The tooth fairy effect: Parents lie to instill good behavior in children

Originally posted by LesMisanthrope
All those who claim they are unaffected by being deceived by their parents will surely be deceiving their children when it comes that time.

But I suppose there is nothing wrong with raising idealists to care more for the imaginary than the worldly, and liars to perpetuate these lies well into the future.

Well ya, there are worst things in life....

reply to post by Xtrozero


Get a life? That's the point.

Stop following stupid old traditions because everyone else does. Be a free thinker, be original. Stop following traditions because Hollywood and the TV tells you to.

I choose to do different thing that the average person and yet I am weird.

Sorry, I'll watch TV and sports and turn off my mind.

Pred...

Originally posted by predator0187

Heyman and colleagues found the percentage of parents who reported lying to their children for the purpose of getting them to behave was higher in China (98 percent) than in the US (84 percent). The researchers believe the reason parents in China lie more in this manner is due to the fact that demand for compliance is greater in China than in the US, and parents will do whatever is necessary to make their kids conform.

I taught my kids that Santa was only a character that represents the giving side of people and that Christmas was a day that celebrates that. Without telling her outright I taught her what an analogy is. To me, that's not a lie. That's an education.

What I highlighted though was what I believe to be the jist of the article. People want their kids to conform to society so, for some reason, they feel that lying to them is the best way to go. Sorry, I don't get it. It's as if the parents on some level believe that complying to society is wrong but that it has to be done anyway. I see that as a weakness. If you feel that compliance is necessary, tell your children that. Why beat around the bush? And if you feel that compliance is not necessary, tell them that also. And in either case, tell them why.

To me, lying is too much of a hassle. You're always thinking about how you're gonna cover your ass if you get caught and, to me, that's a major waste of time. If you don't like the truth, tough sh*t. And if people think they can use it against me then they obviously don't know how people like me can embellish the truth so as to not make it so obvious. God forbid I offend your sensibilities. People just don't seem to understand that if you make yourself transparent then you have nothing to hide. You don't want to be honest to a fault of course, that's where the embellishments come into play, but when you have nothing to hide then you aren't giving anyone ammunition to use against you at a later date. Your kids included. "Daddy, why do you lie to me about_____________?" Those are words I've never heard in my lifetime and I never will.

Originally posted by predator0187

Get a life? That's the point.

Stop following stupid old traditions because everyone else does. Be a free thinker, be original. Stop following traditions because Hollywood and the TV tells you to.

I choose to do different thing that the average person and yet I am weird.

Sorry, I'll watch TV and sports and turn off my mind.

Pred...

How did we go from Santa to TV?

Free thinker, that is a laugh here on ATS... Most here live in their little world and have seen nothing of the real world... When you do then you can give me advice...

Santa does't exist?

Damn...!!!

reply to post by predator0187


You say "just a way to teach kids to believe in god at a later age" When actually, if you're talking about the Tooth fairy has nothing to do with religion in my knowledge. And Santa, yes, has religious ties but has become an increasingly non-religious event. So to say if you "lie" to children about Santa it will make them believe in God later down the line is perhaps 1) not a bad thing and 2) probably not even true.

Also you say "I do not resent my mother for lying to me, I just think in order to instill values, you must follow them as well" Well, it seems you believed in Santa due to your mother "lying" to you about him etc? and i'm sure you turned out fine, with a sound mind. So why would anyone, let alone your children, become any different?

It's not about Santa or any other fantasy or myth. It's about the other things that come with bringing up a child. If you believe that "lying" to a young child about something completely harmless and fun for them will alter their life, i think that's is 100% silly.

reply to post by MrConspiracy


Children are wiser than adults because they have not lived in the lying world yet. As a child injustice is seen and is fought but adults are bigger and have to control children and make them fit into the society. The child sees much madness in adults but has to fit in with them.
This is why the human race is so scared and confused because it has been conditioned to be something that it is not.

Originally posted by predator0187
Jesus people.

Because I do not share a lie with my children of some strange man that spies on them and delivers presents on a certain day doesn't mean anything.

Pred...

It doesn't mean anything because we do either.

Yet some here seem to act as though it's a crime worthy of hell.

Other people have holidays too, and have many education activities with their kids. A little fun thrown in along the way won't hurt them.

I think it's a case of mutual respect for a parents way of bringing their kids up. I'm sure we all think we are doing the best job we can, and as long as we think that and continue to discuss these things, the kids will at least have people caring about them.

Could be a lot worse.

CX.

reply to post by Itisnowagain


No no no... please don't try and tell me that because children believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy "the human race is so scared and confused"

I won't even begin to agree with that. It is, like i've said before, a ridiculous conclusion based on a childhood story.

The reason this world is in a mess today goes far deeper than the stories and characters we knew and loved as children...

reply to post by LesMisanthrope

All those who claim they are unaffected by being deceived by their parents will surely be deceiving their children when it comes that time.

That is an interesting assertion, as I would never tell my children that Santa is real. I see it as a trivial tradition and find it more beneficial to simply tell my children from the beginning that it is a story, the same way I would tell them The Lord of the Rings is a story.

