I wanted to be in control of my happiness. My wish may have been granted so i will share it.

I love this thread!
I just did some meditation nad want to join in again:

Udon... (sorry forgot full name) just put a very nice answer to the discussion irishmatador started: sometimes you cannot change the situation, but the perception of it.

It s the old: when life gives you lemons, make lemon juice.

Basically simple and true. But we often have problems to adapt it in real life.

What also caught my eye in irishmatadors post: you note that this life (referring to johnnies post) is real and not some kind of nintendo game.

What s the difference? Off course in life the graphics processor is way better, the 3d feels more real, the force feedback is more intense. But basically we try to do the same in real life: we have quests, sometimes we win a level, we advance, and sure enough there is some donkeykong throwing barrels at us.

In the end i ve not met somebody who could give me a definition of reality...

So i guess Manula s response to johnny is a good one. She can t solve his financial problems, but maybe he find some happiness in small places, for example when he plays with his kids.

Maybe in answer to johnnys post (and myself!) i d add: stop caring about the future bumps that may or may not come. Right now you can't change the future. So why worry?

Originally posted by JohnnyFever

.....
YES, that makes me happy, but then add the real world into the scene ... where both mom and dad work for a living, have to send the kids off to one place or the other during summer, trying to find ways to pay for that, when all we want to do is have one of us stay home with them.

If I consume myself in the "happiness" of it all it's easy to loose site of what's important to the family, was of financial survival. I can't be happy all the time, because that's not what life is about and if you live that way it's so far from what reality is that I wouldn't know what to think.

We can all sit around in a circle and sing kumbya and sure that would be nice to do every once in a while, kind of like a mental retreat. But reality is still out there waiting for you, and sometimes it really sucks...

That's what you really have to live with and deal with in in a normal frame of mind, not from high up on a hill top..

But, all that said. I wish life were more of what you see. It's not all roses, you got to deal with the thorns too, and that's not happy...

The worries of this life are warranted, but not reason to be unhappy in my opinion. They are reason to act no more no less. Being happy is not about singing kumbaya in a circle it is about accepting life as is. Agreed sometimes it is harder other times it is not. It does not take a high hill top to deal with life and be happy it takes a change of mind. That is all. A misconception is that happiness = a life minus all the lessons, I do not believe that it happiness. Happiness is simply recognizing that this is where you are right now and as a result these are the things that you need to do right now and then do them and be happy that you are doing them you are doing what you came to do, which is experience being.

The highs and the lows and the neutrals are all just momentary occurrences, depending on how much value we give them beyond their passing, determines the over all effect that experience has on your well being (your perceived happiness)

Dealing with thorns is a happy experience if you perceive it to be one...

This is my experience and I accept yours is of a different kind. Don't take my word for it...but maybe it is worth a try taking a different perspective and running with it for a while. Especially if the one we have taken does not work in our favour. (Our favour also being subject to our own perspective and goals)

much love and inspiraton
I truly do hope that you find what you search for what ever it may be

What happens when your "love for all things and people" is not reciprocal? When you try to be nice to people and feel good about them and they just keep pushing you down? There's a limit to "loving everything" and people say you can't expect to have anything back and that love is within yourself and you can never expect it from anybody else. Well, I quite disagree with that, to me love should be natural, therefore naturally reciprocal, and this is really not what happens nowadays due to the egocentric society we live in. Also, don't mix love with happiness, loving doesn't mean you're happy and being happy doesn't mean you love anything or anyone.

reply to post by kromaion


Love for all things and people: i guess the most radical quote on this subject i heard in a documentrary about buddhism. A tibetan monk was interviewed.

His life in very short version: he lived in tibet, the chinese came, destroyed his village, killed a lot of his people, he managed to flee with 300people, horrible scenes, most of them did not get out alive. He was captured, tortured, spent years in labour camps... Short the worst you can imagine.

Asked about how he mentally coped, he replied: you know, there have been hard moments when i had doubts. Doubts that i could not forgive these people.

For me, this quote was one of the most thought provocating quotes i ever heard.

For sure i am far away from his level, but i also made the experience, that when you can accept and even love anyone, it changes the game.

Especially people who want to bring you down, just because they like to see people suffer, they are the first to be disorientaded when receiving love. Since they don t get what exlected, and probably never experienced love before (which makes them the way they are).

reply to post by Manula


unconditional love?

love? an emotion? possibly fake? look for the truth in it and let me know how u get on.

is there any difference between unconditional love and unconditional hate?

anyway,

yea,

non-attachment
non- judgement
non-resistace

sail!

Originally posted by svetlana84
reply to post by kromaion

 

Love for all things and people: i guess the most radical quote on this subject i heard in a documentrary about buddhism. A tibetan monk was interviewed.

His life in very short version: he lived in tibet, the chinese came, destroyed his village, killed a lot of his people, he managed to flee with 300people, horrible scenes, most of them did not get out alive. He was captured, tortured, spent years in labour camps... Short the worst you can imagine.

Asked about how he mentally coped, he replied: you know, there have been hard moments when i had doubts. Doubts that i could not forgive these people.

For me, this quote was one of the most thought provocating quotes i ever heard.

For sure i am far away from his level, but i also made the experience, that when you can accept and even love anyone, it changes the game.

Especially people who want to bring you down, just because they like to see people suffer, they are the first to be disorientaded when receiving love. Since they don t get what exlected, and probably never experienced love before (which makes them the way they are).

Nice answer, thanks! But still, I think I'm quite a bit far away from this "level of awareness" yet, but I get your point and that's what matters right now. Take care.

