Positivity Thread for Sad & Lonely Souls (help me make it if you enjoy spreading happiness)

reply to post by ottobot


You said the most important thing:

It is not an easy thing to live with.

That means you LIVE!

For me, a big part was opening up and let my emotions show some more towards my family and friends. As strange as it sounds, I hesitated to show how much I cared for them...
Changing that helped a lot!

Here, have a hug!

Originally posted by RationalTeddy
reply to post by ottobot

 

That means you LIVE!

I have a big ol' smile on my face from your words, like this: !

You're a nice person, RationalTeddy, I want to let you know that.

For me, a big part was opening up and let my emotions show some more towards my family and friends. As strange as it sounds, I hesitated to show how much I cared for them...

Changing that helped a lot!

Yes, I have been working through something similar. I have a real problem allowing myself to be vulnerable in any way, shape, or form. I don't actually know how to be vulnerable because I pretty much have never felt safe enough to do so.

Unfortunately, this means that I keep a wall and significant distance between myself and everyone else, even my children. As much as I do not want that wall there, I can't deny that it is there. With my children, it is a very low wall, at least. For them, I hop over that wall and play all day. The problem I have is that I forget to Be There when I am with them sometimes. So, I work hard to be mindful and to be present with them in the moment.

I learn a lot from them, but most of all they have taught me to live in the present. I don't know how I lived at all before they came along. I think I mostly just existed because I didn't know what else to do. But, now I actually have a reason to live, so I want to.

Realistically, I feel like I was born an adult and am just now learning how to be a child.

Here, have a hug!

Right back at you, RT - /hug.

Originally posted by ottobot

Originally posted by RationalTeddy
reply to post by ottobot

 

That means you LIVE!

I have a big ol' smile on my face from your words, like this:

!

You're a nice person, RationalTeddy, I want to let you know that.

Hey, ottobot (Autobot?! )
You know what they say: It takes one to know one.

For me, a big part was opening up and let my emotions show some more towards my family and friends. As strange as it sounds, I hesitated to show how much I cared for them...

Changing that helped a lot!

Yes, I have been working through something similar. I have a real problem allowing myself to be vulnerable in any way, shape, or form. I don't actually know how to be vulnerable because I pretty much have never felt safe enough to do so.

Unfortunately, this means that I keep a wall and significant distance between myself and everyone else, even my children. As much as I do not want that wall there, I can't deny that it is there. With my children, it is a very low wall, at least. For them, I hop over that wall and play all day. The problem I have is that I forget to Be There when I am with them sometimes. So, I work hard to be mindful and to be present with them in the moment.

I learn a lot from them, but most of all they have taught me to live in the present. I don't know how I lived at all before they came along. I think I mostly just existed because I didn't know what else to do. But, now I actually have a reason to live, so I want to.

Realistically, I feel like I was born an adult and am just now learning how to be a child.

Here, have a hug!

Right back at you, RT - /hug.

Yeah, kids are great! Do not have any of my own but I am an uncle and godfather and for me too, they were a very important reason to stay!
Keep young and remain child as long as you can!

Originally posted by RationalTeddy
Hey, ottobot (Autobot?!

)
You know what they say: It takes one to know one.

Yep, robot in disguise, right here. Haha, you're the first person on this site that's ever actually commented on my username and understood the actual reference. (And, yes, it is misspelled on purpose. I'm just oddo like that.)

Yeah, kids are great! Do not have any of my own but I am an uncle and godfather and for me too, they were a very important reason to stay!
Keep young and remain child as long as you can!

Will do, hoping to have at least 100 more years of childhood. And, I'm not even joking. Aubrey de Grey has got my back on this one.

Originally posted by ottobot
Yep, robot in disguise, right here.

Haha, you're the first person on this site that's ever actually commented on my username and understood the actual reference.

(And, yes, it is misspelled on purpose. I'm just oddo like that.)

In that case: Bah Weep Granah Weep Nini Bong!

Will do, hoping to have at least 100 more years of childhood. And, I'm not even joking. Aubrey de Grey has got my back on this one.

Yeah, he is one of the guys sounding legit. But he needs funding and some more time.

Had to share this; has affected me quite deeply today, but in a good way. It actually makes me feel happy.

I used to wish Mr. Rogers was my dad. I still wish Mr. Rogers had been my dad.

