Narcissism? Or 'Internet Disease'...

reply to post by Dock9

He said, very simply, ' The only thing to do is remember the good times. It's a choice. So I just remember all the happy times '

Very smart man. Is he single?

No, you know I'm teasing - levity and humor helps a lot when things are dark though.

And he's right - remember the good and move on and learn.

Thanks so much for your post.

Silo, when the truth came out how did he/she/whatever react? Did they remain calm, blow up, blame you? Concerning Narcissism or "internet disease" I'd say a personality disorder may be at play, some of it reminds me of sociopathy and the questions I asked may or may not shed some light on this situation. In addition, I have a friend, who has had a relationship for almost ten years with a person he met online, but the only thing is, they've never met in person. The fact people can hide behind the internet and behave in such behavior is wrong and I'd say such people most likely can't hold relationships offline.



[edit on 13-2-2010 by EMPIRE]

reply to post by silo13


You know, I was just thinking the same thing --- how smart he really is for adopting that attitude in the middle of all he was going through. I'd never realised before how profound it is. And how helpful it is, how healing, how self-caring

Most of us do the opposite, don't we ? We mourn our losses. Or we focus on how the other person has hurt us ... how much they've taken from and cost us, emotionally and in terms of time and lost opportunities and loss of trust

But he's right. There were good times, too. And they're still there, in our memory and at cellular level. The happy times are part of us. They're how we spent those weeks or months or years ... in happiness

Those moments of joy and happiness are OURS. The sadness and loss can't negate them

You had those glorious happy times too. Lots of them. They're yours. They don't have to be locked away. They're part of you and they contributed to the you of now. They helped build you

The 'happys' are bigger than the sads and you can take them out and enjoy them and use them to make you strong. They're yours and they will help you smile your way through to the tomorrows

Same with the love. It was given to you. It was gifted to you. It's yours to keep forever


edited to say: Yes, he's single (but lives in Australia and I think quite a bit older than you. But very nice with a lovely soft laugh and lean and brown )

[edit on 13-2-2010 by Dock9]

reply to post by Dock9

Doc, what a beautiful post.
Between you and a few others posting here something amazing is shining through.

The Internet, though it can be the playground for sickos, malcontents, those lacking the intellectual ability or depth and their own self worth to be anything but destructive and hurtfull?

Well, there are more of us that are good, and kind and caring and have the personal integrity to recognize when others suffer and respond to it in kind.

The disease works both ways. We can spread the hate, like a vicious cold, or we can perpetuate understanding and allow care and understanding go viral.

And you're right.

No one, no one can take the good, unless we let them...

No one can *take our joy* as they say.

Thanks again for your post, you are one of the many examples on this thread of people who make the Internet a worthwhile place to spend time.

peace


[edit on 13-2-2010 by silo13]

Forgive me if this has already been asked or revealed, but I did read most of the posts and scanned through some of the others. Did this person mention anything about being transgender?

reply to post by silo13


I don't know what I was expecting from the title - but it wasn't this

You're angry - that part is understandable. For what it's worth - I don't see it as narcissism

Fear and loneliness - this is what I see

Someone connected with you and wasn't sure what they could risk - so they risked nothing and lied. A deal with the devil. It could only end one way

They're paying for it now - but I hope with time you can show this person some compassion. You were friends after all

Life is messy

So, this relationship was not what you thought it was - and what they did was wrong. Understandable - but wrong - and they hurt you. I'd be willing to bet that with the exception of the deception about their gender - you were talking to the real person the whole time

So - an interesting lesson for all of us about who and what we really are - people first

Everything else seems to be somewhat superficial

Like I said - I don't see it as narcissism at all. It was selfish and needy - but we're all selfish and needy from time to time





[edit on 2/13/2010 by Spiramirabilis]

Originally posted by silo13
The disease works both ways. We can spread the hate, like a vicious cold, or we can perpetuate understanding and allow care and understanding go viral.

Then it is not a disease, it is a virus.

A medical virus, organic virus, chemic virus, computer virus, etc.... they are all a virus and seriously there is nothing different about any of them.

Not everybody is going to believe there isn't a difference, yet that lack of belief is exactly why people can't see the difference in AIDS and CANCER to know they are they same (except some organic species of cancer). I think you had a question if they were, in a very vague indirect way.

