Child Support -- Vendetta Against Males

reply to post by Ausar


Whose god? What's a god? Sorry, I live in Western society and whatever that is has no effect on me.

reply to post by Hefficide


Im not putting my child in the middle of this. Again the way the system is set up in my area, the judge is a man hating lesbian, this is a well known fact. Im not complaining about paying the child support. My concern is knowing where the money goes. There is not system in place to protect the monetary part of the what the child recieves. Also, it is damn near impossible, because of the judge, to get custody of my child. The mother of my daughter is all about herself, she was the one using my daughter as leverage. She did not file for child support and yes i was paying, until i got into another relationship a fathered a daughter with my fiance, thats when she went and got a pfa, with no abuse, mental or physical, against me to keep my daughter away from me. I went to court denied the allegations, because they were false, i swore on the bible, the judge said that they would have to question my 3 year old daughter in further court proceedings. I did not want to get my daughter involved in this so I denied them to do so. I dont want my daughter remembering going and having been asked if daddy beat her, it breaks my heart. So now I have to take parenting classes, with a bunch of degerates to even see my daughter by myself. Again the abuse allegations were lies to get back at me for starting a new relationship with a wonderful woman. I can also not go hunting for three years or own guns for that matter, one of my favorite things to do because my ex said that she felt that I would kill her. Again NO PHYSICAL OR MENTAL abuse had ever happened, no police records, nothing, this was becuase of the man hating judge. I am now treated like a criminal and a terrible father because my ex got jealous. The system is corrupt!

Originally posted by LadySkadi
I would love to see a system by which a specific account is set up that child-support pymts. are paid into and any withdrawals from this account would be audited at the end of the year to ensure that funds were used specifically for the children they were meant for. Now, any egregious spending (i.e. Momma decided she wanted breast implants) would be a mandated refund to the account, etc. Since the majority of child-support is set up by the Courts, this auditing should be taken place by a court appointed children's advocate or some 3rd party.

Very good idea, but will force the government to create jobs and give money back to the people so it will probably never happen unless used as misleading poster-litigation to create the false hope that they care about the citizens' pockets.

reply to post by snapperski


Read what i post before you tell me to man up. I have been paying since before she was even born to support her. Im saying her mother is a terrible person who spends the money on herself and not the child, on cigarettes beer and good times..The courts will not allow me to have custody because the judge is a man hating lesbian. Are you following this. I am not some idiot who doesnt support their kids, im pissed because my kids are not being supported because of the corrupt system, what do you not get?!

reply to post by logicalthinking


In all honesty, I do have a great deal of compassion for what you are going through. As I stated earlier, I went through Hell with my divorce and the subsequent events that it spawned. I too felt violated over child support. The opinions I am sharing here are my honest beliefs after having spent years in the system and years of anger.

I did, one day, come to the realization that I was angry at my ex and NOT at the financial issues.

And I do admit that the system is skewed. But in ways that aren't about money. It's unfair to fathers quite often but the money issue is a red herring to me. It's always about visitation / familial issues - such as the custodial parent speaking poorly of the non-custodial parent / anger over the court etc. The money is just the last resort "weapon" that a non-custodial parent has. And it shouldn't be.

So, sympathy abounds, but my opinion here remains unchanged.

~Heff

reply to post by logicalthinking


I understand your frustration . . . I also have an ex that misused funds for drugs and the like; she was actually convicted of it and yet my support again goes to her. I realize that people make mistakes, because I have made mine. I now just monitor the situation as close as possible. My child is with me several months out of the year yet my support stays the same for all 12 months of the year because she needs to maintain a house for our child.

reply to post by logicalthinking


The system isn't fair. Nothing is fair.
Being angry and frustrated is understandable but it isn't helping you.
You feel like a victim and it is not of any benefit to you although your ex may enjoy it. (some do)

Your situation calls for something beyond just holding onto a job and paying the bills.

I took a job in Iraq so that I could get ahead of the bills and child support. It gave me enough breathing room to build a life that didn't revolve around the next child support payment or court date. I'm not telling you to go to Iraq but you might want to consider a big move to change your situation.

