Positivity Thread for Sad & Lonely Souls (help me make it if you enjoy spreading happiness)

reply to post by creatureme


Haha, I guess it helps that I don't have any fear about reaching my goals, just determination. Really, though, the more people tell me I can't do something, the more likely I am to do it - and do it well.

I do think you should make a list.

For me, I think about steps I can take to get to where I want to go.

For example, to move away from the death trap town I hated (I'm not kidding, that place makes me feel like I'm drowning, I had to escape. When I went back there earlier this year, nothing had changed in the four years since I left. It still felt like I was doomed being there. ) I decided I had to get a job with good pay.

So, I went to nursing school and got a job with good pay, but while I was waiting for the job to start, I had to work as an intern with a temp company. While at the company, I was made aware of a program that would help nurses move to other states where jobs were more plentiful. I signed up for the program in February and was able to move by May.

It takes time to get where you want to go, but if you do it in small increments, it's not at all scary.

So, you live in a polluted city with your partner, dog, and have a child on the way. You prefer the quiet and beauty of places outside of the city. What will it take for you to get out of the city and onto your woodland retreat?

-Listening to Noam Chomsky at the moment and reading threads. Here is my greatest advice. If you wish to feel alive again, and truly happy, be it for a a couple hours, try this.

1 lay down in your bed and turn off the lights.
2 empty your lungs of air
3 inhale deeply until your lungs are full
4 hold it for 10 seconds or more and exhale in a slow manner.
5 continue to do this and hold longer, 15 seconds give or take max.
6 do this for about a half and hour, and you have to really go all out to really feel the effects.
(adding headphones and meditation music or sound waves is also a great idea but you have to focus on breathing and holding the breath)

If you really give this a try, you will start to feel for heart slow down, and relax. You will also feel the blood in your veins circulate better, deeper, until it literally starts giving your limbs a massaging feeling. This literally makes anxiety melt away and you will actually feel amazing. Honestly, if you do this it will make you feel full of life and vitality. You won't regret it.

0112358*

reply to post by ottobot


Then I shall make a list!

I have found a place where nature is all around us, so when we move from the place we live now - we will end up there. I give it 2 years on that one, depending on various things that needs to be sorted first. As you say, it takes time - but as for the woodland home. I want it in the future, in like 10-15 years. All made from materials from the woods and all that. And to build such a thing would require some knowledge and a couple of man-hands and that is what I need to work on I guess - the how to and exactly when to go through with it.I dont want it to end up as an unforfilled dream.

Nursingschool?! Haha, I was, just yesterday, peeking at the education plan for becoming a nurse. Tempted to go that way and become a midwife or something like that.

reply to post by Maxxx


That's good advice, Maxxx - it's always good to be able to calm down and get in touch with one's own mind and body processes.

Thanks for posting!

reply to post by creatureme


Well, you've got 10-15 years to learn how to live off the land.

One of my absolute favorite books is 'One Man's Wilderness: An Alaskan Odyssey' by Richard Proenneke. It's basically a man's journal, documenting his adventures moving up to the wilderness and building a home for himself. He filmed a lot of his life, too, and it has been made into a documentary. It's just so inspiring to watch him work. Here's a clip:




Haha, well if you want to be a nurse or midwife or doula, do it! You can do whatever you want to do - what are you drawn to? I know you have said that you have experience with photography; what else do you like to do, and what does your partner do for a job?

Oh yeah, and what is your book about?

reply to post by ottobot


yep, its something like that. I saw someone do the same thing on tv, he didnt even have a place to sleep, he slept outside until he had finished his house. But he had people to help him, mostly backpackers and such that came and helped him a bit before they moved on.

Hmm, I dont know. I am drawn to so many things and I often change my mind, maybe that is the reason I dont dare do go through with so many things. I am an educated photographer, I finished the study in 2011 and never ended up with a job. I feel like a failure when it comes to that - and kinda bitter, You have to be damned good at competing with all the other 5000 photographers to get a job apparantly.. But if i am going to do something different I think its wise to wait until I fnish my pregnancy - I suspect my hormones are making me wanting to do drastic things

My book is a secret! But thatt is so I wont end up giving up. I feel if I tell too much about it I will loose the spark - happened so many times before.

reply to post by creatureme


Ok, your book can stay a secret - just tell us when it's done so we can read it! Please?

