I wanted to be in control of my happiness. My wish may have been granted so i will share it.

We all want something to be happy.

Here is a list of things people depend on to love life:
- health;
- A love partner;
- friends;
- money;
- Material Possessions;
- a good job and career
- Power;
- to be beautiful;
- Good intellect;
- Good communicating and social skills;

The list is infinite.

So, we want these things and we work for them.
When we get what we want we feel good, we conquered it or it was given without effort, it doesn't matter, it feels good, life is good.

What happens when the sources of happiness go away?

We either don't care or we get stuck in depression.

Its when we don't get what we want that sometimes we fall into darkness.

Our woman (or man) left us. We are poor now. We have an incurable disease. We cant speak in public. We cant fit in social groups. We lost or we never had this and that.

The point is we lack something to be happy.

So, we are not dependent of ourselves to be happy, our happiness is in the hands of luck, fate, or other people.

Some people say that this wanting is the source of all the suffering, so if we eliminate the wanting, we are free.

I cant agree with this, wanting is the source of all life, but i don't want to elaborate too much on this.

So here is my solution.

We are on earth to learn and evolve from all life experiences but we also want to enjoy all the things that this planet and this society has to offer.

So we don't have to deny or refuse all the good things that we like.

Solution?

Enjoy all life has to offfer but... you must be able to feel good no matter what happens in your life.

You enjoy all the good things of life but you are not dependent of anything.

A drug addict is dependent on drugs to feel good isnt it? He is considered a sick person.

But in reality he is no different than almost everybody that put conditions to life. I can only be happy if... and people are dependent, they are addicted to a lot of things because when all those things go away (money, job, health, friends, lover etc etc) they react like a drug addict, they are left in pain, agonizing pain.

The Buddhists call this attachment.

The problem is not in wanting, the problem is in attachment.

So the solution is not to refuse what life has to offer, the solution is to not let yourself be emotionally dependent on things or events you cant control.

Just don't be an addict!

Be prepared to be happy no matter what life has to offer.

Love life no matter what happens and enjoy what is present.

You can want something, have a goal, work to conquer something but you must love life even if all goes wrong despite all your effort.

Life is always good no matter what happens.

Practice unconditional love for life.

Unconditional love

Neptune and Pisces in astrology

And another important lesson i learned is that we can control what we feel, so the problem is not what happens, the problem is in our emotions in reaction to what happens. And you know what? I learned that we can choose how we feel about everything. We can choose to feel good no matter what happens.

There are emotions that arise in a burst but we can quickly claim control of what we feel if we WANT to. But first we must be aware that we have that power, but this is another thread.

Take care and thanks for listening my preaching

This never happened before to me. No one is making comments, but they are flagging, i am glad for the flags but i also like to discuss, so feel free to comment, agree or disagree, it doesn't matter

reply to post by Manula


I call it want vs need and to not let a want become a need. There is much value on knowing the real self also and understanding what part of one's self is ego. However, I couldn't have said it better. You hit the nail on the head my friend.

Peace.

These are truly wise words. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. If only it was as easy as it sounds, all of mankind would have accomlished this by now. I have been doing alot of soul searching on this very subject. I hope you don't mind, but I am sending the link to this thread to another meember who i think will enjoy this read. Thank you again.

Wise words, indeed. Be grateful for the things you have....give thanks...and enjoy. When you are without - or lack of something you desire - acknowledge that you don't have it...give thanks..and move on. Like I've always told my children when issues (a/k/a drama, lol) arise - Embrace It....Make It your Own...and Let it Go. So far, it's worked pretty well, lol.

Thanks for the dialogue.

Whos

reply to post by zbrain75


Yup a need shows dependency, a wish is a choice. Its very different.

reply to post by borracho


Thanks for your compliment.

Its not easy, but its a matter of persistence and creating good habits, the habit of non dependency and unconditional love for life and the habit of emotional control.

With time and determination we can change, we can accomplish this, but we mustn't give up because the old habits are very powerful, but the new habits can conquer them with time, we must never give up.

reply to post by whos2know


Wise words you say to your children!
If a father or a mother can teach a children about non-attachment and unconditional love that is... a great gift to say the least.

Yes, this is basic Buddhist practice and while I am not Buddhist, I do follow this precept and it has changed my life for the better.

