The tooth fairy effect: Parents lie to instill good behavior in children

To add......a picture i keep of my daughter in my wallet.......she was 5 here, she's 15 now, but this reminds me never to lose the magic in your life no matter what age you are.



Thats one happy believer there....and funnily enough, she thinks i'm the best dad ever (as they all do).....and she still trusts me 100%.

CX.

reply to post by CX


To bad you couldnt use something REAL to make her happy.

I mean the joy you get from abusing the gulibility of your children is its own reward right?

It would be imposible to find something that would make her equaly as happy as your lies.... right?

So why is it you same people get all frothy at the mouth when the government lies.?

Originally posted by Wertdagf
reply to post by CX

 

To bad you couldnt use something REAL to make her happy.

I mean the joy you get from abusing the gulibility of your children is its own reward right?

It would be imposible to find something that would make her equaly as happy as your lies.... right?

So why is it you same people get all frothy at the mouth when the government lies.?

Wrong in fact.

I have spent my whole life making sure my kids come first in every way. Their happiness and health comes first before anything, even before my own. I have made sure that since the day they were born, we have had as much fun growing up as possible.

Their fairy adventures are just one of many fun things we've done as a family......and guess what.......most of the other activities were real!!!

All i'm saying is that most normal people don't get all "frothy" when you say you've told fairy tales to kids. The lies the governments tell at times have much more far reaching and damaging effects than me having fun with my kids.

CX.

ETA: Oh yeah, btw.....i've never told them that they weren't real either......so unless you have proof to share with us that they don't exist.....i don't believe i lied.

Originally posted by rival
When you play the Santa and Tooth Fairy game what you teach your children is that it is okay to lie.
They will learn to mistrust even the highest authority.

I would say these are critical thinking skills, but for me I learned not to trust my instincts. For
instance when I was young I had a problem with the logistics of Santa and all his deliveries
and I was told that he was magic....that pacified me for awhile...then I had a problem with
the different Santas at the shopping stores. I was told there were Santa's helpers...and that
pacified me for awhile. But in essence it quelled my critical thinking skills.

When my daughter first had doubts about Santa I listened to her questions (which were valid)
and then confessed and told her "good job" with figuring that out.....her mom was mad.

And "good job" to you too! You've taught her to speak about her suspicions. So many adults keep their suspicions to themselves, only wishing later they'd mentioned them to someone. The benefit truly outweighs the fact she "missed out" on a figment of the imagination.

People do know that you can have fun with fantasy tales AND teach the kids about the world too right? It's called balance.

Seriously, this thread makes it sound like any parent who has brought their kids up around the make believe, has committed the most horrendous act of psychological abuse.

I do respect a parents right to bring their kids up however they want, just don't compare telling fairytales to kids, to the stuff governments hide from us.

I wonder if given the choice as a kid, they would have wanted to grow up around the magical?

Do you give your kids that choice?

CX.

Originally posted by predator0187
I have two children ages 5 and 7, and they know the truth about most. They do not believe in Santa, the tooth fairy or anything else that we lie to our children about. We do not celebrate Christmas, although we do appreciate the time off of school/work so we can spend more family time together.

Any thoughts?

You don't sound much fun.

Your kids will go to the opposite extreme with their own kids and spoil them rotten at Xmas. They will later tell their own kids about how odd father was, while feeling sad and resentful that they were robbed of their own childhood innocence.

At least you are only messing up your own kid's heads.

If I ever have babies I will not be doing Santa and the Tooth Fairy in my house. I agree with the OP and feel that you can promote a sense of wonder and magic without lying to your kids. What is most baffling to me is the amount of people who will become downright nasty and defensive when you tell them you don't feel Santa would be a good idea in the raising of your own child. It's almost akin to denying someone's religion it feels like. We won't be doing that in my house either.

That's not to say we won't be doing Christmas. Humanity has been celebrating around the end of December for a long time before Christianity. Yule/Festival of Light etc. To me Christmas is about spending time with my family, giving gifts to those I love to show how much I appreciate them. Those things we will be doing.

I am 30+ years old and I still believe in Santa. Not the big guy in a red suit, but the spirit of Santa. Every year in November, I become a kid again (and secret Santa) I feed peoples parking meters in November (our town does not charge for parking in December), I pay for the meal of the person in line behind me in the drive through, I get gift certificates from restaurants and hand them out to the poor. I wish I had money to do this all year long, but I count the money to do this as part of the Christmas gift fund.

Yes, we do Santa and the will do the Tooth Fairy when my child losses teeth. I have a family member that is Santa and his wife Mrs. Clause all December. It is a magical time when we all should be able to believe in a little magic. What is wrong with that?

When I was little, and I asked questions about Santa (how can he…?) I was asked by my parents “how do you think he does?” Wow, just like that, I had to reason things out for myself, look at the situation and think about it and not rely on what I was told. How many people on ATS tell us to think for ourselves? Do I threaten my child with lumps of coal? Nope, because I have no intention of doing that (maybe to my husband sometime  )

If my child came and asked me if Santa was real, I would ask them what they thought, reason it out and I would support any answer they came back with. That to me is being a parent. Make your kids think and support them. Kids won’t hate you for that.

White lies, I would suggest, help boost a childs imagination which is certainly at risk with all these serious reports floating about, I certainly don't have any negative feelings to my parents about the tooth fairy or santa.