One love.
One heart.
Lets get together and feel alright!

Bob Marley

reply to post by RationalTeddy


Bah Weep Granah Weep Nini Bong!

See, the universal greeting works EVERY time.

Originally posted by TRGreer
One love.
One heart.
Lets get together and feel alright!

Bob Marley

Party in the Positivity Thread? Let's do this!

I'll bring the fruit.

Haha, I am so serious, too. I don't like parties, and every time I have been invited to one, I took a fruit (cantaloupe, honeydew, red and green grapes) bowl and then left within 5 minutes. Nobody really noticed my departure because they were so confounded on why I brought fruit to a party where the main event is debauchery and drinks. I'd get a call the next day, "Hey, thanks for the fruit, we ate it all. When did you leave?"

I would stay for this party, though, I think it would actually be interesting.

I am having a bad day.

Not bad as in there is anything wrong with it - it's a good day, everything is going "right".

Just bad in that I am upset and so very tired.

I am so tired of everyone being so divisive.

I am tired of everyone being defensive about anything that doesn't fit into their tiny set of beliefs.

I'm tired of watching people hate other people for no reason other than they have been told that "we hate them and they hate us".

I'm tired of trying to get people to see that we are all in this together, that we need to support each other on a personal level.

I'm tired of waking up every day in a world where hate is promoted spoken of with enthusiasm and given celebrity.

I'm tired of smiling at people who are afraid to smile back at me.

I'm tired of automatically excusing other people's bad behavior because "that's the way it is".

I'm tired of having to be on my guard at all times because people are so untrustworthy and so unpredictable.

I'm tired of protecting people and tired of helping people and tired of being confused and tired of being curious and tired of caring.

I feel so tired.

reply to post by ottobot


you need a vacation! I just saw the the movie Perfect Sense yesterday and it reminded me of the all the things you listed, and made me have a panic attack. The movie itself is very good and all that, but it made me realize all over again the things that I find terrible in this world and so many people does not care and prob wont until its to late. And that makes many of us tired. I wish I could just flick a switch and everything turned into a loving, caring and unified planet... long story short..

Is things a bit better today?

reply to post by creatureme


I don't think I have ever seen that movie before, I will try watching it.

I'm sorry that you've been feeling it, too. I don't know what's going on, sometimes it seems like everything is OK, and then sometimes it seems like the world is going to implode any day now.

Yes, I feel better, thank you for asking. I realized that the whole point of being kind to others is that you are kind whether or not they notice. And, I realized that I like being kind to other people, it just bothers me sometimes that so many people enjoy being unkind.

I don't know, it's all a mystery. All I can do is go day to day and keep moving forward.

How have you been?

reply to post by ottobot


I don't think I have ever seen that movie before, I will try watching it.

I'm sorry that you've been feeling it, too. I don't know what's going on, sometimes it seems like everything is OK, and then sometimes it seems like the world is going to implode any day now.

Yes, I feel better, thank you for asking. I realized that the whole point of being kind to others is that you are kind whether or not they notice. And, I realized that I like being kind to other people, it just bothers me sometimes that so many people enjoy being unkind.

I don't know, it's all a mystery. All I can do is go day to day and keep moving forward.

How have you been?


Yep, it is a mystery..not a day goes by without me trying to solve it.. I think thats why I usually avoid people, new faces, because I automatically think that they are likely to be unkind in some sort of way,, I dunno..

I have beeen feeling tired all the time, more than usual.. Bloodtests are fine, and even skipped a day of exercise to give my body some time.. I still feel tired. Cuz I thought maybe I was overdoing it, but that doesent seem to be it. But hey, im growing a human inside me so I dont worry too much. I think I might have felt it move yesterday.. very weak, like a bubble..

As for when im not thinking about the baby or working out, I feel empty. And sometimes annoyed.. Everybody is doing it all wrong it seems. Some places more than others... (war on the news in the background now) I dunno.. or.. you know

ottobot & creatureme,

I think we hold ourselves to very high standards sometimes and seem to forget that we are only human. You are not obliged to smile at everybody. Although it would be nice, it can happen that you are preoccupied.
Or we sometimes feel down and then we feel bad about feeling down, which only strengthens the spiral downwards.
Think: Was there ever a written contract demanding of you to be perfect? In my case, it comes from within and whenever I think I have failed, I chastise myself and drive myself to work longer, harder and with more energy. That is what will make you feel more tired and worn in the end. And with less power, your capabilities for protecting your inner self wane.

