The Banter Cafe, open 24hrs

a reply to: Autorico

Welcome, always got time and a lot of respect for those crazy Canucks!

a reply to: oldcarpy

Classic scene.
Classic film.

Whenever we venture into the small towns and pit villages just north of where I live we still say 'we're going into banjo country'.

The similarities are remarkable.

a reply to: Freeborn
'Deliverance' in my mind as far as cringing while watching goes, is second only to the greenhouse scene in 'Scum', possibly the darkest Brit flick ever made!
...oh we say 'banjo country' here (the moors etc). Many years ago, one of my roles was to visit old people approaching pension age to verify their birth and marriage certificates so they could get their contributory state pension as a couple.

This one couple in darkest Bodmin moor were already being paid 'Income Support' as a couple so it should have been simple enough, see the certificates, cup of tea and chat, then back to the office.
Oh no, it turned out they were brother and sister! Awkward moment I stammered "That's fine, we'll write to you in a couple of weeks regarding your pensions" and scurried away.
I imagined some deformed 'Bubba' type offspring locked in an outhouse on their property and sped off not looking back once!

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

This one couple in darkest Bodmin moor.....

Don't they still practice Devil Worship there and sacrifice of the first born....a bit like in those small towns and pit villages just north of me especially Bishop Auckland and its closely interbred neighbours West and St Helens....and parts of the Romney Marshes....and the whole of Wales.

Scum.
Great film....and a great deterrent for going to Borstal.

How many people copied the pool ball in sock move though!



No glorification, no exaggeration.....just as it was.

I guess some things are better nowadays.

a reply to: Freeborn


Don't forget Norfolk, where they still point at cars.

a reply to: Freeborn
It's Pixie worship here, don't mess with the little blighters because they'll curdle your milk and make your crops barren in a heartbeat!
And 'Scum' yes, "Where's your tool?" it has to be the darkest Brit film ever made.
I asked a mate's son for some baccy to make a cigarette not long ago, I said "Don't worry I'll only make a Borstal rolly" and he asked what that was lol, I said "You don't want to know mate!"

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

We've never been bothered by Pixies, Elves, Fairies, Sith or anything remotely like them.

I think during their otherworldly and mystical travels they must of thought 'nah, think we'll give this #hole a miss'. Which is a surprise as we have some of the most beautiful and stunning parts of these glorious islands of ours up here. (I could understand it a bit if they had the foreknowledge of what Middlesbrough and Teesside was to become).

Had the unhappy experience of having to spend a weekend in Deerbolt Detention Centre. Hated every #ing minute of it. Never once felt threatened by either inmates or screws but the smell was horrendous and the sense of being cooped up nearly tipped me over the edge.
Taught me a valuable lesson - don't get frigging caught!

DC's weren't that bad but heard some absolute horror stories about Borstals.

a reply to: Freeborn
Pixies are pretty choosy about their haunts, they're also raging scrumpy addicts as well so as you can imagine they tend to stay in these parts. Watch out when they're drunk though, they'll smite you just for a laugh!

Never been to youth custody, but got 28 days when I was 18 for an unpaid fine I'd forgotten about from when I was 16, no 'L' plate on my moped. I was lucky though, the prisons were full at the time so I ended up doing 2 weeks in the police station cells. Was a laugh to be honest, tea was fish and chips from the local chippy, and I could smoke in my cell.
The two weekends were funny as well, seeing all the piss heads getting nicked and restrained when they pushed it too far with the cops.
Ah memories

Hospital food sucks. Can I get a tuna melt with onion rings on the side, black coffee, and a strawberry milkshake for afterwards?

a reply to: DictionaryOfExcuses
Coming up
I spent a couple of nights in hospital last week, I was surprised, the food was great.
I was off my head on drugs they'd given me though so my judgement might have been impaired lol
Get well soon, and get relatives/friends to smuggle some decent munch in, unfortunately the banter cafe doesn't do deliveries...yet!

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

I had to drive myself here, and my wife and daughter are 60 miles away, plus I'm on clear fluids only leading up to an endoscopy.

However, I did happen to pack a little bit of the ol' "devil's lettuce" along with me and I might be sneaking out of my bed and finding an inconspicuous place for a little smokey salad now...when I come back I'll be a lot more chipper. My guess.

a reply to: DictionaryOfExcuses

60 miles bloody 'ell!
My hospital is a couple of streets away. We have to secretly smoke on site there as well if caught it's an £80 penalty fine

Get well soon!

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

I'm sure there is a similar fine for smoking violations at this place too.

Whatever it is I will happily pay.

Very quiet in here. Perhaps people are on holiday? Wish I was.

I have a great recipe if you are interested in putting it on the menu? Proper carbonara - no cream and cheap as chips.

Cut bacon into strips and fry. Could add mushrooms if you like.

Cook spag in pan of boiling salted water.

Finely grate parmesan or can use cheddar at a pinch.

Mix grated cheese with 2 egg yolks and a little olive oil and season - easy on salt as bacon is salty.

Dran spag, put back in hot pan add egg/cheese, swirl about to coat spag - egg will cook from heat of spag and cheese will melt so spag is coated. Add bacon, black pepper and serve.

Creamy, easy and tastes fab. No cream!

a reply to: oldcarpy
Carbonara is now on the menu
You're right, it is a bit quiet, maybe mid-week blues. I've been away as needed to work today build some cash back up. I'm doing 3 full days this week woohoo!
May even do a full 5 days next week, but see how it goes, self employment is fantastic for choosing when to work, but a challenge if you are as lazy as I am and cover the bills - Then I just want to chill out

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy


A quick coffee, please. Will have some Carbonara later.

Self employed, eh? - must be a bit like working from home:

Mitch ell & Webb Working from Home

a reply to: oldcarpy
Haha, that was a good one!
The only work I do at home is my admin bull#, and my annual work of fiction for HMRC each year.
If I'm at home I'm chilling out. Did half a day working this morning though, had enough by 1pm, I couldn't imagine being an employee again, 15 minute breaks at X time etc, I'd feel trapped.

Can't understand why people gripe about hospital food. I had the misfortune to spend 6 months in hospital. Think on this foods free, it keeps you alive, shut up and eat it.
By the way do you have Camp coffee? Camp with boiled milk, heaven. Or condensed milk.
Question for you Americans, do you have condensed milk?

a reply to: crayzeed
Lol, I enjoyed my hospital food.
Coffee coming up, tonight's special, and I reckon the US must have condensed milk, they must have Banoffee pie...surely someone would have exported that delicious munch by now?!

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy
But did they have condensed milk sandwiches. I think todays condensed milk has got runnier as it used to be thicker to spread and stay on a sandwich.
Put Donovans Mellow Yellow on the box for me.