Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

Originally posted by remyrange
I think, that if you can get your kid be behave adn act respectful, then no spanking is neccissary. But if not, then a wooden spoon can go a a long way. I have two boys. They usually are well behaved. But every once in a while, the wooden spoon must be used. You can only tell a 4 year old that what they did was bad so many times before they become deaf to what your saying. I only spank my children when necissary.

Why on earth would you use a wooden spoon?? You may as well smack them in the face with a metal spatula!

Use your hand. It makes it more personal, so you can feel exactly what you're doing. It should keep you from going overboard.

The truth is, sometimes you just have those kids that don't care about time-out ands stuff. And sometimes they're just too young to reason with. I'd advocate spanking as a last resort rather than a first, but I do believe that sometimes it's necessary, particular when you're talking about young kids that are simply too young to reason with.

Spanking is undoubtedly a bit barbaric, but, then again, so are kids.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


Dear Alostsoul,

I personally think it is borderline invasion of privacy to control how parents discipline their children. It is also outright lunacy in the context of the UK. With the more common chav society that the majority of the UK seems to be overrun with, thieving, drug use, benefit cheats etc.. without some kind of discipline and morality the country is slipping down a very steep slope.

It is obvious that to a certain extent discipline, or lack of has had an impact. All you need do is walk around the more nefarious parts of the UK, mind your own business and wait for 10 year old kids to start hurling abuse at you, because "they feel like it". When I was a kid you would be beaten to within an inch of your life by your parents by such lack of respect, morals and values. It didn't make my generation (born in early 70s) a bunch of sociopaths or psychopaths did it?

Fast forward a few years and add gangster mentality, get rich quick TV shows, lower than low IQs and parents who have kid upon kid for the "benefits" and simply cannot and will not educate or discipline them, well.. welcome to the UK.

I don't think it is a chicken and egg situation, or that simple.. but I do think the moral decline of the UK has some part to play in the lack of discipline that parents inflict on their children.

Edit - I also think that our society has become a caricature of what it should be. Ambulance chasers created the entire health and safety mentality, suing for the most absurd things. We are becoming a joke, and I'm happy to say I will be happy to leave this "god forsaken" planet when my time comes. We've got it so damn wrong.

T

reply to post by AnIntellectualRedneck


As to the idea that some kids are too young to reason with... try reasoning with a dog. If I can get dogs to be well-behaved without hitting them, people should find it even easier to do with kids.

Just a general thought:

One thing I read about dog training years ago that stuck with me... "You have to be smarter than the dog"... This just means that you have to take some time and figure the best way to respond to any situation. If "time outs" are ineffective with a child OR a dog, that just means you have to do something that IS effective, not just smack them with a spoon. Find the child's value in behaving well. And use THAT instead of a weapon.

an adult who, with all his physiscal force, hits a child who is less than half the adults' size, is a lurid coward. if punching your children is all you've got in your education, you are a sad loser. every time i see an adult hitting a child, i feel a furious anger rising. that's maybe because my mother used to do such things to me, when a was so little i could not defend myself. it is unfair, it is stuff of neolithic. i think you are a downright idiot hitting your child, they are not yours, they are a gift given to you.

There's a FINE line between spanking and beating. My father used to take off his belt and whip my ass but ONLY when I DESERVED it, not out of anger, range or substance abuse. I was a spicy little bastard and being spanked was the way that I responded best, simple as that.

Not all children need to be beat, some respond perfectly well to verbal counseling and punishment. Some on the other hand, me included, didn't take the verbal parts seriously so I had to be shown the hand of hurt.


I'm glad my father spanked me, because he taught me something that SOCIETY DOES NOT TEACH our youth today, and that's CONSEQUENCE. Kid's are set up for FAILURE in this country because they never learn consequence. The law has taken the option out of parents' hands, and schools and teachers can't do anything either.

It's unfortunate that kids today don't learn consequence until their are 18 year old adults, and that's when they learn consequence. How many of America's prisons operate below capacity?