Another thing is that we, the more sensitive souls, sometimes just seem overwhelmed by what happens around us and we experience the world as more intense, more colorful but also, more stressful at times. Conflict around us influences us more than other people can imagine and they therefore do not take precautions to protect us from this emotional "friendly fire".

"Just" (it can be harder than many think, I know) accept that you feel differently at times and that after a low comes a high again, guaranteed

I hope something at least as positive will happen to you:
Yesterday, my friend called and told me that the cat they have at their new home has brought some small critters and those were hard to catch. I was already mentally preparing to become an exterminator when she went on to say "You know, the cute and cuddly little cat kind of critters..."
Turned out, she needs my help to get those kitties to the vet for a check-up
Speaking of intense emotions, this has me smiling ever since (Tears of joy almost, actually. All that happening to a grown up guy with broad shoulders just because of the prospect of being around kittens...)

The same sensitivity which gets you down from things other people would never notice, can make you happier and live more intensely by positive emotions too!
And for other people not noticing you being nice... It is nice to be nice! Allow yourself to feel good for being a good person!

reply to post by RationalTeddy


You know what's funny, RationalTeddy? When I was young, I used to smile at everybody, specifically because a lot of people I smiled at liked to call me names and that was my way of not letting them control my emotions, which were all sad anyway. Then, I went through a period where I had no emotions and really was preoccupied all the time and rarely smiled at people because I didn't even see them - people called me other names, usually having to do with being "stuck up". Now, I have varied emotions, but I smile and greet people I meet just to do it; I don't care whether they notice or care or whatever. It just makes me sad to think that people are afraid to smile back at a random person.

I don't hold myself to any standard other than that I respect other people and care about other people and must not hide myself anymore. That's all I can do.

But, sometimes, I get tired of having feelings and thoughts about things which I cannot control.

I realize that the only thing I can control is myself, but that I need to have a balance between no emotion and overwhelming emotion. This is where my problem lies. I don't know how to feel a medium amount of emotion. It's either all or nothing for me most of the time. :-/

I want to be like you, RationalTeddy, I would like to be able to let myself feel that joy at small things like sweet little kittens. I forgot how to do that when I was very young, and I am trying to figure it out by watching my kids... but I still have a guard up - against myself! Like, I can't let myself feel tender things because I don't want to think I am weak or don't want to be caught unawares by something bad. It's frustrating.

I do think that I am empathic to some degree, because I feel emotions and thoughts from other people. Or, I just know certain things about other people's thoughts and emotions, without anyone saying anything. I have always had this, and it seems like it's my job to help other people to calm down. But, somewhere along the way, I forgot how to recognize and address my own thoughts and emotions. I am pretty much always calm, but it's not a peaceful calm... it's kind of just an empty, blank, gray calm.

I don't want to be gray anymore.

reply to post by creatureme


I don't know either, creatureme, but I think that if you look people in the eyes and smile, it doesn't matter whether or not they are unkind. YOU are the one who is kind, whether or not they appreciate it.

Exciting about the baby! I felt all of my kids super early (8-9wks along), to me those first movements felt like the twitch of a muscle... like when your eyebrow just randomly starts twitching on its own or something. It's one of those things that just brings a huge smile to my face to think about it. I am glad you are doing well. Make sure you are eating a lot of protein and vegetables! (Sorry, I just like to take care of people, I'm not trying to be bossy, honest! )

When you say you feel either empty or annoyed, first thing I think is that you are sad.

Mostly because that's how I feel the majority of the time, too. I am always sad, even when I'm happy. I know what that sadness stems from, and it is something that I will always have with me. But, when I feel empty, it is because I am blocking out what I really feel because I don't want to admit what I really feel.