But I suppose there is nothing wrong with raising idealists to care more for the imaginary than the worldly, and liars to perpetuate these lies well into the future.

Actually I believe that fantasy is beneficial to children, as play conditions them for the struggles of the real world, a natural process that all animals go through, human play is simply a deeper experience than say the play of lion cubs.

reply to post by predator0187


So instead you send your child into the world thinking everyone is truthful, there are no politics, and they will get jobs and promotions simply based on hard work and merit.

I didn't read all of this. But, I have always said that the new testimate and that perspective of Jeesus and God is the Santa of adults. Like how kids try to behave as children for Santa.

I grew up with believing in santa, the easter bunny and all the myth's, and I tell them to my kids today. I can't tell them not to believe when I believe in unexplainable and unproven paranormal and other wierd/interesting events. I tell my daughter every night to dream of the stars and fly through them as a bird. Creating a imagination in a childs minds will just as i did lead to a very colorful life. I beleive in aliens and alot of people hear do, but from the folklore of santa how are they different other than the rumoured facts of good and evil? They can both fly and do unexplainable things only they have different label's. I will tell stories and folklore to my children but in real life situation's I will not lie to them, a contridition i'm sure most will say but not letting the imagination of a child mind's develope and mature has greater consenquences in my opionion.

Can you prove that he isn't real?

The whole christmas holiday is a perpetual system to keep people enslaved and under control mentally. Its supposedly the birthday of Jesus which is not true... its documented in the Roman Catholic Encyclopedia that Christ's actual birthday is unknown and this is because he never existed. Christmas came from Saturnalia in which they basically celebrated the winter solstice. Most parents are merely doing what their parents taught them not even knowing the true origins of the holiday. Some break the cycle. If you think about it...its really messed up to have your child sit on a strangers lap to tell them what gifts they want when you are actually going to spend your money to buy them. All ficticious characters put in a childs mind opens them up to believe in things later on in life without even knowing it because of the subconscious trauma. Its just a program...snap out of it.

Originally posted by Xtrozero

Originally posted by LewsTherinThelamon
This is why you don't teach kids that magical beings like Santa are real. They grow up unable to accept reality, as is evident by your attitude.

Once a person realizes that Earth is not overflowing with the fabricated magic their parents made up, reality becomes "big, bad and purely ugly.

Do you really believe what you wrote? Do you have kids?

I do not know what I believe in regards to reality. It is just there and I happen to be part of it. I have a 20 month old daughter.

I do believe, though, that we use stories like Santa to live vicariously through our children. Is reality so terrible that we have to make up an alternate reality to appease part of ourselves that we do not understand? I have seen the joy that parents get when their children light up from the stories. I can understand the incentive. For me, it points towards something deep within our psychology that pushes us towards fantasy. Even myself. at the age of 27, I cannot get enough fantasy. Everything from World of Warcraft to works like the Wheel of Time, even as adults, we are still chasing Santa Claus in one form or another.

It is something to ponder. Do I blame parents for lying to their children? No. Do I harbor resentment towards my parents for "lying" to me? No. If anything the sociological ramifications provoke my curiosity. How could it not?

I see Santa Clause as something that I, personally, can use to benefit my daughter; simply by congratulating her when she uses her critical thinking to discover the "truth" behind Kris Kringle. Reason and logic should be celebrated, if there is magic, logic is it.

Originally posted by Itisnowagain
reply to post by MrConspiracy

 

Children are wiser than adults because they have not lived in the lying world yet. As a child injustice is seen and is fought but adults are bigger and have to control children and make them fit into the society. The child sees much madness in adults but has to fit in with them.
This is why the human race is so scared and confused because it has been conditioned to be something that it is not.

That is one of the best posts I have read.

I wish I could give you more stars.

It is amazing how so many children can see right the bs we have built up around ourselves. They point it out quite reasonably, and more often than not they are chastised by adults for being "absurd." The paradox is maddeningly laughable.

reply to post by LewsTherinThelamon


Children shouldn't have to mature so quickly or be treat like little adults. They are children for a reason. Life is a learning process. It can't all be expected to come at once.

Treat kids as kids. And allow them to learn what life is all about when they are older. Im sure you know as well as i do, there's nothing to rush for.

Originally posted by MrConspiracy
reply to post by LewsTherinThelamon

 

Children shouldn't have to mature so quickly or be treat like little adults.

Exactly what my girlfriend said last night. They'll have 60, 70, 80....even 90 years being stressed out with the adult world.....don't deny them a few years of fun to start them off in the world.

Like you say, there is no rush.

CX.

reply to post by NahledgeEast


Very well stated. I very much agree. Repetition is the oldest form of mind control. Every year, the cycle repeats: Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Children spend the entire month in anticipation of Christmas and the presents that they will receive. They do not live each day, and enjoy each moment for what is worth. They are stuck in a cycle or anticipation and repetition. It is the worst thing for a growing, questioning, and observant mind.