The tooth fairy effect: Parents lie to instill good behavior in children

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Everyone knows lying is wrong. And most parents try to instill in their children that this behavior is unacceptable. But new research has shown a vast majority of parents will actually lie to their children in order to get them to behave.

Lead researcher Gail Heyman, of the University of California, San Diego (UCSD), has found certain variations in the way parents from the US and China use untruths and white lies when dealing with their kids. The research is published in the International Journal of Psychology.

Heyman and colleagues found the percentage of parents who reported lying to their children for the purpose of getting them to behave was higher in China (98 percent) than in the US (84 percent). The researchers believe the reason parents in China lie more in this manner is due to the fact that demand for compliance is greater in China than in the US, and parents will do whatever is necessary to make their kids conform.

Other types of lying, however, were similar between China and US parents. In both countries, parents seem to be comfortable lying to their kids to promote positive feelings and to support belief in the existence of fantasy characters, such as the Tooth Fairy.

Apparently I have a lot to say tonight seeing this is my third thread.

I wanted to share this article as I am not one of these people.

I have two children ages 5 and 7, and they know the truth about most. They do not believe in Santa, the tooth fairy or anything else that we lie to our children about. We do not celebrate Christmas, although we do appreciate the time off of school/work so we can spend more family time together.

I have tried to be as truthful as I can to my children; they understand consumerism and the fact that we are a throw away culture.

Now this does not mean, they don't get toys, they still get what they want, we just recycle and reuse. When they are finished with a toy, it goes to someone whose children need toys.

I do not think people understand how hypocritical they are when they tell their children not to lie, while lying to them.

What kind of influence is that?

Any thoughts?

Pred...

reply to post by predator0187




Instilling morals and principles should be the number 1 things every Parent does with their children.

Children are going to lie. Parents will lie. Teaching them the consequences of it, matters most.


S&F

(Second thread tonight from you, that was excellent )

When I was little I remember watching "Miracle on 34th Street", and I really liked the mother, but I did not like the man who was all shocked about her teaching her daughter that Santa doesn't exist. My mother was just like her

reply to post by predator0187

I was thinking back recently to some of the great big porky-pies my parents told me when I was small.
EG "where did I come from?" "we found you under a gooseberry bush". I spent years looking under gooseberry bushes in case there were any stray babies til I learned the truth.
Culturally I wonder if it is a means of teaching children not to blindly believe everything you are told, to question things, because not everyone in this world is honest?

Christianity is like this, except the adults still believe in the tooth fairy.

I don't think believing in such things is harmful as long as they stop believing at a young age, I believed in Santa but figured it out and interrogated my mum when I was about 6. Hasn't had any negative affect on me, in fact I'm kind of proud that I figured it out.

I was raised christian and celebrated xmas with all the lies and fibs.

I don't think I am any worse for it.

I think it's kinda sad to take the shine out of a childs imagination... they've got plenty of time to be jaded and miserable when they are adults...

nothing wrong with believing in santa..

Originally posted by predator0187

I have two children ages 5 and 7, and they know the truth about most. They do not believe in Santa, the tooth fairy or anything else that we lie to our children about. We do not celebrate Christmas, although we do appreciate the time off of school/work so we can spend more family time together.

Woop-de-do I lie my ass off about Santa and the tooth Fairy, so what.... I guess anything non-fiction is a lie too. lol...

Thank god your kids are all grown up and mature now with two firm feet on the ground about all these stories...

I have tried to be as truthful as I can to my children; they understand consumerism and the fact that we are a throw away culture.

There are many different cultures in America, and I think we know which one you identify with..

I'm certain me watching my son enjoy the myth that is Santa Claus is not going to have any long term negative effects on him....lighten up...

reply to post by predator0187


Some 80% of people never get over the lie that is god.

Just look at all the horrible things that lie has done.

When you play the Santa and Tooth Fairy game what you teach your children is that it is okay to lie.
They will learn to mistrust even the highest authority.

I would say these are critical thinking skills, but for me I learned not to trust my instincts. For
instance when I was young I had a problem with the logistics of Santa and all his deliveries
and I was told that he was magic....that pacified me for awhile...then I had a problem with
the different Santas at the shopping stores. I was told there were Santa's helpers...and that
pacified me for awhile. But in essence it quelled my critical thinking skills.

