I fear my wife may be a Reptilian

reply to post by Furbs


I almost broke my jaw laughing at this post. Epic

but Imagine though.....how that would feel?

this poor woman is seeing this guy going insane little by little after weeks of sitting in a darkly lit basement, lurking on reptile sites, hissing at his computer screen while curling his arms in a T-Rex position until he passes out.

and one day, after passing out, he wakes up and realizes he was spazzing out because he was fending of reptilian brain waves in an elaborate ritual involving a sword, and an alligator skull. He is slightly dazed because all the blood that was in his head suddenly rushes back into the rest of his body. He was upside down so their thoughts would have to go through his feet first. So he is kind of out of it but realizes he was upside down, so naturally he knows that reptilians wiped his memory of how he got like that.

He sees the "memories" of him doing it himself, or the fact that he tried a bunch of times after falling over as fake thoughts.

Though it is hard to do these things without intent, you know, hold an alligator skull and a sword, while balancing yourself against a giant "rock" you dragged in from the yard (reptilian meteorite munitions). You remain convinced.

Naturally, these false thoughts are implanted, so you need to once again "battle" the reptilian mind intruders. You start the ritual once again by yelling at a snake you have in a bathtub. This time though, your wife drops a can of cat food accidentally in the kitchen above you. You in turn run to an old trunk and pull out an amulet you made out of a picture of Elvis in a happy meal toy, and grab your "gear" (fishing net, base ball glove, Michael Myers Halloween mask, and a star trek blue ray laser phaser you learner to make on ATS).

You run upstairs and creep slowly into the kitchen. Your wife is outside now, and the neighbors cat is there by chance. Since there is a big green bottle of dish washer soap on the window sill, there is a greenish reflection on the window.

This guy got a good look at the two for a second before he tripped on the finishing net and hit his head on the table. He got up laser pointer shots blazing and webbed hand strikes flying, and ran outside.

He sacred the crap out of the neighbors cat and it jumped up and into a bush. Since his wife was a few feet from him, sitting petting the cat, it looked like she ate it.

Her mouth was wide open because she was screaming. He was chanting a mega death song in Gregorian chant. The whole thing was kind of a surprise. He naturally thought she ate it.....since all of a sudden it was gone. He was still slightly concussed after almost splitting his head on the table.

His wife is worried, even the kimono looks distressed. This guy, still running, turns and nervously says he is going to get batteries and crazy glue. He can't walk since alligators might follow him. He franticly opens the car door, slams it and hisses after revving the engine. He then speeds off like he is being chased by a tornado.

With a puzzled look on your face and a wooing cat in a bush behind you, you think to yourself.....WTF

Figured it out, He must be talking about Jay lo.



Snake must of ate the cat, while Jay lo wasn't looking and it looked like Jay lo eating the cat.

Knew she was a reptile, just couldn't place my finger on it.

omg.yahoo.com...

reply to post by Manhater


Is it really necessary to contribute to this garbage?

This isn't Facebook. This is ATS. Read the T&C's.

Just checked my voicemail. She left me a message consisting of nothing but undecipherable hissing noises and has left me 437 text messages all in Egyptian hieroglyphics

Originally posted by Blargcakes
Just checked my voicemail. She left me a message consisting of nothing but undecipherable hissing noises and has left me 437 text messages all in Egyptian hieroglyphics

I read Egyptian Hieroglyphs please post and I will decipher

thats what my ex wife was

Originally posted by Blargcakes
Just checked my voicemail. She left me a message consisting of nothing but undecipherable hissing noises and has left me 437 text messages all in Egyptian hieroglyphics

please stfu

Originally posted by Starchild23
reply to post by Manhater

 

Is it really necessary to contribute to this garbage?

This isn't Facebook. This is ATS. Read the T&C's.

