Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

So you handle it with words. Good for you.

But that child was allowed to get to that point because one, or both parents, previously let him get away with it. Poor parenting skills.

I agree sometimes idle threats like this will work and make someone think, but remember that crossing the line can be a legal can of worms.

Now let me give you my take, on what would happen from a law enforcement POV. Unfortunately, let's say he hit his mother, then you made good on your threats. Someone calls the police and they get to the domestic call.

You would be in jail for a felony, he would be arrested and most likely get probation, so all the physical vibrato and threats are one thing, but if you or anyone crosses the line, most likely you'll be in deep legal crap.

Originally posted by TDawgRex

My ex had a teenage son (who I came to think of as mine as well). One night I awoke to hear them arguing downstairs...loudly.

While going down the stairs to see what was up, I saw him raise his hand to his mother as if to strike her.

I bellowed "Enough!" at the top of my lungs.

This kid is bigger than me (He's what some call a corn-fed kid), but I got in his face and calmly told him that if I ever see him raise his hand to his mother again, I would turn him into a grease spot on the driveway. He knows that I could do it as well, despite his size.

He just gulped and apoligized at which point we all sat down and discussed what the conflict was about. Within the hour, we were all asleep in our beds.

Originally posted by Gazrok

These days though, they basically have removed this (or anything else) from the parent's toolbox, and instead give kids all the power...which is then why we end up with kids pregnant at 12, and knocking over liquor stores at 14.

I would argue once you find the only option is to spank your child, you have already lost the power and both the parent and the child know it by instinct.

Consequences are great. It is how children learn, but those consequnces must relate to the behavior and spanking is a complete disconnect.

It is the last resort of a parent who is unable to teach, communicate or control themselves.

The best consequnces are natural, we shield our kids too much from the consequences of thier actions.
If the actions don't threaten them physically, let the child learn from them naturally and then be there to talk to them about it.

Spank a child and all you do is teach the child to hit when someone doesn't behave the way you want them to. Spank a child while you are angry and you teach them that self-control is not important.

Spanking works much better than smacking. That's typically a woman's move and I dont think it really does much. Please you bleeding hearts out there listen. There is NOTHING wrong with spanking. Kids today act like total monsters because they are not being punished like they should. I was spanked and turned out just fine. That being said I dont endorse over doing it. You psycho parents know who you are.

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
reply to post by ALOSTSOUL

 

My mom spanked and used a spoon when I crossed her. It wasn't often but I had a mouth and pushed boundaries at times. I see nothing wrong with spanking, as long as it's not over done to abuse.

Kids today aren't disciplined, they are spoiled and catered to. They need to be knocked down a few pegs if you ask me. They need to learn respect.

Actually negative reinforcement is a terrible way to teach a child. Take some psychology courses and learn a little.

When I was a little one and I used to fail classes in school my dad would spank me with a belt. Guess what? My grades did NOT improve. It made me loathe my dad coming home from work.

reply to post by Realtruth


His Mother had five kids before I met her and from what I gathered over time, she never disciplined her children through spankings, always ineffective threats. Two of the kids came out ok, but the other three have all had trouble with the law and financial problems.

Everytime this happens, she bails them out and the process repeats itself.

If her son had hit her, chances are he would have ended up in the hospital and I in jail. I've been taught to never hit a woman unless she's coming at you with a weapon.

But the kid knew better as we had wrestled for fun and I tied him up every time. Good for him, I thought at the time. He's learning.

I smacked my daughter on the ass once, then her bottom lip come out, I have never and would never lay a finger on her again, she is far to precious, and to be honest she is an angel, never does anything wrong..
But I was spanked and you know what I’m glad I got spanked because I deserved it, but made me a better person. My dad still try’s now and I’m 27 hehe.
Once I had a plate smashed over my head by my mother, which I didn’t deserve, Just being gobby.
But no way totally against smacking children! You just don’t know the effect will be, they might think it right to hit and turn into bullies!..
Jay

I was slapped probably twice as a child. I never did what i did again. I deserved what i did because i was seriously pushing my parents boundries.

After those initial smacks, which was a slap across the legs, not hard mind, but to a kid it meant business.
My parents would use the threat of that, a stern voice, or the "look" as i liked to call it, that made me think twice about doing something wrong.

I don't look back on those incidences and think what my parents did was wrong.

If i had my own Children, i would probably do the same as my parents did. Sometimes it's not necessary at all to spank a child and sometimes it is. But if you do it right, all it takes is the once. Then, the possible threat of another spank, a stern voice and a clear explanation of what they did wrong, "The look" and some consistency and boundries is all you need.

I think the trouble is these days is that a lot of parents have no idea how to discipline their children anymore or just simply don't want to. I've seen it countless times on these Super Nanny programmes and countless times with my own eyes in Supermarkets, out and about, and also with people i know.

A child is running around being a child, then *smack* across the head..."Don't do that", then "oh i'm so sorry i didn't mean to do that, you go run around".