It might take going to night school or apprenticing in a new career. It might take traveling someplace where there are better jobs. Even another state or country. You might have to work nights or get a cash job on the side but the only way to deal with it is get ahead, stay ahead, and don't dwell on what a victim you are.

Find a support group. They are out there. They can help sometimes.

It still comes down to you and what you do. The best remedy is to make enough money to stay ahead of the game. It took me 6 years to get to that point after my divorce and I consider myself lucky.

It's not easy. It sucks but if you keep looking at yourself as a victim then you'll never rise above it.

Originally posted by Brood

Originally posted by LadySkadi
I would love to see a system by which a specific account is set up that child-support pymts. are paid into and any withdrawals from this account would be audited at the end of the year to ensure that funds were used specifically for the children they were meant for. Now, any egregious spending (i.e. Momma decided she wanted breast implants) would be a mandated refund to the account, etc. Since the majority of child-support is set up by the Courts, this auditing should be taken place by a court appointed children's advocate or some 3rd party.

Very good idea, but will force the government to create jobs and give money back to the people so it will probably never happen unless used as misleading poster-litigation to create the false hope that they care about the citizens' pockets.

Frankly, I think putting a Govt. bureaucracy in charge of anything will likely be met with fraud, mismanagement, and/or something slipping through the cracks. We've enough of that past/present to know it is to be expected. In an ideal world, this type of "support arrangement" would be worked out, (with the Courts agreement/oversight such that there is some sort of accountability), between parents and to suit individual circumstances and I don't understand why this is something that is not brought up and addressed in court or between lawyers, in the beginning? Perhaps the system is not set up to address it (seems most likely) or perhaps status quo is just easier? and that is shameful.

IMHO instead of being angry with the situation, or the responses that your getting, maybe you should wait till Monday morning, pick up the phone and make some calls. Whenever Im in a situation that I do not want to fully disclose the details but want answers, I always find it a good thing to make some calls and ask some hypothetical's.

Be polite, and in detail about the situation, not your personal info, but maybe say your calling for a friend. This has gotten me LOTS of information, and you will find that people are indeed quite helpful, when you are polite and well mannered. Something as simple as looking through the white pages in your phone book can help you alot. Also whatever information that you, just ask politely for their name's, so that you can backtrack what you have been told.

If you really want things to change, you may have to take the steps to insure yourself proper treatment in this situation. Depending on the "system" to do the right thing is never truly going to happen, or by the time it does your kid will have kids of their own. At least this way if your child asks, you can say I fought for you, and to ensure that what ever provided was fully used for your benefit.

Also I agree with the poster that said that by bringing this on with the mother, be sure that you are aware that by angering the mother, you will not make the situation for the child easier, but may in fact complicate things, so be careful, as some moves you may find may not work in your favor either way.

Peace, NRE.

thanks everyone for the advice

I agree. I didnt know that I had a kid till she was 6 months old. The mom will not let me see her, however she has marched me up to the system I finally got caught up after a few years and make payments of way more than she needs every month and do not get to see her cuz absolutely no reason. But its cool someday she will come looking for me and I can tell her the truth. If she beleives it or not is on her? Im doing the best I can everyday so I feel your pain.

I agree with the system there should be some checks and ballances. I know that my 450.00 a month is paying her boyfreinds H3 but its ok too.

I think there should be a child support store they have reasonable shoes, toys, pampers, clothes, and food/ formula and last a special order so that the kids can have specialty stuff that isnt in the store, and 3/4 the money go into a card that can only be used there. Also allow 1/4 to be cash to assist with rent or special things that are needed.

Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by Lemon.Fresh

 

What I went through with my divorce tops, by far and away, what is being talked about here. For example, two years into paying my child support to the state my ex decided, for giggles, to have a warrant taken out for me for "felony abandonment of a minor child" and successfully had me arrested and detained until I could make 250k in bail. That's just one fun moment.

Again, a persons child support is CHILD SUPPORT. Not a weapon against an ex-wife or an excuse to punish one. My child support was always way less than what I would have paid had I been custodial.

To try and bend ones responsibility like this is just whining.

~Heff

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Seriously. Thank you.

So many good men have piped up on this thread already it brings a tear to my eye.