I don't know, I think you can still get going with the photography, if you would be willing to start your own photography business. It doesn't have to be huge, and you don't even need a studio if you use nature as your backdrops.

None of the photographers I know actually have a "job". They all are self-employed and make their money taking pictures of families, newborns, engagements, weddings, and boudoir. There is also a bit of money to be had selling stock photos and selling photos to online magazines.

Post some of the pictures you like the best, and we will see whether you are a "failure" or not.

reply to post by ottobot


haha, ok - I promise.

I did start my own small buisness last year, but I just did not have the strenght to do it all the way and lost all motivation and got so angry when certain people did not seem to care - I dont know.. I just hoped to make some familymembers proud and get a pat on the head from them or even some proper help to get me really started and safe.

I have recently realized that I should just stop longing for support or even company from them, when they just seem so preoccupied with themselves.. bah - struggle alot with this actually, the only family I have are drowning in selfishness and irrational dispair.. And I still get ignored bigtime even tho I am standing there in front of them, waving my hands screaming for help/contact.

So I hope to make progress with my theraphy so I eventually can get motivated and healthy again to continue what I have sort of given up. Or open up to something new, I dunno yet. Baby first I need to start loving myself I guess... And stop trying to care about people who does not manage to care about me. Or even try to make them care about me. Or am I totally lost here? I get so confused and uncertain, because I don't have anybody to tell me where I am. I need to trust myself.. Im rambling! Ok.. some pictures. They are old tho - 1 - 2 years since I took theese, mostly schoolwork: (I really dont like that ats makes them superhuge - thumbnails too small )

reply to post by Maxxx


I can not tell about the Noam Chomsky part but your advice on breathing is great!
I try to tell my friends too but then I get the "I am not such a touchy-feely type of person"-response... Well, I tried...

reply to post by creatureme


No, creatureme, you are not lost.

You are just seeing things as they are.

There's nothing you can do to change other people, the only person you can change is yourself.

And, you are doing just that!

They will probably never listen to you, unless they open their eyes and understand that they have never yet listened to you. Does that make sense?

The difference is, you are learning that you don't need them to listen. You don't need their permission to be the person you are and the person you want to be. You have these goals and aspirations and thoughts not because "they" gave them to you, but because you are listening to yourself.

Keep listening.

I like your photography style! I like the baby and the tree with a man wrapped around it the best. Though, I must admit, I like the detail on the tree the most out of that picture. You would do well selling microcosm images as prints or royalty-use images.

Have you ever considered turning your photography into a textile business?

ottobot & creatureme,

Busy, busy, busy time for me... (And I got bruises, cuts and scratches to prove it... Moving house can be really dangerous ) Sorry for my absence, but you seem to manage quite well

At least you guys have more realistic plans for your future! I am still dreaming of my own spaceship with only a small crew of close friends and going off to explore...
Who am I kidding?! Not going to happen, is it?

ottobot,
Yep, I learned that I should just go along and have a good time but I also know that she should be a very kind soul so when one of those rare species is seen, I should go for her, should I not?
But then again, I will meet a friend and her friend (single, cute ) for lunch tomorrow so I am fine so far
For you, I hope you keep yourself in the "game" and who knows, it might just happen? At least that is what I am told. And to top it off: My best friends met in military service and are married now and made me godfather. Unlikely? Maybe. Impossible? No!

creatureme,
Good pictures there Maybe you know this one already but there is a website where a lot of photographers post their work. Maybe you might want to publish some of your own stuff there? 500px.com
Do not try to impress people who seem preoccupied with themselves. Your friends and family who actually care and show interest, keep them close.

