Narcissism? Or 'Internet Disease'...

reply to post by silo13


Again, sorry it sounded so harsh. Someone actually complained about my post to the Mod Editor...whomever that was, didnt see the message I was trying to send, OR is a perp like the OP was describing in her testament/story...I was only trying to make a point, jeesh. So, I said one curse word, well, holy hell, that's just the worst thing thats happened on ATS. Get the rope.

Originally posted by silo13
Lend me some of that famous insight here ATS...

What, in your opinion, would be the protagonist for someone to represent themselves for years, as something they are not?

Psychology of fear? Psychology of selfishness? A self hate that runs so deep and is so profound it causes this kind of, well, maybe it's not schizophrenia, but surely narcissism? Soul deep pain and loneliness?
All of the above and something more?

Example?

A man and a woman have internet friendship for over a decade, day in and day out you sharing everything from the doldrums of daily life to deep (and sometimes dark) secrets and intimacies, sharing your personal self you would normally share with no one.

The relationship graduates into romantic love.

Due to foreseen tragedy - (the death of his wife who was ill for over 15 years and dying the last 2) the one you love is forced by circumstance to reveal something they've kept hidden for over a decade.
The truth.
Your friend lied to you for years - but not about their feelings, or what is in their soul - only about, ha ha, one thing.

Their gender.

Now what - I ask you - was going through her head? What in the hell was going through the head of this woman for almost 12 years? To purposefully misrepresent herself as a male and engage in a love relationship with another woman and - as a man?

Is this some kind of sickness? Some kind of a disorder? Or just pure narcissism?

The term narcissism refers to the personality trait of egotism, which includes the set of character traits concerned with self-image ego. The terms narcissism, narcissistic, and narcissist are often used as pejoratives, denoting vanity, conceit, egotism or simple selfishness. Applied to a social group, it is sometimes used to denote elitism or an indifference to the plight of others.

wiki

If not narcissism - is this some social disease contracted via the internet? A - 'I can do it because I can get away with it' kind of thing?

Feedback would be appreciated, I'll be damned if I can't find this one in the psychology books.

 

ADDED NOTE: Let me add here I say 'Internet Disease' because I know of no other place where a situation like this could come about.

Also, I would bet there's a lot more of this going on out there on the Net than people even realize (obviously more than I realized).

peace


[edit on 13-2-2010 by silo13]

Perhaps I can provide some insight about what my sister went through. 29 years ago she married a guy, went on to have 3 kids. He was a nice guy I say was because he was transgender, and had the operation, (can you say percodan?) now she's a women. One day my brother in law became my sister in law. Talk about a screwed up family situation My Mom and I were very angry not because he became what she was, but how much it hurt my sister

She (sister) felt like a fool, but she shoulden't. Our interactions with others close to us should be based on trust. While cleaning the house she found panties and a bra. After he came home that day, she confrounted him.He then told her he had been playing "dress up". I saw my sisters world view fall apart. Not all but enough. As for why some one you mentioned would do this so long, there could be number of reasons, and multiple reasons.

This person wants and needs validation, in effect their very insecure. Giving you what you want producers pleasure in them.There could be a pathology here, then again some people are just compulsive liars. But this sounds much more intense. If I run acrose a publication or net article, I'll pass it on. Hang in there, take care; Arbiture

Originally posted by arbiture
She (sister) felt like a fool, but she shoulden't. Our interactions with others close to us should be based on trust. While cleaning the house she found panties and a bra. After he came home that day, she confrounted him.He then told her he had been playing "dress up". I saw my sisters world view fall apart. Not all but enough. As for why some one you mentioned would do this so long, there could be number of reasons, and multiple reasons.

If someone that was born male expressed desire to actually be the one to give childbirth, then there is an obvious reason even if the transition is not obvious. I've gone through my own mind for many reasons and it goes even way far well beyond that to give childbirth is just the tip of the iceberg. It goes so far beyond, that if someone that wants to change from male to female with an operation and doesn't ever express desire to give childbirth then that person carries a very questionable reason to wants to do such -- why didn't even a simple motherly instinct even overcome and shine through.

Now, for women who want to become male, that is harder for me to justify. It seems like a sacrifice, or maybe they found a purpose like a mission. Maybe some are really male and want to be who they really are, yet I would think someone who is really masculine on the inside would want to totally get rid of all femininity about themselves -- that's just a basic instinctive behavior of being masculine.

So, cross-dressing is a fad, and that part is nothing to worry about itself. Others go beyond and don't really cross-dress at all but love all the fashions and find ways to be normal about who they really are in such ways it doesn't upset the status quo. I think virtual reality has done wonders and incredible things for in that way. God I wish the fashions that exist in Second Life were available in the real world!!!!

Hey, I don't always claim to be designer, yet as a programmer I know what it takes to create the brush for the artist to paint.

...silo, when i read your opening post, i instantly thought "heard this before" and i knew exactly where - 48 Hours Mystery - Love and Lies... the whole episode doesnt match your scenario (thank goodness because its about the murder of two women) but the online liar part sure fits... heres a youtube segment that shows the smirky face liar...





