I fear my wife may be a Reptilian

reply to post by Blargcakes


you mean there are other types....?..

me and the MRS are going to have a long chat tonight....I feel slighted

reply to post by Blargcakes


"But yesterday was the eye opener. My wife was outside in the yard playing with her pet Komodo dragon. A stray cat ran in our yard. My wife grabbed the cat, and in a split second her jaw expanded and she ate the entire cat. I ran to my car and drove to a far away hotel and decided to post this thread. What do I do?"

So you woke up this morning and decided to start this thread, that was after you took the time to post in two other threads before this one was created!
The comments in those threads were:

"Thats kind of scary. Perhaps it is related to a Reptilian warship landing in the South Pole and altering our winds.... "

and

"Are people really doubting this is a Reptilian time traveler? Is our society that blind to the truth? We have seen this before with the bridge pictures and Chaplin film. There are Reptilian time travelers that are trying to rewrite our history. It is up to you if you want to be ignorant and claim it's their "hands", or you can accept the truth and be prepared to fight the Reptilian scum"

Like reptilians really dont ya?

I am not having a pop and would be the first to say sorry if you could prove this to be true, but seriously.

reply to post by Blargcakes


See my signature.

My thanks to the OP, and the participants in this thread. I needed a good laugh, and you folks came through.

I was pallbearer at my cousins funeral today, and needed a little levity.

BTW OP. I think my first wife might have been related to yours somehow.

My heart goes out to you brother! I thought I had it bad for the several years I was married to an old bat, but to be married to a reptile? Wow!

Originally posted by Blargcakes

Originally posted by Blaine91555

Originally posted by Blargcakes
But yesterday was the eye opener. My wife was outside in the yard playing with her pet Komodo dragon. A stray cat ran in our yard. My wife grabbed the cat, and in a split second her jaw expanded and she ate the entire cat. I ran to my car and drove to a far away hotel and decided to post this thread. What do I do?

First, don't use any credit cards so she can't track you. If you already paid for your room with one, get out of there now!

Get rid of that car, now. Hide it in bushes out of sight and walk away.

Then toss your cell phone and get a cheap preloaded one to use. Throw them away every couple of days and get another.

Take all your money out of the bank in cash.

Stay away from your family and all your friends or you will put them in danger.

Move to a large city and get lost among the masses. Stay out of small towns where you will stand out.

Live in old Hotels like the drunks and addicts do, where you pay cash and they don't care what your real name is. Find ways to earn money without giving your real name, like day labor jobs. Find out where the illegals go to find work.

Accept the fact you can never go back if you care about your life and the lives of your family and loved ones.

edit on 5/1/2012 by Blaine91555 because: (no reason given)

Good advice. Sounds like you have experience running from "them" as well. Was it Reptilians after you as well?

Im curious to find out what number is he on the FBI Most Wanted List

this has got to be the one liner thread of the decade

If you really want to nip this thing in the bud you know what you have to do...

How emotionally attached can you be to a lizard? Put it out of it's misery.

Originally posted by TinkerHaus
If you really want to nip this thing in the bud you know what you have to do...

How emotionally attached can you be to a lizard? Put it out of it's misery.

The only problem with that is what happens at the end of many countless movies.... all of a sudden, she isnt a reptilian, she is actually human and hes in big trouble with the law

reply to post by blackmetalmist


well im sure the insanity plea would work in this case

maybe..

Does your missus have a brother who goes by the name Alph, by any chance?
Second line.

Thread should probably be closed since the OP is missing in action and is full of it.

reply to post by Blargcakes


You need to be tested for salmonila.....You've been sleeping with a slithering reptile for 12 years!! Cut her leg off and see if it grows back....

All jokes aside, sorry you feel this way.....Have you ever asked her?

Originally posted by Blargcakes
Hello ATS. After many years of worrying, yesterday I believe I saw proof that my wife is a Reptilian shape shifter.

But yesterday was the eye opener. My wife was outside in the yard playing with her pet Komodo dragon. A stray cat ran in our yard. My wife grabbed the cat, and in a split second her jaw expanded and she ate the entire cat. I ran to my car and drove to a far away hotel and decided to post this thread. What do I do?

That old chestnut

This is ATS ... trust me we've heard worse

Woody

we used to catch horned toads when I was small (it wasnt illegal then) and if you flip them over and rub their bellies they go to sleep. this is a perfect test!

reply to post by Blargcakes


If you're at a hotel, Im sure you could ask one of the guests /tourists to borrow their camera for a few minutes.

What I got from the story is that your wife has a really long tongue and you saw her eat a "cat", how am I to know that is not a code word for something else?

Your wife does those things and you run to a hotel?

Ever since the snake-scene in the Garden of Eden all women have this reptilian side about them. Your job is to keep forgiving them.

Originally posted by Blargcakes

Originally posted by Hawkmoon1972
Pet Komodo?? Don't think so. Unless you live in their habitat you do not own one. They are a protected species and most countries do not allow them to be owned privately.

Seriously though, see a therapist. I don't mean that in a derogatory way. It appears that you are struggling with a few delusions.

Ah, well I am not sure where she got it. She said it followed her home one day and lived in our yard since. The same thing happened with an alligator 2 months ago

So you also have or had a pet alligator? Alligators wander the streets where you live?

Originally posted by blackmetalmist

Originally posted by TinkerHaus
If you really want to nip this thing in the bud you know what you have to do...

How emotionally attached can you be to a lizard? Put it out of it's misery.

The only problem with that is what happens at the end of many countless movies.... all of a sudden, she isnt a reptilian, she is actually human and hes in big trouble with the law

She's not my lizardwife, I don't care.