Cheers!

reply to post by ottobot


yeah it does make sense And makes me feel more safe

Hmm, textile? As what - textile wall-art or? Oh, forgot to say it tried that stockphoto thing, on several big sites - but my pictures never got approved for some reason, which is weird cos some of them are mos def good enough to sell. And when I tried to contact custumer service I never got an answer to why. Hmm, maybe I should try again.

Rational Teddy:

I just said yesterday to my partner (while crying in a hormon-daze) that I wished for benevolent aliens to come get us and fly us away to a healthy, productive planet where everybody were kind and good people. I really hope that happens someday Either you have to wait for aliens to come so you can borrow their spaceship or lease one from them or build your own!

Omg, that site overflows with supepro pics dude - hmm.. Have posted stuff on other sites before tho. But I dunno, I havent got my fire going properly quite yet, I just need to build myself up for a little while so I can handle bumps in the road a little bit better.

reply to post by creatureme


Yes, textile like wall art or paintings or printed on clothing. There are a lot of interesting things you can do. Is the town you live in large enough to have secondary schools or a university? You can make a lot of clients by offering reasonably priced "headshots" or graduation photos to students. I know that some photographers just go to schools and post fliers with their contact info and a portrait shot that gets people's attention... Or, what about tourists? I'm sure you could find plenty of tourists who'd pay you to take pictures of them out in nature!

reply to post by RationalTeddy

At least you guys have more realistic plans for your future! I am still dreaming of my own spaceship with only a small crew of close friends and going off to explore...
Who am I kidding?! Not going to happen, is it?

What's unrealistic about that? Space travel is already being privatized, which means that vessels will become cheaper to build and more efficient. The cure for aging is already being worked on, which means that at some point, people will discover how to prevent or delay the aging process. If you delay aging long enough to see personal spacecraft, you can definitely go off to explore space.

That's my long, long term plan - if I live over 110yrs.

ottobot,
For you, I hope you keep yourself in the "game" and who knows, it might just happen? At least that is what I am told. And to top it off: My best friends met in military service and are married now and made me godfather. Unlikely? Maybe. Impossible? No!

Ehhh, I'm not convinced... though, I'm not particularly worried about it either. I'm just going to live day to day. When I start concerning myself with relationships and "love" and so on, I get trapped in my mind and in sadness. So, it's better for me not to even think about it.

I have my kids, and they are my focus.

reply to post by creatureme


Hmmm... I sometimes wished to be taken away to a planet of beautiful female aliens and... Well... You can use your imagination

But seriously, I think I know what you are trying to say. But maybe, just maybe, we can help ourselves to have good and kind people around us?
Lease? How much do you think that would cost?

Do not be discouraged by the pictures on that site. Proficiency comes with practice

reply to post by ottobot


I certainly do not want to downplay the recent achievements made by SpaceX, that was #####ng amazing!
But I am more thinking antigravity/gravitomagnetism/warp drive... "Plot a course to Vulcan, warp 8. Engage!"
Having more free time, I might want to "abuse" some math software to do some calculations...
And living 110+ years is probably quite realistic, I think.

Yeah, I catch myself worrying about loneliness too. That I just can not help.
Luckily, the last few times it was while lying in bed and I fell asleep rather quickly but it still hurts, yep...

Interesting, the thread got moved to the "General Chit Chat" section.

Oh well, guess we weren't talking about enough metaphysical stuff.

We've definitely been talking about Psychology, though, so that's interesting - I wonder what the criteria is for moving a thread?

I've just been hanging out, taking time to debate some religious people from the church I grew up in - I'm learning a lot, surprisingly. I understand more of the why and how the people at that church act the way they do. Bizarre people, nonetheless.

Oh, and I started a blog a few weeks ago to write out things I get stuck on.

Hello everyone,

Another user suggested I come here to unload, so I'm going to do just that. I've got a lot of crap in my past and it pretty much rules my life. I choose not to have friends, although growing up as a child and teen was very outgoing, social, and spontaneous. Some of these things were driven by events that happened to me as a young child for instance, having sex with people to make friends or get people to like me. I'm not going to get into too much of this now, as it's not what is bugging me at the moment.