Consider that my hand played a role in the creation/spread of the Internet, I hate to be considered a designer/infector of Internet diseases.

I know a good virus.

[edit on 13-2-2010 by dzonatas]

reply to post by OmegaLogos


God you speak some utter rubbish at times...

reply to post by Spiramirabilis


Great post, Spira! I feel much like you do with what information that we've been given. I see two people who needed each other and connected in a very deep way. This new revelation doesn't mean that what they shared was not real. IMO, love transcends gender. The packaging shouldn't matter. That's just me.

Well, this is exactly why I don't do the internet dating thing.If I can't find someone out in the wolrld to date on my own, then, as far as I am concerned, I'm hopeless.

Honestly, we are living in a culture where people are no longer going to the bars, even the single clubs, to meet people. Why this is the case,I would assume, is because we are living in an overly technological society. Hell, people don't even know how to use their tongues to speak anymore.

It's rather a sad state of affairs.

In regards to your question, I'd say that it is a matter of fear. Whoever the person is, they fear that you will reject them if you know the truth about them. People hide behind their LCD screens. :shk:

Originally posted by SpeakerofTruth
Why this is the case,I would assume, is because we are living in an overly technological society.

People complain they don't want to work, so we automate their jobs.

Then they complain they have no work.

Is there word for that.... hmmm... "bordeom"?

Wait until the feel what complete utter boredom is like, then they might actually get interested in the ability to program DNA in order to teach a baby how to work. Not just step by step, but I mean chemical by chemical and every little logic detail that would go into the creation of such means to make it look all natural an beautiful as if the baby learned all by oneself.

It's rather a sad state of affairs.

Perhaps, one really doesn't know what technology can do. I tend to be much more Ag-Biotech oriented, so I even criticize techno that is of synthetic design that removes the beauty of nature.

It may sound if I digressed, so i won't go into much more other than to state that to someone of ag-biotech that the virtual reality behind a screen is no different than the real world... its the same exact matter. There is nothing fake about it.

Perhaps you haven't given the screen in front of your eyes a good look while you tap on it and realize those are real colors and real solid surface there. If a computer can manipulate reality like that in front of your face, wait until to realize just how much of reality can really be manipulated like this without the monitor.

*wink*

People hide behind their LCD screens.

Computer are people, and the eyes are LCD. Chemical for chemical.

mmhmm... us ag-biotech types like to call that '___' as in "Divineness Momentium Truth"



Mods, I had too say it

Originally posted by dzonatas


Perhaps, one really doesn't know what technology can do.

No, but I think we are getting some good indications. We are living in a world where patience is non-existant. Instant gratification is worshipped. Social retardation has become the norm. I could go on. But, I'll spare you, techno buff.

i didn't know what to expect from this thread but this certainly wasn't it.

...we all more or less come to ATS to rationalize fears we can't seem to totally deal with directly. ATS is a great way to externalize them and comiserate in a way that alleviates our frustration about the things we know or are interested in, and possibly even the feelings of paranoia.

i wish there was a sweet way to say it, but there's no point in sugar coating it--honesty is the only thing that makes sense... anything but creates this messed up world everyone on ATS lives in and is trying to rationalize.

this person had no reason to lie to you other than to get off in some way. call it narcissism, egotism, domination, penis envy, fear, self-loathing.
maybe they think they look boyish, maybe the person they married (who obviously died of a disease) was also insecure and they just wanted to not be lonely because they have low self esteem, who knows? maybe they presented themselves as a guy on the onset because they would appear less vulnerable via the internet and it was thrilling to them to live a secret life and feel the feelings they couldn't have reciprocated in their hetero day to day.

at any rate it was all at your expense. they used you to float their feelings about themself. but silo.. TWELVE YEARS? i dunno, i'm not exactly sure how to comfrot you except to help you see things straight. i think you just need to be totally frank with them and talk about it. yeah their spouse just died but they knew it was gonna happen. don't you think it's sick that even during alll that they lied to you? that maybe you were keeping them happy because they had some control in their life?

you're owed a pretty lengthy reason why this continued. and then you need to go out with some friends, have some adult beverages, and laugh it allllllll off.

were all here on the slightly romantic search for truth. anything but the truth corrupts everything in our environment. ok i'm done before my post gets any more messy...

but do what i said.

