New Creepy 10/28/11 Website Mystery

reply to post by vatel



Very funny, Vatel!

2212... I wonder if even the devotees of his 'movement' and sharing the 'same consciousness' will be THAT patient

reply to post by buddhatrance


Breaking news the latest Stunion Report.. enjoy

LOS ANGELES, CA—A study released by the Metaphysical Preparedness & Conundrum Awareness Institute this Thursday on the Open 28-10-2011 website shows that use of the site inevitably causes a sense of profound distraction and existential angst .

Conundrum Expert OIO Schrodinger said: "Our research suggests that understanding the clues ultimately produces states of cryptic intoxication and feelings of super ego inflation and states of cryptic beingness that invariably affect day to day functioning."

The wife of one sufferer commented: "He is losing weight as the decision about what to eat, whether to eat or why to eat has led him to believe that eating is and is not the point, so he hasn't eaten for 5 days now. He is fading away! I don't know what to do!"

Other sufferers have refused to go to work as they claim that they are actually at work and this idea that they are at home in bed is in fact a dream and not at all part of the wider reality.

Meanwhile Schrodinger continues: "Not understanding the clues at all produces equally intoxicating states of of bitterness and isolation with an intendant urge for rampant trolling. And, interestingly, we found that anything between those two extremes is equally damaging, always resulting in an adult who suffers from some debilitating combination of cryptic ennui and isolation. Despite great variance in puzzle solving styles across populations, the end product is always the same: a profoundly flawed and joyless human being."

The study did find, however, that people often achieve temporary happiness when they create mystical conundrums of their own to perpetuate the cycle of human misery.

For example a Dee Fa' Ool, a conundrum expert and musicologist commented: "I have discovered that the meaning of everything is 11 and have shown this categorically through a list of songs that no one seems to understand but which carry a profound and intense meaning of 11."

Professer Bud H.A. Trance was unfazed: "All that is required to see the way through this are new batteries for the clock on crack. I recommend the silent walker model of ingestion and have no doubt whatsoever that the cat will come home."

Self confessed skeptic Sheba Vatel exclaimed: "What a load of tosh!! As I've said a thousand times I'm open to open, but as long as open is closed I'm neither here nor there, and in reality the more important concern is the question of who is actually feeding the cat? And don't tell me! I know already, it falls to me...here kitty, kitty,,,,

The anti-open protesters at Occupy the Furniture were unavailable for comment as they are currently distracted by an infestation of bed bugs in the sofa.


Mara

And here's a "real" Onion report that I felt was mildly relevant and might show that even if the bottle breaks the cyanide might not work!

Please let me say in advance that I absolutely adore cats and as a demented and devoted pet lover I can get the p***take they are doing here of pet lovers...


Cat Refuses To Die

SOMERVILLE, MA—Despite his advanced age, near-complete physical decay, and constant bouts of renal failure, area cat Socrates vehemently refuses to die, sources reported Tuesday.
Enlarge ImageSocrates

"He's a sweet old guy, and he's been through a lot," said Brian Pressman, 33, who received the cat as a birthday present during middle school. "But no matter how weak he seems or how many times he's diagnosed with something fatal, he just keeps bouncing back. Every single time."

Added Pressman, with a sigh, "He sure is a persistent one."

In the past week alone, Pressman has taken Socrates to visit the veterinarian three times, missing a half day of work on Monday to treat the stubborn cat for a nagging eye infection. Once there, however, the veterinarian discovered that Socrates had developed ulcers and would require special medication that will likely lengthen the 19-year-old feline's life for another unknown period of time.

The seemingly indestructible Socrates is currently on five separate prescriptions at a monthly cost of $224.
Enlarge ImageModern medicine helps keep Socrates alive for God knows how much longer.

"We came to peace with the fact that Socrates might pass away when we found that tumor on his head last Christmas," said wife Emily Pressman, 31, whose 2-year-old son David has thus far been unable to kill the cat despite his playful but relentless physical abuse. "And then again in April when he fell off the table and hurt his leg. Frankly, I figured it would only be a matter of time after that, but he's still here. Still kicking."

