Rodney Dangerfield joke of the day

Originally posted by NotTooHappy
03/20/04: "I asked my doctor if my heart was strong enough for sex. He told me, "Not if I join in.""

that was great, I think that has to be 1 of my favs lol fricken hilarious

Originally posted by Lysergic

Originally posted by NotTooHappy
03/20/04: "I asked my doctor if my heart was strong enough for sex. He told me, "Not if I join in.""

that was great, I think that has to be 1 of my favs lol

fricken hilarious

That one was pretty good.

03/24/04: "In high school I got no respect. I shared a locker with a mop. "

03/25/04: "My old man, he was very strict. He allowed no drinking in the house. I had two brothers who died of thirst."

03/26/04: "When I was a kid I got no respect. My old man took me to the zoo. He told me to go over to the leopard and play connect the dots."

03/27/04: "I was born in a small town: Babylon, Long Island. And I'll tell you one thing about Babylon. The population never changes. Every time a kid is born, some guy leaves town."

03/28/04: "With my wife there's always something. The last time I got a haircut. She told me it was terrible. She said it looks like you got a haircut. She says when you get a haircut it's not supposed to look like you got a haircut. She said, "Harry got a haircut. No one even knew that Harry got a haircut." I said, "Then how do you know Harry got a haircut?" So now I got a new problem. Next week I'm due to get a haircut. And I don't want it to look like a got a haircut. So what I'm doing now is I'm trying to find a barber who don't look like he's a barber."

03/29/04: "My kid drives me nuts. For three years now he goes to a private school, He won't tell me where it is."

03/30/04: "Every time my wife takes the car there's trouble. The other day she came home there were a hundred dents in the car. She said she took a shortcut through a golf range."

03/31/04: "Oh I live in a bad neighborhood. But one thing in my neighborhood, though, the parents, they always know where their children are. Yeah, they see them on the news."

04/01/04: "I tell ya, I'm in bad shape. I joined a weight-lifting class. They started me with balloons. Very bad shape. I hurt myself playing scrabble."

04/02/04: "I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys."

04/03/04: "When I was a kid I was poor. I never went to Disneyland. My old man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment."

04/04/04: "When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my old man, "I'm sick and tired of running around in circles." He got mad. He nailed down my other foot."

04/05/04: "I tell ya, things never go right. I bought a book, "A Hundred Ways to Make Love." I ended up in traction. It was a misprint."

04/06/04: "Now with hookers I don't go for big money, I give 'em twenty dollars. That's all. I make my own deal with them. I give 'em twenty dollars in dimes. And I got to be finished by the time they count it."

04/07/04: "Oh, she's a wild girl. Her idea of safe sex is making sure the car doors are locked."

04/08/04: "I'm a bad drinker. I got loaded one night the next day they picked me up. I was in front of a judge. He said, "You're here for drinking." I said, "O.K., Your Honor, let's get started.""

04/09/04: "I tell ya she was old. When she was born the dead sea wasn't even sick."

04/10/04: "One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida. "