One thing I will say, the stories about the origins of St Nicholas certainly help bridge the gap between the fantasy and reality and the stories are easier to digest than the greedy ca$h cow that is christmas nowadays.
www.stnicholascenter.org...

Crazy....

I know as a child it was the magic of "what could be" that contributed to a special childhood.

Do i regret trying to force myself to sleep in anticipation of Santa? Or finding a £1 under my pillow after losing a tooth? Of course not! They are some of my fondest memories.

I don't consider my parents as liars because they tried to make my childhood as magical as possible. And when you grow up and find out you're old enough to understand why they did it.

I can't believe it's even an issue to be discussed really. To rob your child of such things i think is far more unfair.

reply to post by predator0187


You're right, people shouldn't lie, especially not to their children.
Once on babycenter I adressed this, and some angry birds came trying to convince me that I was a horrible person for not allowing children to be children and that santa really was a real person, as if that should cover themselves morally or whatever.

There are people out there who seriously don't care about the quality of their children's education, that sucks.

reply to post by Wertdagf


I find equating the fantasy of Santa to the lies spread by government to be pretty laughable, as the ladder has an actual impact on society and the other does not.

My mother and father did the whole Santa thing, it has not effected me in any negative way. I actually found out Santa was not real on my own at the age of 9 when I walked into my parents closet and saw the toys, I asked and they told me it was just a story and that it is a tradition, I did not cry or feel betrayed in any way,

reply to post by Openeye


All those who claim they are unaffected by being deceived by their parents will surely be deceiving their children when it comes that time.

But I suppose there is nothing wrong with raising idealists to care more for the imaginary than the worldly, and liars to perpetuate these lies well into the future.

reply to post by predator0187


In my experience it works alot better to like treat them as little adults. They're brains like sponges soak up everything anyway. Like little psychologists they pretty much study everything you do. It's when they've picked up all they need to, to function day to day on their own when they start to debilitate mentally.

reply to post by LesMisanthrope


Really? You're taking something rather important and comparing it to a normal childhood.

I will never consider myself to have been deceived by my parents. They cared for me and gave me a great childhood. Do you expect a, lets say, 4 year old, to understand "there is no santa" "life is difficult" etc etc. You can't expect them to comprehend such issues. The child is a child, remember that. Although they soak everything in until the age of around 6/7... it doesn't mean you should tell them all the worlds problems and what life is really going to be like... not at such a young age.

Being young is the best time in anyone's life and im EXTREMELY happy my parents let me live in a wold full of possibilities and dreams. Once you're old enough to realize what life is really like, you deal with it there and then. Do you throw a fish in the fish tank straight away? No, you let the bag sit in the water a while... You let the child grow up, learn, play and enjoy their time as a child. It doesn't last long and THEN you can start to worry about life.

How on earth you think throwing a small child in at the deep end is ok is beyond me. I haven't even raised a child and i know this, have you? If so, im sorry, but i feel you're depriving your child of a memorable, "magical" childhood that they will remember fondly.

This isn't a personal dig at you, and know this when i say this.

I think it's absolutely ridiculous that people even consider letting your child believe in Santa will somehow make them in to sheep that will not have their own brain or reasoning when they grow up. Ridiculous.

Jesus people.

Because I do not share a lie with my children of some strange man that spies on them and delivers presents on a certain day doesn't mean anything.

I still get them toys, I mean c'mon...boxing dale sales!

Me and my family go on vacation for the holiday season, this year we went to Maui.

That is a true gift. The children learn a lot by traveling and experiencing other cultures and rather than wasting money on some crappy toy, that's made in China that they get bored of, they get a vacation and get to experience and learn new things.

I'm a professional photographer, it's my job to find some beautiful places and actually take in the beauty, I am teaching my kids that. Not to idolize Justin Bieber and Barbies.

And yet, you tell me there is magic in lying to your kids...

Pred...

reply to post by predator0187


The point i'm trying to make is allowing your children to believe in Santa will not make them mindless sheep or alter their life in any way.

If it's your choice to do something else for the holidays, that's fine. They don't HAVE to believe in Santa. But when you purposely tell them Santa doesn't exist in fear of them becoming something they won't is silly.

A child believing in Santa/Tooth Fairy etc is completely normal and should not be taken out of context as a full blown lie to the future of society.

reply to post by MrConspiracy


No, nor did I say that.

I simply stated, as a parent trying to instill values in my children, I will not purposefully lie to them about some mythical man, which is just a way to teach kids to believe in god at a later age.

I never said people that do it are stupid, or kids that have believed are damned, hell I believed until I was 9 and I turned out fine. I do not resent my mother for lying to me, I just think in order to instill values, you must follow them as well.

Do as I say not as I do, doesn't work that well on children.

Pred...

Originally posted by LewsTherinThelamon
This is why you don't teach kids that magical beings like Santa are real. They grow up unable to accept reality, as is evident by your attitude.

Once a person realizes that Earth is not overflowing with the fabricated magic their parents made up, reality becomes "big, bad and purely ugly.

Do you really believe what you wrote? Do you have kids?

Wait let me ask my 13 year old.....


I asked him does he trust me and he said "I trust you in every way" I asked him would you trust me with your life and he said "yes no matter what"

I told him the reason I asked him this was because people are suggesting that because I 'Lied" to him about Santa and the tooth fairy that he would not be about to handle reality or trust me ever again...

He gave me a funny look and said..."dad that is too weird, those people need to get a life"

I think I'm safe....dodged that bullet...