"We never could have imagined that he'd live this long," she added. "Not in a million years."

Socrates, who apparently rejects the very concept of mortality, sleeps an estimated 20 hours a day and hasn't had a solid bowel movement in more than a year, Pressman told reporters. Moreover, the cat requires a twice-daily subcutaneous saline and electrolyte injection to manage the severe kidney problems that began three years ago. The couple takes turns completing this humiliating, time-consuming task, and must also perform the animal's morning feeding ritual—which requires a special food for older cats to be ground up and watered down so Socrates' feeble teeth and digestive tracts can better handle it.

"Just like clockwork, Socrates and I are up bright and early every morning at six when he starts howling and howling," Emily Pressman said. "Sometimes it's more like 5:30 if he's having one of his vomiting spells. Of course, that's assuming he hasn't woken us up already with those deep, mournful moans. But once I force-feed him his hyperthyroid pills and clean up the mess, he's usually pretty quiet for the rest of the day. I tend to forget he's even around."

Of all the occasions in the past few years when Socrates has somehow managed to escape death's cold embrace, none was more harrowing, the Pressmans said, than the summer of 2004, when a weak and anguished Socrates was rushed to the hospital with the deadly feline virus panleukopenia.

"He was in such pain that we were hoping and praying that Socrates would go to a better place," Brian Pressman said. "That was over five years ago. Luckily, the doctors figured out a treatment that only cost $2,700, and here we are today. Alive and well. Five years later. It's a miracle, all right."

"I honestly don't know what I'd do without him," Pressman added. "Besides not have a cat anymore."

Source

x Mara

reply to post by Mara5683





Mara, OMG I'm still choking!
(note to self: drink liquids in a baby bottle when on this thread, to preserve keyboard)

Brilliant!

reply to post by Mara5683


.... and the real report too! I can't breathe...



I love and do have cats, call them 'my divine felines'... but I laughed so hard, I am in tears!

Originally posted by buddhatrance
reply to post by Mara5683

 

.... and the real report too! I can't breathe...

I love and do have cats, call them 'my divine felines'... but I laughed so hard, I am in tears!

I know!! I loved this and saw myself in it. I've been there up all night clearing the sick and paying the bills and then sitting there in bliss as they lived to sleep another day way and totally ignore me until they wanted something!! Oh they are soo good at training humans!

x mara

ps loved earlier list of yours. It's what inspired my from the doldrums to get writing again so thanks xxx

reply to post by Mara5683


Mara thank you for that, it was very wicked and I absolutely loved it!

I hope you have a good evening!!!

OiO

reply to post by Mara5683


You are a brilliant writer, with a fantastic sense of humor.
It's bedtime here, and I will go to sleep still laughing, thanks to you!

Oh, I can relate to that, about the cats. When they want something, they are experts at having their wish be a command... Sometimes I feel like I am their butler

Nite. I will be back tomorrow for more!

Originally posted by Mara5683
Self confessed skeptic Sheba Vatel exclaimed: "What a load of tosh!! As I've said a thousand times I'm open to open, but as long as open is closed I'm neither here nor there, and in reality the more important concern is the question of who is actually feeding the cat? And don't tell me! I know already, it falls to me...here kitty, kitty,,,,

The anti-open protesters at Occupy the Furniture were unavailable for comment as they are currently distracted by an infestation of bed bugs in the sofa.

Mara

Mara, you are hilarious!

And there's no need to feed the cat: I killed it and made a purr-dy purrse out of it. Cuz I'm all about the fashion, and animal prints are in this season. *swish*

(sorry if I offended any cat lovers; except for the black one that I leave milk out for every day, the rest I do not trust, skeptic that I am....)

So quiet. Meh. Here we go:



And no thread is complete without a little Journey...

@sheba - I love cats, and still laughed at the purr-dy purrse

@OiO - I think you are right about the testimonials from the marketing department. They are all written in similar fashion, as if from the same person.