A child in a supermarket is asking his Mum for sweets...."NO" ....*smack* ...."You Can't" ....Next thing you know the same mother is buying the kid all the sweets he wanted at the checkout.

Then you get some parents at play areas or other places, their kids are bullying other children, yet the parents do nothing.

Once i saw a young child walk up to a lady and kick her really hard in the shin....The mother of the kid had a go at the lady for being near her child????

Another time i was standing at a bus stop on a really busy road. I was smoking, but saw a toddler and a mother waiting, so i stood quite away from the bus stop to be considerate. The 2 or 3 year old was running around getting so close to the curb i was actually tensing up worried that he was going run into the road. The Mother wasn't even watching the child and blabbing away on her mobile phone. The kid then runs up to me (as i said i was quite far from them as i was smoking). The Mother immediately spots this, walks up to me and says "Don't smoke near my child" and yanked him away with such force i actually thought she would pull his arm off.

Too many mixed messages and no consistency, whacking kids for no reason and not spanking them or giving any kind of discipline when they are actually doing something wrong. The kids are probably thinking WTF!! If i do this, i'll get smacked but i'll get what i want anyway. Or if i do this, my parents won't do anything so i can continue doing as i please.

I think the issue is less about smacking and more about raising children away from media that promotes violence and apathy.

I do not have any developmental or behavioral problems with my daughter, and she didn't see a television until she was 4 years old. Just sayin'.

Originally posted by Beach Bum
Kids today act like total monsters because they are not being punished like they should. I was spanked and turned out just fine. That being said I dont endorse over doing it. You psycho parents know who you are.

Beach Bum,

Unfortunately the psycho parents don't know who they are, they think it's OK, because that's what they learned.

Let me tell you a little story about a 3 year old that I found with a broken pelvic bone, because she was hit so hard by her parents. When we arrived at the scene she was in her room in a fetal position sucking her thumb, the parents where going at it like a Jerry Springer show, so we separated them immediately. As the little girl got up when I approached her, I noticed she was walking with a limp and trying to hide the pain. I knew something was very wrong.

I asked her what happened and she didn't say anything at first, but when a female officer arrived the little girl told her that she had been a very bad little girl, and mommy and daddy spanked her.

Sometimes adults don't know their own strength. I would say try to solve things with words first and as a last resort maybe a pat on the butt, but be very careful of your anger and strength.

And some people respond only to violence, because they understand nothing else, so if this is the case then proceed wisely.

Originally posted by Beach Bum

Please you bleeding hearts out there listen. There is NOTHING wrong with spanking.

My problem with spanking isn't because I have a "bleeding heart"...it just does not work. It fails to teach them properly. It might stun a child, instill fear, but at an instictual level they view it as weakness in a parent. A loss of control. An inability to navigate the situation with calm confidence and authority,

It is a diservice to kids. I don't think the average spanking is a physical threat to the child, but it sends the wrong message and doesn't re-enforce a parents authority, but undermines it. It shouts weakness.

Kids today act like total monsters because they are not being punished like they should. I was spanked and turned out just fine. That being said I dont endorse over doing it. You psycho parents know who you are.

You think the prisons are lined with folks whose parents never laid a hand on them?

Kids are most often total monsters because parents teach them they are the center of the world. They are helicopter parents and they shield them from natural consequences. If it isn't going to kill your child, let them make the mistakes and feel the consequences. Better it happens under your guidance than to shelter them and send them out into the world to get thier butt kicked. And that 8th place soccer trophy doesn't belong on the mantel! Seriously...life itself will spank your kids, you don't have to. Just stop obsessing over them and teaching them that the world revolves around them. Best they learn under your guidance and love than be sent out into the world thinking they are a prepared adult when they are not.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


Taking physical punishment away from parents and teachers started the decline.

Today's youth know that they can't be touched, and they act like it in class every day. It gives them power over the teachers, which is a very dangerous thing for a teen to have. They don't know everything yet, they only think they do.

Even in the wild parents use force to teach their children.

I believe children should be spanked or disciplined, and this is why I chose not to have children.

Spanking does work,not on every kid..but most, close thread now please mod.

Originally posted by DeerPark
Spanking does work,not on every kid..but most, close thread now please mod.

Why does the thread need to be closed?

Be thankfull you were not from this family,,,

strap,,is nothing,,comparativly speaking,,

www.ottawacitizen.com...

Originally posted by Dystopiaphiliac

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
reply to post by ALOSTSOUL

 

My mom spanked and used a spoon when I crossed her. It wasn't often but I had a mouth and pushed boundaries at times. I see nothing wrong with spanking, as long as it's not over done to abuse.

Kids today aren't disciplined, they are spoiled and catered to. They need to be knocked down a few pegs if you ask me. They need to learn respect.

Actually negative reinforcement is a terrible way to teach a child. Take some psychology courses and learn a little.

When I was a little one and I used to fail classes in school my dad would spank me with a belt. Guess what? My grades did NOT improve. It made me loathe my dad coming home from work.

