Advice for Married Men and Women

Remember the old bit of advice...

Women are always right , even when they are wrong....



Seriously, to the person above me that said don't have kids and get divorced asap, that's not very nice.. I have children and they have made my life..... I love them with all my heart and soul and even though my husband is no longer around (he died) I still wouldn't have changed having them for all the money int he world.

If you are willing to clean up vomit or worse in the name of love, then your relationship MIGHT survive.

Imagine taking care of someone who is sick and who will never get well, but whose condition will only get worse. Can you do that?

Originally posted by Numbers33four
If you are willing to clean up vomit or worse in the name of love, then your relationship MIGHT survive.

Imagine taking care of someone who is sick and who will never get well, but whose condition will only get worse. Can you do that?

Yes I can and yes I have and yes I would again

Originally posted by Numbers33four
If you are willing to clean up vomit or worse in the name of love, then your relationship MIGHT survive.

Imagine taking care of someone who is sick and who will never get well, but whose condition will only get worse. Can you do that?

Been there done that..... and would do it all over again.. why the totally negative attitude? I know before mark died he was taking care of me while I went thru chemo, and I took care of him after his accident (and we both took care of each other after various stab wounds and bullet holes)

So I still don't understand the totally bummer attitude..

reply to post by vkey08


Not everyone is of the happy go lucky positive outlooks.

Our lives have been dissapointing failures that make our hearts hard and our minds dark.

reply to post by corvuscorrax


Saw this just a few minutes ago.... how ironic!



Other people's actions don't determine who we are. We are determined by our reactions to them

What about different religious views in a committed relationship. Like my girlfriend being a Christian and me being an atheist. And she always bringing up if I'm ever gonna convert or anything. What would you do?

reply to post by IpsissimusMagus
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever stop dating.

Originally posted by corvuscorrax
reply to post by vkey08

 

Not everyone is of the happy go lucky positive outlooks.

Our lives have been dissapointing failures that make our hearts hard and our minds dark.

Lets see.. I've been shot, stabbed, lost my husband, lost my oldest child, was homeless for a time, I could go on to all the disappointment in my life, but still it's not a reason to give someone the advice to get a divorce ASAP..

Originally posted by duhPUNX
What about different religious views in a committed relationship. Like my girlfriend being a Christian and me being an atheist. And she always bringing up if I'm ever gonna convert or anything. What would you do?

Play this song over and over while she is sleeping

Originally posted by vkey08

Originally posted by corvuscorrax
reply to post by vkey08

 

Not everyone is of the happy go lucky positive outlooks.

Our lives have been dissapointing failures that make our hearts hard and our minds dark.

Lets see.. I've been shot, stabbed, lost my husband, lost my oldest child, was homeless for a time, I could go on to all the disappointment in my life, but still it's not a reason to give someone the advice to get a divorce ASAP..

I was going to say something light and humerous, but gosh dangit!

Apologies, ma'am.

Well, my marriage isn't perfect, but after 17 years, it is still damn good.
It's also not my first.

So, here is some advise for the ladies:
Don't use sex as a punishment/reward.
If you don't want him blaming your attitude on PMS, don't use PMS as an excuse.

Guys, try to tell your wife she is beautiful every day. Sometimes she really just need to know you are still attracted to her.

I'm always telling hubby he has the finest behind I have ever seen. He laughs me off, but I know he likes to hear it.
So it goes both ways.

And like others have said. Always be honest. Just be tactful about it.

reply to post by IpsissimusMagus

Interesting, and good rules to follow.
But I suppose there is only one way to see if they actually work, and that is try it out.

I can only add one thing to it all though.
And that one thing is - That its easier said then done.

ill add my advice for what its worth,
Don't start something you cant or don't want to finish, i always had a problem of saying something hurtful and then walking away, my wife doesn't let that slide she will follow me around and hold me accountable for it, this has taught me to think before i speak, not that im scared of her or don't want to deal with her, it has been a major issue of mine in many relationships.

TALK, if somethings on your mind talk about it, we go thru our moments were we feel like we are drifting apart, usually one of us will bring it up and we talk about whats going on, and work it out. usually results in lots of sex for the coming weeks

destroy the barriers, push your comfort zone to the threshold, experiment with new positions, things that will help instill trust within each other. if you don't feel you can't trust your partner with your guilty pleasures or fetish's chances are you won't trust them in many other aspects of life. even if you find their needs weird or not up your ally just go with it, there is no need for secrets if they feel they can trust you, and if they can trust you with their perversions what else is there to really hide

Give each other space. we are all individuals with different interest and different needs. My wife don't give me crap about going out with my friends driving rc trucks or working all night on audio systems, in return i make sure she has time to go out with her friends dancing or just to hang out and have some drinks. she's alot more sociable then i. Just remember it has to go both ways, no one wants to sit at home and deal with the kids and feel ignored by their significant other. as in all things in life balance is key.