...is that kind of behavior an internet disease?... not imo... its extremely common on the internet but blaming the internet is just a convenient excuse... is it narcissistic behavior?... for sure but dont let that be another excuse because just about everyone has narcissistic tendencies (some are actually healthy)...

...about the lying part - - - someone that will lie about their gender will lie to you about anything, including a dying wife / companion... just because you found a post from the allegedly dead wife (or about the allegedly dead wife) on some cancer site doesnt mean she really existed... your liar buddy couldve created that persona just like the one they created to fool you...

...you've received quite a few responses that encouraged you to forgive the liar because they are still the same person you considered a friend... those posters have a point but its not the one they're making... your liar buddy is indeed the same person you considered a friend when you didnt know what a big liar they are - and that is - a person with zero integrity and quite possibly a sociopath... if thats the kind of friend you want, you've got bigger problems than just being too-trusting...

...dont beat yourself up or let this incident birth a negative self-image... lots of folks have experienced similar weirdness...

...when the internet was fairly new, i met a lovely married couple online and, after a few months, we started talking frequently on the phone... when they invited me to visit their home, i went... after i'd been there for a while, he suddenly fell down on his knees, pulled a long wig off his head and launched into a "i'll die if i cant have you" monologue (right in front of his wife)... cant remember what all he said because i was laughing so dang hard i feared i'd pee on myself... his wife didnt look surprised or offended, so it had to be a joke, right?... nope... he was a whack job for reals and i'm sure i wasnt the first gal he'd pull that stunt on... when i drove away, he was showin' his ass in the front yard (or maybe that was his bald head - both were about the same size, lol)...

why does every personallity trait have to be a disease? your all too pessimistic.

second line.

reply to post by Wyn Hawks

Really interesting post.

I'm listening to the You Tube segment and just shaking my head for 'Jennifer'.
Falling in love - having someone you love intentionally mislead you about something as basic as their sex.
Ugh.
And you're right, I too agree with many here who say to forgive her.
But I intend to also - forget her.
There is no possibility in my life to accept someone in it that would intentionally interact with such a base level of dishonesty.

Interestingly enough you mention sociopath. Well, I have to agree with you.

As for your wig wearing friend there, sorry, but the visual still has me chuckling. I can't imagine how uncomfortable that must have been for you funny or no, lol.

Ok, so, I'm off to listen to the rest of the story on that case you included here. I want to find out for her families sake how this whole thing about the woman in the video turned out.

Thanks tons for your post

peace

Originally posted by silo13
reply to post by virraszto

 

What kind of person can do something like that?

A liar.

Be careful who you trust because the world is overflowing with them but that does not mean that you cant move on and trust another. Thats the whole point with these things, learn from you mistakes and keep moving forward. No person on this planet gets everything right from the word go without making mistakes.

Looks like the balls in your court, you could still have a friend if you are able to forgive.



[edit on 16-2-2010 by XXXN3O]

Originally posted by silo13
Falling in love - having someone you love intentionally mislead you about something as basic as their sex.
Ugh.
And you're right, I too agree with many here who say to forgive her.
But I intend to also - forget her.
There is no possibility in my life to accept someone in it that would intentionally interact with such a base level of dishonesty.

Interestingly enough you mention sociopath. Well, I have to agree with you.

I think sociopath describes it and sets apart the difference, draws the line between, of those that lie and those that just want to be.

Consider the case of where many parents split up for whatever reason and one parent finds another person and makes that new person be the LIE of the 'mother' or 'father' role

The Internet itself isn't the cause, yet sociopaths use the Internet no different then how they interact in real life. Some sociopaths are just freak'n perverted and sheesh they get away with it, horribly.

If you want to say sociopathy is a disease, then I think I can agree with you on that, yet then this would make them to be an Internetworked Sociopath, which probably describes it and exploits more then real life without the internet.

EDIT: Let's call it Narcissistic Internetworked Sociopaths.... backwords for S.I.N

[edit on 16-2-2010 by dzonatas]

reply to post by dzonatas

The Internet itself isn't the cause, yet sociopaths use the Internet no different then how they interact in real life.

Your quote here explains why there 's no way I can be a friend to this person.

First, - The lie.
Second - Continuation the lie for ages.
Third - Her knowing without a doubt I have NO interest in a sexual relationship of any kind with a woman. (She asked at one point if I ever had had a relationship with a woman. My answer put no doubt in her mind my opinion of homosexuality).
Fourth - What you do on line you'll do *for real* - Like you said.

I love this part!

EDIT: Let's call it Narcissistic Internetworked Sociopaths.... backwords for S.I.N

Or - Narcissistic Internet Sociopath! lol

Thanks again for your post and your attention to this issue, I really appreciate.

peace

I don't think guessing serves much purpose. The bottom line is that the internet opens up additional realms of possibilities for people and their minds will find avenues that appeal to some imperfection in their condition.

reply to post by ReelView

The bottom line is that the internet opens up additional realms of possibilities for people and their minds will find avenues that appeal to some imperfection in their condition.

Far as I'm concerned this thread has come to the perfect conclusion.

Your post is short, sweet, concise and sums it all up - perfectly.

Thank you

peace