Advice for Married Men and Women

This advice will seem dark or wrong but in my experience it is vital.

It's not that I advocate keeping secrets in relationships, But I always keep a little cash stashed away and add to it time to time. I have an adventure planned if things don't work out and the marriage hits the fan - I know too many people who have almost drown in their tears of pity for weeks after their wife/longterm other left them. They had no other plan and invested completely in the relationship. I love my wife more than I ever imagined I would, but if she were to walk in and say it's over I want a divorce, I have at least one big adventure already planned that I can look forward to.

It's one of those things, I would rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it.

Originally posted by IpsissimusMagus
Great advice everyone.

I'm wondering if anyone would like to give some more gender specific advice.

Like something women would like men to do more often or vice versa.

Maybe something that they think their partner should do less often.

Keep up the great posts.

ok..this song is great advice.. for any man...for certain types of women....so please listen very carefully to the words..

Its a mans advice on how to keep a woman happy if she is the "sensitive" kind, and he's right!

and..oh..did I mention I think hes smokin' hot.. yep..that too.

listen up guys...please..be patient the words start in at about 36 seconds.

reply to post by nenothtu


test runs wouldn't work....anything new and exciting (due to sheer newness) is going to be met with some frequency in the beginning by even the dullest of personages...you wouldn't find out whether or not they were lying until after the newness of it all wore off.....

best bet, find someone who is honest!

reply to post by OpinionatedB


Probably safest to assume they aren't on the up and up, then. That way, you'll never be disappointed, but there's always the off chance that you'll be pleasantly surprised!

Originally posted by OpinionatedB
reply to post by nenothtu

 

test runs wouldn't work....anything new and exciting (due to sheer newness) is going to be met with some frequency in the beginning by even the dullest of personages...you wouldn't find out whether or not they were lying until after the newness of it all wore off.....

best bet, find someone who is honest!

Thats why I say it takes a good while to really know someone, and even then, people can be so in love with love, that they ignore the little red flags, or even the big fat whopping red ones, because of the 'loving feeling"

I knew someone was lying to me for years, i just made excuses for him, because I thought he was "broken " to some degree.

Turns out I was the one "broken" for allowing a schmuck into my life..so now I'm getting busy on trying to fix that.

One thing I've learned is that it is better to be alone, than in an dishonest relationship...way better.

Actually I may be getting to like it too much.. I seem to be the only lover who knows exactly how to push my own buttons, and do it right every time..

reply to post by WhisperingWinds


This is why I think matching for the right relationship should be met a bit more clinically. Love is not what people think it is anyway, love is based in mutual respect, lust is what people fall in love with, only to find there is nothing to love later on...

therefore I go for the resume theory.... are they right for the job? if they are, love will come naturally

I'm not actually convinced that "love", of the romantic sort, even exists at all. I'm not convinced that there is any "there" there. I've never seen any objective evidence that it exists.

I've had the word pointed at me often enough, but not seen any supporting evidence to validate that assertion.

I'm tickled stupid if I can just manage to get along!

Originally posted by OpinionatedB
reply to post by WhisperingWinds

 

This is why I think matching for the right relationship should be met a bit more clinically. Love is not what people think it is anyway, love is based in mutual respect, lust is what people fall in love with, only to find there is nothing to love later on...

therefore I go for the resume theory.... are they right for the job? if they are, love will come naturally

Good points,and I agree, but I'm not sure its just "lust" that people fall in love with.. I think it can be just an ideal that they have of the other person and their so called relationship, but in the long run..is not the true picture.

I think we can fall in love with "romance" even if we're not actually experiencing sex, instead of "romance" becoming part of the real love you may share.

reply to post by nenothtu

I'm tickled stupid if I can just manage to get along!

Thanks for the smile..and its comments like that , that make me love ATS, and continue to hang here.

reply to post by WhisperingWinds


I definitely agree, and i was not equating the word 'lust' to just sex, more to the biological chemical reaction people get who are chemically attracted to one another...

God I just sounded like a nerd...lol

Originally posted by OpinionatedB
reply to post by WhisperingWinds

 

I definitely agree, and i was not equating the word 'lust' to just sex, more to the biological chemical reaction people get who are chemically attracted to one another...

God I just sounded like a nerd...lol

Not really, you sounded spot on.

Originally posted by IpsissimusMagus
Great advice everyone.

I'm wondering if anyone would like to give some more gender specific advice.

Like something women would like men to do more often or vice versa.

Ok - How about: Guys, put the d**n toilet seat down!!!

And just general ones that apply to both genders:

1) When you get married (or even before), your spouse comes before your parents - I suppose this fits in with keeping the in-laws out of your marriage.

2) Keep your exe's out of your current marriage! (if you can - a bit hard if there are kids from previous relationships involved).

