I wanted to be in control of my happiness. My wish may have been granted so i will share it.

reply to post by AfterInfinity


I don't agree, sorry.

I am not prepared to let go the wanting, i like to want, i like to have goals, i like to conquer but i am ok with what happens, no problem. You said that when people don't get what they want they are disappointed. But it doesn't have to be that way.

The cure is not in eliminating wanting, the cure is in having fun and enjoying life whatever happens, its all good.

Its like a game, you like to play, and you want to do your best but winning or loosing is not what matters, what matters most is that you like the game, you like to play, the game challenges you to evolve, to be better in every ways possible and it makes you evolve, it makes you grow in consciousness.

I wanted to write this thread and it was good, i liked doing it, but if i didn't manage to do it, its alright, life is good, i love life no matter what happens but i still want to create, talk, do, get, give, feel, etc etc etc

i want to live it all and i am not afraid because i love life as it is in every moment even when i am suffering or in pain, because that is part of life too.

But to get to this way of life.... it was very hard...

reply to post by canselmi


Whatever happens, if you really love life and existence, if you never loose your true and unconditional love for life, you will never go down.

As for obsession and attachment to things we cant control, they become hell when they go away, so the solution is to let things come, enjoy them and then let them go peacefully, if they go, no problem life is always loved, you always love what is present.

We have to love it when it starts, when it is there for you and when it leaves.

We have to learn to let go, to accept endings, to accept changes, to accept that things come and go.

And enjoy the present moment.

Obrigado, Manula!

A very well put thought, thanks for sharing.

I am at another morale low right now, so it s the perfect thread for me right now.

I am not a religious person, but i see so many good things in the buddhist teachings.
for myself i got rid of a lot of material attachment which feels good. Life is less of a hassle, and its easier to focus with less klutter.

There are a few points i still struggle, and maybe some people here can give me advice:

The job- issue. Currently i am jobless and looking for new ways.
Most of the days i think it would be so nice to just follow some of my many dreams. But the reality check makes me nervous and the old brain comes in saying all these things: the dreams are nice, but you have to earn a living....get a job.... But i do not have the qualifications.....economy is looking grim.... There are no jobs around...and so on and so on.

So i am stuck on basic needs: food, water, shelter. (plus additionally some extras as paying healthcare, taxes...)
And some basics id need to follow my dreams (camera, laptop and a bike).

I know that buddhist monks who live in a 'monastery' live the simple live and are happy with it.

But how can we as westerners overcome the need for money/jobs?

reply to post by Manula

I am not prepared to let go the wanting, i like to want, i like to have goals, i like to conquer but i am ok with what happens, no problem. You said that when people don't get what they want they are disappointed. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Then you are not prepared to let go of unhappiness. Why? Because you believe it is worth it. And you are perfectly capable of deciding that for yourself.

The cure is not in eliminating wanting, the cure is in having fun and enjoying life whatever happens, its all good.

You expect us to enjoy pain?

i want to live it all and i am not afraid because i love life as it is in every moment even when i am suffering or in pain, because that is part of life too.

We are not designed to enjoy pain, unless there is a psychological balance which is off kilter, or you have learned to accept the yinyang of life. Many people suffer the former, not many enjoy the latter. I am one of those who does not necessarily enjoy the latter, but I certainly understand it. Oceans must continue to ebb and flow, or the balance of the ecosystems will be at stake. So it is with karmic return.

Not everyone will see it this way, however. And that is why I suggest lack of wanting...if you cannot handle the good and bad of heroin, then you must learn to resist it.

reply to post by svetlana84


I think in your place i would try to enjoy what life has to offer but... i would work on goals.

We are only responsible for what we control, you control your actions, so set goals, do your best and enjoy what is in the now.

But dont get stuck on results, the real test is to see how good you do with your challenges, so you should be happy for your effort.

If you are trying hard, what more can be asked from you?

Set goals, do your best and enjoy it all in the way.

And we have to live here on earth so the fight for survival is part of the game too.

But, like always, set goals, think it, feel it, and do the best you can, never forgetting to enjoy the ride.

But dont be dependent on the results or anything you cant control

reply to post by AfterInfinity


Pain may be imposed but suffering is optional.

reply to post by svetlana84

but i see so many good things in the buddhist teachings.

If there is one faith I have respect for in the religious world, it is Buddhism. It allows you many ways to reach spiritual fulfillment, it does not threaten you to eternal damnation for any reason, and it does not demand that you resist your natural desires and be "perfect". It simply asks that you try a few things, and work on a few other things. If you fail, don't worry, just try again. In the end, you will either succeed...or you will learn something. Either way, you won't walk away the same person.

As long as you put in the genuine, honest effort.

reply to post by Manula


Suffering is a result of pain. There can be no other suffering. Otherwise, it is pleasure.

Ok.. Yes, you are correct in some aspects. I do agree that wanting too much or thinking you need certain things can bring unhappiness when you don't get them and that we all should "look at the good" or "think positively" or "just enjoy happiness".

Well, the truth is there is a lot more to happiness than just feeling happy. I get it, but in reality there are too many things in this world that can play a part in your happiness.

I'm in my 40's, have 3 kids, in bankruptcy from the houseing market crash, have half of my paycheck taken from me for bankruptcy payments, taxes and other stuff. Not a week goes by that I'm not negative in my bank account trying to scrape together enough food to feed my kids and pay rent. There are many months I don't think we are going to make it and the slope gets ever so much more steep. Next thing you know, a major catastrophy takes place where we need to come up with a bunch of cash to pay for a broken down car, or a broken window, or something that takes food and shelter away from my family.

