The tooth fairy effect: Parents lie to instill good behavior in children

Originally posted by randomname
the problem is that when they get older, the thing their parents are full of crap.

you should never lie to your kid.

if you don't want them to know something, don't lie, just say i won't tell you.

that way at least they'll respect you and learn to stand up for themselves and know there is another option instead of lying.

Yep you are right..childern lose all respect in their parents because of Santa...Wow..

reply to post by LesMisanthrope


Superstition is very prevalent throughout society, which shows how weird society really is...

Even karma, I have arguments over karma all the time and most people believe it is real.

If karma was real all the rich elitists who hoard money would end up being hard up, but that doesn't happen does it? Karmas not real outside of it being a thought. It's on the same level as god for me.

The thing is, the world is a fascinating place, young or old, there is so much to discover and so much beauty to it.

Why not celebrate the winter solstice? It's better than Christmas, the days are finally getting longer and the sun becomes more prevalent. That's something to get excited about! Not this creppy fat guy who watches children all the time...

Pred...

WOW.. these replies are very surprising to me.

OP, I find that very admirable that your honest with your kids about this nonsense. I have to point out a thread I made last month about how people need to let the Santa myth go. I simply could not believe the overwhelming support ATS members gave towards lying to they're children! I still don't get it!

Here, check it out.. you'll see what I mean. I gave up debating it because I was made out to be the biggest scrooge/grinch in the world.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Originally posted by predator0187
Why not celebrate the winter solstice? It's better than Christmas, the days are finally getting longer and the sun becomes more prevalent. That's something to get excited about!

Not this creppy fat guy who watches children all the time...

Pred...

Why not do it all....

You guys act like people are putting a huge effort in some massive fabricated event. My kids had fun watching Santa on NORAD, they had fun running down the stairs to see what was in their stockings, they had fun with it all...oh and we also talked about the Winter Solstice and went to church..... yep they are screwed...

Originally posted by 1/2 Nephilim
WOW.. these replies are very surprising to me.

OP, I find that very admirable that your honest with your kids about this nonsense. I have to point out a thread I made last month about how people need to let the Santa myth go. I simply could not believe the overwhelming support ATS members gave towards lying to they're children! I still don't get it!

I see that people like the OP seem to want to thrust their kids, even at age 5, into the big bad world of pure ugly reality.

reply to post by predator0187


It's interesting you mention Plato and other philosophers. Socrates was extremely critical of Homer and the other poets for making up "fairy tales" told to children. How is it possible for a child to remain virtuous and principled if he is lied to by his elders?

reply to post by Xtrozero


Ugly reality? Do you realize that lying to them is absolutely senseless? The only ugly reality that comes from this is when they find out you lied to them. They NEVER forget that!

I'm not debating this again.. That thread I posted is chalk full of my opinion on this. Don't worry, the overwhelming majority agree with you. Doesn't change the fact that you people are DEAD WRONG.

I will leave ya with this, my last quote on the subject after debating it until I was blue in the face.

Originally posted by 1/2 Nephilim
The over-whelming selfishness I have heard in some of these replies from supposed skeptics...

does nothing but convince me that the outcome is bleak. Even the smart people are stupid..

GO LIE TO YOUR KIDS!!!

You all are right, its a GREAT character building lesson and EXCELLENT tradition allowing them to make that right of passage into..... NotaBabyAnymore-Hood.

Repeatedly people have said let them enjoy the magic! Let them enjoy they're innocence! That little transition they make when they learn the truth about these stories IS the end of they're innonence. Replies saying how the older kids know and don't tell the younger ones, they probably fight like little heathens 362 days out of the year and the ONLY reason the older ones dont say anything is because they're in on it.

They're in on the big secret. They are in on the BIG SECRET by the age of 10.. That is awesome, keep lying to them. It will make them critical thinkers and apparently we need more of those, just look at this thread.

reply to post by Xtrozero


If you tell your kids that it's a bad world with ugly reality, then that would be a lie.

Originally posted by 1/2 Nephilim

Ugly reality? Do you realize that lying to them is absolutely senseless? The only ugly reality that comes from this is when they find out you lied to them. They NEVER forget that!

Of course it is pure nonsense...pure fun... If your kids one day look at you and says "I can never forget that you lied to me about Santa" well your kids have other issues about you then....