When I first started going out with my guy, his ex-wife used to pitch up at least once a month to show off her new boyfriend. Or she would pitch up at his parents' place asking for favors. GRRRRRR Lets just say, we had a lot of arguments because he wouldn't get rid of the ex-wife.

I think couples need to understand that people grow/ change over time, priorities change etc. In a long-lasting relationship, I believe the idea is to grow together rather than apart?

1) Very well said, and I personally think a woman should guide a man to show him what she likes. They aren't fools, they can feel response, and I think they can be very "teachable".

2) The same can be said for a woman pleasing a man, but then again don't expect a great reception to," it would really turn me on if your best friend could join us as well". While that may work for some, most women I know don't respond well to that request.

edit on 9-7-2012 by WhisperingWinds because: (no reason given)

edit on 9-7-2012 by WhisperingWinds because: just too stupid to get the right quote button going.. *sighs*

edit on 9-7-2012 by WhisperingWinds because: I know I know..proof reading !!

1) So can I. The man needs to show the woman though that he wants to learn more about her. I don't know many women who are going to put themselves out on that limb before they know the man is going to be responsive to that. Really though, a learning man, or woman, is a caring one and that's a pretty easy vibe to pick up on. Education is a two way street and you have to play it by ear as to who takes the drivers seat first.

2) Yeah, I think the woman would be the one who takes the steering wheel there. That's more of a mans fantasy than a woman's. Sex talk in the heat of it all is one thing, but taking it to the next level when you "come down" is another, more times than not.

Anyway, before this turns into an x-rated Dr. Phil show, it's always good to run into another Hiatt fan. We're few and far between. I think him, Bruce Springsteen and Tim McGraw are some of the best singer/songwriters today when it come to relationships. They can write it all and pull it off. They've been there. If you've ever heard "Blue Telescope" and "The wreck of the Barbie Ferrari" you know what I mean. And Tim? Have you ever heard "Forever Seventeen"? That's not something a man just pulls out of hat.That's some really keen insight into a woman.

These two from Hiatt tun the gamut. From the start of a relationship to the end. From how it works to how it doesn't.

Originally posted by OpinionatedB
reply to post by WhisperingWinds

 

I definitely agree, and i was not equating the word 'lust' to just sex, more to the biological chemical reaction people get who are chemically attracted to one another...

God I just sounded like a nerd...lol

Oxytocin ...not oxycontin the pain medication, oxytocin the hormone associated with "love"
en.wikipedia.org...

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


What great words of wisdom.

A great relationship is about a bonding of much more than bodies, though once that bond has been established the icing on the cake is just so much sweeter.

I like your analogy of "taking the wheel", but who ever does steering, what is important is that you both enjoy the ride, and realize it will never be exactly the same way twice, much like a great recipe. A slow drive through the country, with lots of stops to look at the scenery can be equally as pleasurable , as an indie 500 race, and everything else in between.

Thank you for pointing out the great tunes men have written on the subject of relationships, and I enjoy the John Hiatt ones you posted as well, especially the first. This one has always been a fav of mine as well..

So listen up men, you need too play tunes like this periodically for your women, it really helps get them in the mood.



The op did want suggestions , correct?

and men can have great insight into romance.

For those who aren't married....

Originally posted by WhisperingWinds
what is important is that you both enjoy the ride, and realize it will never be exactly the same way twice, much like a great recipe. A slow drive through the country, with lots of stops to look at the scenery can be equally as pleasurable , as an indie 500 race, and everything else in between.

Now that was a very good way of extending my thought. I like that.

Good God woman, we're acting like a married couple.

Thank you for getting my mind off that other topic that was upsetting me and back onto one that's positive.

One more thing though. I don't think it's too formal to actually thank your partner for a good time in bed. You don't have to actually say the words, but you can show your appreciation in other ways. Whatever way makes both you and her comfortable, but women do like to know they're appreciated and needed.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple

Good God woman, we're acting like a married couple.

I had the weirdest feeling like you may actually know me from reading that post.

My ex husband always used to tell me I didn't have to thank him, after our "bonding sessions", and I always insisted I did.

hun, is that you?...just kidding, he isn't a John Hiatt fan

The video was superb, and so bang on with the driving reference I just laughed the whole way though it..

Too cool.. stay that way, it suits you

You just made my day, by the way. (dinosaur smile)

Originally posted by PurpleChiten

Originally posted by OpinionatedB
reply to post by WhisperingWinds

 

I definitely agree, and i was not equating the word 'lust' to just sex, more to the biological chemical reaction people get who are chemically attracted to one another...

God I just sounded like a nerd...lol

Oxytocin ...not oxycontin the pain medication, oxytocin the hormone associated with "love"

en.wikipedia.org...

And you are a bigger nerd than me