Narcissism? Or 'Internet Disease'...

reply to post by OmegaLogos

But I don't think that is narcissism....its wanting what they know they can't have and lying to get it. That is GREED!

Wow, I hadn't thought of that!

Now that's something to think about, no joke.

Thank you for that.

Greed goes a longggg way describing this I think. Thank you again.

I'll still chalk it up to a narcissist. A greedy one, lol.

Thanks

Originally posted by silo13
Yeah, that's why I was thinking narcissist.

But.......it could be something else.

What i mean is, the only thing i know about the person is the information you are giving us. I have a big issue with judgment based on one-side stories. The only "relation" i have with this person is the 3 minutes she was in my head because i was reading your story.

You had a 12 year relationship with this person and you are not even sure what personality trade made her do this.

Maybe she had reasons that you (and most certainly I) are not aware of.....

I really think that confrontation and conversation with this person is the only option that will give you the answers you are looking for.

Peace

reply to post by imans
First of all thank you for your post.
If it was as tough to write as it was painful to read I should give you two stars if possible.
And no, I'm not poking fun at you I'm allowing for the fact that I don't think English is your first language.

Moving on.

The relationship stayed virtual for two reasons.

One.
The was married and his wife was dying and I had NO design for the relationship to go physical while his wife was alive.
I didn't allow myself to think of life after her death, it isn't in my makeup.

Two.
I live in one country, he (she) lives in another. For many reasons there was no option of moving.

Three.
Oh I said two points but here's number three...

Three.
I don't care who says you cannot find love on the Internet, they're wrong.
Even after this horrific experience, I will stand by that.

You call me crazy? That's your right. It's your opinion.
I call you uninformed.
And no, I will not explain it any more than that, your mind is already closed.

Funny that. You encourage me to take up the life of a lesbian - Saying I just might even 'like it' - But you're so closed minded you label me 'crazy' and accuse me of being responsible for this tragedy due to my inability to interact in real life?

lol - You lost all credibility in my book with that one.

Thanks again for your post.


[edit on 13-2-2010 by silo13]

reply to post by operation mindcrime

What i mean is, the only thing i know about the person is the information you are giving us. I have a big issue with judgment based on one-side stories.

That is the tough part. I agree with you there. And I regret the situation does not allow her *side* of things.

You had a 12 year relationship with this person and you are not even sure what personality trade made her do this.

Well, I know the excuses I can make for her.

She was in a long term relationship with a woman who was the love of her life.
The woman was dying.
She was terrified of being alone and unloved.
When she was alone and lonely and in grief she fell in love, with me.
Now faced with the fear of loosing me also?
I can't imagine living in that kind of hell.
I sympathies and empathizes with her on all fronts.
But I cannot excuse the lie.
And the heartache I'm feeling now.

I really think that confrontation and conversation with this person is the only option that will give you the answers you are looking for.

How can I respond to someone who says they did it out of love.

I don't understand that kind of love.

Thus my reason for asking others, here, if they do.

Thanks tons.

[edit on 13-2-2010 by silo13]

Originally posted by silo13
reply to post by berenike

 

I would still stand by my first post if there wasn't the romantic element to the deception.

I'm not sure I understand this part, but, I will think on it.

Sorry not to be clear.

I just meant that when I first wrote I didn't know that you were romantically involved with the other person. I was thinking that your friend's gender needn't have been an issue.

I understand now that you've been colossally betrayed and besides the fact that you might find forgiveness difficult, you are grieving (as you say) for a lover who no longer exists.

I hope you have people around to support you, this could be a lonely time for you.

reply to post by silo13


Explanation: Another St*r for you!

Personal Disclosure: I'm glad I was able to recalibrate accurately after getting it so wrong!

Click here for more information.

This is kind of a misrepresentation of npd, or narcisstic personality disorder. Yes, it is a person who presents you with a complete inflated ego. They are better, stronger, faster. They are name droppers. They need constant adoration. And any perceived slight against their ego can result in an allout rage. For example, borrowing something of theirs, and not putting it back before they need it. Can result in a rage. Because you were not thinking of THEM and putting them first and making sure the object was back in its spot for them. Since you were not thinking wholly of them and their needs, it results in a rage.
BTW people with npd go into politics, or hollywood. Because they are searching to rub elbows with the elite, earn bragging rights, and get admirers.

What you are missing here is the cause of npd.