Originally posted by silo13

I can honestly say I would never have allowed myself into a relationship with a married man if his wife was whole, living and sleeping with him and out of the hospital - none of which was the case with her.

You seem to have confused love and sex. Had he loved her, he would not have had even an Internet relationship. Reminds me of Edwards. Whether he or she, they never had a real relationship to begin with. He /She was cheating all along and so were you. Not what you wanted to hear?

Your here for absolution are you not? Some mistakes we make, we just have to live with.

Silo babe thanks for this thread... I sort of know what you ae talking about because i'm still dealing with the aftermath of my own romantic adventure into the land of virtual reality...

And in the spirit of being open and honest, I want to share my own experience as a lesson to other people and a comfort to those who are also still dealing with this type of thing...

Two years ago I started talking with an australian guy online... He is gorgeous.. The photo he posted was him, and he looked damn hot!! lol.. He told me he had his own building business, and we kind of hit off because I have my own marketing/business development consultancy and he would pick my brains on how to improve his business.. Or so I thought... He also put himself across as a man of faith and wrote the most beautifull and poetic words I have ever read.. They made me cry.. And as an ex soldier that is had to do, but as a woman, he touched my soul, and his words made me feel like he had always known me, and even with the distance... Me being in the UK and him australia, it seemed that love really had no geographical boundries, and that he was a mans man.. Rugged and wholesome.. A man who would defend my honour.. And love me....

I started to get "that feeling" when he was too snowed under with work to come see me... The excuses kept coming so me being the adventurous bitch i am said scew this, i have loads of family and freinds in oz so Im gonna visit... I got to his house to find him still living with mommy, and his "business" was his dads.. However I was soooo in love with him that I was blinded to his lies about many other things.. Like he was still married for instance.. he kind of left that out.. Separated but maried none the less with kids... His dad even got me to one side and said that he would never do me any good!!! Yet I didnt listen...
When I got back here, he constantly was on the phone which was fine by me.. However he broke into my email accounts, even on this site and pretended to be me, many times, making me look like a dick to you guys who I respect, and need, coz you guys are the only outlet I have in my life for my mad theories, and can have intelectual discussions and debate the things i hold dear.... He wanted me to be like all the other women he knew who are all about babies, shopping without any life of their own...
I was ready to move there.. Sold my house... Went through all of the crap that comes with moving to australia, which cost a fortune.. Then found out all that crap about him... Suffice to say I'm single again... And as a woman who see's herself as inteligent and independant etc.. I let my heart rule my head and was swept away in a sea of romance...

Well... Up to the point where he did something and I broke his nose!!! But that is another story to add to this crap...

I wont do it again though to be sure!!!

You live and learn!

[edit on 102828p://f37Saturday by Selahobed]

reply to post by SpeakerofTruth


if I were blind or deaf - would the way in which I connected and interacted with other people be any less meaningful or real than the way sighted and hearing people connect and interact?

it's all real

reply to post by gazerstar

That's just me

not just you

:-)

reply to post by Spiramirabilis


You are comparing apples to grapes. Of course, even over the internet, the emotion may be "real." However, humans are, first and foremost, social creatures. To socialize means to be both verbally and physially in contact with one another.

We live in a society, and I am just as guilty as any, where we are neither. The only difference between myself and others is that I SEE it. We don't even talk on the phone anymore. Everything is texting or e-mail.

reply to post by SpeakerofTruth

You are comparing apples to grapes.

I wasn't comparing anything - kinda my point

it's all real - it doesn't matter how we arrive where we arrive

Of course, even over the internet, the emotion may be "real." However, humans are, first and foremost, social creatures. To socialize means to be both verbally and physially in contact with one another.

how is the internet not social?

I understand that we are physical creatures - but we aren't only physical

nothing prevents us from getting to know each other on the internet

we can also lie to each other in person - we often do

obviously some kinds of deception would be harder to pull off in person - what happened to the OP wouldn't have happened had they met

however - meeting someone at a bar doesn't guarantee that you won't marry an axe murderer

:-)

We don't even talk on the phone anymore. Everything is texting or e-mail.

once upon a time - we didn't talk on the phone either - we communicated long distance by letter

or drums

or - not at all

stuff happens - things change

reply to post by Spiramirabilis


Your answers seem familiar....Do I know you? Probably not. Some of your answers just remind me of the way someone that I know would answer me. She's always got a rebuttal to my bull#.