I have found it is about attachment and expectation. Do not get attached to ANYTHING, love it, cherish it, appreciate it, etc but do not be attached to it.

As for expectations, you can WANT everything, just don't expect to get it! I think this is one of the most fundamental flaws of the human mind. We expect everything, the nice home, the great partner, the great paying job, etc. These are all illusions, nothing GREAT truly exists. What one person deems great, another deems useless...

We need to be happy with what we have in the HERE and NOW. to quote Ram Dass "Be Here Now". I have found if you lead a mindful life filled with present awareness, you can avoid attachment and expectation. Never fully, as we are human and will always default to that, but it helps a lot.

Thanks for your thoughtful post!

Thanks for this Manula. It has really given me something to think about.

I have at least 8 of those things on your list - yet I am not happy.... Feels like something is missing....

This is a very old concept which seems almost to simple to most.

I have always told people the Key to Happiness.

They look at me like I am an arrogant ass.
"Who are YOU to know the 'key to happiness"?

I tell them,

"The Key to happiness is..............'Be Happy' "

Wise words Manula, I don't think that we have been helped along the way either! The whole concept of the American dream is a setup from the start, but I guess when we are on the hamster wheel we need those little illusions to keep us turning the wheel....let's get off the damn wheel...it's stupid....it was alway's a lie!

reply to post by wrdwzrd


Thanks for your words.

Any addiction has the danger of pain when the drug is over. For the addicted the end of the drug is hell.

Isn't it like this in all sources of good vibes that become an addiction, that become something we cant imagine living without?

What the addicted fears the most is the end of his drug, so the endings are hell...

Also, emotional control is very important because it enables you to feel what you want.

You can choose to let go and live a drama, but its a choice, you can detach from the drama when you want.

You can choose to sympathize with someone, to feel what other is feeling, to be truly compassionate because you are not afraid to feel anymore, you can control your feelings, that's when you start really feeling.

You choose your feelings, that's what being in control is all about, you can choose to feel good or bad, but you are in control of your emotions, of your energy, isn't this a great achievement too?

I think it really is and i have this wish, to be in control of my feelings, i am getting better as time passes but its not easy. Life is always testing me.

reply to post by Manula


Excellent post, Manula ! Probably the finest words I've seen on here in a long time, can't add anything, you've covered it !

Take note, all.....


.......And thanks again to " Manula "

reply to post by paradisepurple


There are times in life when everything is given, then it is taken, to see if we can handle it, i don't know what will be your experience but we all have a lot but we never have everything, it feels like something is always missing...
Life is like a game, it keeps going and going, when is the game over? When there is nothing more to conquer... As long as there is something to achieve, something is missing... I guess that feeling is always there until the end...

reply to post by Screwed


Its simple really but first there is a long and complicated path to walk to reach that wisdom.

reply to post by jaws1975


Yeah, and that's how it is, the game is like that, we are put in a maze and we have to make an effort to find the way, but in the end we feel it was very simple and logic, how come i didn't know this? It was obvious...

But society doesn't give you answers, society is a system to fool us and test us, if life is a game, society is part of the obstacles of the game, we have to find a way to win it.

reply to post by MrJohnSmith


I try my best to share my thoughts, thank you, but i am only a channel for ideas that live in the universal mind, anyone can ask and receive them, i just ask a lot

If you want to be in control of your happiness, the answer is simple:

Control what you want, and don't want. Control your desire.

The reason so many people are unhappy today is because the government has been working with corporations and media in order to convince you and everyone else that there are all these superfluous things you "must have"...and when you find that somehow you can't manage to obtain them, you are disappointed. Society states that you must succeed, must fit in, and having these things is synonymous with fitting in and having a good life.

Similarly, the government has arranged the states so that it's necessary to have these things in order to "survive", or make it in the world.

So if you want to be happy, break the spell. Ignore the programming. Unplug. Control your desire, and you will want less and less. And the less you want, the happier you are, because the less you will need to be happy.

That is Nirvana. You are welcome.

I think the problem most people have is confusing Happiness with Being Content.
Happiness is temporary. You can't expect to be happy your entire life. You will get sick, you will have to work late, you will lose someone you love, etc. So to seek out permanent happiness is setting yourself up for failure.

Instead, trying being content and satisfied because that can be a more permanent feeling than happiness.