Should I really feel this way?

Originally posted by TheMythLives
reply to post by ldyserenity

 

Your life was ruined by humans, because of bad people and the likes of them and the fakers. I propose a missions for you. What do you think of saving others from the same fate? Perhaps this is your mission. Since you have been ruined, your next choice is to either fight back or surrender. The best way to fight back, is by stopping this from happening to other people. Become someone's support. Become someone elses rock. See yourself in them and have them see you in them.

(Dunno if that quote worked)

Idyserenity, what TheMythlives said above is so correct and so important. The saddest part is that you are probably not in the right frame of mind as of yet to "fully" benefit from such wise words.

I know...I'm just some guy typing on a screen. I know I belong to a race you swore to hate and wish destroyed. I know you are so frustrated with it all that nothing I type to you is going to even begin to dent the armor you now wear.

But...please forgive me for trying, as anyone who loves the universe and life within it.

I don't have money. I don't have much more then a roof, scraps of food and family (related and not). I was bullied, limited, mocked, caged and boxed in by negative people who projected their inability towards my ability.

For years I was called many things that hurt seriously deep. ("Retarded" was the worst, it drove me to think I was defective.) I can only swear I was once fully at where you "seem" to be now. Hate, anger, repulsion, and a desire to watch it all end no matter what.

I was no friend to anyone but my own hate and disgust for everyone around me.

Naw, Jesus didn't save me. It wasn't no medication that they tried to force down my throat. It was a long, and painful process of learning how to actually love something.

I wont waste your time explaining that, unless one day you ask for such.

All I can say is that NOW I love "myself". And that is what leads to loving others (yes even the bigots, thieves and the mislead). In finding love for myself I also found new avenues to spend my energy and life down. I found peace, even with the lack of things I own.

I am in no way saying this is your destiny. far from it actually. What I am saying is "I could have never learned to love and become happy" if I wasn't able to learn a few things.

1-Those who hurt me were wrong. They were almost forced to be wrong. The world has a way of programing others to attack wounded, kick the slow moving and laugh at those who shine a little differently. They know no better.

2-I was as wrong (if not more) as they were. I was hurting myself as much as they hurt me in respect to not loving myself correctly. It wasn't my fault, but it WAS my fault in getting out of that hole. I had to crawl out of it with all my might. I am so glad I never "fully" gave up.


3-The most important feeling one can have, is the total respect of one's own self. It didn't happen overnight, but once it began it became an avalanche of self-worth. Finally, in the end I understood clearly that there was never "one me" before me, and there would surly never be another "me" exactly the same. There you find amazing power in self.

As I stated, if you seriously feel this way about your life (and all others) I'd be willing to exchange words on the subject in any forum, phone or function that we both could reach with ease. No bibles, no drugs, no violence...just debate on the meaning and worth of your mind, body and presence here on earth.

I'm sorry if this rolled your eyes. But as TheMythLives said above, its a mission.

In fact, many of us take up that mission because we remember how dark and empty that hole is and how hard it is to find the light switch in there.

After you do find it, you just want to rush back in and help those still lost.

All peace, love and wealth

MODS I am sorry for messing up the quote in my post above.

I am new. In being so I hope there is some room for people who are not so forum-savvy (damn technology!).

I am trying to shorten the learning curve.

Thanks!

just reading some of the advice people are giving you...that in itself shows there are still a few good people left who are not completea$$h@le$.

reply to post by ldyserenity


I comletely understand what you are going through, cuz I'm going through the same. But I hate most humans, If they have a brain they're ok, otherwise screw 'em (excluding the mentally retarded, not their fault).
You can hate them for wronging you all the time but don't let it consume you. But what you do from here is your own path, and you can rest assured that this is one person that won't judge you.

Real growth comes when your world view breaks down into nothing. It is then only up to you what you do and how you do it.

Also, the greatest healers are those who have been there themselves. So this may point a way ahead for you.

reply to post by LiveForever8
This is exactly what I was thinking when I read the OP post.The idea that you have a roof and food should in this world be enough,you need to try to imagine what this child is thinking at this time when he/she is about to die and be eaten,maybe even alive.

The OP's hatred for humans is something that I agree with,not because I have lost anything we have all lost and will loose again but because we as humans allow this to happen. This pic is proof enough that we have become a parasitc virus that thinks of nothing but ourselfs.

Ditto; OP get over yourself.



[edit on 10-8-2009 by Battleline]

reply to post by Mr Mask


I would like to highlight somthing Mr Mask said as its so true..

Naw, Jesus didn't save me. It wasn't no medication that they tried to force down my throat. It was a long, and painful process of learning how to actually love something.

nothing is the prime creator,
oh the joy and bliss of having not,
really it is freedom to not have.

nature can always provide food and shelter.
with the knowledge of what is being offered you can recognize abundance.