When my daughter first had doubts about Santa I listened to her questions (which were valid)
and then confessed and told her "good job" with figuring that out.....her mom was mad.

Originally posted by rival
When you play the Santa and Tooth Fairy game what you teach your children is that it is okay to lie.
They will learn to mistrust even the highest authority.

I would say these are critical thinking skills, but for me I learned not to trust my instincts. For
instance when I was young I had a problem with the logistics of Santa and all his deliveries
and I was told that he was magic....that pacified me for awhile...then I had a problem with
the different Santas at the shopping stores. I was told there were Santa's helpers...and that
pacified me for awhile. But in essence it quelled my critical thinking skills.

When my daughter first had doubts about Santa I listened to her questions (which were valid)
and then confessed and told her "good job" with figuring that out.....her mom was mad.

No, you don't.Most kids eventually figure it out and the jig is up. And then years later, they do the same thing with their children. If you really think telling your kids about Santa or the Easter bunny or tooth fairy is going to somehow dilute them, you probably have emotional problems (paranoia) that require counseling or medication...We are talking about Santa here...not teaching kids to lie about everything...

the problem is that when they get older, the thing their parents are full of crap.

you should never lie to your kid.

if you don't want them to know something, don't lie, just say i won't tell you.

that way at least they'll respect you and learn to stand up for themselves and know there is another option instead of lying.

Santa is god; he sees all, knows all, you get what you want if your good and you get nothing/coal if your bad. That's creepy. A man watching you all the time. Think about it...

It is just a way for children to believe in a god before they understand heaven/he'll and death.

I am not saying believing in Santa will necessarily harm your children, I just choose not to lie to mine.

I believe it makes people hypocrites if they lie to their children when they expect their children not to lie to them.

Fairly simple logic...

Pred...

reply to post by randomname


My parents played the Santa game on me...I never once as I was growing up thought "man, those liars"...or thought they "were full of crap"....I have nothing but respect for my parents, and I think they are two of the brightest people in the world. I was fortunate to be raised by them, because they raised me in a manner that allowed me to turn out to be a good person. Ridiculous claim is ridiculous.

reply to post by LennayTheUndead


I turned out to be a good person as well. That's not the point.

Point is, your parent blatantly lied to you, about multiple things, while I would imagine, trying to instill that lying was bad.

I wonder how many people actually give their children coal if they are bad....

Pred...

Originally posted by predator0187
reply to post by LennayTheUndead

 

I turned out to be a good person as well. That's not the point.

Point is, your parent blatantly lied to you, about multiple things, while I would imagine, trying to instill that lying was bad.

I wonder how many people actually give their children coal if they are bad....

Pred...

They taught me lying was bad and pretended to Santa....those aren't the same thing...I'm not sure why this is so difficult to comprehend, but I get the vibe that you over analyze every aspect of your life...

reply to post by LennayTheUndead


I wouldn't say I over analyze, I would say I think about it though.

People should analyze their lives, they should analyze cultural customs that are owned by big corporations and based upon a false idol on a false date.

Why does it hurt to learn the truth about something? It doesn't and it scares me that you call that over analyzing.

If we didn't analyze the world and our society we would still be cavemen.

Some of the most important people in history did nothing but think about things. Guys like Plato, Aristotle...you know them they are called philosophers...

Pred...

reply to post by predator0187


We are talking about learning the truth about the tooth fairy and Santa Claus...not the Holocaust or 9/11....

reply to post by predator0187


It seems that we do it to pretend the world is a more fascinating place than it really is.

The only problem is, for the child, the world is still a fascinating place, and ideas such as the tooth fairy are unnecessary. It teaches children to value the imaginary over the very real humans who put the coin under the pillow, or the gift under the tree.

The effects of this probably obviously last throughout life. Look at the superstition everywhere.

Cool thread.

-LesMis

Originally posted by rival
When you play the Santa and Tooth Fairy game what you teach your children is that it is okay to lie.
They will learn to mistrust even the highest authority.

Total BS.... I loved the Santa senerio, my 13 year old son loved it, my 8 year old son is on the edge, but I don't think he is ready to call it just yet....its fun and magical...big deal....