BTW lying is not always wrong as you all seem to think it is...AND you all lie EVERYDAY, it is human nature...

Originally posted by ibiubu

If you tell your kids that it's a bad world with ugly reality, then that would be a lie.

Oh really....

My 5 year old daughter's life is filled with Fairies, Unicorns, Santa, Tooth Fairy, Leprechauns, Easter Bunny, She is joyous and without malice. To tell her at this age that the magic doesn't exist would break her heart and my own.

Not to mention those 5 or 6 weeks before Christmas where every poor behaviour is immediately changed by the simple words "Do you want me to call Santa?"

I happily lie to my child, and will continue to as long as she lets me.

reply to post by minettejo


And this is the problem with society...you/we lie as long as the person let's us...children or not. If you can't tell your own kids the truth about things, no matter their age...shame on you.

The OP has a point that a lot of you are missing....

As far as the Santa myth, I have to say that I was not angry with my parents at all when I found out. As a matter of fact, I was impressed and greatly appreciated the lengths they went to to stilulate my imagination and keep the myth going. My dad went so far as to get his brothers to help him so that on Christmas Eve, when me and my brothers looked out the window, we saw the tell tale red nose of Rudolf as he was taking off. We were thrilled. It did teach me in the long run to question everything and not take anything at face value. Here in the southwest we have other legends that have been around for generations. La Llorona has been keeping kids away from river banks and ditches as well as getting them home before dark since spanish colonial times. El Cucuy has convinced children that it is not a good idea to complain and whine all the time, he can hear that. How many other myths and stories are out there? I would bet that it is a huge number. These stories help define our different cultures, teach us lessons, and bind us together as a people. You are entitled to your own opinion, I personally think that these stories and mths are a vital part to our society and an important part of growing up.

reply to post by Xtrozero

I see that people like the OP seem to want to thrust their kids, even at age 5, into the big bad world of pure ugly reality.

This is why you don't teach kids that magical beings like Santa are real. They grow up unable to accept reality, as is evident by your attitude.

Once a person realizes that Earth is not overflowing with the fabricated magic their parents made up, reality becomes "big, bad and purely ugly."

reply to post by predator0187


It's lie to them or slap them silly. which one the childless hippies prefer I do now?

reply to post by ibiubu


Once you destory a child trust in his parents.... then you can insert an loving god that would never lie to you.

Tell your children that they will burn in hell for eternity unless they worship this imaginary friend that loves them.

CREATE THE PROBLEM AND THEN OFFER THE SOLUTION!!!!

It is a valuable exercise in using the imagination to focus on long term goals or outcomes.
It is part of the development of making effort for delayed gratification.

Not only does it help develop that ability, it helps the child to learn that sometimes, even with all our effort towards a specific goal or outcome, things might not work out.


Serioously, did anyone really get traumatized or stop trusting their parents because they were told there was a toothfairy or Santa???

After reading replies in these types of threads, I see a trend, many of you are weak, pathetic whiners. Laughable excuses of adults, don't blame your parents blame yourselves.

My opinion....as it's been asked for....

If a kid grows up to not trust his parents, it's not just because of the whole "Santa/Tooth fairy" lie.

It's a magical time for kids and adults at that time, and most kids that have found out eventualy find it funny, not damaging or "OMG i can't trust my parents to tell the truth ever again!"

Honest opinion, to think of a 5 and 7 year old missing out on this at such a magical age, i think it's sad.

They are not my kids though, so i'll just answer the question and respect your choice.

CX.

ETA: I wish i knew how to get a voice recording from my ancient mobile phone that it is in the loft.....on it i have a recording of the day my two daughters, aged 4 and 5 found a fairy door at the top of the stairs in our house (the fairies had moved in during the night).

That minute of recorded curious whispers followed by high pitched excited squeals.....and the many years of adventures surrounding it afterwards....would change anyone's mind about whether it was good or bad for a kid.

That is not the motivation for the tooth fairy lie. Losing a tooth equates to pain. The tooth fairy lie equates to the old saying "no pain,no gain" . Plus it helps parents cope with the knowledge that their child is in pain but it will be ok because they will be happy when they get their reward in the morning. Personally, i gave mine ten dollar bills.