Creatureme, what is missing in your life?

reply to post by ottobot


I know that kind of guard you put up and I have done that myself until recently. Sometimes I still do But it becomes less.
It is there to protect you and that can be a good thing, otherwise, as you said, your emotions would overwhelm you.
But a guard that is always up also guards you against the good things in life and makes you feel colorless, gray.
To lower it, you should gently and conciously lower it a little bit at a time when you can be certain you will be ok. How about at home around your kids and significant other? At home, they are part of your guard. They can shelter you from harm and negative emotions. How about shedding tears of joy from hugging your family? Let yourself be taken over by that emotion Nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong or weak about that!
Let emotions happen and do not feel bad about feeling sad. Try to find out where the feeling came from. Maybe it was just from a sad and overwhelming movie.
You have emotions, that is a fact. Do you want to deny them and feel empty or do you want to learn to live with them and with time, enjoy them? Hint: the second option is what I wish for you!

It can be scary at first, but a great ride in the end!

reply to post by RationalTeddy


Well, I'm not going to go into all the details. But, honestly, the only place I can lower my guard completely is when I am alone.

Frankly, I am the one that everyone else looks to for strength and support and comfort and motivation and protection and instruction. Realistically, if I become "soft", they [the adults in my life] will become lost. As they are, anyway. It drives me to anger and frustration, but there's no way to get away from this short of abandoning my current life completely and leaving everyone else for the wolves of life. I will not do that, because I don't know how to do that. I've always been the support for everyone, even as a young child.

I don't know how to be supported, only to be the support.

So, for now, I have to work within the confines of the life I have.

I try to teach other people to let go of their fear, but they cling to it and are afraid not to be afraid. I, meanwhile, don't have any fear, only sadness. I know where that sadness comes from, and I know what it is, and I know why it is, and I know how it is, and I know that it will always be.

To be honest, these thoughts make me feel hopeless.

My initial instinct is to withdraw into my mind, because that is how I survived the first 25 years of my life. When I get into this state, I just go through life like a robot. I do all the right things, say all the right things, but it is empty and cold for me because I don't care about anything. I just accept what is present and do what I have to do to go on to the next minute.

I know that I can't allow myself to do this.

So, I struggle every single day not to curl back up into those dark recesses of my mind where I don't have to feel anything, because my feelings only complicates things... for everyone else.

I know that I'm the only one that can change anything. And, I have been changing for the past couple of years. I stopped pretending to be content with my life, I stopped pretending to be content with choices I made as a confused and hurting young adult, and I stopped pretending to be the person I pretended to be for about seven years.

Frankly, I don't know who I am.

I know that I have children and that I love those children. I know I am a mother. I've always been a mother, in the sense that I have always been one who protects and cares for others. That's pretty much all I have to go on.

I never formed into a person. I existed to survive, and that was it.

I am lost, swirling in a whirlpool. Sometimes I find something to grab onto, but it is always fleeting. Sometimes, I come to a complete standstill and see where I am supposed to go. But, then I am thrown about again, shaken and dizzy and confused.

I want to laugh harshly and coldly in my bitterness at your suggestions because you have hit on the single greatest joke of my life: being able to depend on other people. Ha.

But, I realize that you are probably right. My children may be my salvation someday.

I just don't understand how that's supposed to work out.

It's never worked that way for me.

But, hey, what does it matter? Pain is and always has been my closest friend.

reply to post by ottobot


The first thing that came to my mind reading your reply was to grab you and hug you (Stupid internet... No physical contact...)

[hug]

I can only assume how you feel and function from what I have experienced. But only you know exactly what you feel inside. So when I try to give advice, it is not meant to discourage or patronize you, but to help you. Just as you were trying to look out for creatureme when suggesting what to eat while pregnant

Just go step by step, at your own pace. You are not a robot, they do not care about anything. You do!

[/hug (for now)]

reply to post by RationalTeddy


Thank you for your kind words.

Admittedly, I don't know how to respond to them.

Usually I just accept niceties with thanks and smile, but don't really accept them in my heart - I automatically think that people have ulterior motives for being nice.

That's another thing that is difficult for me: accepting people's words at face value. I want to trust people, but I don't know how to.

This is the root of my problem, I think.

I don't trust anybody in real life to my emotions, because experience has just told me that I will end up hurting as a result. I can tell you all these things online because you are anonymous, we don't know each other, I'm just an avatar on a page spouting entertaining words for you. For me, at least, it is therapeutic to write these things down, regardless of the responses they receive. I write these things out because I need to.

But, I thank you for reading and taking the time to respond. I wasn't upset at you or your words, but at myself and my confusion and disgust at myself. :-/

I don't know how to get away from that.