stuck with this person for the next 40 or 50 years, scarey thought. This doesnt mean you stopped loving each other or enjoying eachothers company or that you hate your relationship, you just hate the fact that you see sexy, scantly dressed women everywhere who are willing to give it up for nothing and you are stuck in a relationship where these things do not exist. Whats worse is if you are still fairly young and have many things you still want to try.

reply to post by Cameoii


So you'd have no problem with your daughter being a prostitute? Oh wait......as long is it's not your daughter right? I mean if you're so for its legalization you'd have no problem with your daughter laying on her back to make a living right? I mean afterall if she's cute enough she would probably make more money than she ever would going to college.

reply to post by Zosynspiracy


I'll ignore the sarcasm and answer the question. I would have NO problem with any of my children (2 sons and 1 daughter) being a paid prostitute. They have all been taught well and make good decisions. When the time comes for them to make that decision, I would be proud, because I would know that they had weighed all the options and chosen the best for them.

Originally posted by Zosynspiracy
reply to post by Cameoii

 

So you'd have no problem with your daughter being a prostitute? Oh wait......as long is it's not your daughter right?

I mean if you're so for its legalization you'd have no problem with your daughter laying on her back to make a living right? I mean afterall if she's cute enough she would probably make more money than she ever would going to college.

And there you go trying to enflame the issue by intentionally using language to elicit a deep, angry response. Why is that necessary in an adult conversation?


I can't speak for Cameoii, but I and others have already answered that question and you didn't give a response to the logical, reasonable answers given. Why flame-bait her?


Prostitution should be legal, and if it was, I would have no problem with either my daughters or son doing it. If it's legal, why not? *I* have no stigma attached to it, as you seem to have.