They're Made Out of Meat

"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"So ... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat."

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."

Just stumbled upon this and thought it was funny/insightful, couldn't find it on ats or bts.

Source

Mods: If this is inappropriate here I apologize, feel free to move it.

This is highly ammusing, I find the irony delicious ! I wonder how many times such a thing might have happened if all of life was a sitcom?

"They talk by flapping their meat at each other"

lolllll you any idea how wrong that sounds. Or am i just really immature XD cant help it guys but if someone flapped their meat at me. Then id propbly kick them in it.

I for one, welcome out meaty overlords

I just recently read this short story in a Collection-type book. How weird!!


Neat story though.

I LOVE this short story! I was just thinking about it the other day. Glad you posted it! The human body is kind of disgusting when you think about it... lots of nasty stuff can happen to us, and yet we'll go right on living through it all.

We smell pretty bad too... gotta love us! haha

Without taking time to view the source...are we the meat? Is that the point?

reply to post by Alaskan Man


LOL @ calling the FRUITS MEAT SMMFH....So who calles fruites meat?????? probably DRAGON SNACKS LMAO @ DRAGON SNACKS!!!!!!!!

I feel lonely now...my poor lonely meaty soul

we need to find a potato race...they may accept us...who doesnt love meat and potato's

I feel sorry for those poor scouts and their race. To never know the pleasures of the meat.

ETA: wrong their


[edit on 4-3-2010 by Cole DeSteele]

Strange, they failed to mention most of them are cannibals.

Reminds me of that old Indian joke. (No offense to anyone.)

Indian Chief delivers message to tribe at big pow wow.

The bad news is White man coming to try and take our land.

The good news, they taste just like Buffalo.

Sorry.



[edit on 4-3-2010 by kinda kurious]

reply to post by SaturnFX


Excellent insight!

I used to live in Idaho. Definitely the closest thing to Potato People. And easy to get along with as well (for the most part).

We also like to cook our meat in the Sun!

Ha ha. I wonder, if E.T. Has actually had a chat about us Human meat popsical's like that..?

so if we would go to war with them and win, does that mean that we beat the meat??

reply to post by Alaskan Man


OMG, I loved this!! LOL!

S & F for you!!!!

reply to post by TXRabbit


Comedy is a rare medium if well done.

Thanks for taking all the pressure off the rest of us.


[edit on 4-3-2010 by kinda kurious]

reply to post by SaturnFX


hahahahahahah!!!!! the best one yet.. meat and potatoes!!!

I love this thread.

hello from sunny berkeley!

reply to post by TXRabbit


So.................
2nd NEVERMIND

reply to post by Alaskan Man



Nice to Know! And so simple...

The picture of god is also very interesting. Makes me remember another idea... Wath if WE create god? Or, to put it in a better way, wath if GOD was, in fact, some less advanced sentient being then US but, for some reason, we have this strange memory of IT as a... GOD...

reply to post by Alaskan Man


So what is this? A short story? A fairy tale?
Pics or it didnt happen.