The cause is actually opposite of the ego they project. It is complete despair, inferiority, insecurity. On the inside you have an abused, neglected frightened child who suffers nothing but despair. People with NPD create this false ego as a defense mechanism. To protect that scared child. It is a few steps lower then creating an alternate personality. Causes of both are the same, an emotionally absent or sick parent. Or trauma at a young age.
Most mental illnesses can be traced to this cause.

Narcissism is a very misunderstood concept. It is a more frequent afflication then people think because no one recognizes it. They think is someone who is love with themselves. And in a sense that is true. But that person isn't truely in love with themselves, they are trying to portray a protective shell. A complete opposite of what they feel inside, as a form of protection.
That being said:

To have someone pull themselves off as a gender they are not is going into more obscure psychology. There may not be anything wrong at all.

They may have loved this person and would do anything to get them into their lives. How many lovesruck people have said: I will do ANYTHING for you. Well, some people mean it, including portraying someone they are not.

I have had men tell me all sorts of whoppers, and work so hard for me to think they are someone: funny, intelligent.

And yes, people even go to the physical to seem attractive. Padded bras, nice clothes. cologne. Makeup. It is quite awhile before our dates see our normal states. For me it is usually hair in a bun and pajama bottoms.
Funny how it works. we create an image of what we think they want, instead of what state that we are happy in.

So it is not too far fetched for someone to pretend to be a gender, in my book. If you really wanted to be with someone. IT is going to the extreme.


I just wonder how you pull that off. Unless your partner is conservative in bed, and ahem. You have to keep the lights off.

This is both hurtful and all to common on the internet--and yes, it is ONLY the internet that makes such misrepresentation possible. 'Internet Disease' might be a misnomer of sorts, but it is about as accurate a term as we have currently.

At the very least, it indicates a dishonest person, a player, fraud. A fake.

At worst, it indicates a deep self loathing mental disorder of a high degree in my opinion.


Best of luck to you in all you do. And in all things remember to never, ever blame yourself for the idiocy and deception of others.


Regards.

Silo, we all have skeletons that would change the way someone would see us. Some skeletons are bigger then others.

I have so many I can't close the closet door.


I understand perfectly why you are upset. It changes everything. And now you have to question the whole relationship, and redefine it.

You have to go through a grieving period.

See, I can see love transcending genders. I can where you would love someone so that gender doesn't matter. But sometimes gender limits us.

For example, my best friend I adore. We are close. We could not talk for six months but know each other is there. If we were not attracted to men and wanted to have babies, it could be so much more, if we were not limited to gender preferences.

I think Brokeback Mountain is an incredible movie for portraying this. Love when it exceeds the body and gender. Yet the problems you face if you go against the rules.

reply to post by nixie_nox


yes you are intelligent, truth is always one since it is always present itself

so it is the objective result one as itself sources one, what is called the living truth because of itself abstraction absolutely result one

so it is always about conscious as abstractions free sources results as livings facts, excuses and justifications of wills or powers are always meaning the only choice of livings facts constances, so conditions are the responsable much away before anyone knowing his life constant realisation is not right

that is why gods are saying to kill now conscious lives but they should kill them as gods creators first

reply to post by nixie_nox


I read your post and read it again.

Absolutely fascinating.

The more I read I do believe she fits the ideal.

It breaks my heart she felt she needed this kind of deception and that is something else I'll have to deal with, but, it's ok.

Your post has gone a LONG way to helping me understand and in that there is peace.

Thank you so much.

First off... Secondly...how in the hell does someone say they had a relationship for 12 years...yet had never met. Me personally if I was to do this..I would do it for fun....make some poor loser fall for you would be a great way to kill time if your bored, but who invests 12 years of thier lives. So no sympathy or empathy here...you fell for a faceless person and got suckered..it was your fault and only your fault...you can blame the liar all you want...but it was your gulliblilty that got you in this mess.

reply to post by kerazeesicko

First off... Secondly...how in the hell does someone say they had a relationship for 12 years...yet had never met. Me personally if I was to do this..I would do it for fun....make some poor loser fall for you would be a great way to kill time if your bored, but who invests 12 years of thier lives. So no sympathy or empathy here...you fell for a faceless person and got suckered..it was your fault and only your fault...you can blame the liar all you want...but it was your gulliblilty that got you in this mess.

Thanks for your opinion.

It reminded me how even when I'm miserable I'm lucky not to be you.

You really went a long way to cheering me up and I'll even give you a star for that.

That you are so closed minded that you think something like this can't happen?