I see you have posted several times in this thread, specifically after I corrected you on your knowledge of Reptilians. Perhaps you are upset that I revealed your lack of expertise in Reptilian lifestyle, or exposed you as a troll. Anyways, please do not disrupt this thread anymore. I am eagerly seeking help and counseling. It is difficult to do so when I see your offtopic posts disrupting the thread. Thank you

Originally posted by Blargcakes
Just checked my voicemail. She left me a message consisting of nothing but undecipherable hissing noises and has left me 437 text messages all in Egyptian hieroglyphics

Okay then how about uploading a recorded message to youtube? You still get to keep anonymity.

reply to post by Blargcakes


"Knowledge" of reptilians?

Haha...no one KNOWS what reptilians are, or even if they exist. Your thread is doomed to die anyway, as soon as the mods get hold of it.

I'm just waiting for the garbageman to come.

Offtopic posts? This is barely a step above an Rp thread. It's a sandbox for the trolls in ATS.

Originally posted by artistpoet

Originally posted by Blargcakes
Just checked my voicemail. She left me a message consisting of nothing but undecipherable hissing noises and has left me 437 text messages all in Egyptian hieroglyphics

I read Egyptian Hieroglyphs please post and I will decipher

edit on 1-5-2012 by artistpoet because: (no reason given)

using google i found out the last 2 texts read

"stop hiding"
"the snake sees all"

or at least something close to that

Originally posted by Blargcakes
Just checked my voicemail. She left me a message consisting of nothing but undecipherable hissing noises and has left me 437 text messages all in Egyptian hieroglyphics

how does she make egyption hieroglyphs with a phone?

Originally posted by Blargcakes

Originally posted by artistpoet

Originally posted by Blargcakes
Just checked my voicemail. She left me a message consisting of nothing but undecipherable hissing noises and has left me 437 text messages all in Egyptian hieroglyphics

I read Egyptian Hieroglyphs please post and I will decipher

edit on 1-5-2012 by artistpoet because: (no reason given)

using google i found out the last 2 texts read

"stop hiding"
"the snake sees all"

or at least something close to that

Notice how he still doesn't post the images. Fake much?

reply to post by Blargcakes


I can't stop laughing now. I have to say thanks. Least I'll go to work with a smile and be in a good mood.

Originally posted by Starchild23
reply to post by Blargcakes

 

"Knowledge" of reptilians?

Haha...no one KNOWS what reptilians are, or even if they exist. Your thread is doomed to die anyway, as soon as the mods get hold of it.

I'm just waiting for the garbageman to come.

Offtopic posts? This is barely a step above an Rp thread. It's a sandbox for the trolls in ATS.

edit on CTuesdaypm555552f52America/Chicago01 by Starchild23 because: (no reason given)

But you just posted this earlier

Reptilians...pure-blooded reptilians...are incapable of carrying human relationships convincingly, to the point of simply being inhuman on all levels. Their hatred of the human race is too great for such a sensitive task as being a wife. Additionally, they don't "shape shift". They have holographic projectors. That's it.

So how come YOUR reptilians exist but his dont?

Are we to assume then that all of your other threads on the subject and replies are blatant hoaxes and lies?

Originally posted by Manhater

Originally posted by Blargcakes
Just checked my voicemail. She left me a message consisting of nothing but undecipherable hissing noises and has left me 437 text messages all in Egyptian hieroglyphics

Okay then how about uploading a recorded message to youtube? You still get to keep anonymity.

Sorry, I am at a busy hotel so my time on here is restricted. This will be my last post for a few hours. I do not have the technical equipment needed to upload videos or audio right now. Tommorrow I plan on driving by my house. If my wife and dragon are gone, I will stop by and try to grab our camera and find some proof. Any advice on something I can do sooner? I don't have much money on me and I don't want to use my credit card (regretting using it to check in). Please keep the advice coming

reply to post by Blargcakes


Simple. Go buy a camera and press record.

reply to post by ManBehindTheMask


According to my research. You're right, I should have made that clear.

reply to post by Blargcakes


Why, so you can laugh at us some more?

gtfo troll.

OP You seem unusually calm for someone who is claiming to be married to a snake. I'd be !@#$ing my pants and getting the !@#$ outta dodge immediately. But no you're sitting on ATS. Hmmm...