So the next time an adult mouths off to me, I'll discipline them by spanking them, knock them down a few pegs. Hey there is a huge difference between spankings and physical abuse.

And there is a huge difference between a little person and a big person, size.

Most parents strike their children out of anger and frustration, so the next time you get angered and frustrated with an adult do the same thing and see where you wind up.

Kids can't and won't hit back because they are small, love you and look for your guidance. Most adults try to justify their abusive behaviors, because they can not control their emotions long enough for them to subside, thus resulting in striking their kids.

Think about this, when the child of an adult that hits them grows up and they start hitting you back, what do you call this? Dysfunctional.

reply to post by Imightknow


I could not agree more Imightknow. Sadly it is also the nanny-states and goodietwoshoes in our society (and this thread) who are creating the society we live in.

I hope your "naughty" step techniques are going to work softies, proof is sadly that it does not .. at least not in the UK anyway.

T

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic


Except that a dog is a dog and not a human being. Kids are a little bit more complicated than a dog. As long as you show yourself "the pack leader", a dog will naturally follow suit and behave. Kids on the other hand? Sometimes not.

I know this from being a child that absolutely nothing but spanking would control. Time outs didn't work because I'd just sit there and stare off into space, taking stuff away only made me find something else to do, too much taking stuff away only made me want revenge and violent (like the time they tried taking away tv, toys, and my books and dinner routinely wound up on the floor, their office papers all over the place, and my dad's guitar pushed down the stairs).

I say this as a child that spanking was the only thing that worked for. Evil little psychos like I was...fear of pain is the only thing that works.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


Here is the simple truth.

Hit a child to get your way...you teach the child to hit to get theirs. Inflict pain on a child...you teach the child to inflict pain on other people.

Children learn through example. Chlidren that are abused often grow up to abuse their own children unless the chain is broken through deep introspection or therapy, or ideally a bit of both.

You want to teach a child to get control over their emotions? Not throw a tantrum? Step one...get control over your own emotions...work to find calm in that moment...that is the best way to teach a child...by example..they do as you do, not as you say.

Teaching a child to find calm and control their emotions by example is one of the greatest tools you can give them in life. Folks that have strong "executive function" (as nuerologists call it) end up in leadership positions.

Poor analogy.

So your saying that because children aren't spanked our prisons are full? What a load of crap.

Here is my take. Many times it's because the family is dysfunctional, broken, or no family at all.

Children need love.

I worked in law enforcement for some years, and when responding to domestic calls, young children thought that beatings on a daily basis were the norm, but something amazing used to happen. The young ones when showed just a glimmer of kindness, used to bound instantly to the officers. Heck I even had them draw me pictures I still have today.

Originally posted by Imightknow

It's unfortunate that kids today don't learn consequence until their are 18 year old adults, and that's when they learn consequence. How many of America's prisons operate below capacity?

I got spanked (not beaten) as a kid myself, but usually only as a last resort. My own boy (just turned 9) got spanked twice in his life so far, both times when he was between 3 and 4 and both times because he was completely out of control.

I remember the one time; he was 3 and I picked him up from his day care mom's. He didn't want to leave and made a huge scene, refusing to put his shoes on, etc. I ended up having to carry him under my arm to the car, kicking and screaming. When we got home, he was still in that mode and I spanked him. It was amazing -- it was like a spell had been broken... all of a sudden he calmed down and then was totally normal and relaxed afterwards. I firmly believe that nothing but that spanking could have achieved that.

Never had to spank him again after that. *holding thumbs*

I'm all for including physical discipline as just one tool for keeping kids in line.

There is a pretty distinguishable difference between abuse and spanking...at least to anyone with common sense.

As a kid, it was more of the embarrassment, not the pain, and knowing I disappointed them bad enough to come to that. There was a hierarchy of punishment, that was last on the list (after taking away privileges). It was reserved for the worst offenses (and in conjunction with loss of privileges).

These days though, they basically have removed this (or anything else) from the parent's toolbox, and instead give kids all the power...which is then why we end up with kids pregnant at 12, and knocking over liquor stores at 14.

