The Banter Cafe, open 24hrs

South of France? Meh, I probably would be jealous if it was so full of French people haha

Even nubile young, (over 20) French ladies on the beach with their boobies all hanging out and stuff?

a reply to: Lagomorphe
Haha, I've grown up with that! People from all over the world showing flesh on the beaches or sunbathing on the greens and meadows, it's normal here.
Some folk I wish wouldn't show so much flesh as they have but take the rough with the smooth eh!

It's been a fantastic summer this year, lots and lots of foreign money pumped into our area, everyone is in a good mood. I've seen more 'D' plated German cars this year than ever before as well, must be because the £pound has tanked so Britain is cheaper now.

I helped a German couple the other day using...a map of all things! I could see they had the standard confused tourist look on their faces so volunteered to assist (quite a common activity), and helped them on their way. The local landscape is multiple hills and cliffs, so looking at the map really doesn't equate to what you can see around you. You think one street is next to another on the map, and it is, but 100m higher up a cliff so you can't get to the one you want without walking ages on a detour.
I was more shocked that the Germans weren't just using GPS google map sat-nav on their phones like everyone else...they're German ffs, don't they have all the best tech? (or is that racist lol)

Ah, a couple more months and everyone will know each other again, same faces in town, tumbleweeds blowing down the high street, and the summer time curfew for people with webbed fingers will be lifted.

originally posted by: Freeborn
a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

Nothing really against the normal sort of beard - its the whole hipster beardo bollocks I don't get.

I really hope I don't sound like my parents when I say that!

Haha, I've come out with a few lines my dad used to recently...I'm fighting it, but the dark side is strong...I actually paused at wilkinsons the other day at some walking canes and had an image of myself shaking it at pesky kids...I'm screwed! I'll be wearing trousers pulled up high over my belly next...oh noes!!!

originally posted by: oldcarpy
And of course BMW and Audi A3 drivers in general.

Grrrr…..

Did you have a traumatic experience with BMW & Audi drivers in childhood mate?
It's okay to share, this is a caring and compassionate cafe, we have a healing room with crystals, and a South American shaman who can help purge your demons.
He's got no work visa either, so he'll fix you cheaper than anywhere you'll find on the high street, although the 'sweat room' is rudimentary, knocked up a shack between the two big ovens in the kitchen, chef doesn't mind so long as you stay out of his way.

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy


Pretty much most days round here.

Next you will be offering reiki and hot stones and similar New Age nonsense and then I'm afraid I shall have to call the Police.

a reply to: oldcarpy
Funny you mention that, we have Reiki Friday every week now, 1 hour session, tofu and lentil sandwich and a cup of herbal tea £6.00...you won't be disappointed.
...come heal your chakras, feel the energy of mother Gaia...breathe, relax, and forget about Audi & BMW drivers...feel the calmness of your inner soul, share your positive energy with fellow free spirits...

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy


I hope that those lentils are organic and suitable for vegans. I also trust that your fish fingers are from a sustainable source and hand-dived?

Do you have any courses in yoghurt weaving?

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

Stuff that Reiki thing for a game of soldiers... (isn't that what you do in gardens normally?... ah no, thats raking...)

Are San and Tray still hanging around the back entrance for a quickie after hours? A mate was asking...

Warning crude language...



Warmest

Lags

a reply to: oldcarpy

I personally free dive for the fish fingers myself, totally sustainable, I cut them off the fish while underwater and they grow new ones in a week or two.
Birds Eye tried to get in on our fishing zone with industrial ships hoovering up the finger fish, mechanically removing the fingers them pumping them back into the sea.
Thankfully Greenpeace fought them off with the help of militant French fishermen who were also affected. The corporations lost and our stocks of fish fingers are safe.

a reply to: Lagomorphe

They're part of the furniture mate!
Couple of pints even I'm tempted

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy



Way more than a couple of pints, surely?

a reply to: oldcarpy
Sorry, should have been more specific, couple of pints of vodka...but any port in a storm sometimes eh?

a reply to: Lagomorphe

Stuff that Reiki

My ears pricked up there.....thought you said Raki.

I know girls who back in the day actually aspired to be just like The Fat Slags.

Viz - the source of much mirth and merriment.
I dread to think what Generation Snowflake would make of it.

a reply to: Freeborn


Yes. I seem to remember that Viz had a few complaints about their take on gypsies......

originally posted by: Freeborn
Viz - the source of much mirth and merriment.
I dread to think what Generation Snowflake would make of it.

Haha!
Mayor Khan would open up free cry cupboards in every public space, there would be protests, boycotts, and much sobbing and hugging amongst activists. Viz would be burned in bonfires at the town square, the publishers would be dragged through the streets behind horses, and candles would be lit in solidarity with everyone who was offended by such non PC evil!

originally posted by: Freeborn
a reply to: Lagomorphe

Stuff that Reiki

My ears pricked up there.....thought you said Raki.

I know girls who back in the day actually aspired to be just like The Fat Slags.

Viz - the source of much mirth and merriment.
I dread to think what Generation Snowflake would make of it.

Aye, back in the 80s there were alot of Sans, Trays and Debs... "ahem" met quite a few on the Yorkshire nightclub scene back in the old days... "cough cough" After a ton of Tetleys of course...

My mates and I were a bit like this at the time :







Generation Snowflake wouldn't be able to handle Viz methinks...

Warmest

Lags

originally posted by: Lagomorphe
Generation Snowflake wouldn't be able to handle Viz methinks...

Shh FFS!!!
They don't know about Viz, but if you keep posting youtubes they'll see it and start a campaign to get it censored off the net!
You've been living in your rural French bubble too long mate, the struggle is real, snowflakes everywhere...and you sharing the underground non-PC humour online doesn't help, might as well just paint targets on us to draw attention.
The disclosure of Viz to generation whine can only be drip fed...they won't be able to handle it at first...baby steps mate, baby steps...

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

Does it still exist in the UK? Viz I mean!

a reply to: Lagomorphe


Still going. I'd post a link to their website but my work computer does not like it.

originally posted by: oldcarpy
a reply to: Lagomorphe


Still going. I'd post a link to their website but my work computer does not like it.

Found it, don't worry mate.

Just having a laugh at those top tips...