Well, I hope and pray you never have a better half and one of you has to go abroad for years (such as the military) or gets sick and needs the hospital for an extended amount of time. Because by your way of thinking it's out of sight out of mind huh?

As for your philosophy ---> If you can't see em, screw 'em? And you're proud of it? Wow... Nice that.



[edit on 13-2-2010 by silo13]

You got trolled on the internet. What's the shock here?

Originally posted by Clark Savage Jr.
This is both hurtful and all to common on the internet--and yes, it is ONLY the internet that makes such misrepresentation possible. 'Internet Disease' might be a misnomer of sorts, but it is about as accurate a term as we have currently.

At the very least, it indicates a dishonest person, a player, fraud. A fake.

At worst, it indicates a deep self loathing mental disorder of a high degree in my opinion.

At the least? I seriously doubt you have fully considered everything that happens on the Internet, or you just haven't been in such experiences to quite phanthom what really happens.

About 30 years when I was online... yes this is before most knew the Internet. I knew the Internet as it started back in 1969 connected to universities and hobbyist modem hubs. That was before big phone companies got in around the dot com boom in 1995, so most people's experience of the Internet is from 1995 there on. Around 1990, there were only about 12,000 nodes on the Internet.

Anyways, that isn't a "i'm better or more experienced"... yet let me relate one of my experiences:

I use to get online often and chat to people. You didn't see any graphical representation besides the text only screen. Everybody was just an alias, so there was way much less to even grasp on what that other person on the other side of the screen really was or looked at. "Going private" in a online chat world then meant one of two things, you either had a friend that wanted to talk it up, or you had a sexual predator. I've personally can't tell you how many sexual predators I've experienced that wanted to "go private" with me and immediately tell me the most nightmarish things you could ever possibly think of for some older adult to do to a younger child.

Most of us younger kids at the time experienced a horrible rate of such occurances that we made one rule in order to survive on the Internet then: "NO A/S/L"... that meant you didn't mention Age, Sex, or Location.

We were able to overcome sexual predators with that basic rule. However, you would think it was a Internet Disease for someone to say "no a/s/l". We knew immediately who to kick out of chat rooms when they mention any stupid question about someones age, someones sex, someones location. There were the DON'T ASK / DON'T TELL rules. They had nothing to due with trying to pretend at all. It was everything about...

PROTECTING THE CHILDREN ONLINE

Originally posted by silo13

That you are so closed minded that you think something like this can't happen?

It is possible, as you have proven, but c'mon on...you ever think to ask for a picture..a webcam meeting..anything.

Well, I hope and pray you never have a better half and one of you has to go abroad for years (such as the military) or gets sick and needs the hospital for an extended amount of time.

A huge difference between this and what you are going through. You see I would have met this person face to face , there is no comparision between the above scenario and what you are going through.


You got suckered and to go online and admit it to strangers..is extremely crazy...but then again strangers are better at least you don't have to face them on a daily basis. The look you must see when family or friends( wait you have real ones right) find out about this must be priceless. These people also have to deal with the fact that they know someone like you....I wonder how many of these people have actual sympathy for you...or would just do what people do....gossip and make fun of you behind your back. You know that this is how online predators work...they choose the weak minded and sucker them in. You can understand how a child can make this mistake...but an adult?...geez.

[edit on 13-2-2010 by kerazeesicko]

[edit on 13-2-2010 by kerazeesicko]

reply to post by kerazeesicko


she is such a lover of lies that she insist on creating scripts that cannot exist anywhere, in worse military prison anyone would always have access to a phone call and surely then when they got the net
same case for hospital that would provide too visits regularly to add

reply to post by kerazeesicko


Considering you've already admitted you'd use the sentiments of another to cure something as insignificant as your boredom, what gives you the impression me, or anyone else cares what you think?

As for wonder boy imans there - (the one who can't even put a coherent sentence together) - You two go far to represent what is great about on line anonymity.

Thanks again for your post - they go much farther proving my point than I ever could.



These posters do prove a point don't they.
On line Anonymity makes giants out of cowards.
For anyone to attack another, especially without knowing all the facts, and worse, to attack when someone is down?
Well, it proves there is a disease brought out by anonymity.
I'm just not sure what to label it yet.
Or if I did it would get censored by the Mods.

peace



[edit on 13-2-2010 by silo13]

You can't hide your gender for 12 years in a sexual relationship.

Somebody isn't telling the truth here and it isn't the man-woman.