Cheers to you all gentlemen.

reply to post by logicalthinking


Simple solutions?

Dont get women pregnant! Keep your *snip* in your pants..use effective contraception or dont have sex until your with someone you can commit fully to, and still find beautiful when their mean and ugly.

Take some responsibility and stop crying poor me about the consequences you chose!

On this issue......men and women are often as bad as the other...but this isnt about *you*..its about the kids.

reply to post by rushunt


L-A-W-Y-E-R.

Find me the one that won't take your case for visitiation, or shared custody.

Originally posted by rushunt
I agree. I didnt know that I had a kid till she was 6 months old. The mom will not let me see her, however she has marched me up to the system I finally got caught up after a few years and make payments of way more than she needs every month and do not get to see her cuz absolutely no reason. But its cool someday she will come looking for me and I can tell her the truth. If she beleives it or not is on her? Im doing the best I can everyday so I feel your pain.

I have been in a similar situation, and there is NO recourse. You cannot buy food, or other goods and provide these to the child, they want money, pure and simple. I paid my bit for the 18 years that my son was underage, and did so without being allowed to visit or participate in his life. Am I bitter? Well, not anymore. He came looking for me after he turned of legal age, and was able to see what his mother denied him of.

I didn't have to deride her, or show him what a useless parent she was, he could see it in the quality of life his 2 half sisters had. A quality of life that was denied him by his mother. No amount of the father complaining rings truer than that kid seeing first hand what they missed. So hang in there, it will come around.

As an interesting side point, I did get a notice that the Maintenance Enforcement people had garnished my tax refund. So I called them, and I asked if I was behind by $3000 or more?..they replied no, I then asked if I were 90 days in arrears? then also replied no. So my next question was: Under what authority did they garnish my tax refund? Seeing as I was not in arrears, not had I missed any payments, they replied...in a concerned and hurried tone...that they weren't sure what was going on....

I then explained that i was aware of the rules governing their ability to enforce these laws and agreements, but that they were restricted to a person actually having breached that law or agreement before they were able to take action. In this case they were in a sue able position as I had not breached any law or agreement, and they knew it. They quickly reveres the garnishment and the restrictions they put on my drivers license.

My point in this; is that we do still have some rights, and as long as you are paying what was agreed upon you can flex those rights when it is necessary. Sadly, those are probably the only rights we have. If the custodial parent decides not to honor the visitation agreement, you don't have much recourse at all.

..Ex

reply to post by v3_exceed


Wow. Good for you. you sound intelligent and I like the way that you think.

I too have a wife and a child and you are right if/ no when she comes to find me she will be quite surprised at what she missed out on and probably confused as the lies dont add up!

you have encouraged me today. thank you.


As far as a Lawyer, yeah I could go that route. But in Texas if they arent at the pickup point you file a complaint with the law and they slap her hand and let them do it over and over and over. It is quite pointless at this time for me. I truly wish it was different but it isnt. Im o.k. with that. I know the truth and so does my wife and my little one.

My best freind has a similar issue she doesnt let the kid come around etc. etc. but seems to call around christmas. His response is usually im sorry I pay your mom xxx.xx a month sweetie tell her to go get that for you. hahahaha

I think one of the sadest implications of our current system is that it defacto provides an incentive for mothers to leave the marriage. Namely, why should she hang around and deal with his dirty socks when she can get paid - after tax - and have some on the side to boot"?

I was forced to pay so much child support, she didn't even work for the first 10 years after we got divorced. And I was only paying child support.

Further, our Supreme Court of Canada has made it clear that the mother doesn't have to be accountable in any way as to how the money is spent, and they also acknowled and accepted the fact she receives personal benefit from it.

Nice gig.

heck yeah thats a good gig. What about in a situation where she has 3 kids by 3 different dads. that adds up to some serious income!

Originally posted by rushunt
heck yeah thats a good gig. What about in a situation where she has 3 kids by 3 different dads. that adds up to some serious income!

In that case, the men have to get organized.

I would argue that the average of all three incomes would be used to determine the monthly payment and that each man would pay their proportional amount.

I would love to see a judge try and rule against that proposal. Namely, this would be about 60% cheaper than if each father was to pay the amount associated with one child.