The latest one is A humble opinion. If you read it pretending in your mind that it is Open, it's the perfect bug out message. Especially this:

To everyone who yearns for direct answers from Open. Why? Would anything he gave to you directly have anywhere the meaning of what you learned, for better or for worse from the oct28th experience. If Open were to come out with an essay tomorrow, explaining who he/she is, what he/she believes, what his/her aims for us are; what do you think would happen? This place would become like any other, “new age, spiritual, philosophical” forum topic. The mysticism of Open is very valueable. Without it Oct28th would have crashed and burned, a long long time ago. I believe Open just wants us to be aware.

Let me go on here, assuming that it was Open that posted it... and look at the username Fackerman...

Is this even serious, or am I on a tangent (and having fun with it)?
Facker... Focker... like in "Meet the Fockers"?
Open, for the next testimonial, you may want to consider MindFack as another username...

Can someone registered there please remind FackYou that Open promised to spell it out at the end of the 28th, and this point should not be forgotten, nor overlooked?

Of course, not spelling it out keeps it more mystical. It's all fine and dandy. But then, s/he should not have said so, and later changed his mind. He went straight from mystical into deceiving. A fine line there, isn't it? Yeah...

I especially like this part:

My personal belief is that Open is the shepherd that knows not which way to go; but he/she sees pastures ahead, and feels it is time to move the flock.

Right... let's all move blindfolded in circles around the pasture, and see if the flock falls off the steep cliff, straight into the ocean.

Breaking news!!!

New addition to the Oct28 site:

How is any of this here? Don't just ask yourself the question, dwell on it.

While we dwell on that, Open, why don't you dwell on the fact that you are still not keeping your word? Time to update the site, but no time to explain a few things?

@Exades

thank you for commenting on the Record - A humble opinion post -regarding the unkept promise.

reply to post by buddhatrance


No problem

That post was bugging me too. I just don't understand the blind faith in someone who's done nothing to deserve it. Open seems to want people to question reality, but not him. I don't get why this doesn't bother them.

reply to post by Exades


I feel the same way.
Some behaviors should raise one's antennas.

Ok, so I had a doctor's appt this morning and was reading ATS on my mobile phone while waiting in the exam room when I read what Buddha posted from the record site, this is what got me:

Originally posted by buddhatrance

The mysticism of Open is very valueable.

I busted out laughing!!! I think they even heard me upfront in the reception area. If laugher is the best medicine, I got a real good dose out of that one!

Thank you Buddha for posting it here, I might have missed it other wise. And what made it even more funny is that statement followed this:

This place would become like any other, “new age, spiritual, philosophical” forum topic.

So it's already not like any other “new age, spiritual, philosophical” topic, yet "open" is a mystic?!?

Just goes along with the other contradiction of 'doubt reality, but not open'.

OiO

Originally posted by Exades
reply to post by buddhatrance

 

No problem

That post was bugging me too. I just don't understand the blind faith in someone who's done nothing to deserve it. Open seems to want people to question reality, but not him. I don't get why this doesn't bother them.

edit on 4-11-2011 by Exades because: (no reason given)

edit on 4-11-2011 by Exades because: (no reason given)

Yes, thank you Exades for posting over on Record!!

As for why "they" aren't questioning "open", didn't you see? "open" is now a mystic!!!! oooohhhh, aaaaahhhh....
Forget bending spoons, that's unenlightened child's play..... "open" can bend reality! ((but not so much that there are those of us still asking questions, reality can't bend that far))

OiO

I have a limited supply of Hemlock.
Who gets it? Socrates or Open?

reply to post by OneisOne


LOL Oio!
Even worse, if you had to actually explain why you were laughing.

You see... there is a cat going through wormholes and time warps, but Open is Closed, and no one is tending the box... He made a broken promise, and now his mysticism is quite valuable, and I find this very funny... you should check it out..

Yes... please... take a seat, while we call the green cross, will you?

reply to post by OneisOne


Ooooh, but in a parallel timeline we are all excited disciples, drooling after his every scribble on a quantum website. It only in this illusion that we are remembering a broken promise.

On the other hand, the devotees in this reality are very upset with Open in the other timeline.

However you bend it, the spelling it out is still due in both realities...