I'm all for trying the psycho-babble tricks first, and taking away the kid's XBox, cable, iPhone, etc. these days...but some things still warrant an old-fashioned spanking to be sure.

reply to post by Realtruth


My ex had a teenage son (who I came to think of as mine as well). One night I awoke to hear them arguing downstairs...loudly.

While going down the stairs to see what was up, I saw him raise his hand to his mother as if to strike her.

I bellowed "Enough!" at the top of my lungs.

This kid is bigger than me (He's what some call a corn-fed kid), but I got in his face and calmly told him that if I ever see him raise his hand to his mother again, I would turn him into a grease spot on the driveway. He knows that I could do it as well, despite his size.

He just gulped and apoligized at which point we all sat down and discussed what the conflict was about. Within the hour, we were all asleep in our beds.

Like others have said here before me. Don't make idle threats. Always be true to your word. Teach kids that for every action, there is a reaction, either good or bad.

A little spanking from time to time teaches a child that Mom or Dad is not to be trifled with. Their word is the law of the house.

When my daughter was in her early teens and being very disrespectful of her mother and I. I laid a few good smacks on her and she called the police. Police arrived....assessed the situation and said keep up the good parenting. She is now in her twenties and has actually thanked me for keeping her on the straight and narrow.

there are various states in europe, where parents don't beat children and everything is perfectly ok. it's not that you beat your children, or they'll end up in prison. that's medioeval.
crap education, watching tv, the inability to provide physical challenge, crap food, a society wich doesn't make sense. and you sort all that by spanking children.

The problem these days is kids aren't being smacked enough. I think certain adults deserve more than a few smacks as well.

As far as I'm concerned, you wouldn't know unless you've been around disobedient entitled children who disrespect their parents and treat others like trash.

Originally posted by Gazrok

These days though, they basically have removed this (or anything else) from the parent's toolbox, and instead give kids all the power...which is then why we end up with kids pregnant at 12, and knocking over liquor stores at 14.

I'm all for trying the psycho-babble tricks first, and taking away the kid's XBox, cable, iPhone, etc. these days...but some things still warrant an old-fashioned spanking to be sure.

Do you know why many kids end up pregnant and knocking over a liquor store these days?

It's not because parents have been neutered of parenting rights, it's because the parents are not around to guide them, period.

Kids that have parents that are there on a day to day basis will most likely not end up in that situation.

Unfortunately, our society has both the male and female working, which leaves the children to raise themselves, so even though some kids have it good financially it's almost like have no parents at all.

No one's advice on here is worth a damn unless they have raised some good kids.

We are working on two excellent children, and "smacking" is the only thing that reinforces NO when they are too young to understand.

A few well-placed smacks used with a strong NO, when they are very young, will save you a world of trouble. It will be well-set in their subconscious that they should obey, even if they aren't sure why.

We had simple rules. No discipline when the parent is angry. They always get an explanation, at their own level. No more than 3 swats, EVER. It is rare they ever got more than 1. We always used our voice first, and swatted only if they persisted in being disobedient or for rare terrible crimes - like lying. By school age it just wasn't necessary anymore - there are far better ways to discipline by then. Even by age 3 we had found some pretty great other ways to teach them appropriate behavior and spanking was quite rare. Every kid is different. We have one that only responded to spanking up to a certain age, and one that has probably had less than one swat per year.

The secret? They should have ten positive interactions with you for every time you have to discipline them. If you set that as a goal, you might never need to spank. Kids who know deeply they are loved tend to not want to disappoint you.

Now we have two middle-grade kids who are amazing and everywhere we go parents are asking, "why are YOUR kids so good?!" Not only are they good, but they are responsible and kind and empathetic. What more could a parent ask for?

And it starts when they are super young, as soon as they are crawling. When a parent is trying to figure out what to do about a six-year-old who has tantrums, I think it's kind of too late. Good luck to them.

I can't tell you anything about raising kids past the age of ten.

Don't smack your children if they have a black belt and are big enough to smack you back.