Yes, I know there are a lot of people on the streets, homeless, sick and worse off than I, but I'm living on the edge where decisions have to be made in order to prevent my little kids from living on the street.

It's hard to be happy with yourself when there are so many things tearing that down every day. Have you lived where you are worried so bad that you are sick to your stomach, vomiting because you are so afraid that if there is one more hickup in your life you just don't know how to keep the family supported? Yeah, I'd be more happy if I could live somewhere for free, live off the land and barter and trade for goods and services. But the truth is, even that land I want to live on costs money.

Money is the root of all my evil. Can money buy happiness??? Tell you what, I'd be extremely happy if I won the lottery tomorrow. Then I can check that one off the list of worries and focus more on my family and happiness...

Tell you that much...

reply to post by AfterInfinity


A woman is giving birth, she is in pain, but she is not suffering because she is having a baby, the pain is for a good cause.

She takes the pain very well.

So is suffering imposed? she cant avoid physical pain but she is not having psychological pain or suffering because all that physical pain is worthwhile, its for a good cause.

And another thing, pain is always temporary, there is no such thing as eternal pain, it always go away after a while.

And another thing, i don't believe pain is useless, there is something pain wants to teach, so if you can see the value of it, you wont suffer.

But, again, i really believe and i know that physical pain may be imposed, but suffering is an option.

reply to post by Manula

A woman is giving birth, she is in pain, but she is not suffering because she is having a baby, the pain is for a good cause.

Pain is sometimes the cost of joy, as you mentioned in one of your earlier posts. You said that the pain in life is worth it. You've just given an example now.

And another thing, pain is always temporary, there is no such thing as eternal pain

Borrowing from your previous example...have you ever lost a child? And yet you say that pain is not eternal?

And another thing, i don't believe pain is useless, there is something pain wants to teach, so if you can see the value of it, you wont suffer.

Education does not necessarily alleviate the suffering, it makes the suffering tolerable.

But, again, i really believe and i know that physical pain may be imposed, but suffering is an option.

It is only an option if you are under the influence or have exceptional training in mind control...as in controlling your own mind.

reply to post by Manula


Thanks a lot for your answer.

I did so many times set myself a goal and just follow it. And i had an interesting ride so far.
Travelled places on my own where normal tourists wouldnt dare to go to, met interesting people, had adrenaline kicks, real survival situations and enjoyed small things like a beautiful sunset, or stargazing in the desert.

I often had it that when i have a goal to follow and i tell other people they look at me and say i am insane.
Most of the times i just answered: who cares if am sane or not, i just want to do it.

Now, with your input and some self reflection i see my problem:
I started to let peoples negative opinion coming in, and i somehow lost the self esteem.

You are putting me back on track!
So i ll meditate on this, thanks so much for your input!

reply to post by JohnnyFever


Life is hard to everybody sometimes...

People search for answers, i found these answers and many others...

What can i tell you?

Do what you think is right, you have kids to feed, work and manage it all, but you can choose how you feel and you can always love life as it is, nothing is eternal, that will pass too, so give your best, nothing more will be asked from you, and while at it, try to have fun and be sensible to other peoples feelings, i mean, life is not easy, but why not love it even when you have to work a lot? Its a choice we make, to love it or hate it....Look at it all as a challenge, like a game you want to win, whats the challenge? Maybe it is to see if you can handle it, if you will persist or give up, if you will be selfish, giving it all up or not...

Work to reach your goals, try to enjoy the ride and do the best you can while being good to you and everyone around you, what more can be asked from you?

reply to post by AfterInfinity


If i got to this, maybe i suffered a lot in my past and learned to deal with it...

I agree with some of your statements.

But your daily emotional state is very much like the weather. Some days it's bright and sunny, some days cloudy, some rainy and some a blizzard.

Ideally you want sunny weather most if not all the time. But that's really impossible. We wouldn't have other emotions if it was. So obviously having those other emotions means they need to be exercised too. And there's nothing wrong with being sad or mad or whatever. Just as long as your not that way all the time or often enough that it's ruining your life.

I think this would be really stupid if everyone was walking around like a bunch of atomitons with big smiles on there faces. "hello neighbor, I'm mr happy, will you be my friend." It takes all types for the world to go round. It also takes all emotions.

I think it's dumb to think that you can be happy 24/7/365 .

reply to post by r2d246


Depends on the stars and planets.

reply to post by Manula


I do not mean to be harsh Manula but your idealyic answer to Johnny reads lovely but has no depth.

The REAL reality of what he wrote on your thread is more frightening and overcoming and cannot be solved just by changing your perception of a situation.

If only it was a game that we chose to win.......this is not nintendo this is real life.

I am afraid to say that on this occasion if you have not walked a mile in his shoes you will never understand the overwhelming and all consuming worry.

I agree alot with what you wrote and admire your viewpoint but please do not try and apply it to every life situation.

Regards

reply to post by r2d246


I agree with you but my thread is about being in control.

Sometimes i get mad, i am aware i am mad but i don't care, i want to stay wild for a while...

The problem is not feeling all kinds of emotions, the problem is being unable to control what you feel.

Emotional power, emotional control, emotional freedom, emotional inteligence, name it as you want, but i believe in being aware of your emotions and being in control.

That doesn't mean i want to feel always the same...

reply to post by Manula


Your thread is about being in control to find happiness, yet my answer about one controlling one's degree of desire is wrong?

I don't get it.

reply to post by Irish Matador


I apply it to all but i often forget about this wisdom, i am not always awake and aware...

But each day i pass, i gain more control of my life, what i do, what i feel, where my attention goes, but i do bad a lot, like any other person.

A lot of people believe in what i wrote but its hard to do it in every situation of life.