Softball with AugustusMasonicus: Season III

Have you had enough of this quarantine nonsense? Corona Virus?!? That **** is for wimps. Our next guest lives in the most inhospitable land on the planet, a place populated by venomous creatures; the redback spider, the taipan and the deadly Zazzafrazz. All of these can kill a man in an instant but it doesn't stop him from going out into the barren wastes searching for fuel in the post apocalyptic country that is Australia.

Please give a warm and appropriately socially distanced welcome to Sublimecraft.

AM: Grambler privately told me he has a better beard than you, explain why he’s full of s***?

SC: I can’t explain why he’s full of s***, and quite frankly I take offense to such insinuations towards contributors I personally respect…..but what I can tell you is that he does indeed have a better beard than I do by virtue of me not having one – shaved it off lest I lose my firefighting endorsement through not being able to don a B.A and get a seal for positive pressure, also because everyone said it made me look too old.
Fluck science, on both accounts.

AM: If Donald Trump came over to Make Australia Great Again, where would he start?

SC: Summernats, specifically to officially start the Burnout Masters comp which next year will again host Cleetus McFarland, every Aussies favourite yank, in some sort of sick weaponized Guzzoline beast – all of which coincidentally happens to be in Canberra where all the Politicians, drugs, fireworks and porn are located. Its our capital city and we’re proud of that MF.

Best-War-Museum in the world too.

Perfect Trump Territory.

AM: Which is eviler, bullet ants, redback spiders or Liberals?

SC: BULL ants and redbacks don’t actively go out of their way to fluck sh!t up for every living thing. They like to keep to themselves BUT if and when they attack, they don’t care about your sex, religion, politics, skin colour – all of them hate all humans equally.

Ergo liberals are eviler.

AM: Who’s tougher, an Aussie from the Outback, a Kiwi from X or a Pom from East London?

SC: Haha – trick question because an Aussie from the outback came into being because of criminal poms being shipped to Australia and her outback, so its actually the ancestors of criminal poms from the outback versus poms from Boris Johnsons general vicinity (UK outback).

Either way, a Kiwi for the win, especially from X because that’s where all the treasure is me hearties.

AM: Marmite, gift from the Gods or something you wouldn’t give to an enemy?

SC: Don’t you mean Vegemite? Or are all Americans Canadian because they all look, sound and smell the same?

For the past 100+ years, Vegemite has been gods gift to multiple generations of what started out as criminal poms shipped to Australia. Everything else is snakes piss.

AM: Australia is a lawless land ravaged by scavengers in search of guzzaline, how do you protect yourselves without assault rifles?

SC: We start fires instead, appears to be quite effective against bullets.

AM: Dingoes: awful pests or fantastic babysitters?

SC: Even better slow roasted with garlic, soy and sesame oil and if you’re fortunate enough to have a witchety grub lying around, shove it in the dingos date to marinade – that tip is for free, you can thank me later – feel free to include it in this contribution too.

AM: Do you even give a crap about the Queen and Meghan?

SC: Never heard of him.

AM: How did Epstein do it?

SC: Do what? (Interviewer's note: I don't know either but what I do know is - wash your hands, Corona won't kill itself, just like Epstein.)

AM: Do you think American’s are insane since we politicize everything?


SC: Hmm, lets see……do I think yanks appear collectively insane due to politicizing everything that moves / is inanimate / is living / is dead / may or may not exist.

No, not at all.

You?

AM: Lets get those easy ones out of the way. Best thing to eat on the entire continent?

SC: **removed for serious T&C violation**

AM: Best vacation you’ve taken?

SC: Louisiana - New Orleans & Port Fourchon 2015 – 11 days spanning the Mardi Gras & Paddys day. Now I have a Gumbo addiction. Thanks Obama. Met and made some life long friends from a spot where some of the best rig-tender vessels on the planet are built, absolutely first class stuff.

I talked about it on here way back when too..

AM: The greatest mini-series of all time?

SC: Donald J Trump & How His Uncle's Time Machine Saved the World.

*release date October 2024

AM: Your favorite book?

SC: Green Eggs & Ham – Joe Rogan did a podcast on what he encountered after taking the green eggs. Dr. Seuss took the green eggs, then wrote Green Eggs & Ham, because the Cat in the Hat gave him his ideas.

AM: Say something in Aussie that I won’t have any chance of understanding without looking up…

SC: “Rip the scab off it."

AM: If you had to visit one of these three American cities which would you pick and why: San Francisco (Poopville), Seattle (Homelesstown) or Los Angeles (Pervertland)?

SC: Seattle, I cherish my memories of LA & San Fran from 1982 when they were not sh!tholes.



Sublimecraft is a shotgun-wielding, desert waste-traversing, scavenger-killing anti-hero. If you encountered him he'd probably punch you in the face before siphoning the guzzaline out of your vehicle. You've been warned.

He also likes kittens.

Well, that was fun. We learned almost nothing about a place that none of us will ever visit. One, because a midget riding on a giant dude runs the place and two, you can't leave your house for the next year. Thanks Obama.

Sublime, thanks for joining us today, I appreciate the time you took out of your busy schedule of fighting bush fires, stomping on ants and spit roasting dingoes. Your parting gift today is a Chinese bat.

Until the next time.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Another stirring interview.

I would have liked it better if you'd have translated it into American though.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

The coolest thing about this entire interview...is how it circled the drain in the opposite direction.

originally posted by: DBCowboy
a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I would have liked it better if you'd have translated it into American though.

I know right? What the hell is "colour"?

Great interview, guys...I can't believe you both got through it without saying "Throw another shrimp on the Barbie".

a reply to: IAMTAT

I heard the interview was cut short because a drop bear ate Sublimecraft.

a reply to: DBCowboy

Well, as interviews go...it was still better than syphilis.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

 

AM: How did Epstein do it?

SC: Do what? (Interviewer's note: I don't know either but what I do know is - wash your hands, Corona won't kill itself, just like Epstein.)

originally posted by: DBCowboy
I would have liked it better if you'd have translated it into American though.

My questions or his answers?

originally posted by: IAMTAT
The coolest thing about this entire interview...is how it circled the drain in the opposite direction.

You look a little flushed.

I'm pretty sure I know what the best thing to eat in Australia is.

on second thought...nvm

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Yes

a reply to: AutomateThis1

With a penicillin chaser...

M

A

N

That spells....

'MAN'.