Originally posted by Manula

I hear ya brotha, we are all works in progress!!

reply to post by wrdwzrd

 

Thanks for your words.

Any addiction has the danger of pain when the drug is over. For the addicted the end of the drug is hell.

Isn't it like this in all sources of good vibes that become an addiction, that become something we cant imagine living without?

What the addicted fears the most is the end of his drug, so the endings are hell...

Also, emotional control is very important because it enables you to feel what you want.

You can choose to let go and live a drama, but its a choice, you can detach from the drama when you want.

You can choose to sympathize with someone, to feel what other is feeling, to be truly compassionate because you are not afraid to feel anymore, you can control your feelings, that's when you start really feeling.

You choose your feelings, that's what being in control is all about, you can choose to feel good or bad, but you are in control of your emotions, of your energy, isn't this a great achievement too?

I think it really is and i have this wish, to be in control of my feelings, i am getting better as time passes but its not easy. Life is always testing me.

Originally posted by kromaion
What happens when your "love for all things and people" is not reciprocal? When you try to be nice to people and feel good about them and they just keep pushing you down? There's a limit to "loving everything" and people say you can't expect to have anything back and that love is within yourself and you can never expect it from anybody else. Well, I quite disagree with that, to me love should be natural, therefore naturally reciprocal, and this is really not what happens nowadays due to the egocentric society we live in. Also, don't mix love with happiness, loving doesn't mean you're happy and being happy doesn't mean you love anything or anyone.

What if people are not pushing you down rather they are trying to elevate themselves. Perception makes the difference as to how we receive and give.

Love is as diverse as there are beings experiencing it...the limit you set for what love is and is not determines your experience with it. That is a personal experience that no matter how many agreed upon words are exchanged with others and no matter how many others support the words you use to express your experience. In the end, it is your own and does not govern how another experience the same things.

Loving might mean you are happy, and vice versa... it depends on who 'you' are.

Noting that to you love should be.... it should be or it is? I know it is semantics but very important ones. One suggests that you would like it to be but it is not, the other that it is that way to your perception. I wonder which one you ment.

imo you are part of 'all people' and 'all people' are part of you. There is no separation i.e the love you give to 'all people' is also given to you.

just a point of view in the question

reply to post by lacrimaererum


Didn't quite get your point but hey my point is, love life no matter what happens, acknowledge that we can always find meaning and joy in life, live with passion and love but you must be able to let your sources of happiness go, otherwise you act like a junkie, obsessed and then in pain when the obsession object goes away.

Also don't let your emotions be controlled by circumstances you cant control otherwise you are emotional puppet, someone presses the button of rage and you go from joy to rage, learn to be aware and in control of them.

This are tools i like, like someone rightfully said, if they don't work for you, fine, walk your path, i walk mine, each path is unique.

reply to post by Manula


you are attached to love. resist attachment

you resist hate and you resist fear. accept everything.

you love everything unconditionally. do not judge

reply to post by lacrimaererum


I love it all but i choose not to hate, not to hurt, i choose not to inflict pain, although we love life with all that life is, we have to choose what energy we carry, what energy we give, what energy we create.

I choose love.

reply to post by Manula


I admire your perspective. It is a very healthy one.

reply to post by AfterInfinity


Thanks, but you know, mental concepts and rationalizing sometimes complicates what should be simple and clear...

But its not easy to reach a clear and simple vision and mindset, it took years to understand what to make of this maze, and i still look and search for answers, the quest is always there, the curiosity, wanting to know more. From darkness we came, to light we are heading.

Beautiful words of wisdom op.

Thank you for sharing, and trying to inspire others to true happiness.

hello... happiness is a very subjective "feeling"...so is truth... in my opinion the only way to be objective in this life is to first study oneself and find the reason why you "think" the way you do...life is a series of choices made thru perspective...to be objective is to let go of perspective which can be very difficult...

reply to post by Manula

do you choose to not hate evil? would you not hurt one that meant to hurt one that you love? would you not inflict pain on one that meant to inflict pain on one that you loved? i am speaking about the physical...you cannot, in my opinion, know love without hate...happiness without anger...by allowing myself to experience anger and hatred i can see so much more beauty in love and happiness...in my opinion...

Clearly the answer is alcohol, just make sure to use it in moderation! Too much happiness is the same as depression

money;
- Material Possessions;
- a good job and career
- Power;

haha! This list is great. Money can't buy you love! Having a fancy car! #, I'm happy now! Wealthy people are some of the most depressed people on earth.

Power? Henry Kissinger loves happiness, he used all his love and happiness all over the Indonesians!

What a nice well though out and well written thread and you had to ruin it with this #.

reply to post by canselmi


I like the general flavor of your message, if you are saying that a strong person can find serenity without material abundance. Nevertheless, we are all on the same ladder, but different rungs.

I wouldn't necessarily agree that the material dependency you speak of is the same as a drug addiction. Notwithstanding a lesson in semantics, I will simply say that drug addiction is an all consuming obsession that consumes body and mind, whereas the dependency we have vested in the sophistication of materialism and entertainment, is a rather distinct and much broader form of human compulsion.

There is also a social element of dependence that a person of physiology must have in order to survive psychologically (or spiritually depending on one's references).

I can relate to the concept of strength through emotional independence by a process of utilitarianism.

As for the social dimension of dependence, this is the nature of a human being. He needs interaction, friendship, love, intimacy.

For humans there is no happiness without them.

The original post reminds me of that Monty Python sketch :

"How to play the flute, just blow in one end and move your fingers up and down around the outside".

"How to be happy, just don't be unhappy".

Please don't ever write a book ;+]

...

QV.