just let them know at every chance that you love them and tell them how much they mean to you. and dont just say it show them! even if its standing in the kitchen holding them for 5 mins, women love to be in their mans arms, (at least mine does) to feel comforted and safe, at home. if she's had a rough day give her a foot rub or back rub. tell her what she means to you, and how amazing she is. Let them know they inspire you to be a better person, not for them but for yourself because of them.

and above all else...... foreplay get them on the verge of orgasm before any sorta of penetration, women love to be pampered or doused in attention.Put your needs second to hers, if you can make a girl beg for you to get in her then you got her for life. there is plenty of ways to show your love and dedication with out full on sexual intercourse. just be brave and adventures and as stated earlier break down your barriers. they know when you are giving them your all, and the connection from there is a strong bond.

took me 5 years of dating and a year of marriage before i fully let down my guard with my wife, had many bad relationships that damaged me and prevented me to be open with her, now thats out of the way we are stronger then ever.

Choosing witch one is worthy of all this is on you and tends to be a long painful road, but in the end you find that one, and it makes it all worth it. good luck peeps.

Originally posted by corvuscorrax
reply to post by vkey08

 

Not everyone is of the happy go lucky positive outlooks.

Our lives have been dissapointing failures that make our hearts hard and our minds dark.

understandable, but when you do find that one person who will bring softness back to your heat and will be the light that extinguishes the darkness, you will find a happy outlook. I was a very bitter person, ok still am, but my wife has brought out the good in me, helped me to see the good in me, and has giving me two beautiful daughters that i would positively kill for. if the person your with makes you miserable or doesn't bring you happiness then they aren't the one for you. You will find the one some day and you will see. yes life is filled with pain misery confusion and darkness, but thru it all there is someone out there that can make you smile when it hurts, catch your tears when you cry, help you to understand, and show you the light.

I am the supreme being of bitterness, hate, and overall #ty attitude, and disregard for my common man, and i found happiness, don't give up.

Well, after 10 years of marriage I could offer quite a few pieces of advice, but I'll just add one.

Find someone the COMPLETE opposite of you. Their weaknesses will play off your strenghts, your strenghts off their weakness. This goes for every aspect of the relationship.

Find out what your really good at, and find some who needs you for what you bring to the table.

Originally posted by PurpleChiten
reply to post by corvuscorrax

 

Saw this just a few minutes ago.... how ironic!

Other people's actions don't determine who we are. We are determined by our reactions to them

While I can relate to this motto,because I've been there, I certainly don't agree with the last line.

I'm not out to conquer anyone, and certainly not my significant other.

Love is about letting someone feel free to be themselves, and not about "conquering"

I think many a marriage has failed because of "control" issues, and "conquer" issues.

Communication, honesty with respect for the others feelings are key in keeping a relationship healthy and alive.

If something your spouse does hurts you, speak up, and let them know in a respectful way, why it hurts you.

Open communication, and caring about each other enough, to consider the other is vital.

To expand further on my previous post, i would like to say, that there are many types of personalities in this world.

Some are more passionate, vocal, and perhaps more sensitive. I know at times some couples can have rip roaring fights, but actually love each other deeply.

The key is talking about it afterwards, and realizing that ripping each other apart with words, only soothes the pain of being hurt , and does nothing to help.

Someone being angry is a clue that certain things need to be addressed calmy, and sometimes forgiveness for 'explosions" are the key that will take the communication and honesty to that step.

I'm not talking about ongoing verbal or physical abuse here, just human reactions to hurt.

I know of couples who have had some very tumultuous times, and because they were willing to talk about it, sincerely forgive, while learning from it, their relationships are still going strong.

reply to post by corvuscorrax


Well that's just a state of mind we place on ourselves. We have all been through crushing defeats and great highs, and to say those experiences has made it all dark, well if you choose to let life defeat you then that is a choice you make. I'd rather focus on the successes of my life than the failures.

Originally posted by galadofwarthethird
reply to post by IpsissimusMagus

 

Interesting, and good rules to follow.
But I suppose there is only one way to see if they actually work, and that is try it out.

I can only add one thing to it all though.
And that one thing is - That its easier said then done.

I think you are correct in that statement to a degree, but I do think it comes much easier for some than others, depending on character and who they partner with.

I've heard about couples, and been told by some, that they have never had a serious disagreement in all their years of marriage.

I would think that most relationships take work, as well as certain degree of self sacrifice from both partners at times.

...and then there are some relationships that should just never be..its like oil and water, and I think people need to realize its ok to not continue on with them.