Maybe what you need is to find out who "you" really are. Untill you know "yourself", you will believe whatever anyone says about "you".

I understand where you are coming from. Been there. Learn who "you" are, trust "you", and don't let anyone tell "you" differently.

Then the fun really begins. Then you can give "you" away! That is true happiness. I know....been there.

HUGGGS!

reply to post by ldyserenity

i know how u feel my freshman year in high skool my "friends" ignored me and kept things from me and did things to show they didnt realy like me and when i asked why they acted like dat wit me they said because i was annoying. so the rest of the year i was deppresed and i blamed myself for all my problems i cried myself to sleep most nights thinking would anyone miss me if i died. i had to go 2 summer skool becuase i had failed 4 classes thats were i met some really good ppl who told me i was kool, and thats when i realized if i was annoying then y does everyone else but my "friends" like me i deserve better i was stupid to blame myself. and later i found out that they were just jealous, that people always liked me more then they like them snd i felt so great and it gave me so much confidence

thank you for posting this i hope it gives you hope that things will get better???

The only cold comfort that I can offer you is that you are not alone. That's it. In one way or another the are literally billions of people out there who have it as bad or worse.

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." -Thoreau

You are loved more than you know

The biggest lie in the world is that you are alone. You have a whole posse of ancestors, spirit guides and angels looking out for you, just hoping you'll ask them for help.

And as others have pointed out, your a mother and those kids love and need you.

I've been through similar things like you and I know it is not always easy. If it weren't for my kids, there are times I'd want to just lay down and let the great Spirit take me home.

But something tells me we didn't come down to Earth to 'have it easy.' We came to experience - hardships and all. Seems like punishment, but you really are learning alot, experiencing alot. It may not make sense to you until you are home again in spirit.

But, OP, lots of souls are up there just waiting for body. They actually want this physical experience. So, perhaps, there is more to it than we realize.

What you need my dear, is to take your power back - empower yourself. Because as soon as you start blaming everyone else for the state of your life, you have given those very same people the power over your life.

Take back what is yours. Redesign your life. Make a list of everything you wanted to be or do when you were younger. Look at that list and begin taking steps to do them. You are never too old. I've heard of a 70 year old man getting his PhD in Medicine!

And as I said, the gang is all rooting for you! You are never alone.

reply to post by ldyserenity


Well, a lot of people have been in your place. People can really stink up your life so to say. But the most important person is YOU. You can't tell me that nothing makes you happy or passionate, now can you?

I don't know how old you are, but after a while you realize that time is precious and so are you. Leave what ever smelly place you are in and go enjoy your self! Surround your self with beauty, because that is the best medicin ever!

I just read that that you are a woman. Do you know that in 1929 a USA mental sanatory first introduced a beauty salon and that the female patients were improving really well? When I feel crappy (and I have invented feeling crappy) taking a nice shower, using delicious cremes and lotions, and putting on my fantastic make up ( all animall testing free companies!! and certified!!!) I feel like a million bucks.

But what really makes my happy is looking at and being with my cats. Taking care of other living beings is indeed a spiritual thing when you allow your self to see it like that.

Cheer up and put on that lipstick

[edit on 11-8-2009 by QueenofWeird]

Originally posted by wylekat
And RIGHT THERE we have the same metapissical CRAP I just mentioned. No. A person feels ugly when the ignorant primates around them MAKE them feel ugly.

That may be true for you, but not for me.

No one can MAKE me feel *fill in a feeling*.

Emotions happen inside my mind. This is not open for arguement.

I am ultimately responsible for my mental state.

Like I said, this is all true for me, you might be part of a Borg-like hive mind or something, I don't know...

Vas

The truly free man possesses nothing
It's not you who is crooked, it's civilization

Originally posted by ldyserenity
So here it is. I am done with humanity. I don't want to deal with anybody. I want to crawl in a hole and never be seen again. Do you want to know why? I have been robbed of everything I could have been and everything I could have had. And do you know what? I am holding a grudge, # forgiveness, # enlightenment, I don't care any more. If you think I haven't been robbed, well when people in your school when you're still young(from Kindergarden on up) and very impressionable call you ugly and a loser and that you will never go anywhere in life, well you beleive it and it does become a self fulfilling prophecy. Then to have parents who tell you you will never get into college because you aren't serious about education, even after you stayed in High school and had to repeat 11th grade because you cut so many times the first time around because High school was hell, they still don't see you really are serious about college and decide they're just not going to pay for it. On top of that they screw you out of financial aid because they claim you as a dependant on their income tax that year. Then what the # do you think you'll ever amount to...I will tell you...like me a bitter, angry, person who has no happiness and no propspects and no way out of hell. I don't care if any of you think I am a whiner and to get over it already, I tell you, I won't! My life was ruined by human beings everyone I came in contact with, so They and their cohorts are less than insects to me. I deleted my facebook and myspace accounts cause all of these people have the gull after ruining my life to then try to add me on their friends list. Well I am disgusted people don't realize what the heck they did, nor do they even care. So I'd be happy if the world did come to an end, hell if I could push the d*** button I would! I hate humans!