For whatever the reason, a certain individual is on my mind and I can't figure out why. You see this person, isn't exactly a pleasant memory, and for their privacy(not that they deserve it, but there are people out their who take pleasure living the vindication for others.) I will refer to this individual only as M so as to give some name to my tormentor.

You see, at about the age of 19 I was not long out of highschool and just beginning to decide what I wanted to do, and who I felt I was. I had been dumped by a high school sweetheart, and was in that re-bound party it off phase. I was fresh back in a town my parents lived in, and wanted to see if I could get a job I had, had while in highschool as I was out of work, and left the place I shared with my ex in a different town. I won't go too much into the job, as it will take up space, but I got the job and at the front desk noticed M. M was new to this job, very attractive, piercings tattoos, short BRIGHT red hair truly beautiful and I was smitten. " Hey!, Hey you!' Said M. I turned, smiled and walked over like a puppy dog entranced by a new toy. M asked me what I was doing there, I explained I was waiting for the manager because I'm getting my job back here and he would be up to tell me when to start. I should have known right off the bat this was bad news, but at this point in my life screwed up from a disasterous childhood I was ready to do everything and everything for a little more attention from M.

I was given a shift the following day, which I then told M over a cigarette. We parted ways, and I left with that excited, puppy love feeling we've all experienced. The following day I came to work, looking as best I could working where I worked and worked my way into a date the following day. Well here this is how it went. " I was thinking of seeing the Omen tomorrow, my sister and her bf are going. You're coming." Awesome right? Well, yeah at the time, but it was quite literally the start of a very controlling relationship. That evening late at night, I was leaving M's place and out in the streat M ran, " Wait." M kissed me under a streat light and said " Date me." Oh how exstatic I was, and how very romantic. It was so picturesque romace story, and for the first few months it was.

We would hang out all the time, we worked together, One of the managers at my job even went as far as to say " You quite fancy M eh?" Yes, yes I do Steve, " Ha ha ha, like peanut butter and jam you two." We always got the " oh you too are so cute together. " I always had a blast, and things were really great for a while. We'd party at a house 2 mins from our work, 5 mins from M's and 15 mins from my parents place. M introduced me to all sorts of friends and interesting individuals but M also opened up the doors to a whole lot of drugs. With the drugs, came allllllllllllllllllllll sorts of interesting sex, and sexual encounters. It was like every cheesy rock star story but in real life. Ha ha.

Now, after about 3 months things started to get real sour. M had a drinking problem, and when I say problem. I mean Chinese algebra, portugese sudoku problem. M was an entirely different person when drinking. One minute things would be fine the next I'd be ducking bottles, punched, kicked, screamed at, dumped, cheated on, only for us to get back together the next day, and M claim not to remember all the bad parts of it. Okay, now most people get the # out at this point. Not me, I thought it was some what thrilling at times, I learned to thrive on it, and expect the abuse. It was #ing sick, and I always loved M to the utmost extremes.

I paid for 3 car accidents M got into while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, been cut, burned with cigarettes, stabbed, beat up, rolled through an emotional steam roller, but I always put up with it, because I always knew M would appollogize, tell me how loved I am, tell me how amazing and how much M feels I'm too good.

This went on for 4 years, being cheated on with 7 different people, unimaginable instances of abuse, and it ended because the last month we were together M cheated on me with 4 more people. I had paid M's insurance, paid off another accident, been supplying M with drugs/money, M was living with me, we were engaged, but I found out M cheated on me with one of the people through work. Then When I confronted M, was told about M sleeping with my best friend. At this point I had had enough(con)

Hello everyone,

Another user suggested I come here to unload, so I'm going to do just that. I've got a lot of crap in my past and it pretty much rules my life. I choose not to have friends, although growing up as a child and teen was very outgoing, social, and spontaneous. Some of these things were driven by events that happened to me as a young child for instance, having sex with people to make friends or get people to like me. I'm not going to get into too much of this now, as it's not what is bugging me at the moment.