Well, I have to say that baring in mind the article you have included with the opening to this thread, it seems to me that the issue is NOT wether someone agrees with the idea of physical punishment for children. The real question would seem to be, do we think that it is acceptable that bearing in mind the dire circumstances that the people were put in by the banks, and the government, for a government figure to blame factors like a lack of physical punishment for the riots.

Please do not make the mistake of thinking that I am not aware of the causes of that riot. The civil unrest in the
capital, and spread around the nation on the days involved, was not a politicaly motivated effort on behalf of some freedom fighters, or anti government protest groups. It was a loosely organised mob of scumbags, taking the oppertunity to cause mayhem and destruction. However, the large majority of persons involved with this action, were born and raised in an age where smacking and physical punishment were NOT illegal, and therefore the question is rather moot, in the context in which it is being asked.

There are of course exceptions to that general case, but the fact remains that most of the trouble makers were older than eighteen, and below the age of thirty five. This, coupled with the fact that no total ban has yet been enforced in this nation, and that child discipline is largely considered by government and by the people to be a matter for the family, means that the majority of the people who were actually active during the riots are all familiar with a smacked bottom, a slapped leg, or a clip round the ear. The first partial ban, which was a pretty weak wristed bit of law at best, and a total waste of court time at worst, was implemented in 1987, but had no actual affect for most people for a very long time after that. Certainly during my formative years (1985, when I was born, to 2000 when I was fifteen) I was not unfamiliar with (although was never abused) the application of a smacked bum when I was being an utter disgrace.

I personally have no opinion on how other people choose to teach thier kids. Its thier business unless they are being deliberately or insanely savage in the delivery of any punishment dealt, causing permanent damage to thier childs psyche and body. Where there is a risk of that, the parent in that case ought to be arrested and assigned to a mental institution for violent control freaks, which such people almost always are. Obviously, picking up a beating for doing less than well on ones maths paper than one ought too have done is not an acceptable reason for a beating, but basic discipline has largely been overlooked with regard to the smacking issue.

I do not believe for one moment that the recent unrests have anything to do with a lack of physical punishment by parents. If anything I would not be suprised that violence was standard fare in the homes of some of the idiots involved in these incidents. I do believe however, that if the law was not so prohibitive when it comes to neighborhoods associating together to form protectorates in the event of unrest, the disturbances would have been utterly quashed within a matter of hours, by determined residents of the areas affected.

It is no longer legal for a man to defend his town with the same vigour he would show in defending his own property. It has been this way for many years, but it rarely comes to light in such a stark manner as this.

reply to post by Gazrok

As a kid, it was more of the embarrassment, not the pain, and knowing I disappointed them bad enough to come to that. There was a hierarchy of punishment, that was last on the list (after taking away privileges). It was reserved for the worst offenses (and in conjunction with loss of privileges).

I used to HATE getting up for school. One day in 4th or 5th grade, my Mom said she was taking me to school in 10 minutes one way or another, and I better be ready. Of course, I ignored her, and then she dragged me, kicking and screaming, in my underwear, to the car, and drove me to school and ordered me out of the car!

I was still in my underwear, and plenty old enough to be embarrassed about it. I argued, cried, refused, and eventually I was forced out of the car, but luckily once her point was made, she let me climb back in, and she took me home. I stayed home sick from school that day and she made me do housework and chores all day, and I was MORE THAN WILLING to get up and be ready for school the next day!

These days, that type of thing could be considered all kinds of abuse. It's a shame really, because it was highly effective.

Originally posted by DeerPark
Spanking does work,not on every kid..but most, close thread now please mod.

Who are you again??

reply to post by getreadyalready

I was still in my underwear, and plenty old enough to be embarrassed about it. I argued, cried, refused, and eventually I was forced out of the car, but luckily once her point was made, she let me climb back in, and she took me home. I stayed home sick from school that day and she made me do housework and chores all day, and I was MORE THAN WILLING to get up and be ready for school the next day!

These days, that type of thing could be considered all kinds of abuse. It's a shame really, because it was highly effective.

My dad put me in the stairway in my underwear.. People would go by and I acted like everything is cool! I got the message though

Originally posted by lupodigubbio
I believe children should be spanked or disciplined, and this is why I chose not to have children.

When my Dad found out my wife was pregnant, he congratulated me, but reluctantly, and then he asked, "Son, are you sure you want to raise kids in this world? It was hard enough when we raised you, but these days its almost impossible."

I thought about it, I was a little hurt, and I was concerned about what he said, and then I decided that the worse the world gets, and the uglier the future looks, all the more important it is for people like me to raise our kids right. Sure the world is going to hell in a handbasket, and sure kids are much worse than they used to be, and sure the government is much worse than it used to be, but that is all the more reason to make sure my kids are prepared for surviving, and fixing the future for their kids. We aren't quitters, and we're not going to give up, we're going to fight for better times. What would have happened if Sarah decided not to birth John Connor?