Hold up a minute there, friend. You have every right to feel hurt and upset. The thing is most of us go through stuff in our lives, it is how we choose to deal with it that really counts. Bullying is a serious problem and I have been trying to spread this message for a long time. I myself am a victim of bullying during my childhood and understand where you are coming from on the issue.

(I made a thread earlier this year in an effort to enlighten more people about this terrible practice. Please click here to view the thread.)

I know it is tough especially when you are in a mindset that is filled with anger and sadness, but there is much you can do to help yourself and others. Firstly, you should try seek out a mental health professional. Every single person you suggest this to is stubborn and says "they cannot help ME!" (this includes me) but this is simply not true. These professionals have experience dealing with people in similar situations and know the right advice to give you.

What happened in the past might be VERY painful, but it is stuck there and cannot be changed. You can however learn from the experience and try helping yourself and others. Believe it or not there are actually many good people in this world, they just do not get the same attention as the bad ones. I am sure there are a great number of people who would not only relate to your circumstances, but would really enjoy your company.

Do yourself and your loved one's a favour and make an appointment with your GP and discuss your situation. You have the power to heal yourself and others that have also been the victims of bullying. Only you can walk through the door that leads to recovery, discovery and happiness.

Originally posted by eMachine
I am honestly terrified of sending my daughter to school... she is to be enrolled in kindergarten this year... kids today are even meaner than they were when I was in school.

For example... my daughter used to play in our yard, on her swingset, and our neighbor's daughter would come over to play with her everyday. They were best friends... my daughter would talk about her friend all the time... one day, she even asked if she could marry her!

Then our upstairs neighbor had her grandchildren (3 boys) staying with her for a month or so, and they would come down and play with my daughter too. One day my daughter came inside bawling... she told me that one of the boys told her that her best friend said she was ugly! She was completely heartbroken.

It was just a little event, her first experience with 'gossip' I guess... what troubles me most, is I didn't know how to help a barely-4yr old rationalize someone lying and being mean for no reason...

Part of me wanted to use that old line my grandma used to tell me when I tried to talk to her about people teasing me: "They're just jealous"... but I never bought that as a kid, so I shouldn't confuse her with it.

I don't know how I will help her deal with it if we end up sending her to public school...

When it comes to boys saying those things it's about them liking her, hoping that by driving a wedge between her and her best friend so she'd spend more time with them instead of her BF because she'd be mad at her best friend. That's what you can tell her, boys that ages are meanest when they like girls, and what you should do if it happens at school is go to the teachers/ principal about the harassment (if it does happen) because there are "no bullying rules" in most states' educational systems now...if it's not acknowledged by the school you go to the school board, Then write a formal complaint on the school to them also, I have done this(went to the teachers and principal, never had to go further it was handled. Of course I threatened I'll tell my kid to open a can of Whoop A** on the tormentor.). But just use whatever you think would get a response.

reply to post by Skeptical_Seeker

Thank you very much for your response!

I went to a releasing ceremony And this came about the very nest day, so I beleive that this was just my way of getting rid of all that negativity. I never expected it to be so overpowering though, lol!!!! Crazy!

Originally posted by noonebutme

Originally posted by ldyserenity
So here it is. I am done with humanity. I don't want to deal with anybody. I want to crawl in a hole and never be seen again.
...
I don't care if any of you think I am a whiner and to get over it already, I tell you, I won't!
...
So I'd be happy if the world did come to an end, hell if I could push the d*** button I would! I hate humans!

Well, if that's the case, then what are you doing posting this diatribe to us all?

If you don't care what anyone thinks and no one can change your mind, then why bother telling us? What will it accomplish? I can only assume you are telling us this because you want some form of acceptance, reassurance and a metaphorical hug. Which is fine - and like the others, I'd suggest to use all the anger and bitterness as a strength and push yourself upwards instead of letting it drag you down.

Otherwsie, the post by LiveForever8 says it all, me thinks.






[edit on 10-8-2009 by noonebutme]

Apparently people still don't take the time to read through the entire thread. I guess it's just too much work.

Originally posted by fapython
And you may )ust get your wish if the 2012 theories are to be believed like this
www.abovetopsecret.com...

Thread

Personally I think 2012 BS to be Hogwash, it's just another millenium prophecy/ belief that really has no basis, except for a tribe of "Primitive" humans decided to stop adding days to a calendar that was probably already too long for what they wanted to achievfe, which was knowing when to plant their crops and harvest them and when it'd rain and when it'd snow, etc. etc. etc... It's all a bunch of hooey!