For whatever the reason, a certain individual is on my mind and I can't figure out why. You see this person, isn't exactly a pleasant memory, and for their privacy(not that they deserve it, but there are people out their who take pleasure living the vindication for others.) I will refer to this individual only as M so as to give some name to my tormentor.

You see, at about the age of 19 I was not long out of highschool and just beginning to decide what I wanted to do, and who I felt I was. I had been dumped by a high school sweetheart, and was in that re-bound party it off phase. I was fresh back in a town my parents lived in, and wanted to see if I could get a job I had, had while in highschool as I was out of work, and left the place I shared with my ex in a different town. I won't go too much into the job, as it will take up space, but I got the job and at the front desk noticed M. M was new to this job, very attractive, piercings tattoos, short BRIGHT red hair truly beautiful and I was smitten. " Hey!, Hey you!' Said M. I turned, smiled and walked over like a puppy dog entranced by a new toy. M asked me what I was doing there, I explained I was waiting for the manager because I'm getting my job back here and he would be up to tell me when to start. I should have known right off the bat this was bad news, but at this point in my life screwed up from a disasterous childhood I was ready to do everything and everything for a little more attention from M.

I was given a shift the following day, which I then told M over a cigarette. We parted ways, and I left with that excited, puppy love feeling we've all experienced. The following day I came to work, looking as best I could working where I worked and worked my way into a date the following day. Well here this is how it went. " I was thinking of seeing the Omen tomorrow, my sister and her bf are going. You're coming." Awesome right? Well, yeah at the time, but it was quite literally the start of a very controlling relationship. That evening late at night, I was leaving M's place and out in the streat M ran, " Wait." M kissed me under a streat light and said " Date me." Oh how exstatic I was, and how very romantic. It was so picturesque romace story, and for the first few months it was.

We would hang out all the time, we worked together, One of the managers at my job even went as far as to say " You quite fancy M eh?" Yes, yes I do Steve, " Ha ha ha, like peanut butter and jam you two." We always got the " oh you too are so cute together. " I always had a blast, and things were really great for a while. We'd party at a house 2 mins from our work, 5 mins from M's and 15 mins from my parents place. M introduced me to all sorts of friends and interesting individuals but M also opened up the doors to a whole lot of drugs. With the drugs, came allllllllllllllllllllll sorts of interesting sex, and sexual encounters. It was like every cheesy rock star story but in real life. Ha ha.

Now, after about 3 months things started to get real sour. M had a drinking problem, and when I say problem. I mean Chinese algebra, portugese sudoku problem. M was an entirely different person when drinking. One minute things would be fine the next I'd be ducking bottles, punched, kicked, screamed at, dumped, cheated on, only for us to get back together the next day, and M claim not to remember all the bad parts of it. Okay, now most people get the # out at this point. Not me, I thought it was some what thrilling at times, I learned to thrive on it, and expect the abuse. It was #ing sick, and I always loved M to the utmost extremes.

I paid for 3 car accidents M got into while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, been cut, burned with cigarettes, stabbed, beat up, rolled through an emotional steam roller, but I always put up with it, because I always knew M would appollogize, tell me how loved I am, tell me how amazing and how much M feels I'm too good.

This went on for 4 years, being cheated on with 7 different people, unimaginable instances of abuse, and it ended because the last month we were together M cheated on me with 4 more people. I had paid M's insurance, paid off another accident, been supplying M with drugs/money, M was living with me, we were engaged, but I found out M cheated on me with one of the people through work. Then When I confronted M, was told about M sleeping with my best friend. At this point I had had enough(con)

and having lost both my best friend and M I shut down, kicked M out, closed the door.

Man I have so much more details, but I'm delaying the reason I'm writing this..

It's been three years since I closed the door on M. I haven't spoke to M, once in those three years. M has tried, and would periodically text of call up until about a year ago.

The problem I'm having right now, is I'm missing M for some reason. No #ing clue why, it was hell. I truly can say I hate M, and want them to suffer immensely. I just don't know.

I'm sure I will be venting a whole lot in this thread seeing as I'm quite sick, mentally and physically.

I was directed here by another user, and here's my first literary vomit.

Enjoy!

Ilyich.